NEED A LITTLE ADVICE PLEASE ! TRYING IT AGAIN SCARED/MESSY

[confused american 48]

OK I MAKE THIS SHORT THEN TRY TO READ MY POST LEAVE ADVISE IF YOU HAVE TO HAVE EVERY WORD SPELLED RIGHT OR WRITTEN RIGHT LEAVE NOW DO TO MY HEAD INJURIES FROM MY LAST WIFE I FOR GOT HOW TO SPELL AND WRITE ALONG WITH A LOT OF OTHER THINGS ANY HOW I WAS ON HERE A WHILE BACK TRYING TO ASK ABOUT DIVORCING THAI WIFE GETTING PART OF MY MONEY HOUSES COMPANY CARS AND SON BACK BUT SOME OF WHAT I LEARNED HELPED AND HURT THE OLD MEMORIES WHERE TO MUCH TO HANDLE AND WAS DOING MORE DAMAGE TO MY NEW LIFE THAN HAVING THE MONEY BACK BUT I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME EVERY DAY ABOUT MY SON I WANT NOTHING MORE THAN HAVE CHILDREN AND A REAL WIFE BUT I NOT WANT TO GO THROUGH THE SAME THING AGAIN FOR ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD I MEET A GREAT GIRL I MEAN A GOOD ONE AND SHE ASK ME TO LET THE CRAP WITH APPLE GO SO I DECIDED THAT MY NEW WIFE AND OUR NEW LIFE WAS A LOT MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE DAME 120000.00 SHE AGREED TO PAY ME BACK BUT NEVER DID INSTEAD OF TALKING AND FIGHTING WITH HER I JUST TURNED MY HEAD DELETED EVERYTHING EXCEPT MY OLD COMPANY EMAIL BECAUSE I HAVE HAD IT TO LONG TO GIVE UP SO ANY HOW I MEET THE BEST THING THAT COULD EVER HAPPEN TO ME FELT SO PERFECT IN THE START I MEAN WAS FRIENDS FOR OVER A YEAR AND NEVER EVER THOUGHT OF GIRL FRIEND WITH HER BUT I WAS TALKING TO HER ONE DAY AND I HAD MADE A LIST HAD IT NEXT TO MY COMPUTER WHAT ATTRACTED ME WHAT I WAS ATTRACTED TO WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR YES A LIST I KNEW IN MY HEART MY SOUL EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED AND NOT ONE SINGLE THING LESS THAN EXACTLY SO ME AND HER WA STALKING AND I WAS THINKING READING MY LIST AND IT HIT ME SO HARD I FELT SICK WHAT I HAD BEEN SEARCHING FOR ALL MY LIFE WAS STARRING AT ME ON THE COMPUTER AND I ALL READY KNEW THIS GIRL OR I THOUGHT I KNEW THIS GIRL AND I FELL IN LOVE SO SO BAD THEN I HAD TO CUT IT OFF I WAS ALL READY DATING HER FRIEND AND HER FRIEND IS AS CUTE AS THEY COME BUT A PLAYER SO I WAS TURNED OFF FAST AND I NOT CARE ABOUT LOOKS OUTSIDE I WAS SEARCH FOR PERFECT GIRL INSIDE AND I WAS LUCKY WITH THIS ONE BECAUSE SHE WAS MORE THAN I WANTED I MEAN DROP DEAD GORGEOUS TOTALLY PERFECT FILLED EVERYTHING ON MY LIST BUT I AM TOTALLY DIFFERENT FROM MOST GUYS HAVE BEEN IN LOVE WITH RACE CARS MY WHOLE LIFE DID NOT START DATING UNTIL 35 BUILT A EMPIRE GREAT LIFE FIRST THEN STARTED PLAYING ON ACCIDENT BUT ANY HOW SO I BROKE UP WITH THIS GIRL BECAUS EI MADE A DEAL WITH GOD WHEN I DIED IN THAILAND I WOULD TRY MY BEST TO LIVE RIGHT DO RIGHT AND NEVER TRY TO HURT ANY ONE OR DO ANYTHING HE WOULD THINK WAS BAD SO I BROKE UP WITH MY DREAM GIRLS BEST FRIEND IN THAT I LOST THE ONE I WA SREALLY IN LOVE WITH TO START WITH SO FIVE OR SIX MONTHS GO BY I WAS HATEING LIFE TRIED ALOT ALOT OF GIRLS BUT I HAD MY LIST IF THEY <deleted> UP THEY GOT KICKED TO THE CURB NO EXCUSSES NO SECOND CHANCES AND I HAD GAVE HER FRIEND THREE CHANCES JUST BECAUS EI LOVED TO TALK WITH HER HER FRIEND WAS ALLWAYS TO BUSY HAVING FUN WITH HER GUY FRIENDS TO EVER THINK OF ME BUT I WAS HAVING FUN WITH HER FRIEND I FEEL IN LOVE WITH SO I AM SITTING AT MY COMPUTER WORKING AND LOW AND BEHOLD THE COMPUTER BEEPS ITS MY GIRL THE MESSAGE READS I NEED YOU OF COURSE REMEBE RI WAS IN LOVE WITH