Saw a guy assaulting his lady - my girlfriend wanted to turn a blind eye

[mowgus]

I'm not saying it's right but, in Thailand I've learnt my lesson and I just keep moving. Every other moron has a gun and, upon losing face, will be required to use it. And it seems like the law turns a blind eye when it's a case of losing face. Justifiable homicide!? Is it worth getting shot, killed, paralysis? That's why your gf wanted you to stay out of it.

[bino]

Very noble of the OP, but I agree that getting involved is the wrong thing to do. Trust your Thai woman when she tells you not to get involved. The situation can turn on you in a hurry, and trying to be a hero could land you in the hospital, in jail, or in the morgue.

Best thing to do is get away from it as fast as possible; out of sight, out of mind.

We all have the westernized notion that it is wrong to hit a woman, and I never would. However, something is definitely different here.

If you ever watch the Thai Lakorns on TV, you will see that they are rife with domestic violence. This kind of behavior is acceptable on some level to these people- something most of us will never understand.

[AdamRich]

Two schools of thought on this one:

Be superman and save a damsel in distress who is probably used to having her behind beat and/or will get it even worse after you are out of the picture again. In this scenario you risk getting your ass shot off if the guy has a gun or getting your behind beat as well if the guy is a better fighter than you or if, like someone else said, the girl turns on you and starts helping her boyfriend.

Next school of thought is to go about like nothing is happening because it is not your business.

Who can say what is right? Maybe one will be right today, but in the same situation tomorrow it may not be so right. I would choose to mind my own damn business because it was not my battle to fight and I don't want to get drug into something that I was not a part of in the first place. I like living happily ever after.

[catinthehat]

Five years ago I was this happened to me when I was out after work having dinner:

In another SEA country in a restaurant/club I noticed a woman being physically abused to the point of being thrown to the floor and when kicked in the face lost most of her front teeth. At that point I'd had enough. I stepped in and ................long story short was attacked from behind and incurred 7 stab wound and had my skull split open. After being medivac'd back to Thailand 8 days in ICU, a multitude of sutures, infection in one wound, heaps of medicine, numerous surgeries and a month in the hopital, I learned why my Thai wife had always told me "to never intervene"!!!!! Now I do not.

While chivalry may be alive and well in many developed countries, along with many other traits. But unfortunatley they are not in most of Asia.

I am sure you've seen other threads here pertianing to the high percentage of Asian women being victims of physical abuse.

[Tatsujin]

Whilst I agree with your ethics and morals, I've been here long enough to know when and when not to get involved.

Whilst you are proud (rightly so) to have prevented a more severe beating for the girl, just consider yourself also lucky you are not dead or in hospital yourself.

[catinthehat]

Five years ago I was this happened to me when I was out after work having dinner:

In another SEA country in a restaurant/club I noticed a woman being physically abused to the point of being thrown to the floor and when kicked in the face lost most of her front teeth. At that point I'd had enough. I stepped in and ................long story short was attacked from behind and incurred 7 stab wound and had my skull split open. After being medivac'd back to Thailand 8 days in ICU, a multitude of sutures, infection in one wound, heaps of medicine, numerous surgeries and a month in the hopital, I learned why my Thai wife had always told me "to never intervene"!!!!! Now I do not.

While chivalry may be alive and well in many developed countries, along with many other traits. But unfortunatley they are not in most of Asia.

I am sure you've seen other threads here pertianing to the high percentage of Asian women being victims of physical abuse.

PS the guy ended up cutting her throat later the same evening.

[impulse]

Saw a guy assaulting his lady…

Saw a guy assaulting a lady…

Subtle distinction that can make all the difference. Ask any cop about getting in the middle of domestic problems.

Your GF was probably tuned in to what was happening, having been brought up here. I wouldn't necessarily have a clue.

Still, I salute you for what you wanted to do.

[transam]

Five years ago I was this happened to me when I was out after work having dinner:

In another SEA country in a restaurant/club I noticed a woman being physically abused to the point of being thrown to the floor and when kicked in the face lost most of her front teeth. At that point I'd had enough. I stepped in and ................long story short was attacked from behind and incurred 7 stab wound and had my skull split open. After being medivac'd back to Thailand 8 days in ICU, a multitude of sutures, infection in one wound, heaps of medicine, numerous surgeries and a month in the hopital, I learned why my Thai wife had always told me "to never intervene"!!!!! Now I do not.

