Thoughts - Kids growing up in Thailand - advice to parents

[Blackandwhite]

When my daughter was young ( she is now 12 ) I did used to think that Thailand may be a better place to live but I have to say I am now so pleased we stayed in the UK, read my previous post to see how strongly I felt

I will add I do love Thailand and all that goes with it, I understand also that desperate people take desperate measures.

I also understand the Uk is not the perfect place to be

Reading through the forum and the news regards Thailand and the things that happen in LOS nowadays and in the past I am sorry to say that if there is a choice Thailand is no place to bring up a child unless your Thai or have no choices financially.

The country is a disaster and getting worse. There is so many things that are amazing about it but sadly so many of those things are sad and dangerous. In my opinion there are very few options in Thailand for young people.

How are families with young children in mixed race relationships coping with the decision of raising a family in a country that is so corrupt and in many cases dangerous and very volatile and unpredictable.

[cooked]

I am wondering about this also. Although I have UK nationality, I consider myself Swiss. Our very bright and well adjusted little girl (grandchild) is 8 and I am wondering if I could get her into a school in the UK for one year at the age of 11, not only because of the language (she understands well enough, but doesn't get to use it much) but as you say, to 'wake her up' to other ways of seeing things. No way I can afford an International school in Switzerland.

We live in Buriram and her private school is reasonable and not more dangerous than a school in London, that's for sure. Without hijacking your thread, maybe more comments about this idea, please?

PS The thought of home schooling has crossed my mind but the family is very much against this and I need their cooperation for that. The father is dumb and is a true Thai, that's to say a Farang basher.

Edited September 16, 2014 by cooked

[Johnnie99]

I've known people grab the first flight out of Thailand just so their child is not born here.

[Johnnie99]

I've known people grab the first flight out of Thailand just so their child is not born here.

[OmarZaidMD]

I think it very much depends on individual circumstances and also the community. My Thai wife's daughter is now 22, lives with me and her mom in Malaysia, and although there are some things wanting, I see the respect and care she provides for me and her mother, with sincerity and which far outweigh what she may lack in education (BS in Business so far, Chiang Mai U).

As for home schooling, it is better than the government schools, but can be a wonderful adjunct to a well managed private school but requires considerable parental input and therein lies the rub (responsibility). With e-learning so well developed now it is certainly an option for for folks determined to learn rather than suffer the functional illiteracy of the post-modern age.

Remember, Public Education is not everything and whatever is lacking can be provided by the individual if they have learned to love knowledge and have learned to appreciate reading. Abe Lincoln, Leo Tolstoy and JT Gatto among others have proved that.

It is the socialized mindset that needs to be broken here so as to assess what is possible rather than what is customary. I have learned to overcome Thai prejudice simply by treating my wife with respect and not dishonoring her community's customs. They then accept my personal idiosyncrasies without much qualm and i am always treated with respect, if not deference.

Cheers

[MediaWatcher]

.Ask yourself what future your kid/s will have when your not there, to me it was easy, I've moved the family back to Oz, where their future will always be better, yes they will have to work, but then they will also have what farangs have, and this of course goes to the next generation and the next etc, removing them from the poverty of Thailand.

[Blackandwhite]

Thailand makes for great vacation haven. Holiday time can be time to allow your children to be absorbed into the Thai way and all the thianess we all live. Then back to the real world for life

[georgemandm]

I think if I had a child with a thai I would take the chid back to my home in Australia because we have some of the best government school going around now but not some 10 years ago .

The thai schooling is a big joke and needs to be fix up very first , I know because I live in iassn on and off in the last 5 years I have talk to some of the English teach here and they tell me and I have a thai stepdaughter here as well and see what go's on at the school and have been to the school not saying all of thailand school are like that but this is thailand not like the west .

I have two young girls back home and there at a government school I can say is the best school go around They help me girls out some much to lean it is great .

And if I had a thai chid I would make sure the child would lean thai as well as English .

So I would not let my child go to a thai school I take them back home .

[Cranky]

I worry. 3 and 6 year olds blissfully unaware of their 'real' surroundings. Ill mannered driving, corruption out of control, god knows what awaits (Pattaya area) Is Bangkok a better option ?

[Blackandwhite]

I worry. 3 and 6 year olds blissfully unaware of their 'real' surroundings. Ill mannered driving, corruption out of control, god knows what awaits (Pattaya area) Is Bangkok a better option ?

Crazy thought - I would be terrified to bring up a child on Thailand knowing what lurks under the lovely exterior

[Naroge]

We are all living under different circumstances and therefore we all have our different preferences. There is no "better" or "worse" country.