THIS GIRL A LONG TIME AND I NEVER EVER TOLD HER SO BAMM I AM ALL IN IT AND WANT TO TELL HER EVERYTHING BUT SCARED TOO I DONT KNOW WHAT SHE THINKS OR FEELS SO I FINNALY A WEEK OR SO LATTER I LET IT OUT I DID NOT WANT TO LIVE WITH THE FACT THE GIRL I LOVE MOST IN THE WORLD DONT EVEN KNOW I LOVE HE RSO I TOLD HER THOUGHT I LOST HER AGAIN BUT IT WAS OK I TOLD HER HOW I FELT NOW I WOULD JUST TRY TO GET OVER IT BUT SHE COMES BACK IT WORKS OUT SHE STARTS TO LIKE ME I WAS ALL READY IN LOVE BEEN IN LOVE TRIED ALL READY TO LIKE OTHERS NEVER FOUND NOT ONE ANY WHERE IN THE WORLD THAT ROCKERD MY BOAT LIKE HER SO WE PLAN TO DATE FALL IN LOVE OR SHE FINNALY DOES WE PLAN TO MARRY EVERYTHING IS PERFECT BUT NOW SHIT IS SCREWING UP THE LIFE SHE HAD TOLD ME ABOUT HER WAS ALL LIES AND THERES ALL THESE PROFILES SAME GIRL DIFFRENT NAMES AGES AND I DONT KNOW WHY THEN TRIED TO SEND HER 500 THROUGH WESTERN UNION AFTER 35 YEARS OF SEND HUNDRED OF THOUSAND USEING WESTERN UNION I AM CUT OFF PUT THROUGH THE RINGS ASK ALL KINDS OF STUFF ABOUT MY GIRL AND TOLD I CANT USE IT AGAIN AND STILL CANT THEY TELL ME THE GIRL HAS MULITIBLE COMPLAINTS OF BEING A SCAMMER AND I REMEBER HER FRIEND ASKING FOR MONEY GIFTS ITS THE ONLY TIME SHE WOULD TALK TO ME AND YES THE MULITBLE PROFILES MAKES PERFECT SINCE FOR A SCAMMER BUT I JUST CANT BELEAVE MY GIRL A SCAMMER OR I DONT WANT TO THINK IT I DONT WANT MY DREAM GIRL TO BE FAKE OR BAD ITS SOMETHING I THINK I NOT CAN HANDL EBUT HER GOES MY STORY PLEASE READ SEND IT BACK ANY THOUGHTS AND I SORRY I DONT SPELL RIGHT OR TYPE OR RIGHT BUT IF YOU GET THROWN 303 METERS AND THEN HAVE YOUR HEAD RAN OVER YOU TOO MIGHT NOT WRITE OR SPELL TO GOOD TO PLEASE REAL MAYBE CAN HELP ME --------hey world how are you i was getting ready to go do some welding and go to load my truck so i can get ready to leave but i have some one that right now i really really need to be able to believe in and trust and count on and right now i am not so sure i can i have a friend of mine who don't talk much but about one third of what they say is not true and then part of what they say they going to do they don't do and then they make promises and breaks them all most all ways you know back in the good old days some ones word was gold it was a word that when you looked at some one they told you this is that or this it was there word so you could trust what they say and plan for what was going on because they gave you there word and then when people use to make a promise MAN A PROMISE YOU TO BE AS GOOD AS A GOLD BAR A SIGNED CONTRACT WHEN YOU MAKE A PROMISE TO ME IT IS SOMETHING YOU NOT BREAK UNLESS ITS JUST NOT POSSIBLE AT THE PRESENT TIME BUT YOU ALL WAYS MAKE UP FOR A PROMISE I NEVER HAVE MEET SO MANY PEOPLE WHO TELL THIS TELL THAT MAKE PROMISES LEFT AND RIGHT AND GO ON EVERY DAY AS IT WAS NOTHING JUST MORE WORDS THAT COME OUT THERE MOUTH i sure not under stand people some times and to me a promise or some ones word means a lot i hate when people don't do what they tel you how do you plan around something when you not sure the person is straight up or honest or really doing or thinking what you talked about because some of it they don't do some of the words promises are broken as they mean nothing just easy ways out of a place or thing they don't want to do but instead be honest tell it like it is they use a promise to go around the truth then break the promise so