Paying her family?

[Pattszero]

Jezuz sufferin - getting her pregnant so you can negotiate the price down. 

 

Seriously - think before posting.  

 

.  

[F4UCorsair]

Jezuz sufferin - getting her pregnant so you can negotiate the price down. 

 

Seriously - think before posting.  

 

.  

 

 

Think even more seriously before giving her a belly full of arms and legs!!!

 

That may save a few baht in the short term, but create major problems for a kid in the long term.

[pigeonjake]

Plenty of available girls in Thailand, go back online, find a new one with less demands.

 

A O A,

 

why go on line,, just go out,,, its a big big world out there, with more then one girl in it,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,enjoy

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Plenty of available girls in Thailand, go back online, find a new one with less demands.

 
A O A,
 
why go on line,, just go out,,, its a big big world out there, with more then one girl in it,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,enjoy

Mate, I don't need to go out, my family keep sending suitable applicants round my house to apply for the position.
(I think I've finally managed to convince them over 20 and under 50, their idea of suitable was a bit too Thai)

[isawasnake]

Parents are a big part of all the problems here in Thailand. They are in this "cultural" mode where they feel it is their right to just sit back and live off of their daughters. They are always talking about culture here, yet interestingly, nobody ever asks you how these things gel with your own culture. It is also interesting that their culture always coincides with money coming out of a foreigners pockets. I wonder how prevalent their "culture" would be if a foreign woman married a Thai man. Could she expect large "cultural" dowry? No, she could not expect that? I see, it is only a one way street, "culture" wise. Money only into Thailand, never out. More interestingly this is actually govt Thai regulation: no baht out of Thailand. Gotta love the "culture" (ie money grubbing) here. 

[canarysun]

I feel so lucky and absolutely delighted that i am " single " after reading the same story again and again.You will never win in this situation! - walk away ( and don't look back )

It should be noted that all my friends with Thai ladies do NOT pay money to them every month and all finances are split 50/50

Unfortunately I blame the " farang " for " fueling the fire " here in Thailand by paying money to these ladies to live with them!

It is fact that 90 percent of farang living in Thailand will pay a lady to live with them every month.( quite simply because they can't live alone!) They also know that if they stop the payments then the lady will leave.(fact) If you are in a real " loving relationship " in Thailand ( most are not ) then " no money changes hands ". It's as simple as that! Do not buy gifts for them either otherwise they will just want " more and more " I see nothing wrong in the future with paying for the rent of a small house or condo and food on the table but thats it! God bless you all viewers!!! 

 

Farang Jaidee  ( thankyou for the applaud viewers ..) x

 

[F4UCorsair]

Parents are a big part of all the problems here in Thailand. They are in this "cultural" mode where they feel it is their right to just sit back and live off of their daughters. They are always talking about culture here, yet interestingly, nobody ever asks you how these things gel with your own culture. It is also interesting that their culture always coincides with money coming out of a foreigners pockets. I wonder how prevalent their "culture" would be if a foreign woman married a Thai man. Could she expect large "cultural" dowry? No, she could not expect that? I see, it is only a one way street, "culture" wise. Money only into Thailand, never out. More interestingly this is actually govt Thai regulation: no baht out of Thailand. Gotta love the "culture" (ie money grubbing) here. 

 

 

I couldn't have said it better myself, and have been asking for years, "What about my culture?"  It's not a cultural issue, but a money grubbing issue, and they see every foreigner as an easy touch.

 

Wake up guys.

[F4UCorsair]

I feel so lucky and absolutely delighted that i am " single " after reading the same story again and again.You will never win in this situation! - walk away ( and don't look back )

It should be noted that all my friends with Thai ladies do NOT pay money to them every month and all finances are split 50/50

Unfortunately I blame the " farang " for " fueling the fire " here in Thailand by paying money to these ladies to live with them!

