Thai Mentality towards Tragedy

[eldragon]

sevaral answers were probably correct, but also, why would u text a message to someone that u work with, unless u are close to her, why shoudl she care about u commiserating in her political thoughts? she probably just answerd with a smiley to say 'i got yoru message' ... and she didnt really know what u wanted her to respond with. what could she have responded with? start discussing her political beliefs in an sms?

2/ even during the tsunami, and also here, i find thais dont like to discuss 'bad' things. a friend of a friend of my husband's was killed in an agricultural accident so people discussed it a bit, and the close friends went off somewhere quiet to 'decompress' everyone else went about their business right next to the greenhouse where he got strangled (by plant support wire ).

a son of someone on our kibbutz was blown up in the army several years ago, and that someone's brother worked with the thais in the orchards, and they themselves knew the boy. we announced it, we went to the funeral, i tried discussing it a bit with them. no go. i got embarrassed smiles and the subject was switched.

i met with some thais that saw a friend get blown up by a GRAD missile near gaza; they were outwardly upset for a day, and then went back to work. outwardly they seemed the same. but from gossip, i learned that they were quite traumatized but just dont show any signs, that we , here are used to (us being israelis who are very very vocal and display emotions OTT.).

Ive tried to engage my (thai) husband in political discussions, he says 'mai son jai' (i dont pay attention). in other words, its not directly affecting him, his family here or there, so why bother.

Your second paragraph is a lot more helpful than the first one. In fact, I'd say if you don't know the answer to many of the questions you ask in the first paragraph, then you're lacking the understanding of both cultures I was seeking when I made the OP. Or you're just overthinking the question.

Just to enlighten you, if something like this happened in a city in America, most friends and acquaintances would talk about it the next day. Or at least mention it. Not saying that makes us better. I'm just trying to establish that it's normal in Western culture. It's called empathy. Sharing of feelings. Etc. It's how we deal with things.

I've since spoken to a few of my Thai friends about this. Most of them think her response was completely inappropriate or at best reflective of a traditional Thai attitude they'd like to see go away. That being said, I'm still willing to see it as you and others have suggested: some Thais don't like to discuss bad things.

[Somsrisonphimai]

Thais smile for more than being just happy. My wife smiles when I get another beer and she's really p'd off.

The Land of smiles is The Land of Lies...the greater the smile, the larger the lie. Figured this one out before learning any of the language. Never lose Face as long as you can get away with it.

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

In the west, they don't lie they just don't tell you.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

you mean they do lie but don't leave a hint of said lie, which of course is true of all large democratic nations. Though question of that more so pertains to many posts - what is the West, would that be anywhere west of Thailand?

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

The west of Thailand? They don't lie they just smile.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[eldragon]

Inflicting you emotions on others is considered incredibly bad taste, and perhaps hypocrisy in most of Asia. So is demanding that someone else display their emotions to you. Emotions are personal things, significant things.

Their attitude is, if I sobbed and wailed upon hearing of the death of a stranger, then what value are my tears when my loved ones die? The degree of sadness is obviously incomparable, and the display of emotion should be equally scaled. In fact, most of the Asians I know would wonder if there was something wrong with a person who broke into tears every time he or she heard of something bad happening to a distant third party. You cannot honestly mourn everything.

Saying something to the effect that "I'm so glad it didn't happen to someone I know or love" or "Better them than us" is a perfectly logical social response if asked.

I'm not inflicting my emotions on anyone. Or demanding anything. I was simply taken aback by her reaction and came here for a little clarification and insight on Thai culture.

Thanks for your imput.

[unanimosity]

I am atheist. So I am screwed pretty much anywhere I go in the world. That being said, religion poisons everything, minds in particular, matter of fact I have been married to a Thai and have lived here off and on for twelve years. I find the Thai people (and Asian people in general) incredibly superstitious, and more often than not incredibly cruel. I would imagine your friend is thanking Buddha the tragedy didn't happen to her or her family. Perhaps even thinking that it is the will of god, so be it. And of course, we all know what a murdering, bloody, inhuman monster god is. No matter which god you care to name. They're all the same to me.