it goes from something simple to a problem i not under stand any more I NEVER EVER REALLY CARED ONE WAY OR THE OTHER ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE OR THEY PROMISES OR WORDS I NEVER EVER LET ANY ONE CLOSE ENOUGH TO ME THAT WHAT THEY DID COULD HURT ME OR MY LIFE BUT I <deleted> UP ROYALLY ABOUT 6 OR 7 YEARS AGO IT BEEN SO LONE I FOR GOT BACK THEN I WAS DATE A GIRL ONLINE FOR OVER A YEAR TELL ME ALL KINDS OF SHIT BUT ALL THIS SHIT THIS GIRL TOLD ME WELL DUMB ASS ME BELIEVED EVERY SINGLE WORD IF IT CAME OUT HERE MOUTH IT HAD TO BE THE TRUTH RIGHT WHY WOULD SOME ONE YOU INVOLVED WITH LIE TO YOU OR BREAK A PROMISE BUT ANY HOW 15 MONTHS OF MY LIFE WENT BY EVERY DAY I WAS PLAN FOR TO MAKE A GO AT THE RELATIONSHIP SO I MAKE CHOICES DIVISIONS IN MY LIFE BASED ON THERE WORDS THEY PROMISES WHEN I FINALLY TRAVELED TO HER COUNTRY AFTER THE SECOND TIME AND A TON A TON OF MONEY AND LOTS OF LIVE CHANGING THINGS ON MY END I LEARN 90% OF WHAT I WAS TOLD WAS A LIE AND THE OTHER 10% WAS BROKEN PROMISES THAT MEANT NOTHING JUST WORDS WITH NO FEELINGS OR HEART BEHIND THEM SO KNOW AT THIS POINT I AM THREE YEARS INTO THE WORST RELATIONSHIP OF MY LIFE BUT I HAVE RUINED MY OWN WORLD BACK AT HOME BECAUSE I TRUSTED IN THIS PERSON TO BE HONEST UP FRONT I BE-LEAVED WHEN SHE TOLD ME SOMETHING IT WAS THE TRUTH BUT LIKE I SAID IT WAS A GOOD 60%/40% RELATIONSHIP OF DECEIT JUST LIES BROKEN PROMISES BUT WAIT I HAD ALL READY INVESTED THREE YEARS OF MY LIFE AND SO SO MUCH MONEY HOW COULD I EVEN GO BACK HOME START OVER IF I LET GO BECAUSE I TRUSTED THIS PERSON WORDS THERE PROMISES I BUILT MY NEW LIFE AROUND WHAT THEY SAID I BE-LEAVED IN THEM BUT EVERY THING THAT WAS SAID TO ME PROMISED TO ME WAS AL LIES AND BULL JUST TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF MY HEART AND OF COURSE MY MONEY BUT THE THINGS IS I WAS STUPID ASS I STAYED IN THAT MESS BECAUSE I HAD ALL READY INVESTED NOT ONLY ALL MOST AL OF MY SAVINGS AT THIS TIME BUT TO THIS POINT THREE AND A HALF YEARS SO ANY HOW IT CAME DOWN TO THE FIVE YEAR MAKE HER WORDS MEANT NOTHING HE PROMISES OF ILL STOP CHEATING <deleted> AROUND THEY DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING TOO AND WHY SHOULD THEY HELL SHE NEVER KEPT HER SIMPLE LITTLE PROMISES WHAT IN THE HELL WAS I THINKING SHE WOULD KEEP THE REAL BIG IMPORTANT ONES IF NOT CAN KEEP A SIMPLE EASY ONE THEN I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THEN NEVER GOING TO KEEP ONES THAT ARE REALLY HARD AND ALL MOST IMPOSSIBLE TO KEEP I MEAN LOTS OF PROMISES TAKE WORK HARD WORK ITS LIKE BEING A SMOKER A LONG LONG TIME AND HAVE A LOT OF STRESS IN YOUR LIFE BUT YOU MADE A PROMISES WITH SOME ONE TO QUIT SMOKING WELL NOW IF THAT PERSON COULDN'T STAND SMOKING AND I DID NOT KEEP MY WORD THEN THERE'S A MAJOR PROBLEM RIGHT AND AGAIN ON MY PART I MADE A PROMISE KNOWING DAMN THAT'S GOING TO BE HARD TO DO I REALLY NOT READY OR DON'T WANT TO DO THAT NOT RIGHT NOW BUT I MADE THE PROMISE BECAUSE IT MADE SOME ONE ELSE HAPPY EVEN IT NOT SOMETHING I CARE TO DO RIGHT NOW WHEN PEOPLE GIVE THERE WORDS MAKE PROMISES ITS TO BUILD A RELATIONSHIP ITS TO BUILD TRUST AND ANY ONE WITH ANY SINCE KNOWS IF THERE'S NO TRUST IN A RELATIONSHIP THEN THERE'S NO RELATIONSHIP IF YOU CANT TRUST EACH OTHER OR BE LEAVE IN EACH OTHER THEN YOU NOT GOT ANYTHING TOGETHER BUT WORDS BUT IF THE WORDS ARE NOT TRUE AND PROMISES IF THERE WORDS THERE PROMISES