She's left me with the children and gone back to her family!

[BKK Blues Brother]

Where do i start?

Am i being unreasonable too suggest that the wife should stay with me and our young children when one off her parents is sick?

She has several brother's, sister's and other family nearer that can assist!

Is this a Thai thing?

Maxing the credit cards, lending money of her mil then flying around the globe back to her village

Maybe i'm out of order?

Better to put it out on an anonymous forum than in real life!

BBB

[bkkjames]

i would only be concerned if they were my children. If you inherited them (came with the package deal)...quick lock the doors.

Seriously though, marriage issues from time to time are normal...I hear.

[rhodie]

I suppose it depends how sick, but sounds like she cares.

Not much you can do but give her support.

[sustento]

Am i being unreasonable too suggest that the wife should stay with me and our young children when one off her parents is sick?

Yes

[kurnell]

I wish my msz would leave me with the kids. Permanently.

[NeverSure]

Are you in Thailand? You mentioned flying around the globe and maxing out the credit cards.

If you are in a far country and she has relatives close at hand then no, I wouldn't approve of a wife deciding on her own to take off and max out the credit cards.

Unless the parent is known to be dying soon, then it doesn't sound like you can afford this and it's something a couple should decide together.

God I'm glad I'm not married.

[Mr Worldwide]

You say this is "our" young children, presumably all yours. To disappear with no word is not the Thai thing. I'd guess there is a seismic shift in your relationship. If that shift continues upon her return then you have to decide whether you want to be there. My gut feeling is to just disappear but I don't know your personal circumstances. Thai women act upon perceived weakness. Sounds like a boyfriend is on the scene.

[canuckamuck]

Not enough information

[DP25]

Depends on what is wrong. If the mother in law has the flu, she is being completely unreasonable. If she is dieing from cancer, you are being completely unreasonable.

[David48]

To the OP, you forget where you stand in the Social Order.

Many times, in that order, you and your biological children are below the parents ... sometimes well below.

Have you never discussed this her before?

What do you mean by ... "Maxing the credit cards, lending money of her mil then flying around the globe back to her village"

From your previous threads, you live here!

[meatboy]

don't worry toooooooooo much give it some time to find out if you can whats happening,if she don't get in touch well I don't have to spell it out its already been mentioned.how long have you been together,and have a look to see if she's been in contact with anybody on your pc.a lot of them don't think you can access her facebook ect.

[rhythmworx]

Why did she fly round the globe to get back to her village, wouldn't a train or bus not be quicker and cheaper?

You sound selfish, if her parent is really sick why would you turn your nose up at her going to visit, even if she has a big family?

[benalibina]

Nonsensical thread.....he is just bored.

[Somtamnication]

Op. Move.

[Mr Worldwide]

Some guys need to grow nads. We all know the pitfalls of Thai relationships. Only you control the wallet. If not. Grow nads my friend.

[Seastallion]

My first impression (forgive me if I'm wrong, it's how I read the OP), is that the OP is concerned for himself in that he will have to do what Mrs Blues Brother normally does; look after the kids and do chores. If so, he needs to man up and be a responsible husband and father, support his wife during her parent's illness, and do a good job with the kids.

If it is a case of her travelling around the world to reach her parent, who is ill but not terminal, and there are sisters etc much closer, then the OP has a valid gripe.

[seajae]

mate, first up I would close her credit card/s if she is using your account to pay for it but let her know you are doing it, if its her money then its fine. No mother should leave her own children to go to her sick mother unless it is terminal, especially when there is family close by and she is half way around the world as well as having to use all her own families(hubby and kids) money to do it.

There is nothing wrong if it is only close by(same country) but from overseas and having to use credit/family savings is a bit much as there are others close that can do the same thing. Is the marriage doing well????, any issues as this could well be in the mix.

If she is using your credit then I would not want it to be drained so you and the kids are left with nothing/debt, I would be hitting the bank up and telling them to have that card stopped(report it stolen/lost if necessay, always have it replaced when dhe returns), if she needs money make it go through you so that you cant be bled dry by her family, if its simply a debit card, remove all the excess money before she can and just leave enough for her to get by. Definitely tell her you are/have done it and that you did so you and the kids have money to live on and you will send her money if needed but not for her family. Knarly choices in this, hope it goes well for you

[laolover88]

You say this is "our" young children, presumably all yours. To disappear with no word is not the Thai thing. I'd guess there is a seismic shift in your relationship. If that shift continues upon her return then you have to decide whether you want to be there. My gut feeling is to just disappear but I don't know your personal circumstances. Thai women act upon perceived weakness. Sounds like a boyfriend is on the scene.

