Saw a guy assaulting his lady - my girlfriend wanted to turn a blind eye

[Runamile]

Be careful, guys, but, Stoli, yes, sometimes a menacing look is enough - especially viable if you've a quick getaway available!

Another technique is to just say the most utterly stupid things. These situations are all about cliché responses. So I intervene with a guy kicking the shit out of another. Guess what he said: "What's it got to do with you?" Reply: "Absolutely nothing". Look of total confusion over face. Stops kicking. Other guy runs off. You can almost watch the brain waves saying "he wasn't supposed to say that." "He was supposed to say ........ Then I was supposed to hit him". While he was still trying to compute, I walked off, as did the crowd that had gathered!

[chiang mai]

Hats off to those who would do the correct thing in this situation, sometimes you just have to do what needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

[bander]

Another Mr. Goodguy Falang who want to save thai a woman from being beaten up by her boyfriend.

How long time have you been in this country? 2 weeks?

If you keep on interfere in fights between thais you will probably end up dead or severely beaten.

Listen to your gf next time, she is thai and know the outcome in most cases when falang want to help poor thai woman from beating.

You were maybe lucky this time but next time you might end up as the victim

[Phuketboy]

Your heart and morals were in the right place, however, when it is a Thai/Thai confrontation, best to stay out of it. Like a lot of others have already stated, regardless of who is wrong, other Thai's will always defend the Thai. I had a situation a few months back, where I saw a Farang, punch a Thai girl, straight away I went to stop it and my girl tried to hold me back. Frankly, I told her that no guy hits a girl and proceeded to stop it. This Farang, basically told me to F%(k off, and took a swing which didn't go down well. It ended up with him getting his face smashed in. Don't hit females, regardless of what has happened. When other Thai's realised what had happened they got stuck into him as I walked off.

[Runamile]

Last post appears to be from a Thai national. He is, pragmatically, so, so correct. However, what he fails to understand is that many Westerners have a higher concern to behave with HONOUR than over the personal risk of so doing.

If you want to get away from the code of HONOUR and CHIVALRY deep in our DNA, if you want to make it selfish, just say" we couldn't forgive ourselves if the girl were killed or maimed". In caring for others - ALL OTHERS - we RESPECT ourselves.

[chiang mai]

A person who stops to treat another person after a medical emergency or accident can be held liable unless they possess "first responder" certification, it's for that reason that lots of people stand around watching as people die following accidents. Perhaps the issues are related, fear of reprisal, fear of liability?

I doubt if 99.9% of Thai's would know what a first responder certificate is and how to obtain it.

Agreed, but the judge would know if ever you got hauled before him for administering failed first aid whilst you were being sued by the relatives for interfering, phew.

[RichBKK]

Rather like health and safety this place is a bit rooted in 1970's values regarding this kind of thing. It's also one of the few things you are allowed to show in the soaps, wifey bashing doesn't seem a big deal for the censors or the authorities. Behind closed doors etc

Also people here are not adverse to carrying blades, handguns and such like as others have mentioned. Wouldn't go near it myself for that reason. Though fortunately haven't come face to face with anything like that. But intervening aint safe

[chiang mai]

Last post appears to be from a Thai national. He is, pragmatically, so, so correct. However, what he fails to understand is that many Westerners have a higher concern to behave with HONOUR than over the personal risk of so doing.

If you want to get away from the code of HONOUR and CHIVALRY deep in our DNA, if you want to make it selfish, just say" we couldn't forgive ourselves if the girl were killed or maimed". In caring for others - ALL OTHERS - we RESPECT ourselves.

So where do you draw the line? Is it OK to stand back and watch whilst a 21 year old bar girl gets beaten up by her drugged up boyfriend and if so, is it still OK to stand back whilst a 74 year old lady gets attacked by a bag snatcher? The difference in your actions being..?