ARE NOT ANY GOOD AND YOU CANT TRUST OR BE-LEAVE IN THERE WORDS THEN THERE'S NO WAY YOU COULD WORK OUT A SMALL OR BIG PROBLEM IN THE RELATIONSHIP AT ANY POINT OF IT WERE IT TO GET INTO TROUBLE BECAUSE IF YOU BOTH LOVED EACH OTHER BUT DIDN'T TRUST EACH OTHER AND EACH OTHER KNEW THERE WORDS THERE PROMISES WAS NOT ANY GOOD THEN YOU KNOW YOUR SELF IT WONT WORK BECAUSE YOU CANT TRUST OR BE-LEAVE IN THEM BECAUSE THEY NEVER KEEP THERE WORD OR PROMISES NO MATTER HOW SIMPLE OR SMALL WELL THE LAST TIME I WAS IN THAT MESS WAS ALL MOST THREE YEARS AGO AND I WASTED FIVE AND A HALF YEARS WITH SOME ONE I KNEW WOULD NEVER LAST BECAUSE THERE WORD MEANT NOTHING THERE PROMISES WAS NOT WORTH ANYTHING AND IT THE END THE RELATIONSHIP WAS NOT WORTH ANYTHING BUT I WASTED A LOT OF MY LIFE AND EVERYTHING I HAD SAVED UP IN 16 YEARS AND HAD TO WALK AWAY WITH NO MONEY NO NOTHING TO SHOW FOR OVER FIVE YEARS OF MY LIFE BUT THERE SITTING PRETTY NOW RICH NOW BUT THEY NOT CARE THEY NEVER DID THERE WORDS NEVER MEANT ANYTHING THERE PROMISES NEVER MEANT ANYTHING THEY DID NOT HAVE THERE HEART INTO IT FROM THE START THERE NOT HALF AS WORRIED ABOUT MAKING ME HAPPY AS I AM MAKING THEM HAPPY AND TO ME I SEE A PROBLEM IN THAT BECAUSE IF I AM NOT AS IMPORTANT IN THERE LIFE TO THEM AS THEY ARE TO ME THEN WHY AM I WASTING MY TIME I KNOW IF MY EX WOULD HAVE BEEN JUST A LITTLE BIT A TINY BIT HONEST I WOULD HAVE NEVER EVER WENT THERE TO START WITH NOT ALONE RUIN MY LIFE BUT IT WAS BECAUSE I FULLY TRUSTED AND BE-LEAVED IN EVERY WORD SHE SAID KNOWING IN MY HEART THE WHOLE TIME SHE NEVER DID WHAT SHE TOLD ME SHE WOULD DO AND SHE NEVER KEPT HER PROMISES AND SHE WAS NOT HALF AS WORRIED AT MAKING ME HAPPY AS I WAS MAKING HER HAPPY IT WAS PRETTY MUCH A ONE WAY STREET AND I ENDED UP LYING DEAD IN A DITCH LOOKING AT MY BODY FROM THE ARMS OF TWO ANGLES HOLDING ME UP AND TELLING ME ITS MY TIME TO LEAVE EARTH AND THE WHOLE TIME I WAS BEGGING FOR MORE TIME TIME TO FINNISH WHAT I STARTED PUT MY WHOLE HEART INTO BUT AFTER I WAS BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE AND I HEALED UP FROM EVERY SINGLE BONE BEING BROKEN AND HALF MY SKIN AND FLESH GONE I LEARNED ALL ABOUT THIS PERSON I JUST GAVE 6 YEARS OF MY LIFE TO AND OVER 500 K I LEARNED SHE HIRED THE TWO GUYS TO KILL ME EVEN ONE OF THEN WAS DEAD SHE HIRED THE 10 GUYS TO BEAT THE HELL OUT OF ME IN A NIGHT CLUB AND THE COP THAT WAS THERE WAS PAID TO LOOK AWAY SO THEY COULD BEAT ME TO DEATH AND SAY IT WAS A DRUNKEN BRAWL THAT GOT ME KILLED THEY JUST DIDN'T KNOW I WAS A THIRD DEGREE BLACK BELT AND HAD BEEN I PROFESSIONAL BODY GUARD AND HAD FIGHTERD IN A LOT OF BAD MAN CONTEST AND ONLY LOST ONCE TO A 800 POUND SUMO WRESTLER BUT THE DID MANAGE TO TAKE MY LIFE AWAY FROM ME AND GOD ABOVE GAVE ME MY LIFE BACK WELL I BEGGED FOR IT BUT HE BLESSED ME WITH AIR BACK IN MY LUNGS AND I GUESS I AM LUCKY TO WALK EVEN ITS HARD SOME DAY I TRY TO NOT COMPLAIN BECAUSE I WAS DEAD I WATCHED THEM THAI GUYS THROW MY BODY AROUND IN THE DITCH AS THEY ROBBED ALL THE GOLD OFF ME AND MY WALLET WATCH EVEN THE WEDDING RING LEFT NOTHING EVEN TOOK MY HARLY BOOTS AND THE HELMET THAT WAS ON MY HEAD EVEN IT WAS RUN OVER WITH MY HEAD IN IT FOR A SECOND TIME AND ONE OF THE TWO BOYS WHO WAS TRYING TO OR DID KILL ME LYE IN FRONT OF ME AND BLEED TO DEATH AND I HAD TO WATCH LIVE WITH LOTS LOTS OF PAIN ALL OVER SOME ONES LIES NOT KEEPING THERE WORD BREAKING THERE PROMISES