When it becomes TOO much. How can we safely remove the problem?

[kwak250]

You could suggest changing the meeting place to a gay bar and hopefully he will not want anything to do with your meetings.

[jpinx]

Sounds like many of the social misfits that wouldn't get elbow room in their own country, so they arrive in an expat community where being a social misfit is the "norm"

Dunno how often you meet, but if it's once a week, just change the day Was that too easy ?

[thaidel48]

Well in my opinion I reckon if you all banded together and made him feel unwelcome he would stop coming.It might be a bit tense for a while but if you find his company so irritating its a price worth paying.

The truth of the matter is just be a bit more wary about who you befriend . I always keep my distance when introduced to new people as in my experiance 8 out of 10 are dodgy.

[rotary]

Two solutions here:

(1)Stop having the "meetings"

(2)Tell him he is not welcome pure and simple

[frollywolly]

Come on Frolly he must be a TV member. Throw him to the dogs. You can PM me if you prefer.

....no problem- we are waiting...

If he is a member, he has not said a word to us.

[kwak250]

Come on Frolly he must be a TV member. Throw him to the dogs. You can PM me if you prefer.

....no problem- we are waiting...

If he is a member, he has not said a word to us.

[frollywolly]

Sounds like many of the social misfits that wouldn't get elbow room in their own country, so they arrive in an expat community where being a social misfit is the "norm"

Dunno how often you meet, but if it's once a week, just change the day Was that too easy ?

Actually good advice.

Two days are fixed. some go there other days.

[kwak250]

If he is a kwow it all why not mention this topic on here and ask what he would do?

There is your answer! ?

[frollywolly]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

Well in my opinion I reckon if you all banded together and made him feel unwelcome he would stop coming.It might be a bit tense for a while but if you find his company so irritating its a price worth paying.

The truth of the matter is just be a bit more wary about who you befriend . I always keep my distance when introduced to new people as in my experiance 8 out of 10 are dodgy.

Freezing him out is a good option.

Two solutions here:

(1)Stop having the "meetings"

(2)Tell him he is not welcome pure and simple

The meet ups must continue. Healthly minds for the rest of us.

I do agree, the direct approach is usually best. I am sure I would also give the same advice to someone else. This situation, not so. he can be unpredictable and volatile and might not respond to a direct approach.

3 months back it appeared he might be moving or leaving Thailand, but alas, he has not.

[frollywolly]

If he is a kwow it all why not mention this topic on here and ask what he would do?

There is your answer! ?

Brilliant!

[frollywolly]

^^ Speaking of waiting ...

It is a social meeting/group.

What is the point of commonality for said group?

Nationality?

What your ride/drive?

Language?

******?

Was there an answer to this question?

.

You send me a mail message imploring me to ignore you and now you want answers. Make your mind up old bean.

[razer]

"He who knows .... knows not. He who knows that he knows not ... knows."

Going way back to a philosophy class.

Edited November 27, 2014 by razer

[SOTIRIOS]

...what kind of discussion group is it.......if you can't even discuss freely amongst yourselves......???

[BKKSnowBird]

Easy. Start asking him for loans or to pick up the tab with the promise to get the next one. He will drop you.

[Regyai]

One of those 'but if we let him in.....whose going to get him out' situations

If no one within your group has the cojones, why not 'import' someone capable as a new 'member' with the remit to chase him away with or without his post prandial molars - surely the fee involved would be tolerable.

.

[chrisinth]

OP, I have seen this many, many times, one of the down sides from running a bar for 12 years here.

The easiest way to get dissuade the offending person is to simply prove him wrong. I am sure with your combined group knowledge that should not be difficult. It will take a bit of time, and a few good putdowns, but it does work. An additional point to this is, if you can't prove him wrong, then maybe there is another issue to discus among the group, maybe he is actually right.............................

But remember to do this light-heartedly, and preferably before his third bottle of chang..................................

[jpinx]

Actually the violent drunk is the bigger problem. Know-it-alls are a pita but manageable, a large violent drunk is a different prospect- - unless you are larger and willing to go that route

Try to get your words of wisdom into his ears before he starts drinking...... or does he arrive drunk? If he arrives sober - just ask him quickly what he thinks of the group setup and let him dig himself into a hole by telling you all that he knows more than you -- at which point you can politely say that he is obviously not happy with the group and should not bother to attend. At the same time -- make sure he joins TV -- as an alternative outlet for his immense wisdom He will be more likely to leave you alone if he thinks there's richer pickings on TV.

Get all this done before he starts drinking. If he insists on starting drinking while he argues the point, you need to be politely firm and say that you don't like people who drink so much -- assuming the rest of you don't ?

[jacksam]

Just tell him to <deleted> off, no one likes you because you grandstand and think you know everything!

Don't often see eye to eye with casual biker but agree here. There isn't any point of dancing around the issue. Sounds like most of you just want to see him not at the get togethers. Don't do the "its not you its us..." routine. Use casualbiker approach.

[Gandtee]

Perhaps electing a chairman could solve the problem, to remind him that others also have an opinion and allow them to express it. Maybe my old Mum's saying ;We have heard ducks fart before' could arrest him?