My significant other, for example, is outraged at the parents of the dead children and curses them for even having them anywhere near the crowds, violence, and nonsensical stupidity. She blames the parents 100%. I agree with her. Some things are just common sense. You don't walk your children through a potential war zone and demand your right to be where you like and to do what you like. Get in the fight or get you and yours to safety and stay there. Use your brains.

You can't even get being an atheist right. You capitalize Buddha and use lower case for god. Perhaps, you qualify as a selective atheist.

[aveabeeror2]

At least Thais arnt dumb enough to write in to the media with RIP everytime someone is killed whether they know them or not.

[eldragon]

OP:

I don't know where you're originally from, but let's imagine the following scenario:

You're working in the office in your home country days after a politically-motivated terrorist act occurred and you then receive an email from a (presumably) well-meaning Japanese colleague who has been in the country for a couple of months or maybe years and who is offering his own ideas on how to fix your own country.

Do you:

A ) Start a long argument which you know will be pointless?

B ) Reply with a smiley face to placate the well-meaning idiot?

I didn't offer any ideas on how to fix TH. I just expressed a little empathy as well as my own saddness with events that happened not too far from our workplace. If the situation was reversed, I'd probably say something like, "Yeah, that's really terrible. I feel bad too."

But again, that doesn't mean I'm a better person. Just different.

[brucegoniners]

I find that Thai people don't put the same value on life that we do in the west. Life is cheap.

I could give many examples, but they're everywhere.

[Rockhopper]

The smile was typical Thailand. She did it to put you at your ease,

to soften the impact of the bad news.

[unanimosity]

sevaral answers were probably correct, but also, why would u text a message to someone that u work with, unless u are close to her, why shoudl she care about u commiserating in her political thoughts? she probably just answerd with a smiley to say 'i got yoru message' ... and she didnt really know what u wanted her to respond with. what could she have responded with? start discussing her political beliefs in an sms?

2/ even during the tsunami, and also here, i find thais dont like to discuss 'bad' things. a friend of a friend of my husband's was killed in an agricultural accident so people discussed it a bit, and the close friends went off somewhere quiet to 'decompress' everyone else went about their business right next to the greenhouse where he got strangled (by plant support wire ).

a son of someone on our kibbutz was blown up in the army several years ago, and that someone's brother worked with the thais in the orchards, and they themselves knew the boy. we announced it, we went to the funeral, i tried discussing it a bit with them. no go. i got embarrassed smiles and the subject was switched.

i met with some thais that saw a friend get blown up by a GRAD missile near gaza; they were outwardly upset for a day, and then went back to work. outwardly they seemed the same. but from gossip, i learned that they were quite traumatized but just dont show any signs, that we , here are used to (us being israelis who are very very vocal and display emotions OTT.).

Ive tried to engage my (thai) husband in political discussions, he says 'mai son jai' (i dont pay attention). in other words, its not directly affecting him, his family here or there, so why bother.

Your second paragraph is a lot more helpful than the first one. In fact, I'd say if you don't know the answer to many of the questions you ask in the first paragraph, then you're lacking the understanding of both cultures I was seeking when I made the OP. Or you're just overthinking the question.

Just to enlighten you, if something like this happened in a city in America, most friends and acquaintances would talk about it the next day. Or at least mention it. Not saying that makes us better. I'm just trying to establish that it's normal in Western culture. It's called empathy. Sharing of feelings. Etc. It's how we deal with things.

I've since spoken to a few of my Thai friends about this. Most of them think her response was completely inappropriate or at best reflective of a traditional Thai attitude they'd like to see go away. That being said, I'm still willing to see it as you and others have suggested: some Thais don't like to discuss bad things.

Your "perceived friends" are telling you what they perceive you want to hear. If you find one that ever disagrees with you, that one may in fact be a friend.

[eldragon]

After reading your post a second time the co worker gave you a very honest reply "I'm not seriously stressed out about it" which really made me wonder what your exact text was?? Like even extremely fluent/ native speakers always misunderstand texts more than real conversation maybe your text came off as what a big drama queen you are and her response was spot on! You also admit to working less and getting paid more. In what country would that make you mister popular in the office? In mine it would make you for better words not very popular at all.