If the choice of country will affect the harmony of the family, then go for max harmony.

[carib102]

Our daughter is just 4 and we have her in a private pre-K school in Bangkok, but will be moving back to the U.S. for her primary and secondary education, as well as university eventually. My wife (Thai) and I both agree that it would be irresponsible of us to do anything else. Since we don't have billions of baht, there is little future for our daughter is she were to go through the Thai education system (read into that what you wish). I have two boys (17 and 19) who both went to the same school our daughter will attend, and both of them have far more knowledge than she would ever get in Thailand.

Vacations will be spent here so she can keep in touch with her Thai roots, and if she chooses to settle here as an adult that is her decision, but certainly she will be better off for having received a Western education.

Thailand is wonderful for vacations (if you can avoid the scams) and for single guys, but it is no place to rear a child. (IMHO)

[vitp4145]

I met and married a Thai woman in 1988. We have three sons, now aged 24, 22, 22 (twins). The eldest son was born in Thailand, the twins in the UK. Living in the UK was too much of a culture shock for my wife and I had to send her back to Thailand with the children. I got a job at an International School in the Middle-East, and so I had a house built on the outskirts of Bangkok and the three children went to a private school nearby.

The marriage fell apart by 2001, and I had to return to the UK for health reasons. Up to that point I was happy enough that my children were growing up in Thailand. However, over the last 13 years I could only afford to come back to Thailand less than I would have liked and each time I came back I became less and less enamoured with how things were going. My ex-wife had sold the house and moved back to Ubon Ratchathani (without bothering to tell me I might add). It became increasingly apparent that education and aspirations were far less than they might have been had the children been living in the UK.

The end result is that the twins are now engrained with the culture of village life in eastern Issan, and are content to do nothing more than eat, sleep and watch what I can only describe as innane TV. They have no wish or desire to do anything else. I recently managed to take early retirement and am now back in Thailand, living here in Chiang Mai at present. My eldest son made a beeline for Chiang Mai as soon as I got here. He is quite bright, speaks decent enough English and tells me he wants to do something more than just "waste away in the village" (his words not mine) and get a regular job.

I am not wealthy and cannot pony up a pot of gold to solve his problems, though I will do what I can to help him develop a mindset that encompasses some kind of plan for the future. Talking with him at length this past few weeks I was quite saddened to learn just how niave he is in comparison to someone of a similar age in the UK and just how low his expectations are.

I look back on my time in the Middle-East and the fact that my school offered all three boys a free international school education up to GCSE and IB level. My ex-wife wouldn't entertain the idea of her or them coming to live in the Middle-East so they could go to school there. Given the culture shock she experienced during her stay in the UK, I could understand that at the time. But, in sum, in my opinion, it did not do the boys any good at all to have been brought up in Thailand. The twins, it seems, are happy enough doing nothing, but my eldest son is not. Time will tell if he is prepared to work/study his way to a better future, but I fear that will be less than optimal here, especially in view of what I have come to see as a somewhat limited educational system.

[SPB65]

No is my answer. Myself, Thai wife and daughther are on the brink of moving back to the UK. Thailand is good for a holiday, even an extended one but we don't want to spend the rest of our life here. I don't want my daughter thinking what goes on here (and there is a lot of crazy stuff) is by any means normal. The schools aren't up to scratch, the culture has moral issues, the standard of driving is appalling and the climate so oppressive it's almost impossible to do anything enjoyabe outside during the bulk of the day. All things considered we reckon we'll be happier and healthier (physically and mentally) elsewhere. Each to their own though.

[louse1953]

Our daughter is just 4 and we have her in a private pre-K school in Bangkok, but will be moving back to the U.S. for her primary and secondary education, as well as university eventually. My wife (Thai) and I both agree that it would be irresponsible of us to do anything else. Since we don't have billions of baht, there is little future for our daughter is she were to go through the Thai education system (read into that what you wish). I have two boys (17 and 19) who both went to the same school our daughter will attend, and both of them have far more knowledge than she would ever get in Thailand.

Vacations will be spent here so she can keep in touch with her Thai roots, and if she chooses to settle here as an adult that is her decision, but certainly she will be better off for having received a Western education.

Thailand is wonderful for vacations (if you can avoid the scams) and for single guys, but it is no place to rear a child. (IMHO)

That last sentence is an insult to millions of Thai people that bring up lovely well adjusted children,including your wife.Wait til your child cops a bit of racism at school,you may think differently.

[Andre0720]

We are all living under different circumstances and therefore we all have our different preferences. There is no "better" or "worse" country.

If the choice of country will affect the harmony of the family, then go for max harmony.

