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No water since one week! A hard life in isaan


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Posted

Stopping plastic burning is easy,pick it up yourself,bag it,and take into town rubbish bins.Pay a few kids to pick up in your soi.Your wife is a different problem,sounds like she is trying to drive you out,patience is needed.After 2 years the gloss has worn off a marriage,now the hard work starts.

Posted (edited)

OP- the best advice you will be given here will be to run- and it will be the best advice you could be given. But it's not that easy, is it? That's part of your problem that you didn't even hint at. Your married, you still love the woman who does this to you, your lives are intertwined at every level, your perhaps divorced before and promised you'd never "screw up again," and you are afraid. Perhaps your older and the uncertainty of being alone, starting over, where to go, how too...

It's so terrifying that you balance the misery of your life there with either waiting to die or not wanting to be alone? I could be wrong about some or all of this, but I doubt it. These are the underlying issues that cause the conflict. People with less depth, less investment, less age, or less experience in life and love, are always quicker to bring out the ruler, measure the other "you don't measure up;" and move on. Perhaps people like you have your kindness taken for weakness and over time the women you love actually holds you in contempt? It wouldn't help that as you grow older and unhappier you bitch and complain more. Sounds like the perfect formula for mixing oil and water- but the two can never mix well.

It's up to you to thoughtfully appreciate whether love has really left your bedroom. It is untrue that when love leaves it may return with some effort. Love does not return when it finally leaves one or the other. Love can be aped, faked, or manipulated to appear in the home but love cannot be real once it's left the house. Has it left your home?

Figure out what keeps you there; what the both of you really want; then be prepared to act on that information, even if it requires you stumbling out of the village, alone, crying. If it's that bad you will define your end of life the same way you defined these recent years- as a prisoner, unhappy in a strange world. If you can make your love work, find a way to bring her into a forum of just the two of you and try meet in the middle; concede everything to her at first. See if even this brings her to the middle for compromise. If you concede everything, give her everything- in one last act of love- and she still holds you in contempt or is abusive, then you have your final answer. When a woman can be proven to see your kindness as weakness you cannot stay.

Edited by arjunadawn
  • Like 2
Posted

Stopping plastic burning is easy,pick it up yourself,bag it,and take into town rubbish bins.Pay a few kids to pick up in your soi.Your wife is a different problem,sounds like she is trying to drive you out,patience is needed.After 2 years the gloss has worn off a marriage,now the hard work starts.

Plastic bottles,containers and metal cans are collected and sold in my village. To the locals here it is money. We do have trash pick-up once a week and the amount collected after recycling isn't much. You may be able to resolve the plastic burning problem by explaining recycling to her. You do have to try negotiating some kind of settlement that both of you can live with but in the end you may have to just move on. Unfortunately, that's life. No need to be unhappy when you can change your surroundings. Good Luck Brother, I feel for you!

Posted

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Sandman, you seem to be a little depressed at the moment.

The pizza in Korat is no good, they are picking their nose in the Mall, the water smells, you can't breathe because of the fires.

I would suggest you go for a nice brake to an island for I or 2 weeks.

Take the wife and go, she seems fed up with your moaning.

Some of your problems are my problems also, but I managed to overlook things and adjust to the Issan way of living.

Try to do the same, enjoy your swimming pool and your house.

Don't tell me that the fires just started, they must have been there for a long time.

Let the water run, it will clear eventually.

And the main thing, stop moaning, no good for you or your wife.

I live in Khon Kaen, if you feel like, take a trip to my house, so we can have a beer or 2 and relax.

PM, me if you feel like it.

Hope everything goes all right for you.

Regards

Costas

Wow Costas.....now I am wondering if I can take a trip to KK and have a beer with you too? I would. Just asking.

You are more than welcome.

Just PM me when around.

