Help. Advice please.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

My wife like many Thai's when she is dirty on me gives me the silent treatment. There is nothing worse than that especially when you live out wide.

I beg to differ,
The screaming, shouting, hitting, nagging treatment, is far, far worse.
Silence is golden. Edited August 2, 2014 by AnotherOneAmerican

[thaibeachlovers]

 

Someone has already said it, but build yourself a "man cave" and lock yourself in there. My wife like many Thai's when she is dirty on me gives me the silent treatment.

I beg to differ,
The screaming, shouting, hitting, nagging treatment, is far, far worse.
Silence is golden.

 

I have had both, and don't like either. If I stayed in the house, I'd just stew and probably end up having a real barney, things said in anger, downward spiral to divorce. Far better to get away for a while to simmer down. The next day, all forgotten.

[Greg Nixon]

You could exercise and if your health is good a long jog developed after several weeks really takes the edge off. If your health is not that good  a long walk is also good.  You could develop new musical interests to help you chill out. You could approach an English teacher who is Thai to teach you the Thai language. How far you take this would be up to you. Perhaps only conversational at first. Knowing only English is quite isolating in some places in Thailand. Being dependent on one or two people for communications is very mind bending. You are not really angry at them but rather the situation. 

 

Swimming is good if there is a pool nearby. It is an activity that you can enjoy on your own. 

 

Motorbike touring. just stop anywhere and watch the farmers or construction workers. You may even get a laugh.

 

People watching. Sit at the roadside and watch. Bring your camera. Send the funny photos back home.

 

If you mention the area you are in perhaps more recommendations would come. 

[Greg Nixon]

I keep bees for an hobby, I have 3 already but I hope to increase the swarm soon to maybe 8 or 9

 

If is afraid of bees he could try pigeons or fish. Both of these hobbies have endless results. Your imagination is the limit. Keeping you brain active is key to long term health of the elderly but even 90 year olds can exercise - check it out on youtube.

[thaibeachlovers]

That is the reason I have resisted moving to her village, as much as she goes on about it, trying to paint a good picture.

There is little to do and I would feel very isolated.

You may need to look at the bigger picture and consider a place in Pattaya if you have the finances.

When I had a bad spell with the lady I would send her off to her village for a while, the break did us both good......

You could take breaks in Pattaya!

Having lived in a village, I say RESIST, RESIST. IMO there is nothing good about village life for longer than a couple of days now and then.

 

I'd love to go back to Pattaya and perhaps in the future............................

 

< if you have the finances.>

If I did, we'd already be there.

 

<When I had a bad spell with the lady I would send her off to her village for a while>

I take it she doesn't work. My wife does.

 

<You could take breaks in Pattaya!>

Alone? Only if divorced.

[Greg Nixon]

Advice is free - take it or leave it. Why would you bite the hand that is reaching out to aid you? 

 

 

when a man closes off all reasonable options..........

NOT.....

hobby,

DIY,

massage,

gik,

taking a walk and beating dogs with cane pole,

all the other suggestions,

THEN,

this suggests real mental problems that you must address for a happy life.  Counseling is not available, I feel sure.  I recommend diving hold hog, totally, into Buddhism and meditation.  That is waiting for you in Thailand all over the place.  Visit a wat for a week at a time and tell them you took vow of silence to avoid language barriers.

 

Get out of your rut now, man, before you do something really bad.   Good luck and best wishes.

Sorry, but did you actually read MY posts.

I have a time consuming hobby of DIY.

 

I'm married- why would I have a GIK?

 

I specifically stated that I did not require councelling, just something to do for a couple of hours away from the house, so we can both cool down, then we are OK. Why would I visit a wat for a week?

 

I don't need to make friends. I'm not lonely. I have all the companionship I need.

 

All I want is suggestions of something to do for a couple of hours away from the house NOT involving- bars, eating, shopping, going to a different town/ city or the internet.