No offense, but if you think I'm a drama queen for expressing just a little saddness over the death of two children, then you probably need to take a look in the mirror.

[thailandbeachisland]

What tragedy ? I absolutely feel nothing just as any Thai !

Sorry but I confirm that you sound drama...

People including kids die everyday, why do we have to feel anything ?

Edited February 25, 2014 by thailandbeachisland

[Equalizer]

I can answer this question. OK firstly from school day number one the Thai kids begin their 18 years of educational brain washing. The first thing they are taught is three fundamental priorities, the king, the country, the religion. These are drilled into them endlessly without any debate. It is also the way in which they are taught. It is a strictly regimental approach. They are not taught to think and help each other in a team scenario, rather they are taught to think and act as an individual without ever understanding the consequences of what impact on others this may have. They are also taught that if you do and think this way you are not responsible for what eventualities may arise from it. You will notice Thais do not have heir looms! nothing is passed down as a sentimental reminder that can be cherished for life. This is because the culture does not have any sentimental value. When you first come here you will notice just how sociable these people are when it comes to eating together. You will notice they can sit and eat with just about any stranger that passes by. Do not let this fool you. You are thinking as an outsider who considers this polite. It is not at all, eating food on the floor with total strangers is part of their religion and it is not meant to be a sociable exercise. Food is given to Buddha daily, many people who sit together eating food is sending a religious message. They will in fact sit and eat with enemies. If you are side tracking your mind and thinking of yourself at home eating Sunday dinner with all your friends and family you will be thinking wrongly. You will notice Thailand is extremely poor in team sports, however they have world class individual athletes in the form of golfers, boxers, snooker players etc. The concept of sacrificing your self for others, even if they are playing under the same banner is just not there to bring out any level of success. Once a person from such an early age has this personality built into them, they naturally manipulate their self righteous nature and become very good at manipulating it for there own advantage. This is where you end up with a country called the land of smiles. Anyone who has spent serious amounts of time living with Thais will know this smile is the first thing to go when challenged, competed against, bettered or disproved. The Thais are not a bad race of people, they simply do not know or understand anything different. It is we who must understand and accept this and not take it to heart, so in hindsight you will need to go against your values and your up bringing to adjust to the way it is.

[Pattaya Pat]

Why does it bother you so much what she thinks or how she reacts ? whatever her opinion or attitude is, does not need justifying to you does it ?

You have to remember that western morals and ideals etc have no place here and are often confusing and even irritating to other cultures etc and are viewed as equally crazy or whatever to them as they are to us.

I have to share space with Thais every day. And I'm happier understanding my hosts reactions, behavoir, customs, etc. than I am thinking they're insensitive <deleted>.

'share space'?

Bwahhhhhhhh!!

You sound like a real oddball.

[krisb]

Thais smile for more than being just happy. My wife smiles when I get another beer and she's really p'd off.

The Land of smiles is The Land of Lies...the greater the smile, the larger the lie. Figured this one out before learning any of the language. Never lose Face as long as you can get away with it.

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

It's not that bad.

Trick is to relax and go with the flow.

[eldragon]