Regards

Costas

  • Like 2
Posted

Wow, I'm at a loss as to what to say. I would have to say that no relationship is without it's ups and downs, and God knows Thai/Lao ladies, how shall I say this, be 'volatile' at times. But frankly this sounds almost a spousal abuse situation. Life is short, if this isn't working for you leave...and take everything you can with you. Don't accept everything you read about Isaan women. Many of us are, and have been together with Isaan women for many years, what you are experiencing isn't normal or usual.

i agree i have been married to an isaan women for many years and what a wonderful women she is we live and work in oz have a place in ubon, I did have problems with past thai girls gave them the flick very quickly go on thai love links thers thousands of women wanting to meet western men.

Posted

I'm sorry that I am laughing but this has the makings of one of the all time best Thai Visa threads.

You realize your post now enshrines your misanthropy for all time? Perhaps your young or too topical to care, but to mock a man who pleads for a lifeline defines you as a loser.

Had this post been entirely fabricated my point remains; the situation described is awful.

Arjunadawn, please go and read my 2nd post explaining my first comment as it would seem many people misunderstood my mirth.

Posted (edited)

When I first moved to Isaan almost two years ago, I thought I would never be able to adjust. The heat, the insects, the customs, the infrastructure (yes, water problems), my wife's "Thai know better than farang" attitude, just about had me ready to book the next flight out. I felt alone (I am the only foreigners for miles around), and helpless. Any attempt I made at voicing my opinion or trying to change something, was met with the proverbial,

" Wall of Silence". It put me in mind of the Borg's in the Star Trek movies........."Resistance is futile!

Over time however, Things have begun to change. I found that one of the primary things contributing to my misery was my own attitude! I mean seriously, I came here expecting that I would be able to set up my own little bubble of comfortable, predictable, white bread western lifestyle here in the middle of back country Thailand, without making any concessions to my family or neighbors. Once, in frustration, my wife angrily said to me, "How you feel I come your country and act like selfish a**hole? I live here all my life just like this and works for me, my family, my neighbors. Why not for you?"

That really started me thinking. Was I being selfish? Was I expecting too much from my family and my new home country? Was I not really "trying" to adjust? I found the answer to all three of those questions to be "yes". Since then, I have tried to balance what I feel to be absolutely necessary to my mental and physical well being, as well as my own personal comfort, and the reality of living in a tropical, agricultural community, that's been doing just fine until I showed up, thank you. I've found that rather than being confrontational (which Thai people hate), I've gotten a lot farther with by being

co-operative, compassionate, and understanding. Slowly, very slowly, by doing things "my way" in a patient, friendly and consistent manner, I'm starting to get results. It ain't great, but it's livable.

Edited by The Usual Suspect
  • Like 2
Posted

I'm sorry that I am laughing but this has the makings of one of the all time best Thai Visa threads.

You realize your post now enshrines your misanthropy for all time? Perhaps your young or too topical to care, but to mock a man who pleads for a lifeline defines you as a loser.

Had this post been entirely fabricated my point remains; the situation described is awful.

Arjunadawn, please go and read my 2nd post explaining my first comment as it would seem many people misunderstood my mirth.
Yes, I saw shortly after my post. Other than deleting my post I just let it go. Yes, the absurdity of the post could strike someone as real comedic tragedy. It wouldn't be the first time I'd wished I had waited longer to post. Your correction is taken.
Posted

Sandman, you seem to be a little depressed at the moment.

The pizza in Korat is no good, they are picking their nose in the Mall, the water smells, you can't breathe because of the fires.

I would suggest you go for a nice brake to an island for I or 2 weeks.

Take the wife and go, she seems fed up with your moaning.

Some of your problems are my problems also, but I managed to overlook things and adjust to the Issan way of living.

Try to do the same, enjoy your swimming pool and your house.

Don't tell me that the fires just started, they must have been there for a long time.

Let the water run, it will clear eventually.

And the main thing, stop moaning, no good for you or your wife.

I live in Khon Kaen, if you feel like, take a trip to my house, so we can have a beer or 2 and relax.

PM, me if you feel like it.

Hope everything goes all right for you.