 

Thanks to everyone that answered. I didn't expect so many replies

 

 

[thaibeachlovers]

You could exercise and if your health is good a long jog developed after several weeks really takes the edge off. If your health is not that good  a long walk is also good.  You could develop new musical interests to help you chill out. You could approach an English teacher who is Thai to teach you the Thai language. How far you take this would be up to you. Perhaps only conversational at first. Knowing only English is quite isolating in some places in Thailand. Being dependent on one or two people for communications is very mind bending. You are not really angry at them but rather the situation. 

 

Swimming is good if there is a pool nearby. It is an activity that you can enjoy on your own. 

 

Motorbike touring. just stop anywhere and watch the farmers or construction workers. You may even get a laugh.

 

People watching. Sit at the roadside and watch. Bring your camera. Send the funny photos back home.

 

If you mention the area you are in perhaps more recommendations would come. 

<Swimming is good if there is a pool nearby>

Agreed, but there isn't a public pool. Do any Thai towns have a public pool? I haven't seen any such beast on my travels.

 

<If you mention the area you are in perhaps more recommendations would come. >

Anyone familiar with Thai provincial towns knows what it's like where I live.

[thaibeachlovers]

Advice is free - take it or leave it. Why would you bite the hand that is reaching out to aid you? 

 

 

when a man closes off all reasonable options..........

NOT.....

hobby,

DIY,

massage,

gik,

taking a walk and beating dogs with cane pole,

all the other suggestions,

THEN,

this suggests real mental problems that you must address for a happy life.  Counseling is not available, I feel sure.  I recommend diving hold hog, totally, into Buddhism and meditation.  That is waiting for you in Thailand all over the place.  Visit a wat for a week at a time and tell them you took vow of silence to avoid language barriers.

 

Get out of your rut now, man, before you do something really bad.   Good luck and best wishes.

Sorry, but did you actually read MY posts.

I have a time consuming hobby of DIY.

 

I'm married- why would I have a GIK?

 

I specifically stated that I did not require councelling, just something to do for a couple of hours away from the house, so we can both cool down, then we are OK. Why would I visit a wat for a week?

 

I don't need to make friends. I'm not lonely. I have all the companionship I need.

 

All I want is suggestions of something to do for a couple of hours away from the house NOT involving- bars, eating, shopping, going to a different town/ city or the internet.

 

Thanks to everyone that answered. I didn't expect so many replies

 

 

<Why would you bite the hand that is reaching out to aid you? >

I wasn't and I said thank you to all for answering.

I was responding to KhnomKhnom who claimed that I was refusing to have a hobby or do DIY, when I had said that I do both.

I also find it sad that he suggests I cheat on my wife.

Then he goes on to suggest I have mental problems.

None of which is relevant to my OP.

[ozyjon]

The opposite happens in the hillbilly town my friend lives in, his lady (Thai) takes off most mornings on the motor cycle and off she goes fishing, leaves my friend (English) in the house alone, he doesn't complain because he paints all day and listens to his operas very loud, so i investigated this past time and it seems to be the local pastime, so my friend take up fishing, you won't catch anything but once you find that special lake there will be many people there doing the same thing (getting away from the other one)

[wolfmanjack]

Dunno if it would work for everyone, but I get on the motorcycle and ride. One day. One week. One month. Varies, along with the places I visit. It's good to see different parts of Thailand, and whether there are problems at home or not, it's usually good to go away for a while. Which is to say, it's always good to come home, and see how the wife and I have missed each other so much.

 

Just a thought.

If I read the OP correctly he is asking for things to do to take his mind off of being angry at his wife when they have an argument.

 

I do not know about others but driving when I am angry is worse than driving drunk.

[96tehtarp]

go to the nearest bigger city in the morning, find yourself a hotel with a pool, book half day rate, get yourself a newspaper and magazines: ENJOY...

 

You've got the right idea thurien IMO a half day may not be enough to cool off sufficiently.

 

It sometimes took me a few days, or a week. I still do it.

[thaibeachlovers]

 

Dunno if it would work for everyone, but I get on the motorcycle and ride. One day. One week. One month. Varies, along with the places I visit. It's good to see different parts of Thailand, and whether there are problems at home or not, it's usually good to go away for a while. Which is to say, it's always good to come home, and see how the wife and I have missed each other so much.

 

Just a thought.

