Dowry

[little mary sunshine]

If this isn't a TROLL post, it's just Freaken STUPID.!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[luk AJ]

Being rude means lack of education could also be a sign of brain damage..

[maderaroja]

I am from Texas. I told them all, right at the beginning, that Texas men expect the prospective bride to pay me a dowry. Texas custom requires me to be in charge of the family and the money. Texas customs require that the woman take the man's surname and become part of his family and leave her natal family. it works for me.

[silverdove]

I live in Thailand since 21 years and this problem came up again and again. I wonder how many man went bankrupt because of greedy families of brides. I remember one case when I was brand new here and was really shocked. A guy had to go for a visa trip and when he came home, the house was locked, his business rooms where totally empty, the car gone and he found a couple suitcases with his personal cloth etc. in the front yard. When he wanted to protest, a gang of black dressed motor bike drivers threatened him... I don't know exactly what happened, but I never saw him again.

[little mary sunshine]

Being rude means lack of education could also be a sign of brain damage..

More likely to be frustration from wasting time with a troll post than lack of education

or brain damage.

[ZAKY]

Why everybody is talking of sinsod when this has only been invented and has never been in the thai tradition! Some even say that you must pay to the mother for the milk she fed the girl when she a baby so what happen to the boys in the family then? Can somebody show where this is written? If you think well; this tradition could have been imported by the khmers, chinese, indians, cambogians, laotians forming part of thai population, so how is it that this is not followed there? On the contrary in the ancient times in India for e.g; its the girl family to pay to the boy for marrying her.

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[silverdove]

I would listen to the daughter... she might "see" things more clear!

[horsesr4all2luv]

I want to say I certainly agree with the member who has asked you to "listen to your own answers" in your statement here! Also I would like to say, I'm afraid, after "promising myself" I would NOT be sucked into this situation, I have been, just in the last 2 months. And btw, I did negotiate with the Family to "return" the sinsod, (or sinsot, which is it?), or that they would pay for the Wedding. Well the money and gold was never returned and quickly escaped from sight, and the Wedding, which was TWICE the amount it was supposed to cost, and I PAID DEARLY to keep the "embarrassment wolves" (neighbors,friends) from the door! I now can only pray this will turn out to be a happy ending, and not like the other 2 marriages I still have nightmares from (litteraly)! When I look back, I also agree with the other member who said, "WE ARE NOT LEARNING A DAMN THING", and are predisposed to repeating our mistakes! Hope you can work it out or run if you can't, but I know I will NEVER do this again in this way! jc

[alex8912]

Get burn once...a mistake.

Get burn again...stupidity.

for the first bride family you bought a motorbike....

for the second a car...

will you go for a house next time if this wont work out?

I did not buy the motorbike the family bought that when I was off the scene. As for the car payments, I do pay my girlfriend a combined salary for cooking, cleaning and for nightly comforts (daytime as well) as I do not want her to go out to work in case I need her during the day. She told me her parents were struggling financially and I agreed that she could give them money every month out of her salary for payments on the pickup and yes these payments should compensate for the lack of dowry. What annoys me most is that her father is a lazy b-----d and lays in his hammock all day while the mother does all the work around the house and looks after the small eatery next to the house. I am a good bit older than my girlfriend and most of the time we get on well. But if she threatens to leave again maybe I should just let her go. Oh yes I was going to build her a house and at some point she said what would I do if she drastically reduced my sex allowance and my reply was the house build is cancelled and she knows if there is no honey then there would be no money.

I have lost money with girls in Thailand but nothing a could not handle.

Are you sure your first wife was the crazy one! You also will end up like your wife's father by your comment above. You can get a maid for cheap and let your lazy ass girlfriend make some money and help support the family. She sounds like her fathers daughter big time. Wake up and hit the road dude. You are setting yourself up again.

[Gary999]

It appears that marriage in Thailand for many is just convenience if money can be gained through it. Unfortunately that makes it likely many 'brides' will disappear after the money's paid. Apparently it's very common in Pattaya and probably elsewhere for girls to accept money for months, even get married legally, then when it comes to living together there or getting a Visa for Europe they just disappear and move on to the next money tree that gets off a plane. Not worth the risk.

[FiftyTwo]

I want to say I certainly agree with the member who has asked you to "listen to your own answers" in your statement here! Also I would like to say, I'm afraid, after "promising myself" I would NOT be sucked into this situation, I have been, just in the last 2 months. And btw, I did negotiate with the Family to "return" the sinsod, (or sinsot, which is it?), or that they would pay for the Wedding. Well the money and gold was never returned and quickly escaped from sight, and the Wedding, which was TWICE the amount it was supposed to cost, and I PAID DEARLY to keep the "embarrassment wolves" (neighbors,friends) from the door! I now can only pray this will turn out to be a happy ending, and not like the other 2 marriages I still have nightmares from (litteraly)! When I look back, I also agree with the other member who said, "WE ARE NOT LEARNING A dam_n THING", and are predisposed to repeating our mistakes! Hope you can work it out or run if you can't, but I know I will NEVER do this again in this way! jc

Your mistake ..... doing what they want.