SO I TENT TO HAVE A HARD TIME TRUSTING PEOPLE OR I HAVE A REAL HARD TIME LETTING ANY ONE GET CLOSE TO ME TO START WITH AND AS FAR AS LOVE GOES OUT SIDE THE INTERNET IT WAS NEVER EVER IN MY MIND OR WORLD BECAUSE I DIDN'T NEVER WANT TO GIVE ANY ONE ELSE A CHANCE TO HURT ME PHYSICAL Y OR MENTALLY OR EMOTIONALLY BUT I HAVE GAVE SOME ONE A CHANCE A BIG CHANCE AND I HAVE WENT ALL IN I HAVE IN RETURN GAVE MORE THIS TIME EVEN ITS LESS MONEY BUT ITS ONLY LESS MONEY BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A LOT NOW BUT I DID GIVE EVERY SINGLE THING I HAD TO GIVE TO TRY TO PROVE HOW SPECIAL THEY WHERE AND HOW MUCH I REALLY LOVE THEM AND WANT THEM AND I NEVER EVER WANTED THEM TO THINK THEY WAS TREATED LESS THAN MY EX OR I DID MORE FOR MY EX SO IN RETURN I GAVE EVERYTHING RIGHT OFF THE BAT WHEN EVERY ONE ELSE I HAVE MEET OR TALKED TO IN THE LAST THREE YEARS AS SOON AS JUST ONE WORD ONE PROMISE OR THE WORD MONEY WAS MENTIONED I WOULD BREAK UP RUN AWAY HID CHANGE MY NUMBERS EMAILS EVERYTHING BECAUSE IN MY HEART EVEN THEY DIDN'T UNDER STAND WHEN I GAVE THEM A CHANCE TO START WITH THEY HAD GOT A LOT FROM ME A LOT FROM SOME ONE WHO HAD BEEN THROUGH HELL AND BACK AND THIS ONE LADY WELL I TRULY DON'T UNDER STAND A LOT OF THINGS ABOUT IT IT HAS ME ACTING CRAZY WEIRD AND SOME TIMES LIKE A 15 YEAR OLD KID AND IM NO KID BY A LONG SHOT HAVEN'T NEVER REALLY DATED VERY VERY FEW GIRL FRIEND SLEEP WITH EVEN LESS AND ONLY GUY FRIENDS I HAD IN MY LIFE THAT WAS TRUE FRIENDS WHERE A FEW RACERS AND MONTGOMERY GENTRY TROY LEE AND EDDIE AND KNEW JOHN MICHEAL AND I GUESS I HAD ABOUT TWO REALLY CLOSE BLACK GUY FRIEND CURTIS THAT PLAYS STROKE N AND A NICE OLD BLACK GUY THAT WORKED WITH ME AT THE DODGE DEALER SHIP IT WAS FUNNY OUT OF 25 WHITE MECHANICS AND BODY MAN THEY ONLY ONE PERSON I COULD TRUST WITH LEAVING MY RACE CAR WITH WAS A NICE OLDER BLACK GUY SO THERE'S NOT BEEN A LOT OF PEOPLE IN MY LIFE TO START WITH VERY FEW I EVER LOVED AND LESS THAN A HAND FULL I GAVE THE WORD I TRUST YOU TO AND I HAVE NOT MEET ONE PERSON YET THAT HAS NOT BROKE PROMISE KEPT THERE WORD TO ME BUT I HAVE SOME ONE I CANT EXPLAIN I CANT UNDER STAND THIS PERSON HAS TO BE MY SOUL MATE OR DESTINY BECAUSE I WAS EATHER NEVER IN LOVE BEFORE IN MY LIFE OR SOMETHING CRAZY IS SURE UP BECAUSE AFTER WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME I WOULD HAVE ALL READY LEFT A LONG TIME AGO BUT I JUST CANT I CANT LET GO I CANT WALK AWAY AND I CANT EVEN THINK OF GIVING UP BUT I AM SCARED TO DEATH I NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WHAT TO THINK AND AT THIS POINT I FEEL ITS I WAS SENT A ANGLE FROM HEAVEN BUT ITS SEEMS MAYBE AS BAD AS IT SOUNDS AS BAD AS I HATE TO SAY IT I NOT SURE NOW IF ITS FROM HEAVEN OR SOMETHING ELSE BECAUSE I ALL READY GAVE MORE THAN I HAD TO GIVE AND I NOT SEE THIS PERSON PUTTING IN OR GIVING BACK HALF OF WHAT I AM TRYING TO DO AND I NOT TALKING ABOUT MONEY JUST A LOT OF DIFFERENT THINGS BUT ANY HOW I NEED TO GO TO WORK I GOT MY LIFE TURNED UP SIDE DOWN AGAIN AND MY HEART DON'T FEEL RIGHT AND I HAD TO TALK AND LET IT OUT SO I DIDN'T BLOW UP I DON'T KNOW IF ANY ONE OUT THERE CAN RELATE TO ME UNDER STAND ME OR GIVE ME ANY ADVICE I KNOW THERES A FEW OF YOU TRIED TO HELP ME OUT MY LAST MESS AND THIS LADY HERE IS WHY I WALKED AWAY AND DIDNT FIGHT FOR MY MONEY BACK BECAUSE SHE ASK ME TO JUST LET IT GO AND BE WITH HER BUT I DDONT SEE HER PUTTING