Saw a guy assaulting his lady - my girlfriend wanted to turn a blind eye

[transam]

Who says police don't get involved in domestic problems?

I have seen 2 neighbours both carted of over the years for drunken abuse and attacking their wives.

Both are alcoholics and one died of kidney problems about 5 years ago.

I still remember him dragging his wife by her hair on the road over no beer money.

Both cases got locked up, charged and given a fine and warning.

Just run it by my wife and she said, other Thai people would jump in if they had it physically over

the basher and said if a faring helped out to not hang around but leave.

Once again if a 70kg guy is hitting his 50kg gf and you can stop him killing her then make your choice.

My wife says Thai guys will really only jump in if its a guy v guy fight but your average Thai will involve himself

if he has the upper hand.

Other words Pick your fights carefully.

You might be surprised to know that a lady beater with a hi-so position in the local vicinity/community is treated very different to a rice worker regarding the same situation/offense...........

[ultimate weapon]

Your morals and ethics are in the right place, good for you. I think most folk would want to do what you did. The thing here isn't that your gf didn't care, she was just looking out for you.

You go to try and stop the fight, not only could you be on the receiving end of a knife or gun, but if any Thai guys saw your grappling with the Asian guy; they would take his side and help him; however wrong that might be.

Tough call. Not sure what I would have done, natural instinct says yes; my head may say no.

Saw a farang guy repeatedly punch a Thai girl in the face in Robin Hood, a couple of months back. It was such a shock, that no-one did anything for the first minute as it was all a blur and you couldn't believe what you witnessed. The guy acted like he was some sort of legend, it was only when the rest of the male population of the bar moved in on the guy (all held back by their ladies by the way), that the guy was hurried out of the bar.

where is robin hood?

[rotary]

You are lucky they both did not turn on you and catch you in the middle.

[richard_smith237]

I was with a handful of Thai friends in a Thai nightclub we frequent when a Thai guy (a stranger) who was stood next to me punched the waitress hard in the face.

Before I could really think about it I'd put my arm round his neck and twisted him to the floor - On his back, I sat over him, and waved security over. Security took him outside.

There were no westerners around, I did have a number of Thai friends in the bar with me, but they didn't need to escalate a situation by joining in, it was clear I didn't need help. Other guys and girls around just watched.

After the incident the guys friends came to me and apologised. I asked them if the guy was OK?, who was he?, is he going to come back angry etc... they said no, he was just angry at the girl but he shouldn't have hit her.

The waitress was OK, quite shocked. She thanked me a week or two later. It turns out that she'd been flirting with and leading the guy on, he'd been buying her drinks for weeks. She'd been stringing him along and he'd had enough.

In this situation the girl kind of deserved some kind of comeuppance, but not a punch in the face. That said, and as others have said, Thai's know the rules... she did too.

Its difficult to standby and do nothing. Some guys will think they are clever by ignoring issues, perhaps they are correct. But sometimes a situation does take you out of your comfort zone, ignoring it also takes you out of your comfort zone.

In the case of the Op: He did the right thing... but doing the right thing in these circumstances is only something which may be evaluated with the benefit of hindsight. Ignoring the issue is definitely not doing the right thing, it might be the safest and the smartest, but not right.

Being able to do the right thing also heavily depends on the situation / time / environment etc...

i.e. 1pm in a shopping Mall, I'd get involved. 3am on Sukhumvit Rd I'd think twice and be very careful... perhaps calling to the guy to stop. In a night club, again a very difficult situation to judge unless you are in the situation.

I've also seen another friend stop a fight between two Thai guys on the next table while in a night club, the one guy was about to throw a glass. My friend stopped the guy from throwing the glass, the fight was stopped. There were no repercussions against my friend. We carried on enjoying the evening, the other guys thanked us. The offending group just ignored us and left.

There is no right course of action: There is just a 'least bad' course of action - it depends on your moral standing and the situation at hand as to what that course is (i.e. ignore, walk away, or do your best to prevent a situation from escalating).

[dukebowling]

I commend you any who intervenes in a wrong act even with a potential threat to yourself.

True advancement of society exists when one take risks for each other. The mentality of "staying out of it" displays a small mind and is born by the primitive cultures of the past.

A good example of risk taking includes cases where rescue workers put their lives at risk and many die despite the danger.

He who walks by a wrongful act without acting on it deserves neither freedom or justice.