[Andre0720]

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Quote

I worked with these types of "abused" women for 10 years, flying them to and from the women's shelter in town. Let me tell you something….these types of women seek out abusive relationships. Even if they move out from his home, they will just shack up with another loser. I dated an abused girl for 1 year - she would periodically become bored by my nice treatment and hit the bars, looking for a rough guy to smack her up a bit - not kidding. Many were beaten as kids and maybe it makes them feel secure that their father is "loving" them. I have no idea but you're completely wasting your time on time.

If you feel the need to intervene, start snatching up the street kids before their minders catch you and get them to a safe house where they can get an education. At least break the cycle when they are 4 years old - at 20, its too late. You may live 2 - 3 weeks doing this type of intervention.

Whereyoustay, I would love to know what sort of psychology qualifications you have that can determine from the OP that this was an abused woman seeking an assault?

Your past work experience aside, that was a ridiculous post, IMHO. Life goes on, domestics happen everyday

Having accompanied a gf doing her masters in psycho-education, you seem to be criticizing someone who knows a lot more than you on this subject...

Edited March 1, 2014 by Andre0720

[Mousehound]

A person who stops to treat another person after a medical emergency or accident can be held liable unless they possess "first responder" certification, it's for that reason that lots of people stand around watching as people die following accidents. Perhaps the issues are related, fear of reprisal, fear of liability?

Are you sure of this? Also, in most countries if you stand back and witness a crime and do nothing you can be charged. You can claim that you would place yourself in physical danger by helping however.

[maccaroni man]

My bet is the OP is young, I learned my lesson about domestic disputes in my early 20's when the woman I tried to save turned her anger on me for bothering her man.

[somchaismith]

So, to the OP, how did you 'stop' the assaulter, beating this woman?

What was his reaction, when you 'stopped' him assaulting the victim?

[belg]

if you want to die for no reason, knife in the ribs and one in the neck or heart, good luck to you, keyboard warrior / hero ...

[Datebayo]

Here in Thailand it is by their culture and mores that the boyfriend/husband is in his right to beat his gf.wife any way he wants. Nobody will interfere, not even the police. Your gf did you a huge favor, you should thank her for saving you a lot of potential problems and pain or death. You fool, taking your western principles and morals with you to Thailand and thinking the same shit applies in this 3rd world country. Same shit with the farang who got stabbed to death by a taxidriver, argueing over a few bahts.

Darwinism at it's finest, the weakest ones (dumbest) eliminates themselves from nature and only the strongest (wisest) survive to keep the natural circle alive.

[whoisyourdaddy]

As a man i always thought it was wrong to hit a woman, i still do.

However in Thailand, when it comes to this sort of things, even police stays out of it.

As sickening as it sounds and looks, best to stay out of it, as most possibly you would be in the wrong.

As a man I never subscribed to the view that hitting a woman who deserved it was prohibited (not that I have ever done that). Even you have your limits depending on what you think a woman is capable of. Women are capable of being just as wrong and deserving to be trashed as a man. Eg. supposing a woman hit you for no reason? hit you with a weapon? hit your child or worse? I would have no hesitation in hitting such a woman.

And as far as the OP situation is concerned - I would believe your girl. Don't get involved in a Thai on Thai feud except to call the emergency services/police etc, or deal with the aftermath. Your interventuon is unlikley to be appreciated either by the assailant or ultimately the victim, who is likley to run away whilst you are fighting off her attacker, leaving you without a witness, victim statement etc with the police. You may ultimately be convicted of assault. Leve it all alone and get on with your life is my advice.

Do expand on what you consider "woman deserves it"

Please define what would fall into category to deserve it?

[chiang mai]

A person who stops to treat another person after a medical emergency or accident can be held liable unless they possess "first responder" certification, it's for that reason that lots of people stand around watching as people die following accidents. Perhaps the issues are related, fear of reprisal, fear of liability?

Are you sure of this? Also, in most countries if you stand back and witness a crime and do nothing you can be charged. You can claim that you would place yourself in physical danger by helping however.

