When it becomes TOO much. How can we safely remove the problem?

[koele2]

When in Rome.......You are in thailand, do as the Thais do. Don't show up, don't answer the phone, disappear without giving notice, call him only when you need money. Or just beat him up!

[pendingo]

Hi Frolly

I've seen this in the various groups both work and social I have been a member of over the years.

There are always the know alls.

It might be an idea for you all to get together on a different day without his knowledge and discuss what you are going to talk about when he is at a regular meeting.

That will give the rest of the group time to research indisputable proof from more than one source that whatever you are going to say is either correct or incorrect so you will know in advance he is talking BS or not.

Don't challenge him, just tell him you all agree to differ, one way of taking the wind out of his sails.

One thing that poses a problem is his drinking and the violence that goes with it.

Just freezing him out and ignoring him could induce more violence.

Make a note of the local cop shop's number and tell him that if he becomes threatening and/or abusive the police will be called and he will be banned from future meetings.

[smotherb]

Tell him what you feel.

Btw. Its possible to get a ph.d in history even without beeing a part of it. Maybe he actually is an expert :-)

"Its possible to get a ph.d in history even without beeing a part of it." No, it is not. My four week old grandson, is part of history, current history perhaps, but history none the less. Although, you could've said you can get a doctorate in French without being French.

[smotherb]

When in Rome.......You are in thailand, do as the Thais do. Don't show up, don't answer the phone, disappear without giving notice, call him only when you need money. Or just beat him up!

My my, not pro-Thai are we?

[jcisco]

Grow a spine and just tell the guy he is irritating you. I do not understand why you have not simply shut down this crap when as it happened. Someone is being a know it all, tell them so or deconstruct their knowledge to the point they have to lie and then berate them on this. Or just be assertive and say what's on your mind, or be so bold as to speak the groups mind for them and call him out to get out.

If you group feels the same they will back you up, so your options are to begin asserting yourselves or ask advise on a forum on how to hurt someone's feelings while mitigating any blowback on yourselves, grow up and stand up for yourselves. It surprises me your group doesn't have the experience or balls to take care of this, you need to reflect a bit on that.

Edited November 27, 2014 by jcisco

[Tchooptip]

what meeting you're talking about? AA

What an odd assumption.

It is a social meeting/group.

T'was not an odd assumption ''at all'' it's called humour

[benalibina]

Its not so obvious for many....as i thought it would be......my bad....i guess....

[MAZ3]

We had the same problem,a social member invited a total <deleted> onto our Thai table(in the UK). No one wanted him there,but no one has the balls to tell to bugger off. Until I just said(very politely and before he got drunk),that no one wanted his company and he left,never to be seen again. Ah Bliss

[bigwhitewarrior]

I can see your problem OP.

The only solution I can think of, is to change your place of meeting and don't tell him, although it is comfortable for you.

Saying that, I believe he will find out your new place and join you again.

This is not an uncommon problem with farang meetings.

Either we tolerate it or stop going there.

Sorry, I can't help you more but this is one of problems we often encounter being the minority in this country.

Thank you costas.

We thought about a new place. He would find us, of course. If we said that we forgot to tell him, it would still leave us with the problem of he would be back with us. Limited options as to where to go.

When he drinks he can become unhinged and that is what concerns us. We are not the types who are trained in physically defending ourselves.

As you might know, some people become irrationally incensed when they feel slighted/rejected. Back home we could call the old bill. Not so easy here.

P.s I saw another comment. The entire group feels the same. It is a situation that has built up over many months and has become intolerable.

May i suggest that you all have a meeting a sit down with him as we are mostly all grown up here. Tell him each of you in turn how you feel about the current unbarable situation. Let him voice his concerns if he has any... and finish it with a straight forward ...we as a group have decided to exclude you because of .... etc... at least that way it's out in the open and you don't have to change your venue.

Just a thought... ;-)

[ATF]

I can't believe most of these namby pamby responses. Just tell the nob to F-off.

Hey Buddy you're an alky and we don't want to listen to your crap find another outlet for your rhetoric.