[Thongkorn]

Its not only Thailand that this is happening, A friend of my wife has an abusive So called Husband, he abuses her physically and mentally. Many people, Thai and English, have told her he will really hurt her one day. But she will not listen to good advice, she says that this is the last time, but changes her mind all the time. Usually when he is being sweet to her for a while.

As for Thai police getting involved Dont hold your breath.. I can talk from My wife's experience. Many Thai people watched as she was beaten regularly. some times in the street,(soy) by her drunk Thai Partner, After the second time he put her in Hospital, with two broken rib's and a tooth knocked out, a gash above her left eye. She went to the police, they said its a Family matter. When he found that she had gone to the police, he gave her two children away, the police said he can do it because its a family matter and its his children. Thai women have rights, just above a soy dog in Thailand. I have stood between a wife and her husband before, only for them both to turn on me. Now i would think long and hard before i would step in Now,

[Tycoon]

Who says police don't get involved in domestic problems?

I have seen 2 neighbours both carted of over the years for drunken abuse and attacking their wives.

Both are alcoholics and one died of kidney problems about 5 years ago.

I still remember him dragging his wife by her hair on the road over no beer money.

Both cases got locked up, charged and given a fine and warning.

Just run it by my wife and she said, other Thai people would jump in if they had it physically over

the basher and said if a faring helped out to not hang around but leave.

Once again if a 70kg guy is hitting his 50kg gf and you can stop him killing her then make your choice.

My wife says Thai guys will really only jump in if its a guy v guy fight but your average Thai will involve himself

if he has the upper hand.

Other words Pick your fights carefully.

You might be surprised to know that a lady beater with a hi-so position in the local vicinity/community is treated very different to a rice worker regarding the same situation/offense...........

your a 100% correct and thats why you pick fights you can win

[hobz]

As a man i always thought it was wrong to hit a woman, i still do.

However in Thailand, when it comes to this sort of things, even police stays out of it.

As sickening as it sounds and looks, best to stay out of it, as most possibly you would be in the wrong.

It's not only Thailand...

There's atleast two problems in these situations:

1) You might get beaten (possibly killed) for intervening.

2) You might get accused for the assault, or assaulting the guy etc, getting into trouble with the oh so competent police force is always a gamble in my eyes.

*edit* Just want to add that I still think it's right to intervene!

Edited March 1, 2014 by hobz

[lockey1]

I am shocked that so many of us would leave a woman at the mercy of a complete animal. If you heard the next day that this woman had died, how would you feel? Maybe I am old fashioned but I have to say that sometimes we need to put others before ourselves. “All it takes for evil to succeed is for a few good men to do nothing. It does not matter where you are, but who you are is the most important thing. If you think otherwise then I question your manhood. Good luck to you my friend, never change your stance on this subject, because you are undoubtedly correct in your actions. Thai culture is no excuse for appeasement of thugs.

[liddelljohn]

I have intervened in both UK and Thailand but its risky ,, years ago in UK a neighbour was beating his wife with a hammer ,, i knocked him out whilst my then wife gave first aid to the woman , but then the woman attacked me for knocking her husband out so i knocked her out as well , at least we had some peace , 2 weeks later they were at it again ,, he killed her and then went to jail!!!!!! for 14 years ,,,,,

same crap happens in Thailand too .

[somchaismith]

Wow! Nic Brown tried to help out in a dispute between a waitress and a guy in a bar, at Chiang Mai, and the fella returned and gave Nic a big Thank You, with a gun,

Edited March 1, 2014 by somchaismith

[Asiantravel]

As a man i always thought it was wrong to hit a woman, i still do.

However in Thailand, when it comes to this sort of things, even police stays out of it.

As sickening as it sounds and looks, best to stay out of it, as most possibly you would be in the wrong.

What happened to you?

Lecturing everyone a few weeks ago in another thread how dignity was the most important thing and not to be a coward, even if it meant taking on a group of 10 to 20 guys?

[alien365]

A person who stops to treat another person after a medical emergency or accident can be held liable unless they possess "first responder" certification, it's for that reason that lots of people stand around watching as people die following accidents. Perhaps the issues are related, fear of reprisal, fear of liability?

Are you sure of this? Also, in most countries if you stand back and witness a crime and do nothing you can be charged. You can claim that you would place yourself in physical danger by helping however.

Yes, I'm certain.