Regards

Costas

Indeed, as Costas says, many of us seem to face the same problem(s)....But realize that you will never change their habbits. Go down to the seaside for a while, Rayong province has very beautiful beaches and not overcrowded or invaded same as Pattaya, Pukhet or Hua Hin. You will enjoy the seabreeze and the seafood!

Take care.

  • Like 1
Posted

I would say try another year to see if things smooth out. Thai logic is not western logic and many Issan women are quite bull headed (strong willed). If they are raised on a farm it takes a while for them to understand what you are trying to do or what your reasons are. Spend time improving your home and making her happy while at the same time improving your comfort . Let her know what you are going to do, why you are doing it and when you finish tell her what you have accomplished.

Once the romance is over Thai women not unlike Thai men may actually may want to move on. My Thai wife said to me a number of times, " i didn't expect you to stay so long. " However she is too busy to be bothered with other men. She has a career and a daughter and spends every night with me.

A marriage is something we have to work at and it is 50/50. There has to be compromises and when there is a disagreement one of you must be the adult.

Posted

Some posts (And their quoted replies) have been removed.

Please don't troll the OP because of his English, he is obviously not a native speaker and this is an informal internet forum.

Also I have removed an attachment from a post due to potential copyright issues.

Posted

@ OP

Your situation sounds really rough, I definitely don't envy your situation.

However, your situation may not necessarily be as bad as you make it out to me. I know that some of my friends here have had lives which weren't that bad, and yet they were absolutely miserable as a result of lots of small things, small things which could have been resolved in an amicable way.

You may have already tried to resolve things in an amicable way, and maybe it didn't work, but it's worth trying.

You need to adjust to living in Isaan, not Isaan adjusting to you living in Isaan. If you want to live a completely western style life, you could try and take your wife back to your home country, or even just to one of the cities in Isaan and see if she is ok with that. But from the sounds, this might not be an option, in which case you have to adjust to Isaan life.

As another poster suggested, you can build a nice house and surround yourself with comfortable things, this can make your time in Isaan more enjoyable. One of the first things I'd suggest is a water bore, water holding tank and pump. As this will many of the problems you currently have with water.

Another thing is to learn a bit more Thai, if you're an older guy it's quite difficult, but it's worthwhile, as then you will be able to communicate with more people from the village, as that social interaction helps a lot. Also then you would be able to gain a bit more independence, which will make your life more enjoyable, you'll also gain more respect from your wife, which will make life at home more enjoyable. There are also a lot of intrinsic gains to be made from learning Thai, you'll feel a lot better about yourself for having tried something and accomplished it.

And remember to learn Thai culture as well, particularly that they don't like confrontations and they don't like to show their anger. When you show your anger, you lose respect, and then they will treat you with disrespect (which will make you angry lol). Instead if you are humble, and you make sure that you only have polite discussions, instead of arguments, you'll find that life will improve a lot.

That's my 2c :) I hope that it's of some assistance

  • Like 2
Posted

In our home we had a shortage of water so we installed a water pump with a 2200l tank. Water in the first one month was very brown but now it is very clear. Problem solved.

My FIL liked to burn before all types of plastics, I told him once our boy is born I politely asked him to stop it and sell it off once a month. Problem solved.

I have to be honest that I don't mix up with either locals or farangs in my area. I have one friend in our village who is from the States and we meet 1-2 times per month. He is a very lonely person so I come to see to give him some company as he often has depression and he wishes that his wife and him return to the States.

For all in all I am happy with my life in the village and also it has only been 3 years the only stress I had was when I build our home.

Posted

This is the same old story I continue to read and hear about. What is it about men who fall in love with a lady in a foreign country, get married and then discover that it is not all sweetness and light?

If only they would take their brains out of their crotch, learn the language and realize that your wife was a bar girl for a reason, she is not very educated.

Learn about where you are living.

If you men met a Thai lady back home, and she insisted that you only speak Thai and she never learned the local language, whether it be English, German or French, and she knew nothing about where she was living, how long do you think it would last?