Yes, I'm certain.

[Runamile]

_{Belg and others, you are so, so right about dangers, extreme dangers in some cases, but where people choose to intervene they are either:}

_{1. Not thinking at all, but immediately responding to the situation of another human being or}

_{2. Are thinking perfectly, but elevating other issues higher than their personal safety.}

_{Another personal anecdote, but shows you how reflexive all this stuff is. I saw a little toddler fall in the water. I started running and was ready to dive in. Finally, his drunken father noticed. He hit the water seconds before me. Just as well, really .... I can't swim! Safe on shore, I was able to take the child from father. All worked out fine. Well, I say that but I was reluctant to leave the kid with the father .... but that's another story. Certainly, it was way, way more fine than if drunken father had drowned trying to save child and me, who, also, both drowned! But you respond. Actually, in truth, I'd begun to think just a little bit. Conclusion, it's what I had to do.}

[jero]

Be careful my farang friend. Notwithsanding your well-intended rescue, it may be seen by "observers" as Farang aggression against a Thai man, and you find out suddenly out of nowhere 5 or 6 of his friends commence giving you a beating.

[Runamile]

Again, so true, jero. In fact, I really would expect that to be a Thai reaction. Another poster here explains how Thais went in after him - but I think the whole point was that it was a farang that had been "downed".

What I still just don't see is why people are assuming that you put personal safety as the primary concern in the situations that have been discussed. Clearly, many people don't put personal safety first, or even, necessarily, high in their considerations. And that assumes they've considered at all - adrenaline does strange stuff to the thought processes!

[transam]

Be careful my farang friend. Notwithsanding your well-intended rescue, it may be seen by "observers" as Farang aggression against a Thai man, and you find out suddenly out of nowhere 5 or 6 of his friends commence giving you a beating.

Your a bit late................

[Mark T]

Lets not lose focus on the original reason of OP's question. He said he was appalled as to why his girlfriend has an indifferent attitude as to against his own.

As much as I admire his willingness to help the abused, the fact remains his gf knew what was at stake, and to fault her for her stand when she had only the OP 's well-being in mind, to me is a mistake!

Sent from my GT-P6200

[wym]

It's a difficult one. On one hand intervention is very admirable, but on the other, maybe they deserved it?

The guy could have been just a thug, or the woman could have been a right evil bitch and done all kinds of things to him previously. Our instincts usually tell us to help the weak in these situations, but the facts are never present.

Would I step in? Nah, probably not anymore and it doesn't fill me with pride writing that, but that's the way it is.

It's quite a coincidence that you use blind eye in the topic title as a friend of mind intervened in a man and woman fight in the UK. While he was grappling with the guy, the girl hit him with a bottle and he lost his eye.

The police interfere less in domestics and for good reason.

In the US to the contrary, many jurisdictions have zero-tolerance, if the woman is willing to press charges, hubby goes straight to lockup quick-smart, even for a single slap.

I worked with these types of "abused" women for 10 years, flying them to and from the women's shelter in town. Let me tell you something.these types of women seek out abusive relationships. Even if they move out from his home, they will just shack up with another loser. I dated an abused girl for 1 year - she would periodically become bored by my nice treatment and hit the bars, looking for a rough guy to smack her up a bit - not kidding. Many were beaten as kids and maybe it makes them feel secure that their father is "loving" them. I have no idea but you're completely wasting your time on time.

If you feel the need to intervene, start snatching up the street kids before their minders catch you and get them to a safe house where they can get an education. At least break the cycle when they are 4 years old - at 20, its too late. You may live 2 - 3 weeks doing this type of intervention.

Exactly why they need professional help and strong intervention. The kids thing is just silly.

[wym]

A person who stops to treat another person after a medical emergency or accident can be held liable unless they possess "first responder" certification, it's for that reason that lots of people stand around watching as people die following accidents. Perhaps the issues are related, fear of reprisal, fear of liability?

more like "not my business" to "cool show!"

and most places now have protective good samaritan laws

I believe not so in Thailand.