While chivalry may be alive and well in many developed countries, along with many other traits. But unfortunatley they are not in most of Asia.

I am sure you've seen other threads here pertianing to the high percentage of Asian women being victims of physical abuse.

But you did what YOU had to do. You paid a big price, you have my admiration...

[moonseeker]

Had a very similar experience between Soi 7/8 on 2nd. Rd. in Pattaya a few yrs. back. In one of the small massage places entrance a guy (boyfriend?) was beating up one of the girls badly. I intervened and was holding the guy down on the ground, not knowing what was next, as police probably could care less. All of a sudden 3 guys jumped out of a car in the line of cars waiting in traffic. One of them pushed me off the guy, they grabbed him and he was in handcuffs and got a few kicks in his side. Lucky me, it was a group of civil cops. Got a bit worried for a moment. But would automatically do it again. But there are the typical Thai risks involved. have seen many bad domestics, not one the police too any action: "Family, not our problem!" MS>

[Card]

As a man i always thought it was wrong to hit a woman, i still do.

However in Thailand, when it comes to this sort of things, even police stays out of it.

As sickening as it sounds and looks, best to stay out of it, as most possibly you would be in the wrong.

As a man I never subscribed to the view that hitting a woman who deserved it was prohibited (not that I have ever done that). Even you have your limits depending on what you think a woman is capable of. Women are capable of being just as wrong and deserving to be trashed as a man. Eg. supposing a woman hit you for no reason? hit you with a weapon? hit your child or worse? I would have no hesitation in hitting such a woman.

And as far as the OP situation is concerned - I would believe your girl. Don't get involved in a Thai on Thai feud except to call the emergency services/police etc, or deal with the aftermath. Your interventuon is unlikley to be appreciated either by the assailant or ultimately the victim, who is likley to run away whilst you are fighting off her attacker, leaving you without a witness, victim statement etc with the police. You may ultimately be convicted of assault. Leve it all alone and get on with your life is my advice.

Edited March 1, 2014 by Card

[crazydrummerpauly]

Been there, been pulled back told not to interfere. In LoS it's every man for himself, everytime. If Thais want to batter each other, what the hell has it got to do with farangs ? Imagine what would happen to a Thai intervening in a violent domestic back home in the UK, OZ, or the USA ?

[transam]

As a man i always thought it was wrong to hit a woman, i still do.

However in Thailand, when it comes to this sort of things, even police stays out of it.

As sickening as it sounds and looks, best to stay out of it, as most possibly you would be in the wrong.

As a man I never subscribed to the view that hitting a woman who deserved it was prohibited (not that I have ever done that). Even you have your limits depending on what you think a woman is capable of. Women are capable of being just as wrong and deserving to be trashed as a man. Eg. supposing a woman hit you for no reason? hit you with a weapon? hit your child or worse? I would have no hesitation in hitting such a woman.

And as far as the OP situation is concerned - I would believe your girl. Don't get involved in a Thai on Thai feud except to call the emergency services/police etc, or deal with the aftermath. Your interventuon is unlikley to be appreciated either by the assailant or ultimately the victim, who is likley to run away whilst you are fighting off her attacker, leaving you without a witness, victim statement etc with the police. You may ultimately be convicted of assault. Leve it all alone and get on with your life is my advice.

Gawd, there out there, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer, here...........

[seajae]

mate, as far as I am concerned you did the right thing, no man should hit a lady. My wife would have done the same thing as your gf and has done to me because as she says you dont know if they have a gun, unfortunately face is big here and if you belittle them in front of anyone they consider you fair game if they have a weapon(or lots of mates handy) or will bash your wife/gf etc when you are not around becaise they lack the balls to do it to someone that hits back(unless they outnumber you 5 plus to one). This is Thailand and this is what happens, sad but true, glad it turned out ok.

[falangadang]

A person who stops to treat another person after a medical emergency or accident can be held liable unless they possess "first responder" certification, it's for that reason that lots of people stand around watching as people die following accidents. Perhaps the issues are related, fear of reprisal, fear of liability?