Better think that over...

Then why would so many people want to emigrate???

And how about Pakistan and Afghanistan with honour killings???

How about Syria, Gaza?

Would Nigeria be good for you and your children?

Kids are walking away from Mexico to USA just to try to get a better life, and some die while doing so.

The Muslims are just about all trying to move to another country when they can...

Must be a reason....

[Franky Bear]

I worry. 3 and 6 year olds blissfully unaware of their 'real' surroundings. Ill mannered driving, corruption out of control, god knows what awaits (Pattaya area) Is Bangkok a better option ?

I moved down to Rayong city from Pattaya around 4 years ago. I love living here. It's close enough to pattaya (take me 40-50 mins to get there) It has a decent expat community and a few bars. I feel a lot more welcome by the wider community.

[NoshowJones]

I am wondering about this also. Although I have UK nationality, I consider myself Swiss. Our very bright and well adjusted little girl (grandchild) is 8 and I am wondering if I could get her into a school in the UK for one year at the age of 11, not only because of the language (she understands well enough, but doesn't get to use it much) but as you say, to 'wake her up' to other ways of seeing things. No way I can afford an International school in Switzerland.

We live in Buriram and her private school is reasonable and not more dangerous than a school in London, that's for sure. Without hijacking your thread, maybe more comments about this idea, please?

PS The thought of home schooling has crossed my mind but the family is very much against this and I need their cooperation for that. The father is dumb and is a true Thai, that's to say a Farang basher.

To the OP. From an educational point of view I would agree with you, in my opinion, although I never had children of my own, I would say from a safety point of view, your daughter would be much safer here in Thailand than in the UK as the Thais in general, are very non confrontational compared to people in the UK.

If I did have children of my own, like you, I would prefer to bring them up in the UK, if only because the education here in Thailand is very poor, and the Thai schools are far too militeristic, with these stupid haircuts and the marching etc.

[bbbbooboo]

Probably not a good idea I suspect

[motoguzzibob]

A thorny subject! As a retired UK teacher, I would like to point out that I have had to teach pupils who had their first (primary) education at home and none were well adjusted (To the norm and yes you can dispute the "norm") and had real problems mixing into the routines of school life (a subject also open to debate!). It is difficult to teach kids over about 13/14 years old without expertise and knowledge of the current education curriculum(s) in a variety of subjects, to exam standard, which, like it or not, is a requirement to progress to most forms of employment or FE.

Regarding the main discussion, I have some experience of Thai schools in the North and was not impressed with the standards. I actually witnessed pupils taking an exam and at the end being given the answers to correct their own - in theory a good idea - however, the corrected papers were the ones that went for government inspection! If you can afford a decent international school, then that's the way to go. Otherwise get them educated back in your own country and return for wonderful holidays, until you get to retirement (lucky me, I made it!). Yes there is some racism in UK schools, but it's no where near as bad as I've seen in Thailand against Arabs/ African/ Indian/ et al. Pupils with a good attitude rarely have a problem with racism - actually true of adults.

I can't comment much on what goes on in villages although have heard a lot of negative stuff that has been mentioned already regarding work ethic, respect, equality, sexism, etc. - something I've heard repeated lots of times.

If it's only about education then put them in an international school or take them home.

Good luck - a very difficult decision if you love Thailand!

[dotpoom]

"I will add I do love Thailand and all that goes with it, I understand also that desperate people take desperate measures."

Don't understand how that remark fits in with the rest of your OP. Are you suggesting that people who come to live in Thailand are in some way "desperate" and it is a "desperate" measure on their part?

I and my friends are in no way "desperate" ....thank you very much all the same, you seem to know more about us that we ourselves do. Could be your "sixth sense" though....and I bow to that.

[lumply]

Expat children adapt far more readily than parents consider is possible. I was one of those many decades ago and not unlike parents who have expressed their concerns on TV, mine packed me off to boarding school in the UK. My wife thinks that this scarred me for life and would never entertain the idea of our children being educated anywhere else but the UK. She was right. However as an expat "brat" later in life I was always able to support my family and children through the independant education system andd to provide a lovely home for them them as well, which is still there for the grandchildren to enjoy. The downside was splitting the family down the middle whilst I worked abroad. It's a tough call for a farang parent but on reflection I come down on the side of kids education 'back home'.