Agreed in the uk its the same. I wrote a message but as a newbie i screwed it up responding to quotes. In summary if someone tries to help but they dont know what they are doing you can claim from them. Imagine someone paralyses you for life for trying to help after an accident. I used to gather information to defend liability claims so i was familiar with this until 2 years ago in the uk

[Jawnie]

I would just tell your gf "that's the way I am and I thought I should help...that's how I'm wired." Don't need to make a big deal of it and don't need to look down on the gf...just be happy with yourself for being human enough to do the right thing at that moment.

[tingtong]

Chivalry's a cultural artifact of western, Christian culture.

Good on ya, but be prepared to sleep in that bed. . .

As I hinted, it was not about chivalry. I would have done the same thing if it was a guy getting the ess kicked out of him. I am aware that this is a cultural thing, one that I can even sympathize with to some extent, but not when someone may be about to get seriously injured.

that someone would easily be you...

even without the amount of guns around, you could still see as a culprit vs. the asian guy.

it is pretty much a lose lose situation in general, and sorry, but i would go with the gf.

unless of course someone important for me involved...cold-hearted me, maybe, but for a stranger in thailand i would think twice about that action to take or what not to.

[Escapologist]

"Jesus died so that others might live..." Sacrifice. So altruistic. Makes me feel good that I might be like that too. I would personally get the hell out of there though. I have a family and people who love me. Acting the 'big man', in order to fulfil a romantic notion of 'altruism' or to look the 'hero' in front of a woman, doesn't balance out against the real risk of sudden death and its consequences for those who care about me. Thailand is not a place for principles. Pragmatism is king for the non-deluded falang.

[hgma]

Do or Don't.

My wife is scared to death for a looney with a gun, NOT me getting in a fist fight.

And by the news gathering on TV she is right.

Then when it happened to be across my house when a youngster (in her pyama) was dragged out by a (very) angry man to be tossed in a pick up....

I just couldn't stand there A Paak and do nothing.....so I intervened....by taking out my phone and threatening to call 191.

The guy turned to me and shouted he was the father of the 15 year old,and i could *&)^_ in hell.

Ever since rumor has got it that he....the father....was actually a policeman himself!!

If happens again...i would do the same thing over again.....without thinking!

Up tyo you and the situation.

[Noi657]

Only time I would get involved is if it happened to my wife or daughter! Then I would bouncing the guys head up and down the road regardless of the consequences! You meddle with Thai business at your peril, it's not him you have to worry about, it's the 30 blokes behind him!

[choochoo]

Saw a farang guy repeatedly punch a Thai girl in the face in Robin Hood, a couple of months back. It was such a shock, that no-one did anything for the first minute as it was all a blur and you couldn't believe what you witnessed. The guy acted like he was some sort of legend, it was only when the rest of the male population of the bar moved in on the guy (all held back by their ladies by the way), that the guy was hurried out of the bar.

Hooker bar?

Anyway, op did a good thing. However im with the girl-stay out of it. Statistically -hours after the incident girl was probably making hot love to the guy and will probably be beaten another time. Domestic disputes are best handled by peo[ple who know whats actually happening.

Funny op described guy as asian but not specifically thai. Could have been business dispute............lol. Some guys just dont want to pay.

[BusyB]

It's a difficult one. On one hand intervention is very admirable, but on the other, maybe they deserved it?

The guy could have been just a thug, or the woman could have been a right evil bitch and done all kinds of things to him previously. Our instincts usually tell us to help the weak in these situations, but the facts are never present.

Would I step in? Nah, probably not anymore and it doesn't fill me with pride writing that, but that's the way it is.

It's quite a coincidence that you use blind eye in the topic title as a friend of mind intervened in a man and woman fight in the UK. While he was grappling with the guy, the girl hit him with a bottle and he lost his eye.

The police interfere less in domestics and for good reason.

.

.. in which case he should have left her.

[Phoenix1312]

As a man i always thought it was wrong to hit a woman, i still do.

However in Thailand, when it comes to this sort of things, even police stays out of it.

As sickening as it sounds and looks, best to stay out of it, as most possibly you would be in the wrong.

I think it's wrong to hit people, regardless of gender, especially when they are not defending themselves. Anyway, I'm glad I did intervene, because the guy stopped hitting her (even though he had told me to butt out) and she eventually managed to escape on the motorcycle taxi. Like I said, I don't normally meddle in other people's fights, and if I just saw some guy back-handing his lady once and then going about his day, I wouldn't have done a thing. In this case, however, I may have prevented someone from getting hospitalized.