[Suradit69]

One of our brood has gradually become more and more the self-appointed expert on everything Thai. The reality is, he is no expert at all. His advice and commentary all stems from what he has read or heard from someone else. Minimal first hand experience.

Have others had this experience? What is the easiest way to extricate this ardent bore from our daily lives? We want minimum fuss for ourselves.

Sounds like a metaphor for the whole Thai Visa message board thing. Some people have chronic verbal diarrhoea (or the scribal variation) and believe themselves to be experts in all things, Thai or otherwise. They spew endlessly and try to make themselves the center of any discussion they choose to join as well as the innumerable threads they initiate themselves ... as one poster in this thread demonstrates regularly.

Was there an answer to this question?

You send me a mail message imploring me to ignore you and now you want answers. Make your mind up old bean.

Being ignored is the last thing he'd want.

Edited November 27, 2014 by Suradit69

[1FinickyOne]

Actually, my first thought was AA too - so, not so strange - - and there was a fellow moved in locally who knew everything but not just abt Thailand… abt everything. And when I mentioned him to a friend, he told me that alcoholics can get that way…

To address your problem, you surely have my sympathies. I have seen groups disband over similar, where the obnoxious person made it unpleasant and the nicer people stopped coming. Not sure how many in your group but what eventually did happen was on a much less formal basis we began getting together in smaller groups, no specific place or time, just a couple of phone calls and done on a specific invite basis. Sort of, "I am going for lunch, if you want to come, call a couple of the other guys, ok."

Though a confrontation sounds in order it is not easy or fun to do… and will likely leave much harder feelings.

[soalbundy]

write him a nice letter

[John1thru10]

You are describing about 90% of ex-pats I meet in Thailand, frankly. For whatever reasons, most of them are alcoholics, and are as defensive and unthinking as alcoholics are. In fact, most of the posters on this site seem to be of that nature, as well. Which is part of why the forum can often be so depressing to read. For whatever reasons, insecure alcoholic types are drawn to Thailand, and they're hard to encounter without feeling annoyed and despressed afterwards.

And, after all, why do you need to have western friends in Thailand? You have something vitally important to discuss with them? Come on. There's nothing wrong with spending time by yourself, if you can handle seeing yourself that way, without distraction. You may learn a lot more about Thailand that way, than you will from any expat, frankly. I'm shocked at how little the other westerns I meet here know about this culture. They only know a few words of Thai, beer, and small bs like that.

Edited November 27, 2014 by John1thru10

[sfbandung]

Just stop going. I go to things/meetings when they are enjoyable or are achieving their original purpose, be that philanthropic or just entertainment. If it isn't happening any more then I'd just bail. Others will follow suit and eventually you'll gel into another group ...

[poweratradio]

That's no way to talk about someone behind his back like this. How do you know he is not reading you here. What kind of group is this anyway. A group of spineless cowards? Nice way to turn on one who was good enough for your group to begin with. Who really evolved into the boors here.

[soalbundy]

That's no way to talk about someone behind his back like this. How do you know he is not reading you here. What kind of group is this anyway. A group of spineless cowards? Nice way to turn on one who was good enough for your group to begin with. Who really evolved into the boors here.

It's you is it ?

[Saan]

You have to be careful of not falling into schoolyard behavior of just ousting one of your number. Someone has to tell him he is pissing everyone off. Give him a chance to modify his conduct and if that doesn't work then tell him he is not welcome. All the other things like changing your venue can follow on if her persists.

[David48]

It is a social meeting/group.

What is the point of commonality for said group?

Nationality?

What your ride/drive?

Language?

******?

You send me a mail message imploring me to ignore you and now you want answers. Make your mind up old bean.

FW ... indeed I did ... I asked you politely to place me on 'ignore'.

The Forum doesn't need any more bickering couples ... there is a deft of them already on here.

Imploring ... doesn't exactly accurately reflect the tone of the email.

That said ... how about a Christmas Avatar to improve the overall mood?

Tis the Season.

Good will to all members and all that.

.

[NoshowJones]

I know the type, know it alls ! But make sure you are judging him correctly. Just because he does not agree with your position on subjects does not make him a bad guy nor does it make him not correct, maybe he is right. He may also be a great guy away from your meetings. In addition he may look at you guys as his true friends and he is just a little socially retarded. Basically be careful, we all have feelings.

One idea....If as you say he is a know it all and your other group members agree, perhaps a voting system will help. This is done by someone asking for a vote when he starts to ramble on about something and no one agrees, vote to say your wrong as far as we are concerned, and then move on. Ignore him if he continues. He should get the message quickly if people just look away and ignore him.

Again, be careful !

The fact that he gets drunk and aggressive is enough to exclude him from the group in itself. Surely there must be someone in the group who can handle him with back up from the rest of the group.

We have meetings every week among Farangs from nearby towns and outlying areas, and all the guys have a drink except me, no one ever gets drunk.

[NoshowJones]

When he joins you, get up and leave or move to another table.

Or meet where/when no alcohol is available.

If anybody even likes just a sociable drink, they are not going to meet where there is no alcohol served.