A valid and relevant point but it wouldn't stop me applying CPR to an unconscious unbreathing person or the Heimlich maneuver to a choke victim or applying a tourniquet to a snake bite despite having no formal qualification apart from basic first aid and life saver training many years ago.

The opportunity and moral obligation to at least try to save a life when you have the required knowledge far outweighs any threat of civil action after the fact. I couldn't stand idle and live with myself afterwards.

I wouldn't hesitate in any such circumstance but I sure would think twice and be prone to turn a blind eye to a one on one male/female altercation in Thailand as often the victim can turn of the saving Samaritan or even worse.

Often these things are part of a complicated symbiotic relationship between a sadist and masochist and/or victim/antagonist and its best to leave them to it. There's a reason why the BIB won't get involved and we should at least appreciate that.

[wellred]

You should never hit a women. Not even once.

[thailandbeachisland]

Your girlfriend is smart, you need to learn from her.

[FireMedic]

Man, honestly...We have all been in your place more than once. A moral or ethical challenge that makes our skin crawl with disgust. But, I will tell you like everyone else here....This is not your country. You have no idea why or how the fight started and it's none of your business. Farangs here rank socially somewhere between a Soi dog's ass and it's pile of crap. If a Thai is beating the crap out of his lady, he will not hesitate for one second to shoot or stab you. Your girlfriend was trying to save your life and you better thank her nicely and explain that it is very hard and confusing for you to see.

Do not be a hero in Thailand. They don't care anyway. You will be dead, the police will write it off as a "misunderstanding" and your family will get a shitty letter from your embassy explaining body recovery back to your country for claiming. Please, stay away from Thai conflict.

Edited March 1, 2014 by FireMedic

[Mosha]

I witnessed an accident and stopped to see If I could help. One of 2 women on a motorbike was dead. Luckily there were other witnesses, and the guy who caused it was stuck in his car. Didn't stop the rumours though. A fight, I'd walk away.

[Lucifer]

As a man i always thought it was wrong to hit a woman, i still do.

However in Thailand, when it comes to this sort of things, even police stays out of it.

As sickening as it sounds and looks, best to stay out of it, as most possibly you would be in the wrong.

As a man I never subscribed to the view that hitting a woman who deserved it was prohibited (not that I have ever done that). Even you have your limits depending on what you think a woman is capable of. Women are capable of being just as wrong and deserving to be trashed as a man. Eg. supposing a woman hit you for no reason? hit you with a weapon? hit your child or worse? I would have no hesitation in hitting such a woman.

And as far as the OP situation is concerned - I would believe your girl. Don't get involved in a Thai on Thai feud except to call the emergency services/police etc, or deal with the aftermath. Your interventuon is unlikley to be appreciated either by the assailant or ultimately the victim, who is likley to run away whilst you are fighting off her attacker, leaving you without a witness, victim statement etc with the police. You may ultimately be convicted of assault. Leve it all alone and get on with your life is my advice.

Really?

Are you Thai by any chance?

As a man you can always stop what ever is happening. No need to belt the woman.

[tim armstrong]

It goes against my principles too, and like others I've seen a few shocking incidents. But as hard as it may be you have to keep your distance, and yes, your girlfriend was trying to protect you. Maybe a generalisation but Many thais seem have a different notion of right and wrong to westerners, and don't really understand the idea of universal values, or basic human rights. Example - corruption is readily accepted by many as 'normal'. Preservation of life is not sacrosanct, and there seems to be a kind of fatalism about abuse, particularly towards women, or accidents, as in s-t happens ! I still find it one of the hardest aspects of the culture to accept.

[nigelnigel]

It is a dilemma and I had that exact same thing occur to me right in front of a lot of people and no one did anything! I couldn't stand to see it...2 girls, 2 guys. One of the guys was on top of the girl really laying into her face. I said F this and ran up to do something and the other girl stopped me from intervening...what was I supposed to do? Push past her and get involved? But it was enough to have a lull in the beating and then the police finally arrived. That didn't do much of anything either.

The main thing is when you don't do anything about a situation like this. (An adult smacking around a little kid perhaps) you live with a sick feeling of not having done anything. This unfortunately is the norm around here that it is 100% acceptable for a thai man to slap, and as they lady likes to recount it in English as "thai boxing me" and do as he pleases to the woman.