It is fact that 90 percent of farang living in Thailand will pay a lady to live with them every month.( quite simply because they can't live alone!) They also know that if they stop the payments then the lady will leave.(fact) If you are in a real " loving relationship " in Thailand ( most are not ) then " no money changes hands ". It's as simple as that! Do not buy gifts for them either otherwise they will just want " more and more " I see nothing wrong in the future with paying for the rent of a small house or condo and food on the table but thats it! God bless you all viewers!!! 

 

Farang Jaidee  ( thankyou for the applaud viewers ..) x

 

 

 

Likewise my last post canarysun.   Some common sense has come to the table!!! 

[thaibeachlovers]

I feel so lucky and absolutely delighted that i am " single " after reading the same story again and again.You will never win in this situation! - walk away ( and don't look back )

It should be noted that all my friends with Thai ladies do NOT pay money to them every month and all finances are split 50/50

Unfortunately I blame the " farang " for " fueling the fire " here in Thailand by paying money to these ladies to live with them!

It is fact that 90 percent of farang living in Thailand will pay a lady to live with them every month.( quite simply because they can't live alone!) They also know that if they stop the payments then the lady will leave.(fact) If you are in a real " loving relationship " in Thailand ( most are not ) then " no money changes hands ". It's as simple as that! Do not buy gifts for them either otherwise they will just want " more and more " I see nothing wrong in the future with paying for the rent of a small house or condo and food on the table but thats it! God bless you all viewers!!! 

 

Farang Jaidee  ( thankyou for the applaud viewers ..) x

 

Not always a case of "paying" the lady to stay with one. If my wife was expected to pay 50% of what it costs to live at a standard acceptable to me she'd have to borrow money to do so. If I was happy to live in a tiny hovel with nothing but a rice cooker and a mattress on the floor, then yes, she could afford it, but I have no desire to live like that.

 

You seem to forget that not all wives/ gfs of farangs are hiso women with high paying jobs.

[dawuyanfei]

There is no reason to marrage a thai girl or a thai girl family like this ,all demonded are bullshit !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[96tehtarp]

Parents are a big part of all the problems here in Thailand. They are in this "cultural" mode where they feel it is their right to just sit back and live off of their daughters. They are always talking about culture here, yet interestingly, nobody ever asks you how these things gel with your own culture. It is also interesting that their culture always coincides with money coming out of a foreigners pockets. I wonder how prevalent their "culture" would be if a foreign woman married a Thai man. Could she expect large "cultural" dowry? No, she could not expect that? I see, it is only a one way street, "culture" wise. Money only into Thailand, never out. More interestingly this is actually govt Thai regulation: no baht out of Thailand. Gotta love the "culture" (ie money grubbing) here. 

 

Not all parents sponge off their children. I see more of the opposite.

 

Unfortunately many farangs meet the wrong sort of Thai people and it then gets worse from there. If one imagines that there really are two kinds of people in this world, garbage on the one side and good people on the other... then one has to see the vast distance separating them. Then there are all the exceptions, and that mythical diamond in the rough with a heart of gold. Too many farangs fall for the line: There is no middle class in Thailand.

 

Thai culture is in many ways xenophobic, yet they are more accepting of foreigners than most peoples in this region. Thais readily accept money as an accommodation for cultural incompatibility. Foreigners are far too often willing to pay money to make the same accommodations, and so I am reluctant to be the kettle calling the pot black.

 

For decent good and honest Thai people the dowry is almost always only for show. It is normally handed back to the newlyweds after the wedding and used for building the family home, buying a car, or paying down debt and not a new home for the parents, but a home for the newlyweds. Where are the children going to live?

 

No good parent is going to allow their daughters to marry without hard cold cash proof that the husband is going to provide well for their daughter. They don't aspire to their daughter being married to a rent paying wage slave with heaps of consumer debt. Thai people, even the ignorant hillbillies, know all too well about two week millionaires.