I can answer this question. OK firstly from school day number one the Thai kids begin their 18 years of educational brain washing. The first thing they are taught is three fundamental priorities, the king, the country, the religion. These are drilled into them endlessly without any debate. It is also the way in which they are taught. It is a strictly regimental approach. They are not taught to think and help each other in a team scenario, rather they are taught to think and act as an individual without ever understanding the consequences of what impact on others this may have. They are also taught that if you do and think this way you are not responsible for what eventualities may arise from it. You will notice Thais do not have heir looms! nothing is passed down as a sentimental reminder that can be cherished for life. This is because the culture does not have any sentimental value. When you first come here you will notice just how sociable these people are when it comes to eating together. You will notice they can sit and eat with just about any stranger that passes by. Do not let this fool you. You are thinking as an outsider who considers this polite. It is not at all, eating food on the floor with total strangers is part of their religion and it is not meant to be a sociable exercise. Food is given to Buddha daily, many people who sit together eating food is sending a religious message. They will in fact sit and eat with enemies. If you are side tracking your mind and thinking of yourself at home eating Sunday dinner with all your friends and family you will be thinking wrongly. You will notice Thailand is extremely poor in team sports, however they have world class individual athletes in the form of golfers, boxers, snooker players etc. The concept of sacrificing your self for others, even if they are playing under the same banner is just not there to bring out any level of success. Once a person from such an early age has this personality built into them, they naturally manipulate their self righteous nature and become very good at manipulating it for there own advantage. This is where you end up with a country called the land of smiles. Anyone who has spent serious amounts of time living with Thais will know this smile is the first thing to go when challenged, competed against, bettered or disproved. The Thais are not a bad race of people, they simply do not know or understand anything different. It is we who must understand and accept this and not take it to heart, so in hindsight you will need to go against your values and your up bringing to adjust to the way it is.

This is one of the most insightful things I've learned about Thai culture. Thanks.

[jayjay49]

Below my contribution to another article in Thaivisa:

Reacting on your question raised in the beginning of this discussion: " It's something cultural. I'm from the Netherlands and probably want to solve too much by discussing. I notice that my Thai family-in-law walk away from the problem. They don't want to discuss, share opinions, change opinions, convince me of their opinions/arguments. I'm even urged not to discuss it with them anymore. They are in the Abhisit-camp and they think I'm in the other camp. They don't see the middle-way. I can't get my finger onto it. Several of them have university degrees, but debating, discusing, sharing ideas, seeing grey instead of black and white, for some reason they cannot and walk away from it!! Can anyone recognize this, and explain it, because many Thai family-members now unfriended me in Facebook , and that's not what I want. I want to help, create awareness, create reason, explain democratic processes in the West. ................I'm Dutch and talk too much!!

======================

I start feeling hopeless when looking at that Thai anarchytic mess. The rebel hooligan Mr.Suthep is now responsible for over 20 death and he keeps on smiling and blaiming others for the chaos he created. Politicians are hired by the people to talk with each other for the good of the country, to negotiate, to compromise, to look for win-win solutions, to fight corruption and to show vision and to follow the democratic processes. Mr. Suthep does not qualify for any of these requiremenrs. It cannot be that a minority considers that it should rule the country without elections, and Mr.ASuthep and Mr.Abhisit ARE a minority. Their political programs did not convince any majority of the voters. Things have to change in this country. The rich Bangkokian "Aristocracy" should share it's power and it's wealth, the game-play should stop, because this is no game anymore. And people should understand that a democracy does not mean that the winner-takes-all, but even winning an election means that you should take the interests of ALL Thai into consideration. I was already banned from the censored Bangkok Post-site for stating the above. Also that should change in a democratic country. Everything should be able to be freely discussed, and that means any political issue, any social issue, any class-issue and.......... the monarchy as well. The monarchy is a very important, beautiful binding-factor in Thailand, but should not stand outside the law and should evolve. I'm from the Netherlands where the Royal Family plays an important role in society, but that role has changed over the years. The love and respect for that Monarchy hasn't diminished. Please Thai wake up........ go for the solutions through negotiations, stop fighting, but fight corruption, and believe in the democratic process! CHOKDEE !!!

I think asking her would give you the answer you seek, you'll get nothing here but Thai bashing, most here don't even live in Thailand.

Ask Her !!!!

Fair enough. But I did ask her, and that's when I got the "I'm not serious about this" reaction. I've found it's best not to push Thais for an answer when they're faced with a question they seemingly don't want to answer.

Edited February 25, 2014 by jayjay49

[papa al]

Simply, Buddhism:

1. Early death was their karma.

2. They will be reincarnated pronto, so no pompom.

Makes total sense.

[dotpoom]

I asked my own wife about what you wrote (I have noticed this type of attitude myself) and she said because the lady has "Jai Dam"....black heart, she doesn't care. When you think about it, that is actually what the lady told you in so many words...."I don't care".