There will be more stories like this. The culture here is slow to change. Sad

[Runamile]

Not to belittle the story, but, in a way, it clarifies to look at less extreme situations, the point being that you might have got hurt - whereas the Asian non-involvement thing is all-pervasive. When I was in Bangkok a couple of weeks ago a crocodile of blind people was tumbling around the hotel lobby, trying to work out where the lift was and, then, how to operate it. The hotel staff watched on, doing nothing. I intervened, walking the lead guy through space, leading his hand out to touch things. At the lift, I ran his hand over a large part of wall area to the call, button. Likewise, inside the lift. In fact, the buttons were braille marked, but he needed to be physically guided to make that discovery and to repeat operations. In China, on buses, I've lead blind people, while other passengers stood back, alternatively with blank expressions or with embarrassed looks of "we should be doing this".

You can make tenuous arguments like I might slip, taking the blind person with me, so making myself liable - or he might just invent such a story. However, the honest truth, whether it be East or South-East Asia is that if it's the family, it matters. If it's anybody else - couldn't give a stuff.

[alien365]

Been there once, tried to help and was immediately surrounded by a dog-pack of Thais, Will never ever meddle again in Thailand.

This is why ive been told never to step in, being a farrang, it doesnt matter if you are right or wrong, you will be set on by the 'macho' Thai men who will side with their own. If I was a British Bruce Lee I would take the challenge but I'm not.

Edited March 1, 2014 by alien365

[uptheos]

A person who stops to treat another person after a medical emergency or accident can be held liable unless they possess "first responder" certification, it's for that reason that lots of people stand around watching as people die following accidents. Perhaps the issues are related, fear of reprisal, fear of liability?

I doubt if 99.9% of Thai's would know what a first responder certificate is and how to obtain it.

[Travel Dude]

You did the right thing and I compliment you for that.

All too often people turn the other way around, even in western countries.

I have often stepped in, even at a risk. But at least I and you did the right thing.

Obviously it is easiest to turn around and walk away. AND YES you then reduce any risk even if it means that girl gets a crushed brain.

Beating your wife has only become punishable by law since a couple of years in Thailand. So guys would just beat there wife's as much as they liked. It takes time to change that mentality.

Not helping is the same as not helping when you see an accident as you might be held responsible. That is also nonsense. You should help. Always.

Once again, well done!

[eskatonia]

M'a

[Runamile]

And I doubt that 99% of Thais would know that they shouldn't intervene without that certification ........ which isn't to say that they do intervene. What explains that?

Incidentally, I saw a guy killed outright - snapping his neck - falling from a motorcycle, going along Sukhumvit, in central Bangkok. A couple of car drivers were quick enough to intervene then - one taking the legs, another the arms and tossing the body to the side of the road, so that they could get back in their cars and continue, unimpeded.

[stoli]

I too, saw a Thai guy beating up on a Thai girl in Jomtien on 2nd road. It was last year. I turned my bike around, and drove up to the site. I did not get off my bike, and I kept it running, but the guy got the message and stopped the beating. Yes, they usually fight in groups here, so I was ready to leave if need be.

[mercman24]

i had a similiar prob last christmas in a bar although not a thai fella, a drunk, pot bellied, bald headed, tattooed english guy, (you know the sort cant get any english lady to look at them) i was talking to two sisters "bar girs" one sister was new to the job this <deleted> firstly pinched her waist and hurt her he then bit her on the shoulder and left teeth marks, when she turned to look at me tears were rolling down her face, well i fired into him big time, they had to drag me off him , that would be an assault in the uk. probably an assault on my part, but dam i felt good.

[Tycoon]

My advice, 10 years ago I belted a Thai guy and my wife's family had me out of the situation in 1 minute.

On a bike and gone so fast after a 10 second discussion.

Sometimes you have to step in to things, my situation was a guy trying to rob a lottery selling older lady or at least grab money out of her grasp as he held her on the ground after pushing her down.

Once again no person did a thing, waited about 5 seconds and took 10 steps and woosh.

He was with 1 other but he had no idea I was coming from his blind side.

Yep it was a sucker punch but it was what was needed there and then.

His friend on the bike just looked on in disbelief as I'm 110kg and I still remember the noise his face

made when I connected with the side of his head on the jaw line.

So if I can say this if your going to do it, get out of there after.

No revenge attack as yet. Think I'm safe