And yet you do the same over here. How many of you living in the countryside of Thailand actually speak the language? not a lot I would imagine. How much about your wife or girlfriend do you know, apart from what you like her to do in the bedroom? Not a lot.

Men, it is your own fault you are in these problems

Posted

I'm sorry that I am laughing but this has the makings of one of the all time best Thai Visa threads.

You shouldn't be laughing, but try to give the man some support.

He needs it.

Unfortunately, our English is not as good as yours, but you can see the trouble and anxiety he is in.

If you want to nominate the best Thai Visa thread, try the one that the guy is asking if he can get his money back after he found his g/f is cheating on him.

here is some "good advice! LEAVE! get away fromn her, if you are paying the bills she will change, (maybe)

Posted

If you tell your wife that you cannot breathe when people burn plastic and her response is to light up a plastic fire next to you, that is her statement of respect for you.

Assuming that you do not deserve such disrespect, you should be making plans to exit this relationship before it becomes even more abusive.

As others have said, life is too short. Find someone who makes you happy.

Posted (edited)

Assuming that more probable explanations (e.g. yaba or deliberate attempt to drive the OP out) are eliminated:

Someone has probably brought that up while I was typing, but this little obvious worth repeating over and over. Thais are brought up to avoid confrontation, and causing damage to "faces" of their significant others, you won't generally see "unspoilt" rural Thais to speak up their mind, especially about your, farang partner's, wrongdoings. This gives unsuspecting farang an illusion that everything is fine under his roof, when it's the opposite of that. The innocent pranks, like smoking OP out of the pool, is their way to communicate the issue, and they are just forced to take more and more drastic steps, because those farangs simply can't interprete hints, OP might find a rattlesnake in his pants someday, if he doesn't figure it out. Open and honest discussion of problems is not completely impossible, but getting there is... well... difficult, it will get better though when both sides get to know of this wonderful cultural collision. Most couples figure it out sooner or later, and little yellow book helps a lot.
Yes, it was a troll post. You may resume rants now.

Edited by vadimbz
Posted

i sometimes wonder that if more men were capable of washing their own clothes and cooking for themselves then these situations would be less common....

  • Like 1
Posted

Oh my God. I feel sad for this man. He is in a completely wrong place. he sounds like he has been locked in that house for 2 years and learnt nothing with interacting with the neighbours, talking to them and talking to his own wife.

It feels like he is completely on his own. Maybe that is the main reason why he made that shitty decision to live IN A VILLAGE.. We falangs should actuella NOT live in a village, we should live 0outside a village and not interfere with the locals and their strange behaviour. We just do not get it I guess....

I agree that marriage seems to be a shithole of a marriage and I would have left for a long time a go,, We live one time, whyspend it with somebody who doesn´t try to protect you, help you and love you?????

Naaaaa, either this is a troll-thread or one of the worst missplaced falangs I have ever read about...

Glegolo

I am the only Farang who lives in my village, it would be nice if another one came, and did not mind me being a non drinker, the last Farang died about eight months ago and was a loudmouthed drunkard who lost all his friends, not surprisingly, he came from Yorkshire.

Not being a drinker, I am not lonely. Mrs Possum works for herself, and when she is not working, we sometimes go out together, I sometimes take a bus to Bangkok for two or three days, go on roadtrips on my motorbike, or just stay in at my computer. If you are looking for perfection you will never find it, I am very happy and contented in my life here, although I do miss not playing in a band in front of audiences any more.

Sithee here Possum, tha assumes that all guys from Yorkshire are loudmouthed drunkards does tha? Eeh by gum, if tha's ever bin to God's County, tha will know that all Tykes ain't allus the same as the one that's just popped 'is cloggs. Gi' over, do all the guys from tha home country never sup like thee? Tha should never mek assumptions based on coming across one bad tatee. So, tha ses it would 'appen be champion for another tee-total Farang to come t'tha village fer chelpin', as long as he ain't from Yorkshire. Reckon it won't be me then squire ta! Best y' stays by the sen.