Interestingly enough, it reminded me of an explanation I received many years ago from a friend of mine concerning something similar. I was not a very long time in Thailand and I was walking down a Soi with a Thai lady and suddenly we seen a man crawling on the street begging.....he had no legs. I was shocked as I had never seen anything like this at home and I said to the lady...."My God, how sad ". She didn't bat an eye lid and asked me why i care? Later that evening over coffee I told my friend about this and he said that Thais are strong believers in Karma and what ever we have in this life (good or bad) we deserved it because of how we lived in our previous life. That also applies if we, lets say, are wealthy, not so much jealously because we earned it by the way we lived in a previous life. It does explain something else to me.......I told him it was not unheard of at home for people to be jealous of something like you getting a new car, they might go as far as keying it on their way home from the pub, but strangely enough I never heard of that type of behavior here....even though the majority of people would be much more poorer that people in my country.

[laobali]

At least Thais arnt dumb enough to write in to the media with RIP everytime someone is killed whether they know them or not.

Exactly. What would the OP's reaction have been if she had sent a similar message to him commiserating the death(s) of some unknown farang somewhere? And then questionning or judging his reaction as if he represented all farang.

Edited February 25, 2014 by laobali

[Fookhaht]

..... She didn't bat an eye lid and asked me why i care? Later that evening over coffee I told my friend about this and he said that Thais are strong believers in Karma and what ever we have in this life (good or bad) we deserved it because of how we lived in our previous life. That also applies if we, lets say, are wealthy, not so much jealously because we earned it by the way we lived in a previous life. It does explain something else to me.......I told him it was not unheard of at home for people to be jealous of something like you getting a new car, they might go as far as keying it on their way home from the pub, but strangely enough I never heard of that type of behavior here....even though the majority of people would be much more poorer that people in my country.

In light of the above post, the question comes to mind: From strictly a sociological & Western viewpoint, do you think Buddhist beliefs stifle the development of a society toward more humane attitudes towards each other, and even toward nature/animals?

As an example, I've never in my life seen such schizophrenic behavior toward animals in my life as in this 99% Buddhist culture: One man will catch and imprison a hundred small animals in a crowded cage for hours or days without food or care, while another man will buy one or more of his animals from him to release into the wild in an act of merit. Both consider themselves devoted Buddhists. My Thai friends won't kill an ant, but others will torture baby elephants with gaffs which masquerades as "training." I'm always scratching my head when I regularly observe these contradictions in behavior.

[bermondburi]

Not exactly the same but when we were flooded in the mega flood a few years back it was quite interesting for me to see how people dealt with what was without doubt a tragedy. Many people lost a lot of stuff and some everything

Anyway,walking through the water for hours it was good to see people happy. A lot of people taking pictures of each other etc. We got some with some strangers from the same moobahn and everyone was smiling.

A lot of laughing and joking going on.

My point is that if that was in the UK people would be crying and hysterical and it wasn't like that at all.

Sent from my HUAWEI P6-U06 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile Parts of the

Parts of the south of England have been flooded since Christmas eve especialy Somerset and is still underwater now ,people have lost everything and its been on the news every day,and I,ve not seen any one going hysterical,so I dont know where you get the hysterical bit from.

The recent floods in the UK haven't exactly been on the same scale though have they. Guaranteed, if flooding was on the same scale as happened in BKK there would be hysterical people. Imagine how helpless everyone would have been as the army, police etc wouldn't have been able to do anything, as millions lost everything. Just looking at the maps of the flooding in Somerset, you can see that it is on a very minor scale in comparison.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-somerset-26157538

The affected people do have my sympathy though.

I dont think area has anything to do with it,even if Devon and Cornwall had be included I still dont think people would have been hysterical. Looking at your avatar i thought you was from SE London,but if so you would have known better.

Didn't see too many durian down the OKR last time I was there!