IN HALF THE EFFERT INTO IT AS ME I SEE HER STILL PLAY AROUND HAVE FUN NOT REALLY TAKING IT AS SERIOUSE AS IT IS AND I KNOW SHES YOUNG SHE HASNT SEEN THE WORLD THROUGH MY EYES OR TRAVLED TO THE PLACES I HAVE SHE NEW AT LIFE SHES NOT SEEN ALL THE BAD SO I AM TRYING TO UNDERSTAND AND GIVE AS MUCH ROOOM AS I CAN BUT I AM FEELING I AM BEING PUSHED INTO A COURNER WHERE MY WANTS MY FEELING DONT MATTER AGAIN I STARTING TO FEEL LIKE ITS ALL ABOUT THEM AND AND EVEN SHE SAYS SHE LOVES ME WANTS ME AND WANTS TO MARRY ME AS I AM OLDER I KNOW MY PART I UNDER STAND WHAT MARRIED AND COMMITMENT IS I WOULD REALLY LIKE IF I AM GOING TO DO THIS IT BE RIGHT AND PERFECT I JUST DONT WANT TO REPEAT WHAT I DID AND I KNOW THAT THERES NO WAY IN THE WORLD THIS GIRL IS NOTHING LIKE APPLE THIS GIRL IS A MILLION TIMES BETTER AND SHE IS NOT AT ALL ABOUT MONEY BUT THERES A LOT OF GUY FRIENDS ALOT OF GIRL FRIENDS AND ALOT OF SHE IS STIL YOUNG AND LOVES LIFE AND I WANT TO SHARE MY LIFE WITH HER BUT I BEEN TO HELL AND BACK I WANT TO KNOW SHE IS REAL AND THIS IS SERIOUS AND ITS GOING TO LAST FOR AT LEASTE MORE THAN 7 YEARS HELL AFTER 7 I GO BACK TO THAILAND SEE MY SON AND I KNOW ILL BE KILLED FIRST TIME I SHOW UP AT ANY OF OUR HOUSES OUR COMPANYS AND THEY WIL HIRE ALOT MORE HIT MAN TO MAKE SURE I NOT GET OUT OF THERE AGAIN I JUST WANT TO MARRY THIS YOUNG LADY AND KNOW ITS REAL I WANT TO FEEL INSIDE SHES GOING TO DO WHAT IT TAKES TO MAKE IT WORK AND STAY TOGETHER REALINSHIPS ARE HARD THEY TAKE WORK THEY TAKE TWO PEOPLE TOGETHER WANTING THE SAME THING AND I KNOW HOW LOTS OF FRIENDS DO MALE OR FEMALE WHEN SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS OR LITTLE HAPPENS THE FIRST THING THEY WANT TO DO IS RUN TO THERE FRIENDS GO OUT PARTY DANCE HANG OUT WITH OTHERS INSTEAD STAY AT HOME TALK THINGS OVER WORK THINGS OUT I HAVE AL READY SEEN WHEN SHES MAD SHE NOT GOING TO TALK AND STAY MAD ALONG TIME AND THERES A LOT OF GUY FRIENDS TOO AND I KNOW EVERY ONE IS TO HAVE FRIENDS BUT I AM BURT SLAM OUT OF MY GIRLS HAVING GUY FRIENDS BECAUSE OF THE THREE LONG TERM REALINSHIPS I HAVE HAD I HAVE COUGHT EVERY DAM ONE OF THEM <deleted> THERE BEST FRIENDS IN EATHE RMY HOUSE MY CARS OR MY COMPANIES AND ITS ALL WAYS BEEN THERE BEST FRIENDS FROM SCHOOL GOING TO LUNCH MOVIES NMEETING THEM OUT AT THE CLUBS AND WHEN THEY SOPOSED TO BE WITH GIRLS ONLY I HAVE HEARD IT AL SEEN IT AL AND I HAVE FIVE SISTERS THREE BROTHERS SO I HAVE SEEN AND HEARD IT ALL AND I HATE TO BE PLAYED HOW DO I KNOW THAT SHE WIL TRY HOW DO I KNOW SHE WIL BE HONEST FAITHFUL HOW DO I KNOW SHE WILL KEEP HER WORD OR PROMISES WHEN SHE IS ALL READY BREAKING THEM AND WE HAVE NOT EVEN GOT MARRIED YET I SEE HER SPEND MORE TIME HAVE FUN WITH FRIENDS THAN LOOKING PLANNING THINKING ABOUT A REAL LIFE TOGETHER AND WHEN WE ARE TALKING ITS ME WHO DOES AL LTHE TALKING SAME AS BEFORE ITS LIKE THEY ALONG FOR THE RIDE BUT THERE NOT ABOUT TO GET IN THE DRIVERS SEAT OR PAY FOR THE GAS BUT THEY WILL RIDE ALONG IF THEY CAN BRING THERE FRIENDS BUT WHAT SHOULD I DO I KNOW IN MY HEART THERES SOMETHING ABOUT THIS ONE I DO NOT WANT TO WALK AWAY FROM OR GIVE UP ON I BELEAVE IN MY HEART SHES A GOOD GIRL I BELEAVE IN MY HEART IN A FEW YEARS SHE BE THE BEST WIFE IN THE WORLD ITS CAN I DEAL WITH THE BULL SHIT THAT LONG OR IT IT ANOTHER FREE RIDE BUT I REALLY DONT FEEL A FREE RIDE I NOT THINK ABOUT THAT REALLY WHEN I THINK OF HERE I FEEL MORE THAT