 

It really helps if the prospective Thai wife works at a bank, hospital, or other government agency and has a BA. In that case she is in a position to dictate the terms of the marriage to her parents and then they would have very little to say about it, unless they have a really big estate. In that case they are going to be looking for a marriage of at least equals. If she has been previously married, or has children from a Thai man out of wedlock, or has ever worked in a bar or been a prostitute then no dowry is due except purely for show.

 

On some level I do respect the Thai way of viewing marriage. This opposed to the western way where the divorce rates are very high. Thai men often opt for prostitutes and mia noi to ovoid breaking up the family estate and empire.

 

For another view point try talking to some Thai gay guys for their views on the subject of culture, marriage and dowries in Thailand. If you do you will get an earful of insights.

 

As I posted in another comment, I see a lot of unmarried educated young Thai couples in love who get pregnant. This so as to circumvent their own culture's pressures, and pressures from parents demanding too much. It is happening a lot. So much so that I am beginning to believe these kids are planning their unplanned pregnancies.

 

You are incorrect about not being able to get money out of Thailand. It is easy as punch  All you require is your TT3 (Tor Tor 3) now known as "Certificate of foreign transaction" (COFT) from when you wired the money in.

 

Either a TT3 or tax returns showing when you paid income tax on the funds you earned while working legally in Thailand is all that is needed and at the simplest push of a button your money is overseas..

 

Isawasnake, I think you have been meeting the wrong sort of people. I know because I have met plenty of them too. It always helps me personally when I look at the vast distance between two different types of people. How much wealth they possess has nothing to do with what type of people they are.

[SirBser]

Why do people actually pay the family!!!!

 

Ive been with my girl for the last 4 years, married 1 and half years ago.

 

Her father is in the military, They have never asked me for anything, the only thing they ask from me is to take care of her!

If her family ever asked me for money to marry her 1 and half years ago most likely i would feel different about our relationship and defiantly wouldnt have got married!

 

I do nice things though like take her family out to dinner, get all pissed with her father. Thats about it!

[F4UCorsair]

Why do people actually pay the family!!!!

 

Ive been with my girl for the last 4 years, married 1 and half years ago.

 

Her father is in the military, They have never asked me for anything, the only thing they ask from me is to take care of her!

If her family ever asked me for money to marry her 1 and half years ago most likely i would feel different about our relationship and defiantly wouldnt have got married!

 

I do nice things though like take her family out to dinner, get all pissed with her father. Thats about it!

 

Smart guy Sir Bser.  You probably pay for the booze when you get $hit faced with her old man, but that's small money.  Well done man.

[isawasnake]

 

Parents are a big part of all the problems here in Thailand. They are in this "cultural" mode where they feel it is their right to just sit back and live off of their daughters. They are always talking about culture here, yet interestingly, nobody ever asks you how these things gel with your own culture. It is also interesting that their culture always coincides with money coming out of a foreigners pockets. I wonder how prevalent their "culture" would be if a foreign woman married a Thai man. Could she expect large "cultural" dowry? No, she could not expect that? I see, it is only a one way street, "culture" wise. Money only into Thailand, never out. More interestingly this is actually govt Thai regulation: no baht out of Thailand. Gotta love the "culture" (ie money grubbing) here. 

 

Not all parents sponge off their children. I see more of the opposite.

 

Unfortunately many farangs meet the wrong sort of Thai people and it then gets worse from there. If one imagines that there really are two kinds of people in this world, garbage on the one side and good people on the other... then one has to see the vast distance separating them. Then there are all the exceptions, and that mythical diamond in the rough with a heart of gold. Too many farangs fall for the line: There is no middle class in Thailand.

 

Thai culture is in many ways xenophobic, yet they are more accepting of foreigners than most peoples in this region. Thais readily accept money as an accommodation for cultural incompatibility. Foreigners are far too often willing to pay money to make the same accommodations, and so I am reluctant to be the kettle calling the pot black.