[bbbbooboo]

maybe "Thai mentality" is an oxymoron

[benalibina]

Below my contribution to another article in Thaivisa:

Reacting on your question raised in the beginning of this discussion: " It's something cultural. I'm from the Netherlands and probably want to solve too much by discussing. I notice that my Thai family-in-law walk away from the problem. They don't want to discuss, share opinions, change opinions, convince me of their opinions/arguments. I'm even urged not to discuss it with them anymore. They are in the Abhisit-camp and they think I'm in the other camp. They don't see the middle-way. I can't get my finger onto it. Several of them have university degrees, but debating, discusing, sharing ideas, seeing grey instead of black and white, for some reason they cannot and walk away from it!! Can anyone recognize this, and explain it, because many Thai family-members now unfriended me in Facebook , and that's not what I want. I want to help, create awareness, create reason, explain democratic processes in the West. ................I'm Dutch and talk too much!!

======================

I start feeling hopeless when looking at that Thai anarchytic mess. The rebel hooligan Mr.Suthep is now responsible for over 20 death and he keeps on smiling and blaiming others for the chaos he created. Politicians are hired by the people to talk with each other for the good of the country, to negotiate, to compromise, to look for win-win solutions, to fight corruption and to show vision and to follow the democratic processes. Mr. Suthep does not qualify for any of these requiremenrs. It cannot be that a minority considers that it should rule the country without elections, and Mr.ASuthep and Mr.Abhisit ARE a minority. Their political programs did not convince any majority of the voters. Things have to change in this country. The rich Bangkokian "Aristocracy" should share it's power and it's wealth, the game-play should stop, because this is no game anymore. And people should understand that a democracy does not mean that the winner-takes-all, but even winning an election means that you should take the interests of ALL Thai into consideration. I was already banned from the censored Bangkok Post-site for stating the above. Also that should change in a democratic country. Everything should be able to be freely discussed, and that means any political issue, any social issue, any class-issue and.......... the monarchy as well. The monarchy is a very important, beautiful binding-factor in Thailand, but should not stand outside the law and should evolve. I'm from the Netherlands where the Royal Family plays an important role in society, but that role has changed over the years. The love and respect for that Monarchy hasn't diminished. Please Thai wake up........ go for the solutions through negotiations, stop fighting, but fight corruption, and believe in the democratic process! CHOKDEE !!!

I think asking her would give you the answer you seek, you'll get nothing here but Thai bashing, most here don't even live in Thailand.

Ask Her !!!!

Fair enough. But I did ask her, and that's when I got the "I'm not serious about this" reaction. I've found it's best not to push Thais for an answer when they're faced with a question they seemingly don't want to answer.

Your comment is exactly what i have experienced on a personal level. Walking away by not willing to talk about serious issues. Problems will come from a serious talk, in their eyes. No reasoning possible. In my opinion it stems from lack of education, empathy, nationalism and the belief that they are right. If you feel this already on a non personal level...be aware in case of personal problems.

Thanks for your post, nearly forgot about this aspect.

[pryortuck]

I know it's hard to understand this sort of reaction and her response seems so insensitive and detached but the fact is she just does not care because the children were not in her family circle. She acknowledges what happened and moves on.

It's hard for me to understand how there could be any unity in an office or in a country where this detachment from such a heartbreaking reality is so common. However, the happy face may not have been meant to convey happiness over your message but rather to just let you know she received the message. It is quite common to receive it as an acknowledgement.

[mrfaroukh]

May be she consider it as political issue and do not want to do anything or say anything about it. She may also think of loosing face as if why a foreigner is more worried about what is happening in her country than herself. Remember here whatever you say may be understood differently, so my advise keep your emotion to yourself ( I know it may be difficult) specially in these situations. Live your life here and give a hand to any needy people here instead of just being worried about them.