If I read the OP correctly he is asking for things to do to take his mind off of being angry at his wife when they have an argument.

 

I do not know about others but driving when I am angry is worse than driving drunk.

 

So true. When my wife drives angry, I tighten the seat belt!

When I drive angry, people better watch out ( thankfully, nothing bad ever happened though ).

[shaurene]

Get a hobby.... a reason to get up in the morning. Golf, fishing, gardening, driving mbike......a gik maybe ! Wonder though why you live in the middle of nowhere and cant speak, enough, thai to engage in conversations with thais. Probably you are lonely there, if so, go every quarter on holiday for a week. Many places to visit in Thailand.

Some good points there Benalibina, I get lonely but never problems with my wife we get away every month for a week, fly some where on Air Asia cheap book hotels on Hotelscombined.com, Malaya, Penang, Vietnam Kho Chang any where, just get away does you very good. Get a car and travel or go home for a break.

[benalibina]

Come on OP, dont be so sensitive. Even the, according to you, unhelpfull comments can be helpfull. The poster not wrote you have moneyproblems.

Hope though that the replies have helped you.

[yasmarbi]

I live in a small place with my Gf and her family. I can relate to some time and space away from the house as the extended family seem to come and go at all hours of day and night. I went for a ride to the nearest large town and squatted a few hours - eventually I saw another farang and after a few weeks met some more. Whilst some are not worth the trouble once a week I feel the need to communicate in English - but don't want to or be around people who drink. At times it seems one sided however I persevere

[ChiangraiTony]

I've read a lot of advise... and then some.

As for what I do is; I try my best to focus on either looking up in the Sky and getting lost in the beauty or I go for "sounds" such as listening to music of my choice.

Other times I will listen to Nature sounds such as Rain, waterfalls, ocean waves, I think you get my point.

I don't even have to walk or drive anywhere if I choose. The only running away from the problem that I do is all in my mind. I change my thoughts by doing the things as already mentioned.

I invite you to give it a try sometime. You may be surprised how well it works and how enjoyable and relaxing it can make you feel.

If you find that you're open to this and start to enjoy, most likely it's because you'll begin to have realizations and new thoughts and feelings will surface. It's at that time when you should invite your life partner to do the same so you can both share those special moments together. I can't think of a better way to get close to the one you care about, by sky gasing.

Explore and enjoy! Best to you...

[jacko45k]

 

That is the reason I have resisted moving to her village, as much as she goes on about it, trying to paint a good picture.

There is little to do and I would feel very isolated.

You may need to look at the bigger picture and consider a place in Pattaya if you have the finances.

When I had a bad spell with the lady I would send her off to her village for a while, the break did us both good......

You could take breaks in Pattaya!

Having lived in a village, I say RESIST, RESIST. IMO there is nothing good about village life for longer than a couple of days now and then.

 

I'd love to go back to Pattaya and perhaps in the future............................

 

< if you have the finances.>

If I did, we'd already be there.

 

<When I had a bad spell with the lady I would send her off to her village for a while>

I take it she doesn't work. My wife does.

 

<You could take breaks in Pattaya!>

Alone? Only if divorced.

 

Well that makes things harder if you have limited finances and your wife needs to work.

My wife does voluntary work.

But a break in Pattaya could be possible, why not?

Don't let yourself get smothered.

 

If you really want advice,perhaps you should consider it rather than making excuses.

Take up fishing!

 

 

 

Edited August 2, 2014 by jacko45k

[dotpoom]

Was having similar problems myself so decided to persuade "She who must be obeyed" to get a job....That worked fine for a short time but now I'm beginning to go mental having to listen to all that went on in her job that day.....Ah!....the quandaries of married life.

[thaibeachlovers]

I live in a small place with my Gf and her family. I can relate to some time and space away from the house as the extended family seem to come and go at all hours of day and night. I went for a ride to the nearest large town and squatted a few hours - eventually I saw another farang and after a few weeks met some more. Whilst some are not worth the trouble once a week I feel the need to communicate in English - but don't want to or be around people who drink. At times it seems one sided however I persevere

<the extended family>

The reason I left the village. I can put up with a lot, but they pushed it too far.

