Does anyone else's girlfriend fly into incoherent rages about nothing?

[soalbundy]

Sounds like my wife, i walked out on her left the house but took the fat bank account and car. Met a nice divorced country lass in Isaan with whom i have a son and a new house.That was nine years ago. Haven't looked back since.

[maderaroja]

Could it be menopause?

[thaibeachlovers]

You say between the flareups everything is great. Sounds like my wife who has terrible PMT. She has irregular periods, so can't be prepared at any particular time of the month.

Edited April 30, 2014 by thaibeachlovers

[recycler]

So it started out right with her and after a while she gets these rages?

Look up BPD, Border Line Personality Disorder, on Google, if her behavior matches this than run!

[bangkokpoppys]

Angry women can deplete some men of self respect. The question to ask is "Does she treat her friends like this?" If no - then a serious problem exists. If yes, a serious problem exists.

Relationships are supposed to be mutually beneficial.

[In Search of Space]

Run away, it will only get worse and logic doesn't come into it, girls like her just enjoy the drama and the shouting - all learned from Thai TV

[Docno]

Speculating here, but I sometimes think that this 'jai rawn' / 'jai yen' dichotomy that Thais subscribe to encourages this sort of behaviour. My gf sees herself as a 'jai rawn' person, which means that (in her mind) she has no control over her emotion ... her character is immutable ... it's just the way she is. So she is excused (by herself and others) for having a flare-up. It's almost viewed as an 'epileptic seizure' ... the person is not held responsible.

I'm trying to re-orient my gf to realise that this stuff IS within her control. I have stopped joking that she is 'pee bah' because that again says it's an acceptable part of her character. I got her to read a book by the Dalai Lama, and when a flare up begins, I've got her to accept the words 'Dalai Lama' as a kind of 'safe word' (I will say 'Dalai Lama' to her when I see that she's on the way to becoming irrationally angry) ... it's a reminder of what she's read and that her reaction is not the right way to go. It's helped a lot, but we're still not tantrum-free. Usually, it happens now only when she's drunk.

We had a big blow-out in front of my friends at a pub during songrkran. She was happily dancing one minute, then the next minute she became increasingly angry while refusing to admit anything was wrong. Dalai Lama didn't work. So rather than wait for it to worsen, I told my friends I would head back and they could all stay and enjoy. Anyway, she apparently lost it on them later as well. Turned out what pissed her off was that some girl at another table was supposedly constantly checking me out (it took me two days to get an explanation). Now, I can understand her being pissed if I was doing the oggling, but why do I bear the brunt of it if I am just watching the band? Sober, she understands the irrationality of it. Drunk... well.

[transam]

Speculating here, but I sometimes think that this 'jai rawn' / 'jai yen' dichotomy that Thais subscribe to encourages this sort of behaviour. My gf sees herself as a 'jai rawn' person, which means that (in her mind) she has no control over her emotion ... her character is immutable ... it's just the way she is. So she is excused (by herself and others) for having a flare-up. It's almost viewed as an 'epileptic seizure' ... the person is not held responsible.

I'm trying to re-orient my gf to realise that this stuff IS within her control. I have stopped joking that she is 'pee bah' because that again says it's an acceptable part of her character. I got her to read a book by the Dalai Lama, and when a flare up begins, I've got her to accept the words 'Dalai Lama' as a kind of 'safe word' (I will say 'Dalai Lama' to her when I see that she's on the way to becoming irrationally angry) ... it's a reminder of what she's read and that her reaction is not the right way to go. It's helped a lot, but we're still not tantrum-free. Usually, it happens now only when she's drunk.

We had a big blow-out in front of my friends at a pub during songrkran. She was happily dancing one minute, then the next minute she became increasingly angry while refusing to admit anything was wrong. Dalai Lama didn't work. So rather than wait for it to worsen, I told my friends I would head back and they could all stay and enjoy. Anyway, she apparently lost it on them later as well. Turned out what pissed her off was that some girl at another table was supposedly constantly checking me out (it took me two days to get an explanation). Now, I can understand her being pissed if I was doing the oggling, but why do I bear the brunt of it if I am just watching the band? Sober, she understands the irrationality of it. Drunk... well.

Lucky your not as hansum as me .......

[benalibina]

OP, run. Talking it over with her is not going to help you. Seeking input from the inlaws, neither. Like some posters indicated, she most likely suffers from some kind of mental illness. IMO, this stems from most likely being brought up in a dysfunctional family. The negative side of Thainess....education, confrontation, familyvalues and introspection, all lack thereoff, wont help. It seems that there are many hidden mental diseases in thailand. If you keep making allowances for her behaviour....you will loose your ownself.

Thus run.

[phantomfiddler]

Dump her immediately, Either she is on heavy drugs, or she hates you, or, as a likely alternative, both !

[paybob]

Run Forrest, run!

[smotherb]

Reading this as a woman, all I can think is the sex must really be great, because there's no way I could have gotten away with treating my husband this way during the early years of our relationship and still be married 38 years later.

