Saw a guy assaulting his lady - my girlfriend wanted to turn a blind eye

[Nayet]

I was giving my girlfriend a ride home from work last night when suddenly I hear a lady crying out in dismay on Sukhumvit Soi 19. I assume someone accidentally stepped in a pile of fecal matter, or something to that effect, but then a second loud scream makes me turn my head and see a young Asian man unleashing a can of whoop-ass on what I presume to be his girlfriend. I make a swift u-turn to head back and intervene, but my girlfriend urges me to keep going and ignore it. When I get off the motorbike, she grabs my arm and tries to hold me back, but I, of course, pull my arm back, give her the stink eye and walk over to stop the guy.

I'm not one to usually meddle in other people's business, because frankly, I often find reason to assume that the person deserves what they are getting. In this case, however, the abuser went way too far and looked like he was possibly going to inflict some head trauma, had no one come to her rescue. Also, I don't want to hear of another case where a bunch of people just stood around and watched while someone got the crap beaten out of them. Actually, I only saw one more bystander - a motorcycle taxi - but there were people nearby who must have heard something was going on.

I have to say I am a little appalled that my girlfriend didn't want me to intervene and that she actually tried to stop me from doing so. I didn't bother discussing it with her afterwards, because I know it's a lost cause, but I assume she would have wanted someone to step in if she was the one getting her orbital sockets crushed by her boyfriend. I chalk my girlfriend's response up to some kind of knee-jerk reaction and/or just the mentality of not wanting to be part of a big scene, but it's still hard for me to respect. What would you tell your girlfriend if she told you to stay out of something like this? Would she have a point?

[whoisyourdaddy]

As a man i always thought it was wrong to hit a woman, i still do.

However in Thailand, when it comes to this sort of things, even police stays out of it.

As sickening as it sounds and looks, best to stay out of it, as most possibly you would be in the wrong.

[transam]

It is a difficult one, and Mrs.Trans would have done the same to me. Reason, other Thai folk could/would set upon the farang, regardless of our good intension.

[wym]

Chivalry's a cultural artifact of western, Christian culture.

Good on ya, but be prepared to sleep in that bed. . .

[Hawkman]

Your morals and ethics are in the right place, good for you. I think most folk would want to do what you did. The thing here isn't that your gf didn't care, she was just looking out for you.

You go to try and stop the fight, not only could you be on the receiving end of a knife or gun, but if any Thai guys saw your grappling with the Asian guy; they would take his side and help him; however wrong that might be.

Tough call. Not sure what I would have done, natural instinct says yes; my head may say no.

Saw a farang guy repeatedly punch a Thai girl in the face in Robin Hood, a couple of months back. It was such a shock, that no-one did anything for the first minute as it was all a blur and you couldn't believe what you witnessed. The guy acted like he was some sort of legend, it was only when the rest of the male population of the bar moved in on the guy (all held back by their ladies by the way), that the guy was hurried out of the bar.

[Nayet]

As a man i always thought it was wrong to hit a woman, i still do.

However in Thailand, when it comes to this sort of things, even police stays out of it.

As sickening as it sounds and looks, best to stay out of it, as most possibly you would be in the wrong.

I think it's wrong to hit people, regardless of gender, especially when they are not defending themselves. Anyway, I'm glad I did intervene, because the guy stopped hitting her (even though he had told me to butt out) and she eventually managed to escape on the motorcycle taxi. Like I said, I don't normally meddle in other people's fights, and if I just saw some guy back-handing his lady once and then going about his day, I wouldn't have done a thing. In this case, however, I may have prevented someone from getting hospitalized.

[slipperx]

Chivalry's a cultural artifact of western, Christian culture.

Good on ya, but be prepared to sleep in that bed. . .

Applies to honour and ethics as well, especially professional ethics. The only true professionals here to be rented by the night and not so many of those so skilled maybe.

Here best to turn the other way and let them destroy themselves

[Nayet]

Chivalry's a cultural artifact of western, Christian culture.

Good on ya, but be prepared to sleep in that bed. . .

As I hinted, it was not about chivalry. I would have done the same thing if it was a guy getting the ess kicked out of him. I am aware that this is a cultural thing, one that I can even sympathize with to some extent, but not when someone may be about to get seriously injured.

[Mangkhut]

As others say, its a difficult topic. If I understand the thais right domestic issues and even rough violence is considered - yeas a domestic affaire and not a police matter and nothing a accidental bypasser or neighbour should do something about.

Around 10 years ago I was living with my then thai gf in an amphur village in an Isaan province (my then gf worked for the amphur) and across he street for my gf house there was living a couple without children, in their late 30s. Almost every weekend this guy got pissed drunk and (maybe the woman too, although the other thais in the village said she drank only a little) started up a fight with his woman. Some weekends they kept it going with screeming, physically fighting, load screaming, broken bottles, smashed windows and I often said to my gf that we had to do something about this, call the police or something. But my gf said the police would never come to a domestic fight so that there were no point calling the cops at all.

None of the othwr villagers seemed to react upon this either....