[thaibeachlovers]

 

 

That is the reason I have resisted moving to her village, as much as she goes on about it, trying to paint a good picture.

There is little to do and I would feel very isolated.

You may need to look at the bigger picture and consider a place in Pattaya if you have the finances.

When I had a bad spell with the lady I would send her off to her village for a while, the break did us both good......

You could take breaks in Pattaya!

Having lived in a village, I say RESIST, RESIST. IMO there is nothing good about village life for longer than a couple of days now and then.

 

I'd love to go back to Pattaya and perhaps in the future............................

 

< if you have the finances.>

If I did, we'd already be there.

 

<When I had a bad spell with the lady I would send her off to her village for a while>

I take it she doesn't work. My wife does.

 

<You could take breaks in Pattaya!>

Alone? Only if divorced.

 

Well that makes things harder if you have limited finances and your wife needs to work.

My wife does voluntary work.

But a break in Pattaya could be possible, why not?

Don't let yourself get smothered.

 

If you really want advice,perhaps you should consider it rather than making excuses.

Take up fishing!

 

 

 

 

<But a break in Pattaya could be possible, why not?>

LOL. We lived in Pattaya for a year and she knows what goes on there. She's a lovely girl, but gets jealous and regular trips to Pattaya alone would lead to a permanent stay, alone.

 

I'm not making excuses. I asked for advice on what to do when my wife and I had a temporary upset so I could cool down for a couple of hours. Taking day/s away is not what I need. The best suggestion so far would be going for a m'bike ride.

[96tehtarp]

 

 

 

That is the reason I have resisted moving to her village, as much as she goes on about it, trying to paint a good picture.

There is little to do and I would feel very isolated.

You may need to look at the bigger picture and consider a place in Pattaya if you have the finances.

When I had a bad spell with the lady I would send her off to her village for a while, the break did us both good......

You could take breaks in Pattaya!

Having lived in a village, I say RESIST, RESIST. IMO there is nothing good about village life for longer than a couple of days now and then.

 

I'd love to go back to Pattaya and perhaps in the future............................

 

< if you have the finances.>

If I did, we'd already be there.

 

<When I had a bad spell with the lady I would send her off to her village for a while>

I take it she doesn't work. My wife does.

 

<You could take breaks in Pattaya!>

Alone? Only if divorced.

 

Well that makes things harder if you have limited finances and your wife needs to work.

My wife does voluntary work.

But a break in Pattaya could be possible, why not?

Don't let yourself get smothered.

 

If you really want advice,perhaps you should consider it rather than making excuses.

Take up fishing!

 

 

 

 

<But a break in Pattaya could be possible, why not?>

LOL. We lived in Pattaya for a year and she knows what goes on there. She's a lovely girl, but gets jealous and regular trips to Pattaya alone would lead to a permanent stay, alone.

 

I'm not making excuses. I asked for advice on what to do when my wife and I had a temporary upset so I could cool down for a couple of hours. Taking day/s away is not what I need. The best suggestion so far would be going for a m'bike ride.

 

 

Thaibeachlovers do yourself a favor. Pack 5 days cloths in a small knapsack, soap, razors, deodorant, toothbrush, TP etc. and head off to somewhere for as long as it takes. When you head out the door it doesn't even matter if you don't know where exactly you are going. Get out.

 

You do not need to philander with the floozies to decompress. A getaway is exactly what you need IMO. Decompression time. Alone.

 

Pattaya is a minefield of debauchery and may only exacerbate your situation.

 

Get away. Just go. After a, half day, a few days or maybe a week you will feel better, and her attitude will change for the better. Take charge of the show. If she doesn't acquiesce then you have another problem.

 

My getaways have always done wonders for me, and while on them I have always slept alone. I have always told my wife if I am going philander with other women "You will be the first to know"!

 

Try taking charge, you might like it.

Edited August 3, 2014 by 96tehtarp

[benalibina]

You came here with a question about what to do to take your mind of things when you have a tantrum with your missus.

You asked the topic to be closed after receiving sufficient? Suggestions.