[eastendanto]

I am currently living in UK with my wife who is Thai and we have a 10 month old son. I had previously thought about his schooling in a private school in Thailand when he was of the appropriate age. I have since had second thoughts (and things may change in the years upto his school entry). My change of mind was due to meeting a market stall trader (it was his first time there and his last from what I can tell) at Dagenham market whose wife was Thai and she and my wife immediately struck up a convo as Thai women do. I started to discuss Thailand with the guy and what he did etc... and turns out he was a TEFL teacher at different Bangkok schools for several years. He came back to UK to ensure his child had an education in England as his take on the Thai education system was that it was seriously flawed. His view was that all children pass whatever exams they are set, there are no fails so to speak. If a child has a problem with a question in an exam the teachers either show or tell them the answers as they do not want them to fail. I asked him about private (fee paying) schooling and his view was that there was little difference in the overall approach i.e. students do no fail exams because they are coached through the exam itself.

I'm from the school of life and hard knocks and believe if you do not fail, you do not learn and progress as a person. You can only learn from your failures, otherwise what is there for you to do if you are so perfect!!

Having spoken with him I'm more swayed to the English education system, but whose to say that in 2-3 years time that might change or my family circumstances may change, until that time I will remain with an open mind on the subject. For those of you reading this particular forum subject and have to make your decision either soon or now, then if I were in your position I would probably stick with UK education system.

[Blackandwhite]

Whilst we were in limbo about the decision about where to educate and raise our daughter I was lucky to have posted my thoughts on this very forum. A member posed the following question to me and this really was the saving grace in our final decision to staying in the uk. The member asked me - "Do your want live in Thailand for the way of life for your child or is it because you are the one wanting to live in Thailand " I answered this very question to myself and realised I wanted to be in Thailand I was creating excuses to make the decision to do it acceptable. The other thing pointed out time and time again is that Thai's given the choice or bases on finance would allow their children to be educated in Thailand choosing Europe and America instead. Thanks to the TV member that asked me that question it saved us lots of heartache.

[motoguzzibob]

Just an observation about private/ fee paying schools in Thailand, I agree with comments made by eastendanto's TEFL connection - however, my suggestion was an international school which are inspected by authorities outside of Thailand and are subject to spot checks, but are expensive, so it's back to the home country unless you are well off!

[ricardofel]

Not only did I not want you 5 year old to stay there.....I did not want to stay there. Good private schools in Chiang Mai, but if you want to live in a country where you have to be concerned about the air you breathe, an incompetent local government, environmental concerns, trash everywhere, etc etc. We are both much happier in the US: California. No place is perfect, but life is darn good here!

[carib102]

Our daughter is just 4 and we have her in a private pre-K school in Bangkok, but will be moving back to the U.S. for her primary and secondary education, as well as university eventually. My wife (Thai) and I both agree that it would be irresponsible of us to do anything else. Since we don't have billions of baht, there is little future for our daughter is she were to go through the Thai education system (read into that what you wish). I have two boys (17 and 19) who both went to the same school our daughter will attend, and both of them have far more knowledge than she would ever get in Thailand.

Vacations will be spent here so she can keep in touch with her Thai roots, and if she chooses to settle here as an adult that is her decision, but certainly she will be better off for having received a Western education.

Thailand is wonderful for vacations (if you can avoid the scams) and for single guys, but it is no place to rear a child. (IMHO)

That last sentence is an insult to millions of Thai people that bring up lovely well adjusted children,including your wife.Wait til your child cops a bit of racism at school,you may think differently.

[Jobe]

Well balanced kids come from a well balanced upbringing...

There is no right place to bring up children. Of course you wouldn't place your family in a 'danger zone'. But, The UK. US or Thailand etc. are not 'danger zones'. They are places that have problems and challenges.

It's our responsibility as parents to show our kids, through example and discipline, how to conduct themselves and how they should respond to and, interact with their surroundings.

[carib102]

Our daughter is just 4 and we have her in a private pre-K school in Bangkok, but will be moving back to the U.S. for her primary and secondary education, as well as university eventually. My wife (Thai) and I both agree that it would be irresponsible of us to do anything else. Since we don't have billions of baht, there is little future for our daughter is she were to go through the Thai education system (read into that what you wish). I have two boys (17 and 19) who both went to the same school our daughter will attend, and both of them have far more knowledge than she would ever get in Thailand.

Vacations will be spent here so she can keep in touch with her Thai roots, and if she chooses to settle here as an adult that is her decision, but certainly she will be better off for having received a Western education.

Thailand is wonderful for vacations (if you can avoid the scams) and for single guys, but it is no place to rear a child. (IMHO)

That last sentence is an insult to millions of Thai people that bring up lovely well adjusted children,including your wife.Wait til your child cops a bit of racism at school,you may think differently.

[Franky Bear]

If we didn't have my step daughter i'd have been back living in the UK with the Mrs and our daughter (6) with in 18 months of her being born