The way things work here it would be VERY unusual for anyone to even think about suing, and I'd be very surprised if it would get anywhere if you stood your ground. Cops pressuring you maybe, opportunity for money, but actual court case? Doubt it.

Certainly wouldn't stop me from doing the right thing, even if there were consequences I'd still have to try.

Are you sure of this? Also, in most countries if you stand back and witness a crime and do nothing you can be charged. You can claim that you would place yourself in physical danger by helping however.

Again, my experience is in the US. Only professionals on duty have a legal obligation to help, and then only within the scope of their duties and professional training, depending on the circumstances. Even civil liability is often spelled out in the samaritan laws.

[Runamile]

Of course the girlfriend might have been right to warn, but there are a couple of questions:

1. Could she understand that there might be a different way to order information from her own way of doing so?

2. Why might there be any assumption that the poster might have been unaware of the risks? He might, for instance, have been in the country many, many years, be fully aware that Thais are often armed, fully aware of Thai notions of retributive personal justice, and fully aware that Thais hunt in packs. If he's a newbie, strength to the girlfriend. Otherwise, why treat him as a child? As I was followed around yesterday, before the weekend, being watched for turning computers off, throwing mains switches, turning off lights, locking doors, I felt obliged to say "I am a foreigner, not stupid". Sometimes people forget that, particularly in the over-protective relationship and family environment of Thailand.

[Loles]

Cause you don't know the ancient arab sentence: beat your wife every day, if you don't know why, she does ....

[I Like Thai]

In all probability you only succeeded in getting her a more severe beating later on. But that doesn't matter as you will not have to witness it. You feel good about yourself for having done this, so that's all that matters.

[transam]

In all probability you only succeeded in getting her a more severe beating later on. But that doesn't matter as you will not have to witness it. You feel good about yourself for having done this, so that's all that matters.

Yes, 10 out of 10 to the OP from me. You, me, know one cannot be there for folk 24/7, but showing concern is what and did matter.

My wife used to get whacked with a beer bottle on a regular basis from her ex. Took 7 years to divorce the shit when for years the BiB were called.

[boisian]

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Lets not lose focus on the original reason of OP's question. He said he was appalled as to why his girlfriend has an indifferent attitude as to against his own.

As much as I admire his willingness to help the abused, the fact remains his gf knew what was at stake, and to fault her for her stand when she had only the OP 's well-being in mind, to me is a mistake!

Sent from my GT-P6200

Good point - GF may have had 2 motivations - protect farang boyfriend and someone else mentioned it earlier.....

Thai's care for their family - not their neighbours. Their familial ties and bonds are stronger than farangs, but their concern for others outside of the family is lower...

IMHO

I asked my GF if her mother had many friends in the village, and the response went along the lines of, the mother doesnt have big money so neighbours don't want to be associated with her, and if she is not their family, they wont care about her and she wont care about them. The GF has many friends not in family, but I wonder about the value placed on these friendships - not as deep as mine perhaps.....

[elzach]

Not surprised a bit, and it's not just "Thai mentality, it's "Asian mentality".

[Tycoon]

Who says police don't get involved in domestic problems?

I have seen 2 neighbours both carted of over the years for drunken abuse and attacking their wives.

Both are alcoholics and one died of kidney problems about 5 years ago.

I still remember him dragging his wife by her hair on the road over no beer money.

Both cases got locked up, charged and given a fine and warning.

Just run it by my wife and she said, other Thai people would jump in if they had it physically over

the basher and said if a faring helped out to not hang around but leave.

Once again if a 70kg guy is hitting his 50kg gf and you can stop him killing her then make your choice.

My wife says Thai guys will really only jump in if its a guy v guy fight but your average Thai will involve himself

if he has the upper hand.

Other words Pick your fights carefully.