Posted

Oh my God. I feel sad for this man. He is in a completely wrong place. he sounds like he has been locked in that house for 2 years and learnt nothing with interacting with the neighbours, talking to them and talking to his own wife.

It feels like he is completely on his own. Maybe that is the main reason why he made that shitty decision to live IN A VILLAGE.. We falangs should actuella NOT live in a village, we should live 0outside a village and not interfere with the locals and their strange behaviour. We just do not get it I guess....

I agree that marriage seems to be a shithole of a marriage and I would have left for a long time a go,, We live one time, whyspend it with somebody who doesn´t try to protect you, help you and love you?????

Naaaaa, either this is a troll-thread or one of the worst missplaced falangs I have ever read about...

Glegolo

I am the only Farang who lives in my village, it would be nice if another one came, and did not mind me being a non drinker, the last Farang died about eight months ago and was a loudmouthed drunkard who lost all his friends, not surprisingly, he came from Yorkshire.

Not being a drinker, I am not lonely. Mrs Possum works for herself, and when she is not working, we sometimes go out together, I sometimes take a bus to Bangkok for two or three days, go on roadtrips on my motorbike, or just stay in at my computer. If you are looking for perfection you will never find it, I am very happy and contented in my life here, although I do miss not playing in a band in front of audiences any more.

Sithee here Possum, tha assumes that all guys from Yorkshire are loudmouthed drunkards does tha? Eeh by gum, if tha's ever bin to God's County, tha will know that all Tykes ain't allus the same as the one that's just popped 'is cloggs. Gi' over, do all the guys from tha home country never sup like thee? Tha should never mek assumptions based on coming across one bad tatee. So, tha ses it would 'appen be champion for another tee-total Farang to come t'tha village fer chelpin', as long as he ain't from Yorkshire. Reckon it won't be me then squire ta! Best y' stays by the sen.

I have met loads of guys from London and the southern parts of England, and cannot fault any of them, I have met and known two guys over a good length of time from Yorkshire here in Thailand, and both of them have been very poor excuses for human beings. I will always be wary of guys from Yorkshire. You know about the first one, the second ones wife through him out because he was such a loudmouth.

  • Like 1
Posted

Oh my God. I feel sad for this man. He is in a completely wrong place. he sounds like he has been locked in that house for 2 years and learnt nothing with interacting with the neighbours, talking to them and talking to his own wife.

It feels like he is completely on his own. Maybe that is the main reason why he made that shitty decision to live IN A VILLAGE.. We falangs should actuella NOT live in a village, we should live 0outside a village and not interfere with the locals and their strange behaviour. We just do not get it I guess....

I agree that marriage seems to be a shithole of a marriage and I would have left for a long time a go,, We live one time, whyspend it with somebody who doesn´t try to protect you, help you and love you?????

Naaaaa, either this is a troll-thread or one of the worst missplaced falangs I have ever read about...

Glegolo

I am the only Farang who lives in my village, it would be nice if another one came, and did not mind me being a non drinker, the last Farang died about eight months ago and was a loudmouthed drunkard who lost all his friends, not surprisingly, he came from Yorkshire.

Not being a drinker, I am not lonely. Mrs Possum works for herself, and when she is not working, we sometimes go out together, I sometimes take a bus to Bangkok for two or three days, go on roadtrips on my motorbike, or just stay in at my computer. If you are looking for perfection you will never find it, I am very happy and contented in my life here, although I do miss not playing in a band in front of audiences any more.

Sithee here Possum, tha assumes that all guys from Yorkshire are loudmouthed drunkards does tha? Eeh by gum, if tha's ever bin to God's County, tha will know that all Tykes ain't allus the same as the one that's just popped 'is cloggs. Gi' over, do all the guys from tha home country never sup like thee? Tha should never mek assumptions based on coming across one bad tatee. So, tha ses it would 'appen be champion for another tee-total Farang to come t'tha village fer chelpin', as long as he ain't from Yorkshire. Reckon it won't be me then squire ta! Best y' stays by the sen.