SHES PLAYING THE GAMES PLAYING THE FRIELD JUST HAVING FUN AND NOT BEING REAL SEROUSE OR REAL ABOUT WHATS BEING PLANNED WHAT IS IN MOTION AT THIS POINT AND YES I AM ALL READY GAVE UP MY OFFICE AND MY TWO NEW WAREHOUSES I WORKED SO HARD TO GET AND GETTING READY TO MAYBE GIVE UP THE ONE IN CHARLTTE I SPENT MORE ON HER RINGS THAN SOME BRAND NEW LITTLE CARS ON THE ROAD I PICKED OUT THE WEDDING DRESS AND EVERYTHING BECAUS EFOR ONCE I WANT THIS I WANT TO MARRY HER IT WAS MY IDEA TO MARRY HER IT WAS NOT FORCED ON ME OR I WASNT CONNED INTO A MARRIGE AS I WAS THE LAST ONE IF I KNEW ANY OF THE TRUTH ABOUT THE LAST GIRL THERE WOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN ANYTHING BUT A ON LINE FRIEND SHIP BUT THERE IS SOMETHING I AM IN LOVE TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH THIS GIRL DONT WANT OTHERS DONT CARE TO THINK OF GET OTHERS LOOK OTHERS I REALLY TOTALLY HAPPY WITH THIS ONE IF IT WAS NOT FOR THE FRIENDS AND THE MEANING LESS WORDS AND THE BROKEN PROMISES HAS REALLY HIT ME HARD I HAVE LET IT SLIDE THREE TIMES BEFORE BUT ITS SOMETHING I DONT BELEAVE IN AND I HAVE ASK HER ABOUT ALOT OF STUFF SHE ACTS LIKE SHE NOT HEARS YOU SHE WIL RUN 10 MILES TO KEEP FROM ANSWER SOMETHING SHE NOT WANT TO ANSWER BUT THEN I HAVE TO GIVE HER SOME RESPECT THERE I MEAN SHE JUST DONT OPEN HER MOUTH AND LIE TO MY FACE SHE JUST RUNS AROUND THE BALL FIELD A FEW TIMES TO KEEP FROM TELL OR GIVE YOU A FAKE OR LAMM EXCUSS TO GET OUT OF DOING IT I FEEL IM THE ONE WHO IS TOTALLY IN LOVE I FEEL SHE LOVES ME BUT DEFFINTLY NOT IN LOVE I HAVE SEEN THINGS WITH PROFILES DIFFRENT NAMES AGES THAT SHE HAS JUST TO TALK TO OTHER GUYS I DONT KNOW WHY OR WHATS UP BUT I CANT GET ALOT OUT OF HER BUT SHE NOT LIE TO MAY FACE AGAIN SHE JUST AVOIDS THE ASWERS BUT IT HAS ME FEELING UNCOMFORTIBLE ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW SO I AM ASKING YOU GUYS READ WHAT I HAVE SAID AND MOST OF YOU KNOW I DONT WRITE WEL OR SPEL SO YOU HAVE TO READ BETWEEN THE LINES ON SOME BUT ITS THERE I FEEL I AM TOTALLY IN LOVE ENOUGH TO DO THE SAME THING I DID 6 OR 7 YEARS AGO FOR THIS GIRL EVEN AFTER WHAT HAPPEN SO YOU ALL KNOW I GOT TO LOVE THIS GIRL UNCONDINALLY BUT I ALSO KNOW MY SELF IM OLDER I KNOW I SICK AND TIRED OF GOT TO HAVE THE GUY FRIEND CRAP OR HANGING AROUND ALOT OF SINGLE GIRLS WHO HAVE NO ONE TO ANDWER TOO AND CAN FLIRT PLAY THE FIELD AND EVERY ONE KNOWS IF THEY HANG AROUND SINGLE GIRLS PLAYING THE FILED MOST GUYS ALLWAYS HAS THERE BODDIES WITH THEM ITS A GAME TO THEM TO SEE WHO WILL GO THE FATHEST PUT UP THE BIGGEST FRONT SO I KNOW AS MUCH AS I LOVE HER I HAVE TO WALK AWAY FROM THAT IF IT NOT STOPS BECAUS EI KNOW ME I KNOW I WONT TAKE THE SHIT I TOOK BEFORE AND I FEEL I TO OLD TO GO SIT IN JAIL FOR BEAT SOME ONES BRAINS OUT I HAVE BEEN PUSHED A LITTLE TO THAT AREA ALL READY AND IM COCKED AND LOADED AND READY TO ROCK AT A FLIP OF THE SWICHT AND I HAVE TO THINK WHY LIKE A GUY TOLD ME TODAY HEY DUDE I BEEN FLIRTING TALKING TO YOUR GIRL ALONG TIME HE GOES IM JUST LIKE YOUR GIRL I GOT LOTS PROFILES IM PLAYING THE FIELD HE SAYS HES <deleted> MY GIRL AND HER FRIEND AND THEY DROP TO THERE KNEES ANY TIME HE ASK HE SAYS ANY TIME HE CALLS SHES HIS EVEN WHEN IM TALKING TO HER BUT I KNOT KNOW OR THINK ALL OF THAT IS TRUE BUT I DO KNOW SHE DOES HAVE MORE THAN ONE PROFILE THEY DO HAVE LOTS LOTS GUY FRIENDS AND SOM EOF IT TO ME IS A LITTLE TO FRIENDLY BUT