In Thailand, don't do anything.

Noncomittal grunts to every request and demand with a lot of doing nothing works perfectly.

Don't go to the village.

Don't hand over money.

Don't negotiate with anyone for anything.

It works. And there is no chance for angry words or confrontation.

[ozyjon]

There are many girls who do this for a living, sinsot should not be paid to a girl if she has been married before or has children so where are these guys coming from, haven't they learnt by now,, so guys listen to me again, the golden rule in this country is to meet a bar girl, she will love you only, marry her take care of her 3 children as your own, pay a few thousand US dollars as sinsot, don't forget the 2 baht gold also, pay for her father's new Fortuna, pay for the families electricity and other utilities, remember to keep some money aside to also pay for the father's diesel usage,, you are nearly there, pay whatever the children need, oh marry her meanwhile and you will live happily ever after, after all, all of us have done the same and look at how happy we are.

[ZAKY]

May be also i would have been happy if i did like you

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[LukKrueng]

Immediately cancel the payments on the pick up.

When asked why tell her its to save up for the sin sot, watch the reaction.

If you lose her, so what, I dare say you will have another ready to step into her shoes tomorrow, if she and her family have any sense, they should ask themselves how easy are you to replace.

15 months of knowing her isnt long enough, you are already being taken for a mug with the pick up payments.

Maybe after another 5 years you might wish to reconsider, thats if she and her family dont address their attitude problem pretty dam_n quickly.

the only attitude problem here is yours. In Thailand it's not an attitude, it's a tradition and a way of life. It;s not something invented or developed for ripping off farangs, sinsot is paid by Thai men all the time!! I know an old Thai man that had to sell his land piece by piece in order to pay his 4 sons' sinsot.

To the OP I'll say you can take the advise of jvs as it is commonly done by Thai families as well. I once loaned a Thai man 50K THB as part of his sinsot "to show" and he paid it back a week after the wedding, once he got it back from the parents of the bride. But as jvs wrote - "You could also take it easy and talk about it in a friendly way."

Good luck and congats

[tetleythedog]

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Funny OP....it can go 2 ways on this thread...

1) Hardly any replies....
2) People complimenting u on ur stance or .......well only a few...

Good luck though on ur 4th marriage...with whoever and whenever !

4th marriage !!!

Ok so you are addicted to wedding cake ! A guy i know in Udon has been married 7 times, and can't hold down a long term relationship, but it's always the woman's fault (of course) .........................and he still keeps doing it.......... ( ok silverfox?).Some people are just not designed to have long term things. This is Thailand, women are everywhere, they are so different from us that realistically most ( not all ...before the "i've been married 10 years" lot chirp in) end between 6 months and 5 years. Why are Farangs on suicide missions when they come here? It's a case of "i've spent all my life accumulating a little bit of wealth. I'll go to Thailand and give it to a gold digger because i'm a stupid F*** "

I actually do have a Thai wife , she works (teacher) and we pay everything together. That is a relationship....................not "you are Farang, you pay everything" that's not on .....................if you do that, then to me it's the same as a bargirl. They stay with you for money, when you go it's "next please"................................just a view, you do what you want, it's your life !

[ZAKY]

To abide to this supposed tradition, it depends where the girl is from, to my knowledge this is not followed by the bangkokians. Normally we cohabitate and share the expenses, i beleive that most falangs looks for a traditional wedding - like they still do in the countryside - thinking to be closer to the thai way of living

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[larsjohnsson]

Immediately cancel the payments on the pick up.

When asked why tell her its to save up for the sin sot, watch the reaction.

If you lose her, so what, I dare say you will have another ready to step into her shoes tomorrow, if she and her family have any sense, they should ask themselves how easy are you to replace.

15 months of knowing her isnt long enough, you are already being taken for a mug with the pick up payments.

Maybe after another 5 years you might wish to reconsider, thats if she and her family dont address their attitude problem pretty dam_n quickly.

the only attitude problem here is yours. In Thailand it's not an attitude, it's a tradition and a way of life. It;s not something invented or developed for ripping off farangs, sinsot is paid by Thai men all the time!! I know an old Thai man that had to sell his land piece by piece in order to pay his 4 sons' sinsot.

To the OP I'll say you can take the advise of jvs as it is commonly done by Thai families as well. I once loaned a Thai man 50K THB as part of his sinsot "to show" and he paid it back a week after the wedding, once he got it back from the parents of the bride. But as jvs wrote - "You could also take it easy and talk about it in a friendly way."

Good luck and congats

It's not at all like you write. Sinsot is not at all paid by all or most Thai men. Non of my Thai friends have paid it.

This tradition we also had in Sweden where I come from, and many other western countries. But that was a couple of hundred years ago. This stupid thing will also end here in 10-15 years time. Unless a few of the Farangs here insist on paying it

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[crazydrummerpauly]

Oh just STOP it. Another one of these nonsense troll threads carefully designed to get everyone out of the woodwork and at each others' throats. Groooaaaan. And yaaaaawn.