Still you come back and post after more people commented.

Interpreting your comments.....can/will only write......take good care of yourself.

[Jaggg88]

Get a Mia Noi - more expensive than golf but much more fun

[thaibeachlovers]

Get a Mia Noi - more expensive than golf but much more fun

Another one that doesn't love his wife.

[thaibeachlovers]

 

 

 

 

Having lived in a village, I say RESIST, RESIST. IMO there is nothing good about village life for longer than a couple of days now and then.

 

I'd love to go back to Pattaya and perhaps in the future............................

 

< if you have the finances.>

If I did, we'd already be there.

 

<When I had a bad spell with the lady I would send her off to her village for a while>

I take it she doesn't work. My wife does.

 

<You could take breaks in Pattaya!>

Alone? Only if divorced.

 

Well that makes things harder if you have limited finances and your wife needs to work.

My wife does voluntary work.

But a break in Pattaya could be possible, why not?

Don't let yourself get smothered.

 

If you really want advice,perhaps you should consider it rather than making excuses.

Take up fishing!

 

 

 

 

<But a break in Pattaya could be possible, why not?>

LOL. We lived in Pattaya for a year and she knows what goes on there. She's a lovely girl, but gets jealous and regular trips to Pattaya alone would lead to a permanent stay, alone.

 

I'm not making excuses. I asked for advice on what to do when my wife and I had a temporary upset so I could cool down for a couple of hours. Taking day/s away is not what I need. The best suggestion so far would be going for a m'bike ride.

 

 

Thaibeachlovers do yourself a favor. Pack 5 days cloths in a small knapsack, soap, razors, deodorant, toothbrush, TP etc. and head off to somewhere for as long as it takes. When you head out the door it doesn't even matter if you don't know where exactly you are going. Get out.

 

You do not need to philander with the floozies to decompress. A getaway is exactly what you need IMO. Decompression time. Alone.

 

Pattaya is a minefield of debauchery and may only exacerbate your situation.

 

Get away. Just go. After a, half day, a few days or maybe a week you will feel better, and her attitude will change for the better. Take charge of the show. If she doesn't acquiesce then you have another problem.

 

My getaways have always done wonders for me, and while on them I have always slept alone. I have always told my wife if I am going philander with other women "You will be the first to know"!

 

Try taking charge, you might like it.

 

For the last time, I DO NOT WANT to go off for days by myself. A couple of hours is usually enough to calm down.

I actually like being with my wife.

 

<Take charge of the show. If she doesn't acquiesce then you have another problem.>

If I tried that with my wife and she aquiesced I'd leave her for being a doormat. I didn't get married to treat her like a subordinate, and she isn't.

 

Seems like some don't like living with their wife much. I do- just have the OCCASIONAL ruckus.

 

Like someone said, a m'bike ride seems like a good idea, so I did get my question answered.

 

Post removed to allow posting.

[ITGabs]

I tried a lot of things but really depends of how hot is the weather, in hot hours If is not possible feel good walking under the trees shadow, I will look for a Central or Lotus or wherever of that shopping centers with fresh air, in the afternoon the most effective in my case is just walk on the beach and if I am really piss of I will go to swimming or just floating drifting away in the ocean per hours and sometimes late in the night.

 

Sometimes just driving my motorcycle in what I called "secret roads" do the trick I choose the most green roads far away from everything, sometimes so remote that is normal to find a monitor crossing the road or that big snakes, stop to buy or eat something in wherever family business in that areas, I really meet so nice people in that "adventures" that childs that look at you like the most interesting thing that they see in all the week smiling and saying hello many times carry with you almonds or another dry fruit is good to have some extra smiles with everyone.

I usually go to swimming or snorkeling to some places far away from the crowd and those are my preferred places to get "emotionally cleaned", there was some magic moments drifting away, few times a shoal of very small fishes was following me swimming in my shadow, I don't know how describe the sensation but in that moment I feel so connected with the nature that all the problems just lose sense.

I love that small things from Thailand

[Straight8]

 

You call yourself thaibeachlovers, errrr well go to the beach then if you love it so much.

Where exactly are you?