AGAIN I NOT SURE AND I AM INTO THIS KINDA DEEP AGAIN WOULD I SINK IF I WALK AWAY NO BUT MENTALLY I WILL HURT MYSELF BECAUSE THERE IS SOMETHING THERE I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN TO MY SELF I WANT TO SAY GOD SENT HER TO ME BUT IN THE SAME TIME I AM BEING HONEST WITH MY SELF SHE IS NOT PUTTING MUCH EFFERT INTO THE REALINSHIP SHE IS STILL PLAYING AROUND NOT TALKING IT SEROIUSLY SO PLEASE SEND ME YOUR THOUGHTS I ONLY HAVE A FEW DAYS BEFOR EI MAKE A TRIP AND MAKE IT TO HARD TO TURN AROUND ITS MY HEART THAT SAYS KEEP HER TRY IT BU TMY HEAD SAYS RUN LIKE HELL SHES JUST NOT READY TO BE A WIFE STILL WANTS TO PLAY AROUND FLIRT PLAY THE GAME I DONT SEE HER ACTING LIKE PLAYING WIFE OR IF WIFE LIKE THAT GOING TO BE A HEADACK AND TROUBLE BECAUSE I NOT GOING TO DEAL WITH THE GUYS AND LIKE I SAID HER CLOSEST FRIENDS ARE ALL PRETTY GIRLS SINGLE GIRLS PARTY HAVE FUN SO ITS GOING TO BE HARD FOR HER TO STEP OUT OF THAT OR LEAVE IT OR DONT THINK SHE HAS ANY THOUGHTS OF GIVE UP GOING OUT WITH HER FREINDS AND LIKE I SAID THERE ALL SINGLE SO THERES LOTS OF GUYS AROUND AND THE CHANCES OF CHEATING <deleted> AROUND ARE VERY HIGH BUT THE OLD HEART SAYS SHES A GOOD GIRL SHES WHAT YOU ALLWAYS DREAMED OF AND ALL WAYS WANTED ALL EXCEPT THE PARTY WILD SIDE FLIRT SIDE THATS SOMETHING THAT TURNS ME OFF BUT SHE WONT DO LITTLE THINGS SIMPLE EASY THINGS TO MAKE ME HAPPY NOW STUFF THAT NOT COST HER ANY MONEY JUST LITTEL SIMPLE THINGS LIKE SENDING PICS OF HER REG PICS AND ITS WEIRD FUNNY WHEN I FIRST TALK TO HER SHE SEND ME A FEW UMMMMM PICS RIGHT OFF THE BAT BUT KNOW WE SERIOUSE AND PLAN ON MARRYING SHE WONT SEND A PIC LIK ETHAT FOR ANYTHING IN THE WORLD AND IT HARD TO JUST GET A PICURE AND ITS LIKE I AM ONLY ASKING FOR THREE THINGS OUT OF HER AND THE THREE THINGS RIGHT NOW ARE TO HARRD FOR HER TO GIVE ME PICS OF HER AND HER DAY AND WHAT SHES DOING I LIKE PICS I WANT TO SEE NOT JUST HER THE AREA WHERE SHE LIVES WHERE WE WOULD LIVE AND YES HER SHE WONT DO THE VIDEO CHAT SO ONLY THING I CAN SEE OF HER IS PICS BUT VERY FEW AND USELLY A FIGHT OVER ASKING AND THE ONES ALL US MEN WANT TO SEE LIKE I SAID WHEN I FIRST TALKED SHE GAVE ME SOME RIGHT OFF THE BAT BUT KNOW WHERE SERIOUSE GOING TO MARRY HELL NO SHE WIL LIE PROMISE YOU AND SHE WONT DO IT SHE WIL START A FIGHT WITH YOU FIRST BUT I ASK A LOT OF QUESTIONS SHE WONT ANSWER AND I ASK TO STAY AWAY FROM THE GUYS AND SHE JUST INSITE IT OK THERE FRIENDS WHEN I GET THER EI WILL MEET THEM SEE THEY OK BUT DAM I KNOW THE DEAL EVERY ONE REMEBER I MARRIED A VIRGIN FOR 87000.00 DOLLARS AND SHE CAME WITH A TEEN AGE DAUGHTER AND A THAI HUSBAND TOO AND TWO THAI BOY FRIENDS AND SHIT SHE MARRIED A GUY FROM TEXAS HAD THE ENGAGMENT IN THE OFFICE I BOUGHT BUILT AND I BOUGHT THE LAST HOUSE AND NEW LAND IN THE COUNTRY IN CHAIN MAI AREA AND I BOUGHT ALL NEW FURNUTURE I NEVER STAYED ONE NIGHT IN THE HOUSE SHE MOVED HE RNEW HUSBAND IN THER EWELL SEND ME YOUR THOUGHTS I NEED GO WELFD A TRAILER HITCH STAY UP AL NIGHT LOAD MY TRUCK SO I LEAVE SOON I JUST DONT KNOW IF ITS GOING TO WORK SHE DONT TRY HARD ENOUGH FOR ME AT THIS POINT TO GO ANY FURTHER

[metisdead]

Please do not post using all caps, even in topic title.

Forum Netiquette

1. Please do not post in all capital letters, bold, unusual fonts, sizes or colors. It can be difficult to read.

Am closing this, you can re-compose without the usage of all caps and try again.