Unless I'm missing something, what kind of hold does this woman have on you? This isn't a mature, adult relationship. And the people in it aren't acting like mature adults -- that includes you.

Quite frankly, what he is decribing sounds like the berating several of my frinds get from the mouths of their Western wives.

[InsideOut]

You need to get rid of her

[HerbalEd]

This is a troll post, right? If not, then:

And why, exactly, do you put up with this crap and continue the relationship??? Looks like you have some issues of your own. You're in Thailand! Grow a pair and dump her like a bad habit ... which she is. If you haven't noticed, there are a zillion beautiful Thai women who'd love to have a farang boyfriend.

You know, we usually get the kind of woman we think we deserve.

Edited April 30, 2014 by HerbalEd

[Showbags]

Some guys pay good money to go to places to be treated like this.

Leave him alone.

[HerbalEd]

You know, it is really great being dvorced from my Thai wives, and with no GF and living alone....

You should try it

What's even better is being in a healthy, mutually respectful & loving relationship. Beats living alone for sure ... at least for me ... and I'm a guy who periodically needs some private personal time ... which my Thai fiancé understands and respects.

One thing I will never, ever again put up with is an unhealthy relationship and a psycho woman who does not respect me. Believe me, I've been there, and will never go back.

Edited April 30, 2014 by HerbalEd

[marko kok prong]

Grab her around the throat,tell her never do this again,then again run for them hills boy.

[HerbalEd]

I am yet to meet a rational woman in my life and I do not anticipate meeting one in the future.

Sounds like a self fulfilling prophesy to me.

[kovaltech]

Reading this as a woman, all I can think is the sex must really be great, because there's no way I could have gotten away with treating my husband this way during the early years of our relationship and still be married 38 years later.

Unless I'm missing something, what kind of hold does this woman have on you? This isn't a mature, adult relationship. And the people in it aren't acting like mature adults -- that includes you.

Yes, i agree with your point.

My first wife learned me a good lesson...

Every time i was nagging on her, she said she did not liked it, turned around walked out and left me alone boiling...

OP, Now i do the same with my Thai - girlfriend

I keep silence, pack my bags and walk out... using the words "i notice you don't love me anymore, so i better go then... "

It tooked me only one time explanation... Now she knows better.

Never accept disrespectful behavior, but also stay respectful...

They have their culture, their behavior..

Get it adjusted so that it works both ways...

[dotpoom]

People treat us whatever way we allow them to. If I don't respect myself...hardly lightly other's will.

[firefox999uk]

After living with 2 wives and 3 daughters i think maybe a touch of PMT, or as Maderaroja said

maybe Menopause...have you sat her down and asked her why she acts the way she does?

maybe she needs to see a doctor to find the underlying problem....just saying like.

Have a nice day.

[ggt]

If it is as you describe...her behavior is a form of abuse and control...you must ask yourself...is it worth it...to stay in a relationship...where I have to be so careful...with everything I do and say...or pay a high price with my partner...

Life is way too short...to put up with this kind of abuse...too many fishes in the sea...to live in that environment...

[charliebru]

I was in the same situation many years ago. I stuck it out for 20+ years hoping it would get better. It didn't. You really need to seriously consider a Plan B. I now live alone and so enjoy the peace and quiet.

[maanoi]

I feel your pain and know it very well. Usually a day or 2 before her monthly friend arrives...

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[timber]

555.... Good to hear others that have the same sweet relationship. I would estimate of the couple's I know 80% plus have that type of relationship.

Can go into a rage from missing lunch, being nervous, stress, etc. and then an hour later every thing is forgotten. Criticizing others is putting yourself

on a pedestal, and you know what little dogs do to big wheels. I was doing quite well at learning Thai and then decided that if the marriage was

going to work I mustn't understand Thai. Is apart of the turf.

[tingtongteesood]

My ex always got angry about stupid things, one of the reasons she is the ex....

[benalibina]

My ex always got angry about stupid things, one of the reasons she is the ex....

No wonder though with a profilename as yours....

[transam]

After living with 2 wives and 3 daughters i think maybe a touch of PMT, or as Maderaroja said

maybe Menopause...have you sat her down and asked her why she acts the way she does?

maybe she needs to see a doctor to find the underlying problem....just saying like.

Have a nice day.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer, I think the Doctor would get the verbal too.............

[Benmart]

I don't profess to be a mental health professional, but from my experience, violent verbal and physical outbursts may be caused by substance abuse or mental issues and they can escalate into something tragic.

One has to decide for themselves if that type of environment is healthy for a continued relationship. Survival is to be considered.

[Benmart]

This is a troll post, right? If not, then:

And why, exactly, do you put up with this crap and continue the relationship??? Looks like you have some issues of your own. You're in Thailand! Grow a pair and dump her like a bad habit ... which she is. If you haven't noticed, there are a zillion beautiful Thai women who'd love to have a farang boyfriend.

You know, we usually get the kind of woman we think we deserve.

I strive not to make assumptions concerning the poster as a person. I try to post constructive comments and sometimes I fail. Awareness of others feelings when they read my responses is always at the forefront.