 

For decent good and honest Thai people the dowry is almost always only for show. It is normally handed back to the newlyweds after the wedding and used for building the family home, buying a car, or paying down debt and not a new home for the parents, but a home for the newlyweds. Where are the children going to live?

 

No good parent is going to allow their daughters to marry without hard cold cash proof that the husband is going to provide well for their daughter. They don't aspire to their daughter being married to a rent paying wage slave with heaps of consumer debt. Thai people, even the ignorant hillbillies, know all too well about two week millionaires.

 

It really helps if the prospective Thai wife works at a bank, hospital, or other government agency and has a BA. In that case she is in a position to dictate the terms of the marriage to her parents and then they would have very little to say about it, unless they have a really big estate. In that case they are going to be looking for a marriage of at least equals. If she has been previously married, or has children from a Thai man out of wedlock, or has ever worked in a bar or been a prostitute then no dowry is due except purely for show.

 

On some level I do respect the Thai way of viewing marriage. This opposed to the western way where the divorce rates are very high. Thai men often opt for prostitutes and mia noi to ovoid breaking up the family estate and empire.

 

For another view point try talking to some Thai gay guys for their views on the subject of culture, marriage and dowries in Thailand. If you do you will get an earful of insights.

 

As I posted in another comment, I see a lot of unmarried educated young Thai couples in love who get pregnant. This so as to circumvent their own culture's pressures, and pressures from parents demanding too much. It is happening a lot. So much so that I am beginning to believe these kids are planning their unplanned pregnancies.

 

You are incorrect about not being able to get money out of Thailand. It is easy as punch  All you require is your TT3 (Tor Tor 3) now known as "Certificate of foreign transaction" (COFT) from when you wired the money in.

 

Either a TT3 or tax returns showing when you paid income tax on the funds you earned while working legally in Thailand is all that is needed and at the simplest push of a button your money is overseas..

 

Isawasnake, I think you have been meeting the wrong sort of people. I know because I have met plenty of them too. It always helps me personally when I look at the vast distance between two different types of people. How much wealth they possess has nothing to do with what type of people they are.

 

Yes, there will always be exceptions. What I thought we were discussing was the general patterns here. 

 

It is not really any fun to argue in these forums, nobody is ever convinced, and it never goes anywhere. I am glad you are able to meet scores of Thais who could not care less if you had money or not. That is great. I think you are delusional, but that is great.

 

If you want my even more frank view on Thai dowry and culture, as it is in striking contrast to yours, my view is that Thai men pay a dowry and then and only then feel they own their wife, and are free to do anything they please. This usually manifests via the husband seeing prostitutes. But hey, he has paid a large dowry, so it is all fine and dandy (=the real Thai culture). If I am wrong, them why is it that this is exactly what is happening up and down the boards? I do not know what dream world you are living in, but this is the way it is here. It is almost spit take worthy when you mention the parents giving back the dowry. Does this happen, of course it does, but you make it sound like it is the rule. That is ridiculous. I have been to a number of Thai weddings, and I know for a fact the Thai man did not get back the dowry.... which pretty much totally soaks the man, as it is designed to, at that point in his life. Dowries are not about a somehow objective number, they are decided upon by close inspection of how much the man can possibly give, followed by what I thought (when I was present) some sort of negotiations. The last wedding I took part in the bride had just graduated college, and I think it was a very general, average Thai wedding if I had to guess based on the ones I have been to. The man was forced into borrowing money and gold from his friends and relatives, and it was just an all out greedfest as far as I am concerned. But, I am happy someone finds beauty in this "culture".  

[thaibeachlovers]

Why do people actually pay the family!!!!

 

Ive been with my girl for the last 4 years, married 1 and half years ago.

 

Her father is in the military, They have never asked me for anything, the only thing they ask from me is to take care of her!