[bina]

actually someone above printed a long blurb which is actually quite true about group vx single person sports.

budhism (theravada budhism) pushes for personal development: u develop and take care of yourself. you are not responsible for others, but if u are responsible for yourself it should ahve a ripple affect.

however, this is carried out in what i call the 'issalat' mentality. meaning freedom, interpreted as ' doing what you want to do when u want to do it and how u want to do it' w/o seeing if it affects others. which is indeed why individual sports are popular. however, in schools thai kids are taught to 'go with the group' and not stick out as individuals.

frankly i dont see one as better then an other. we deem it 'provincial' or 'primitive' but how do they see us? nosey bodies/do gooders getting involved in other peoples' lives, when its the other person's responsibility for him/herself alone.

someone wrote about sentimentality: there is a difference between sentimentality and awareness of the past. i come from a culture that, as far as i am concerned, is obsessive, really obsessive, with the past and doesnt let go and i much prefer the thai attitude.its cleaner. there is no guilt for past actions, or 'what if's...' or why didnt i'... the past really really is not important. not the dead people, nor the 'dead' objects. those rae things we cling to, which , again, is not a buddhist 'trait' (clinging to emotions, things, ideas).

the problem is that thais today have so moved away from any buddhist ideology and yet still maintain cultural aspects with realizing why they ahve them.

btw, there is no real 'past' in thai verbs. you have to clarify everything with 'in the past', or 'in the future' which gives a good inkling as to what is important to the culture. (the here and now).

i think the thais are also very aware of the amount of corruption around them and are a bit cynical as to 'do good' motives among groups, i know my husband always says 'that beggar is part of a mafia, not really needing money' or 'that group is not doing it to help but to get some benefits in some way' which belies his own perception of his culture and placing it on my culture which is really big on the 'helping others' (from a religious /humintarian point of view).

i think that many 'westerners' tend to see things through their own perspectives without taking in to account cultural experiences of the other side.

thais are not an analytical people. they dont have philosophers that write about or analyse life, death and our experiences. its never been in their culture. they dont hvae the language for it. every language is an expression of what is important in a culture and psychoanalyisis is just not it for them.

as far as 'food': food is health. food is wealth. so feeding others at the table/floor is like beduins serving you food. it doesnt mean friends, it means they want /can take care of you. many many societies are like that. jewish society was also built on that in the days of the bible (welcoming guests with water and dried fruits).

in many societies, friendship is a flimsy thing, with family being the strong 'blood is thicker then water'. freindships as we know them are a luxury for a rich western society that doesnt need 'family ties' because we have none.

and in general, the person who wrote the thread: dont think so much.

[Loles]

The life is cheap in TH even kid or adult.

If kid dies it's good for comm. TV channels, they can sale more advertising.

And don't forget they grow up on these idiot and full violent daily soap operas.

[bermondburi]

Well I asked my wife today about these 2 kids and her immediate response was,"What were the parents doing taking their children to a protest?"

Knowing the way these things can go in Thailand with violence she might have a point.

[nithisa78]

Why does it bother you so much what she thinks or how she reacts ? whatever her opinion or attitude is, does not need justifying to you does it ?

You have to remember that western morals and ideals etc have no place here and are often confusing and even irritating to other cultures etc and are viewed as equally crazy or whatever to them as they are to us.

I have to share space with Thais every day. And I'm happier understanding my hosts reactions, behavoir, customs, etc. than I am thinking they're insensitive <deleted>.

I'm no prude. However, the last two words you use here answers your question. You don't sound like anybody I'd share what is on my mind or in my heart with. Not after you reveal how you think. Your inability to express yourself as civilized person. It is text book sign of lazy when an English speaking or whatever ones language is can't pause and find appropriate means of communicating. CharlieH says it well. Your reply is empty, faceless and filled with holes. No person has to justify anything unless perhaps they are confronted by some tyrant or broken the law. If you've broken the law what you say will hopefully mitigate what your consequences might be. It rarely changes much else.

[wym]

i've raised the high road death toll every songkran with many thai's and the vast majority response is that its 'sanook' and therefore somehow acceptable.

with so many dying every year it puzzles me why there isnt lobbying from the friends and families of those needlessly killed to promote road safety during the holiday.

It isn't that human life is considered so cheap here, it's that we grossly overvalue it in the west.

Natural selection is rarely allowed to operate on the human species anymore and we're much the worse for it.

There are way too many human beings on this planet, we should be finding more ways to have the less intelligent and otherwise unfit taken out of the picture, not trying to keep so many of us here.

Life would be a lot more interesting if man-eating predators were freely roaming around our population centers, and I'm sure human society would be in better shape too.