What nonsense. To disappear without a word, whether it is, son, brother whoever going to Bangkok is perfectly normal, I don;t like it but I live with it! You have to understand Thai 'freedom' = I do what I want when I want and nothing to do with anyone else!

[jonesthebaker]

hmmm, sounds to me like she is a wrong one. if my missus maxed out any credit card then she would immediatley be an ex missus. if she left me with the kids even if her mother or father were sick then she would also be the ex missus. ok i would expect her to visit and help out etc. but if her siblings are aware that she has a ferang husband and kids then they would not expect her to abandon them. unless of course they are like her.

it is not a thai thing - it is a person thing. some people are simply not good human beings. nothing to do with nationality. trouble seems to be - here in thailand many guys get involved with scummy girls of the lowest class and then assume that their disgusting ways are somehow related to nationality.

[Ridler]

You are well, your kids are well, your wife is well. One of her parents is sick, she needs to see them, know that they are OK. Stop being so selfish and make your own dinner!

[BKK Blues Brother]

Am i being unreasonable too suggest that the wife should stay with me and our young children when one off her parents is sick?

Yes

Obviously not a parent, thank you for being honest.

[SOTIRIOS]

...unless no parent is sick......

[jonesthebaker]

Am i being unreasonable too suggest that the wife should stay with me and our young children when one off her parents is sick?

Yes

Obviously not a parent, thank you for being honest.

you said in your OP that it was a parent.

[BKK Blues Brother]

To the OP, you forget where you stand in the Social Order.

Many times, in that order, you and your biological children are below the parents ... sometimes well below.

Have you never discussed this her before?

What do you mean by ... "Maxing the credit cards, lending money of her mil then flying around the globe back to her village"

From your previous threads, you live here!

My idea of social order is your closest family comes first, i didn't consider this point before and hence never discussed.

We are in Europe presently as we wanted a safer standard of living and better standard education for our children.

She's gone back for 4 weeks!!! I'm sole full time parent unable to work and finances are getting tighter because of this situation.

Yes, the Thai parent is on his last legs, as he ever done anything for our family? No! Has he ever given his grand children a birthday card or present? No!Has he tried to communicate or interact with them? No!

Yep, i'm being mean! Selfish, far from it!

One thing's for sure, i'm glad i've not spewed this lot on the wife's ears.

One gripey uker

[Sam Gold]

Maxing the credit cards, lending money of her mil...

This strikes me as potentially your problem, beyond family visits.

[thhMan]

Pathetic...

If this is your attitude then you probably deserve all the grief you get.

So, if your mom was really ill... would you just sit there and let your siblings or other family attend to her, while you go about your daily life oblivious to your parents well being?

[Pomthai]

She has only one set of parents. Irrespective of what you think or feel, it is her mother or father sick. This four weeks or however long it might take, might well be the last time she gets to see them. Birthday cards or not.

How about enjoying the one on one time with your kids, and support your wife who very well could be facing the lost of a parent.

Have some compassion and be there for your wife emotionally and mentally like your supposed to - its a shame you couldn't all have gone to visit in my opinion - but I understand that it's not always practical. Therefore sacrifices have to be made.

[benalibina]

If i remember correctly from an other topic of OP...his wife/gf is wealthier than him.

[how241]

Not enough information

+1...more info needed to form a opinion.

[markus]

BBB

You are married with a Thai lady and you have been living in Thailand, but you understand nothing about the Thai social system?

OMG

==>

The "Bun Kun" system plays a crucial role in the life of the Thai people., It means that you answered a favor, the other people have a proven.

In our western world, we would say, "return a favor". This runs through all walks of life and is of course particularly pronounced towards their own parents.

Through their entire childhood the children will always be remembered the sacrifices and efforts that have applied their parents for them. Thus, they are committed to their parents when they are old to give back what they have received even in their childhood and youth.

That means even if the parents are not good or one parent had left the family alone with their problems the children are deeply indebted to them!

Therfore everything has been said.