But one weekend it really went out of proportions. Screaming and yelling all through the night, it was so load that it was impossible to sleep in our house and at 5-5.30 in the morning the screams from the woman were so loud that I was 100 % sure he was about to kill her. It was the most desperate screams I have heard in my whole life. NOW! I said to my gf - call the police NOW! He is about to kill her. But no, my gf said this have happend several times before and the cops have been called but they didnt come to the scene.

I went outside our house and over to the neighbour couple, but bottles were thrown through broken windows and I choosed to back off. No other villagers were present. After a while they stoped and the the after the woman moved out (for the 3-4 time in 2 years the villagers said) she was beaten black and blue all over her face and looked terrible. 3-4 days later she moved in again.....

What is right and what is wrong to do isnt always easy. But the brownshirts will keep on collecting their helmet money and their registrationplate broken lightbulb money every month, thats sure...

Edited March 1, 2014 by Mangkhut

[wym]

Chivalry does not exclude helping males.

And I was more addressing "why don't Thais?" rather than you personally

Edited March 1, 2014 by wym

[KhaoNiaw]

One danger I've seen for getting involved in domestics (back home as well as in Thailand) is that the victim can sometimes become protective of the abuser and turn on the person coming to her aid.

[CharlieH]

There will be plenty come along to pat you on the back and tell you "at a boy".

My wife would do the same for fear of my safety, as many have said , your reaction was typical western male etc but here you need to temper your reactions and listen to locals who generally know how to handle it best.

[Nayet]

Chivalry does not exclude helping males.

And I was more addressing "why don't Thais?" rather than you personally

I stand corrected.

[chiang mai]

A person who stops to treat another person after a medical emergency or accident can be held liable unless they possess "first responder" certification, it's for that reason that lots of people stand around watching as people die following accidents. Perhaps the issues are related, fear of reprisal, fear of liability?

[Mark T]

Whilst your action is commendable, as usual you went in head first without considering your own well-being. Had the perpetrator pulled out a gun, your chivalry would come to naught! This, is the view of your girlfriend, I believe. Give her some credit too, for her protective instinct is strong towards you!

Sent from my GT-P6200

[whoisyourdaddy]

As a man i always thought it was wrong to hit a woman, i still do.

However in Thailand, when it comes to this sort of things, even police stays out of it.

As sickening as it sounds and looks, best to stay out of it, as most possibly you would be in the wrong.

I think it's wrong to hit people, regardless of gender, especially when they are not defending themselves. Anyway, I'm glad I did intervene, because the guy stopped hitting her (even though he had told me to butt out) and she eventually managed to escape on the motorcycle taxi. Like I said, I don't normally meddle in other people's fights, and if I just saw some guy back-handing his lady once and then going about his day, I wouldn't have done a thing. In this case, however, I may have prevented someone from getting hospitalized.

What you did was noble, but as i said, for some reason in this society, no one intervenes, including the police.

You may also want to consider that you made things worse for her in long term, as he could continue once back home and could do much worse than just beat her.

Again, not saying your actions were wrong, all i am saying, sadly this society works in strange ways at times

[wym]

A person who stops to treat another person after a medical emergency or accident can be held liable unless they possess "first responder" certification, it's for that reason that lots of people stand around watching as people die following accidents. Perhaps the issues are related, fear of reprisal, fear of liability?

more like "not my business" to "cool show!"

and most places now have protective good samaritan laws

[mjj]

It's a difficult one. On one hand intervention is very admirable, but on the other, maybe they deserved it?

The guy could have been just a thug, or the woman could have been a right evil bitch and done all kinds of things to him previously. Our instincts usually tell us to help the weak in these situations, but the facts are never present.

Would I step in? Nah, probably not anymore and it doesn't fill me with pride writing that, but that's the way it is.

It's quite a coincidence that you use blind eye in the topic title as a friend of mind intervened in a man and woman fight in the UK. While he was grappling with the guy, the girl hit him with a bottle and he lost his eye.

The police interfere less in domestics and for good reason.

[Goat Roper]

Been there once, tried to help and was immediately surrounded by a dog-pack of Thais, Will never ever meddle again in Thailand.

[chiang mai]

A person who stops to treat another person after a medical emergency or accident can be held liable unless they possess "first responder" certification, it's for that reason that lots of people stand around watching as people die following accidents. Perhaps the issues are related, fear of reprisal, fear of liability?

more like "not my business" to "cool show!"

and most places now have protective good samaritan laws

I believe not so in Thailand.

[chrisinth]

OP, as most others have said, you shouldn't blame your GF for trying to stop you. In all likelihood, it was a protective gesture rather than a don't be stupid and get involved one.

IMHO, through that alone, not worth considering dumping her for.

[Tmymaimee]

I worked with these types of "abused" women for 10 years, flying them to and from the women's shelter in town. Let me tell you something….these types of women seek out abusive relationships. Even if they move out from his home, they will just shack up with another loser. I dated an abused girl for 1 year - she would periodically become bored by my nice treatment and hit the bars, looking for a rough guy to smack her up a bit - not kidding. Many were beaten as kids and maybe it makes them feel secure that their father is "loving" them. I have no idea but you're completely wasting your time on time.