Yep, and i'm not even that impressed by the 'design' !

[ZAKY]

You are right, most falangs want to show-off and not want to lose face in front of the family, but what they do not consider is that once you start this dependance for money it is difficult to stop it. They are also doing harm to other falangs as well.

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[stgrhe]

OP, as a Brit you have your traditions as well as your GF has hers. If you really want to marry your GF what really matters is the registration at the amphur. The so-called cermonial cermony is worth nothing legally. So why not carry out the legal part here in Thailand and then, if both of you feel like it, have a cermonial wedding party i the UK on your terms. In that way concidertions are taken to both cultures, but do not pay any dowry. It is so wrong!

Another thing your GF might like to know is that from your prespective her parents are supposed to pay for the wedding. Finally, what other farangs have done or not have done do not matter and never give in on that point.

Good luck!

[risky11]

Thai Cowchah

Khun kowchai pasa Thai, mai kap?

As for "skin in the game," he who has the gold, makes the rules. That would be the man - not the girl or her family. Women claim "I have the pussy, so I make the rules!" I say - only if the man is a pussy and allows her. Remember men, YOU are the prize, not her. This includes your daughter, bro....

[ZAKY]

There is also that most falangs like to show-off with thai girls dressing in sexy short or micro skirt. For me they look miserable, they think that you envy them ! when i see this particularly thing in the skytrain, i say to myself " poor guy ! Do you know how much this is going to cost you? " There are many serious thai girls working in offices and living alone in bangkok and other provinces like chiang mai, these girls are nice and not relying on your purse of course they like a gift from time to time depending on the occassion to keep the good relation is to invest in something like for e.g: buying a condo and share the loan and repay by renting it. You can be on very good terms with the family by living far from them and pay the visit on certains occassions, they will be happy of your relation with their child is in good hands.

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[Johnniey]

My daughter is getting married to a Thai man and the sinsot has been arranged at 1 million baht with half being returned after the weddiing. It's not just gullible farang that pay silly amounts.

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[ZAKY]

Taking a thai girl to live outside thailand is the biggest mistake you can do in your life, thai people are not good migrators; i mean that they will always miss their home country and wish to go back, to impose on them can spoil your relationship for ever, therefore if you are in love with a thai and decides to live with her the best choice to avoid any future problem is to live in thailand.

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[barryofthailand]

See you got suckered in again. Why are you paying for a new pickup truck? You know their are plenty of girls in Thailand that would be thrilled to have a foreign boy friend/ Husband. Live with a girl for at least two years before even considering marriage.

Barry

[Johnsy]

I have lost a few Thai girls because I won't pay for scooters, pick up trucks, family holidays or dowries. I was swayed a few times to pay for a few things and yes those things along with the Thai girls were gone in a few weeks. Many of us are being taken for mugs here in the LOS and it's time we put our foot down like Keith, draw the line in the sand and if they move on because of it then they weren't worth having in the first place.

Good luck with whatever your decision mate.

[kinmaew]

"They expect money and gold" &lt;deleted&gt;** them. Who needs these hassles man you have a daughter already, just play the field, stay healthy and hold onto your cash. It makes me sick thinking about these Thai families just taking foreigners for a ride and treating them as nothing more than ATM machines on the other side of the coin they see us taking their women like it was a buffet every night (Not in all cases I know) its a vicious circle and best you watch from the outside. In Thailand, its best to sit up high in the tree and watch others suffer, then you can learn how best to play the game.

[Ridler]

" I paid sin sot for my lovely wife and am the happiest man in the world. This

is a Thai custom, and if you want to be properly integrated into Thai culture

you must pay this. Anybody who would not consider paying is simply a

cheapskate......."

No matter how much you pay and how much you think you are accepted into Thai society you are kidding yourself. Let's see what would happen if all your money run out. Would the community come to your aid, would your wife's relatives pay back all the money you have 'borrowed' them over the years? I doubt it.

[Scarpolo]

There are many girls who do this for a living, sinsot should not be paid to a girl if she has been married before or has children so where are these guys coming from, haven't they learnt by now,, so guys listen to me again, the golden rule in this country is to meet a bar girl, she will love you only, marry her take care of her 3 children as your own, pay a few thousand US dollars as sinsot, don't forget the 2 baht gold also, pay for her father's new Fortuna, pay for the families electricity and other utilities, remember to keep some money aside to also pay for the father's diesel usage,, you are nearly there, pay whatever the children need, oh marry her meanwhile and you will live happily ever after, after all, all of us have done the same and look at how happy we are.

Ozy,

you need to add this to your advisory service,

sometimes,

a song says it all"

[mercman24]

i was wondering do Thai males give dowrys and if so i bet they dont give tousands on Bahts, why oh why do farangs fall for this, the best option is if ya want to live in Thailand dont get invloved with a lady who will fleece you (yeah they all do i know) but to live on your own and spend your money on a "bar-girl" once a week believe me you will have much variation and thousands of Bahts beter off lol !!