If her family ever asked me for money to marry her 1 and half years ago most likely i would feel different about our relationship and defiantly wouldnt have got married!

 

I do nice things though like take her family out to dinner, get all pissed with her father. Thats about it!

Presumably for the same reason men send money to their so called girlfriends when they go home. They lost their brains to lurve .

[slipperylobster]

The obvious question...are you the first man in her life? Does she have children?  Other questions will be left to your imagination.  If she was a very cute, naive, single, childless virgin, then I would say....some would want to pay up...   I would run.  Virgin or not.

[flyingsaucersarereal]

Thanks for the post the father is wrong here and trying to use his postion of influence in the family to his benefit. Most Thai families will expect you to pay something over time but you haven't been with her long enough to demand that money so quickly. It is very hard when you care about someone to leave but I think that is your best course of action. Thailand is like any other place in the world with good and bad people and this family is bad. There are other girls out there which will not expect as much might be harder to find but it is out there. I think holding on to your morals is more important in this situation.

[pigeonjake]

right from the start of our relationship i said how much money does mama and papa give to there perents, my now wife said none,,

 

that was the answer i wanted, its a modern thing, ill tell you that,

 

i do give mama a little money just because she,s there to help my wife should need be with the farm and children, but we give because we want to, NOT BECAUSE WE HAVE TO,

 

but good luck anyway

 

jake

[thaibeachlovers]

Thanks for the post the father is wrong here and trying to use his postion of influence in the family to his benefit. Most Thai families will expect you to pay something over time but you haven't been with her long enough to demand that money so quickly. It is very hard when you care about someone to leave but I think that is your best course of action. Thailand is like any other place in the world with good and bad people and this family is bad. There are other girls out there which will not expect as much might be harder to find but it is out there. I think holding on to your morals is more important in this situation.

<Most Thai families will expect you to pay something over time>

Don't know about "most", but mine did. Caused a lot of unpleasantness between my wife and I when I refused, though she does try to get away with things, like giving my stuff to the nephew.

Anyone contemplating marriage should make their position well known before the paperwork.

[shirtless]

You have been done son, leave before its to late, and your cash has been spent in their name.

[ChrisB87]

This is not normal.

 

Sure, men are expected to pay a dowry and 100k is relatively normal among almost any Thai families.  Although, i am aware of more reasonable families who only want the 100k for show at the wedding because that is a normal amount and then they will give you back most of it after.  Rings and jewelry are common in some parts of Thailand as part of the marriage.  Not in Isaan from my experience.  A car, a house, land, and family business have nothing to do with marriage to my knowledge.  Although some kind of family home and transport would be expected eventually, if you plan to spend your life with her.

 

Rage, however, is NOT normal.  And kicking you out after convincing you to stay there is not normal.  It is not necessarily as scam (depending on your definition of scam).  But, if by scam you mean: they only want you for your cash and nothing else, then YES, it is a scam.

 

You should think yourself lucky.  They were stupid enough to show their true colours early on.  You now know before you lost anything.

 

My advice would be: don't worry about the girl and move on.  There are plenty more fish in this country who are interested in you.  This is a good learning experience for you.

[confused american 48]

lord god son at least its not 100k us and it will never ever stop i have been ruined for life from my thai girl and her family after you get married buy all the houses all the cars build the business your money runs out then the family al gets life and accident insurance on you has you killed so there rand your soul goes to one of the many little soul houses they have and bam they go get the next fool like us i need you read my story because it sounds like my life there with my last thai wife or i should say i still married i think the family wants your money they use  there daughters to get it and thai girls seem to do what ever dad says its been that way so far with my experience of the last two thai girls and 10 years 

[F4UCorsair]

Once again, a trolling OP has long gone.

 

Please, everybody, see these troll posts for what they are and dont' give these idiots the time of day, or even a tiny bit of satisfaction by responding.  I've been guilty of doing so, but from now on my only contribution will be to post that they are trolls.