If your close to Chiang Mai they have the X Centre which is brilliant for a day out.

If your close to Cambodia go across shoot some AK's & 50 Cal's, and have a little flutter on the casino.

If your close to Malaysia go and see the Petronas Towers.

If your close to Myanmar go and train some child soldiers and bring some drugs back.

So there you have it, Ive gave you 4 options for North, East, South and West.

Let us know how you get on.

Personally id just move to Pattaya and sit down Soi 6 Beach Road allday if I was feeling like you are. Take a little beauty from there back home to the village where you live with only a restaurant and WiFi. She would keep you busy allday and would get the whip cracked on your wife. Let her know shes not the only one with a pussy in Thailand.

If I lived in Pattaya I wouldn't need to have written the OP, would I? I could move back there, but then I wouldn't be married anymore.

 

 

With all due respect, depending on your situation, this would not be a bad option when you weigh it all out.

 

Ask yourself [and no need to tell us] a few questions:

1. Is your marriage ok and you are truly happy or is this a reoccuring thing and it may only be a matter of time. When people open there eyes they see the signs.

2. Why you moved to the village. If you did it because you wanted to, and you really do like it, kudos to you.. however if you did it for your wife, then you have issues right there.

[Personally I find it hard to comprehend why any western that comes from a developed city would move to a village. No thanks, not even if they paid for the house and offered me a salary!!!]

 

Above all, some good suggestions here, do what makes you happiest the most in your limited environment where wifey approves or not. If you feel you have/are start missing the city life you know you are living in the wrong place.

 

Good luck

 

[misterphil]

 

You call yourself thaibeachlovers, errrr well go to the beach then if you love it so much.

Where exactly are you?

If your close to Chiang Mai they have the X Centre which is brilliant for a day out.

If your close to Cambodia go across shoot some AK's & 50 Cal's, and have a little flutter on the casino.

If your close to Malaysia go and see the Petronas Towers.

If your close to Myanmar go and train some child soldiers and bring some drugs back.

So there you have it, Ive gave you 4 options for North, East, South and West.

Let us know how you get on.

Personally id just move to Pattaya and sit down Soi 6 Beach Road allday if I was feeling like you are. Take a little beauty from there back home to the village where you live with only a restaurant and WiFi. She would keep you busy allday and would get the whip cracked on your wife. Let her know shes not the only one with a pussy in Thailand.

If I lived in Pattaya I wouldn't need to have written the OP, would I? I could move back there, but then I wouldn't be married anymore.
 

 
With all due respect, depending on your situation, this would not be a bad option when you weigh it all out.
 
Ask yourself [and no need to tell us] a few questions:
1. Is your marriage ok and you are truly happy or is this a reoccuring thing and it may only be a matter of time. When people open there eyes they see the signs.
2. Why you moved to the village. If you did it because you wanted to, and you really do like it, kudos to you.. however if you did it for your wife, then you have issues right there.
[Personally I find it hard to comprehend why any western that comes from a developed city would move to a village. No thanks, not even if they paid for the house and offered me a salary!!!]
 
Above all, some good suggestions here, do what makes you happiest the most in your limited environment where wifey approves or not. If you feel you have/are start missing the city life you know you are living in the wrong place.
 
Good luck
 

Thankyou straight8. Exactly what I was thinking. The OP's wife obviously isnt cutting the mustard and its clear to see thats its time for him to move on.

[Thaiberius]

I had a similar problem the first time I spent a long period in Thailand. Joined a gym and disciplined myself so I went every day I did an online vocational qualification not one of the Mickey Mouse ones you see on the net. Read some books I'd never got round to reading and most importantly tried to stay away from the bars, that was the most difficult. I'd do that for the rest of my life if I could.

[Strangebrew]

What I do is this she giving me trouble I remind her who is paying the bills, Also if you use my method of 3 it works great and problems disappear. Here how it goes. 1 Get a dog and teach it tricks make sure wife there at the time . When dog fails to do what you say, say in a clear voice say That's one dog Repeat only 3 times on third time take a club beat dog to death. When Wife asks why you did that just Say That's one woman she will get the hint problem solved.