If you feel the need to intervene, start snatching up the street kids before their minders catch you and get them to a safe house where they can get an education. At least break the cycle when they are 4 years old - at 20, its too late. You may live 2 - 3 weeks doing this type of intervention.

[kimbathewhitelion]

I worked with these types of "abused" women for 10 years, flying them to and from the women's shelter in town. Let me tell you something….these types of women seek out abusive relationships. Even if they move out from his home, they will just shack up with another loser. I dated an abused girl for 1 year - she would periodically become bored by my nice treatment and hit the bars, looking for a rough guy to smack her up a bit - not kidding. Many were beaten as kids and maybe it makes them feel secure that their father is "loving" them. I have no idea but you're completely wasting your time on time.

If you feel the need to intervene, start snatching up the street kids before their minders catch you and get them to a safe house where they can get an education. At least break the cycle when they are 4 years old - at 20, its too late. You may live 2 - 3 weeks doing this type of intervention.

Didn't know Thailand had woman shelters, curbs however yes. Also snatching kids off the street will get you to the least, deported or thrown in jail, to the most, beaten to death.

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[chrisinth]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

Quote

I worked with these types of "abused" women for 10 years, flying them to and from the women's shelter in town. Let me tell you something….these types of women seek out abusive relationships. Even if they move out from his home, they will just shack up with another loser. I dated an abused girl for 1 year - she would periodically become bored by my nice treatment and hit the bars, looking for a rough guy to smack her up a bit - not kidding. Many were beaten as kids and maybe it makes them feel secure that their father is "loving" them. I have no idea but you're completely wasting your time on time.

If you feel the need to intervene, start snatching up the street kids before their minders catch you and get them to a safe house where they can get an education. At least break the cycle when they are 4 years old - at 20, its too late. You may live 2 - 3 weeks doing this type of intervention.

Whereyoustay, I would love to know what sort of psychology qualifications you have that can determine from the OP that this was an abused woman seeking an assault?

Your past work experience aside, that was a ridiculous post, IMHO. Life goes on, domestics happen everyday

[Torrens54]

Your morals and ethics are in the right place, good for you. I think most folk would want to do what you did. The thing here isn't that your gf didn't care, she was just looking out for you.

You go to try and stop the fight, not only could you be on the receiving end of a knife or gun, but if any Thai guys saw your grappling with the Asian guy; they would take his side and help him; however wrong that might be.

Tough call. Not sure what I would have done, natural instinct says yes; my head may say no.

Saw a farang guy repeatedly punch a Thai girl in the face in Robin Hood, a couple of months back. It was such a shock, that no-one did anything for the first minute as it was all a blur and you couldn't believe what you witnessed. The guy acted like he was some sort of legend, it was only when the rest of the male population of the bar moved in on the guy (all held back by their ladies by the way), that the guy was hurried out of the bar.

I hate to admit it but you are 100% correct. It would go against the grain but as my wife has often warned, you can get yourself and/or anyone with you, badly damaged or killed by trying to help a victim in these circumstances. You might even find that his "victim" will turn on you as well. Sad but true!

It happens all over the world, ask any Cop from any country but here in Thailand there is this feeling of apathy when it comes to "getting involved in an attempt to right a wrong."

Edited March 1, 2014 by Torrens54

[brucegoniners]

I credit you for what you did, but your gf was trying to keep you alive. People carry guns here and life is cheap. Police always will tell you that domestic disputes are the most dangerous because passion and emotion is in play. Next time listen to your gf.

[lostmebike]

'Asian man unleashing a can of whoop-ass'

Teenagers are every where.

All jokes aside, I have seen Thai guys raise a hand and even slap the Mrs. on a few occasions. Common practice? I'm not sure about that but definitely too often for my liking.

Edited March 1, 2014 by lostmebike

[rjenman]

Thai people are slowly learning what it's like when a patient person challenges someone in power and in the wrong. It's not that hard to peacefully break up violent situations simply by acting respectfully and just acting like u don't want anyone to get hurt. The aggressor always backs down. As long as u don't react, however much patience that takes, someone sticking up for acting abusively will shortly seem like a clown to him or herself and everyone around, and stop doing it. Christians have the confrontation right, Buddhists have the patience. Put them together and things go right in Thailand with imported chivalry and dormant local Buddhist values which lie in a mudpile of mindful acceptance, nonaction and submission to men who are apparently unquestionable due to representing Buddhism. It's all there dormant and it all works if u use it properly.

[Jasonbleibtreu]

If you feel that the right thing to do is to step in and try to prevent more violence then do it. However be prepaired that onlookers turn on you in a flash. Sounds crazy but this may happen. So do what you feel is correct but keep in mind it could go terribly wrong very fast.

[mamypoko]

Run up to the guy and beg for his help in finding your lost motorcycle...at least it might end his fusillade.