[Phoenix1312]

As a man i always thought it was wrong to hit a woman, i still do.

However in Thailand, when it comes to this sort of things, even police stays out of it.

As sickening as it sounds and looks, best to stay out of it, as most possibly you would be in the wrong.

I think it's wrong to hit people, regardless of gender, especially when they are not defending themselves. Anyway, I'm glad I did intervene, because the guy stopped hitting her (even though he had told me to butt out) and she eventually managed to escape on the motorcycle taxi. Like I said, I don't normally meddle in other people's fights, and if I just saw some guy back-handing his lady once and then going about his day, I wouldn't have done a thing. In this case, however, I may have prevented someone from getting hospitalized.

Good for you. Stick to your morals and ethics.

[elgenon]

I was gazing at the ocean in Patts and kept hearing someone yelling. I finally walked over and saw a young Thai guy hit his GF (i presumed) in the mouth. She spit out blood. He hit hit her again and kept yelling at her. No Thai attempted to do anything. He faced her and was about to haul off a more direct punch and I left. Couldn't watch it. If she had made an attempt to get away I MAY have helped her run away. It was sickening.

Years before I had broken up a cat fight and was warned by Thais that I should NOT have interfered. When I thought about all the possibilities I decided to learn.

[LomSak27]

have to say I am a little appalled that my girlfriend didn't want me to intervene and that she actually tried to stop me from doing so.

When you wake up in the hospital and have to be told you intervened in a dispute only to have 5 people gang beat you and bottle you from behind, you might have a better appreciation of your GFs actions

she knew then that this outcome was a real possibility you are the air head that has been told, yet discounts it - until the above happens -

then you leave thailand and give interviews to tabloids about your lucky escape etc

yawn, heard it all beofore

[iamariva1957]

Good for you to have actually done something! I am so tired at folks that say, "do not get involved", and that getting involved is some sort of "Western culture" idea. Though the latter might be true at least here in South East Asia, that does not mean that it is the line we should all toe. For if these parts want to be part of the World Stage,then they will have to take into account other elements from other cultures. No matter if it is a man or a woman being assaulted and we see it and judge that it is a situation that has or is going down the road "going too far", then we should step in to break things up. Is it a threat to our lives? Maybe. But whether or not you do step in you will either get a black eye for your troubles, yelled at, or if you don't do something a good deal of loss of sleep and face with yourself for not doing something (other than walking away and believing that you where somehow powerless).

I believe in stepping in when there is violence taking place in cases such as the one the OP mentioned. Western Culture or not, we are all human and therefore have a built in meter that tells us that what is happening requires our attention and perhaps action of a more direct manner.

Of course 'reading' the situation is the key no matter what. But being ex-Army (E8 US,) I know what I can do and how to do it. So yes, one has to be careful. But again doing nothing is most times far more difficult and even harder to live with sometimes than doing something.

[Runamile]

LomSak. It's not a question of discounting the possibility, or even probability. It's a question of intervening anyway.

Why is there such a strong taint to this thread that if you don't understand the possible consequences you're an idiot, when, in fact, possible consequences can be fully understood, it's just that the response to that can be very different for different people. We order information differently. Put even more simply, different people are er, umm, different!

One poster mentioned he'd only intervene around his wife and daughter. He may even have very strong feelings for his own self-protection for their benefit. Not great if the family, for instance, had no breadwinner. Equally, I've heard a few interviews in UK with people who intervened, saying "I thought it could be my wife or daughter". Opposite responses from the same information, that they're married, with a daughter.

Different people. No more, no less.

[NoshowJones]

As a man i always thought it was wrong to hit a woman, i still do.

However in Thailand, when it comes to this sort of things, even police stays out of it.

As sickening as it sounds and looks, best to stay out of it, as most possibly you would be in the wrong.

What is Whoop Ass?

[stickylies]

As a man i always thought it was wrong to hit a woman, i still do.

it's wrong to hit people, male or female and animals.

[NoshowJones]

As a man i always thought it was wrong to hit a woman, i still do.

it's wrong to hit people, male or female and animals.

Except in self defence, but in Thailand you run away if you want to stay healthy. there is never an excuse for odds of six to one which is very common here in Thailand.

[Noi657]

I'll put this question out there.... Would you intervene if you saw za Thai man attacking a farang lady?