I have met loads of guys from London and the southern parts of England, and cannot fault any of them, I have met and known two guys over a good length of time from Yorkshire here in Thailand, and both of them have been very poor excuses for human beings. I will always be wary of guys from Yorkshire. You know about the first one, the second ones wife through him out because he was such a loudmouth.

Maybe, but a sample of two from the whole of Yorkshire is hardly enough to be wary of every guy from there. I'm sure there are many Southerners that have bad traits too. Just to put the record straight, I am from Yorkshire, as you probably guessed, however, I am not loudmouthed or a drunkard and find it somewhat offensive for a Southerner to refer to us as you did, when in all probability you've never been further north than Watford. Just to show my sincerity, if you're ever in Bangkok, PM me and we can have a friendly chat over a cuppa. wai2.gif

  • Like 2
Posted

Oh my God. I feel sad for this man. He is in a completely wrong place. he sounds like he has been locked in that house for 2 years and learnt nothing with interacting with the neighbours, talking to them and talking to his own wife.

It feels like he is completely on his own. Maybe that is the main reason why he made that shitty decision to live IN A VILLAGE.. We falangs should actuella NOT live in a village, we should live 0outside a village and not interfere with the locals and their strange behaviour. We just do not get it I guess....

I agree that marriage seems to be a shithole of a marriage and I would have left for a long time a go,, We live one time, whyspend it with somebody who doesn´t try to protect you, help you and love you?????

Naaaaa, either this is a troll-thread or one of the worst missplaced falangs I have ever read about...

Glegolo

I am the only Farang who lives in my village, it would be nice if another one came, and did not mind me being a non drinker, the last Farang died about eight months ago and was a loudmouthed drunkard who lost all his friends, not surprisingly, he came from Yorkshire.

Not being a drinker, I am not lonely. Mrs Possum works for herself, and when she is not working, we sometimes go out together, I sometimes take a bus to Bangkok for two or three days, go on roadtrips on my motorbike, or just stay in at my computer. If you are looking for perfection you will never find it, I am very happy and contented in my life here, although I do miss not playing in a band in front of audiences any more.

Sithee here Possum, tha assumes that all guys from Yorkshire are loudmouthed drunkards does tha? Eeh by gum, if tha's ever bin to God's County, tha will know that all Tykes ain't allus the same as the one that's just popped 'is cloggs. Gi' over, do all the guys from tha home country never sup like thee? Tha should never mek assumptions based on coming across one bad tatee. So, tha ses it would 'appen be champion for another tee-total Farang to come t'tha village fer chelpin', as long as he ain't from Yorkshire. Reckon it won't be me then squire ta! Best y' stays by the sen.

Where is my Star Trek Universal Translator when I need it....

Eeh by gum, 'as thee lost it lad? Beam me up Scotty.

Posted

Thanks for all the great topics!

It's real very strange how similar relationship problems in Thailand are!

I think I must try it with diplomacy!

But when Thais cannot read you,

The questions may never stopped ,!

But the problem is not currently presented!

Diversion a problemis not easy for westerns, because we learn , from childhood to clear a problem out!

Thais learned via versa!

Instead of run away from a problem

Maybe the secret aswer,of this bihavior, is somewhere hidden in the budism itself, but Iam not sure about this!

We can talk English , but no other people in village , except a woman in a food shop !

No other farangs here!

Today the daily smoke, has been replaced, by the mosquito controll programm,

after rain was coming !

So the good news , our water tank is full again!

  • Like 1
Posted

Oh dear, you are in a mess aren't you? I live with a lady that had two years schooling and worked first in the silk weaving trade and then in rice cultivation, she followed the buffalo.

I told her no more plastic burning. It stopped (11 people in the family compound), we now take it to town every week. She is either calm or not talking to me, rarely angry.

What I am trying to say is, she isn't ready to adjust to another person, sounds immature and unhappy and that she will have the same problems with anyone. Don't have children with her, you will really find yourself up <deleted> creek without a paddle. Or even better, leave, she wants you to do that apparently.

What did he say?

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