[Tchooptip]

You are describing about 90% of ex-pats I meet in Thailand, frankly. For whatever reasons, most of them are alcoholics, and are as defensive and unthinking as alcoholics are. In fact, most of the posters on this site seem to be of that nature, as well. Which is part of why the forum can often be so depressing to read. For whatever reasons, insecure alcoholic types are drawn to Thailand, and they're hard to encounter without feeling annoyed and despressed afterwards.

And, after all, why do you need to have western friends in Thailand? You have something vitally important to discuss with them? Come on. There's nothing wrong with spending time by yourself, if you can handle seeing yourself that way, without distraction. You may learn a lot more about Thailand that way, than you will from any expat, frankly. I'm shocked at how little the other westerns I meet here know about this culture. They only know a few words of Thai, beer, and small bs like that.

''And, after all, why do you need to have western friends in Thailand?''

[khundon]

We've got a group like that (and a similar member or 3).

It's a Wine and Food group - no girls (because of the post-prandial activities around Bangla or points south).

Well ... I've learnt a new word/term 'post-prandial' ... means after eating a meal.

Cheers ...

If you have only just learnt that, then you won't be admitted to their group.

[Evilbaz]

We've got a group like that (and a similar member or 3).

It's a Wine and Food group - no girls (because of the post-prandial activities around Bangla or points south).

Well ... I've learnt a new word/term 'post-prandial' ... means after eating a meal.

Cheers ...

If you have only just learnt that, then you won't be admitted to their group.

Far from it - we are multinational and even allow Americans (difficult as they may be).

We even allow those with a limited vocabulary but fkoff those Aussies who use fk as every second word.

Find a unique (drinkable) wine under 800 baht and join us - that is your mission.

In fact a lot of what we sample is brought in from overseas by friends/newcomers/returnees.

[carter1882]

Oh for goodness sake grow some balls and tell him what you think of him. Ridicule him. Take the michael. If he doesnt get the message increase intensity until he either mends hus wats or finds another group to bore. The latter is the most likely. Tolerating people like this is akin to enabling and will only make matters worse. I know, i know absolutely everything about Thailand but cant work out where my friends are meeting these days.

[laobali]

Here is my experience with this kind of person.

Unfortunately, i grew up with both my parent's being alcholics.

There is no real or good way of handling such a person,

other than being blatening honest and straight forward.

Don't let the "we feel sorry for him" take control of your real feeling's of him.

You have to tackle with face to face.

Tell him he "must" leave the group and he is not welcome back,

because of his drinking and his ability to not listen to the group's opinion's.

I wish you all the best of luck. God Bless.

PS...this has to be done while he is sober!

Definitely ante prandium!

[Bangel72]

I just wonder how many commentators had the honesty to pause for a few seconds and consider if it was them the OP was talking about.

Someone needs to have a quiet respectful honest word with him, people are worried about him but he is alienating people.

If it is an elitist little group who does not want any riff raff you could just black ball him and cast him out to the wolves.

This forum though seems the strangest place to ask for advice on this, most commentators including myself have their fair share of BS on everything, it is part of the entertainment value but now and again, once in a while there are a few gems and words of wisdom.

I'd take an honest look at yourselves as a group, what you stand for, what your goals of gathering are and ask why this probably lonely perhaps deranged guy just wants to be part of it? If he is just passing time and pissing in the wind then there should be no qualms in moving him on, you may actually be doing him a favour by removing his drinking comfort zone.

Edited November 28, 2014 by Bangel72

[aboctok]

Easy. Start asking him for loans or to pick up the tab with the promise to get the next one. He will drop you.

Harry? Is that you?? o_O

[soalbundy]

Oh for goodness sake grow some balls and tell him what you think of him. Ridicule him. Take the michael. If he doesnt get the message increase intensity until he either mends hus wats or finds another group to bore. The latter is the most likely. Tolerating people like this is akin to enabling and will only make matters worse. I know, i know absolutely everything about Thailand but cant work out where my friends are meeting these days.

This is what happens when you are part of the PC generation. Frightened to offend, frightened of attacking problems head on, actually the OP could almost be Thai.

Edited November 28, 2014 by soalbundy

[bangkapi]

It's all about the excessive drinking.

[soalbundy]

You are describing about 90% of ex-pats I meet in Thailand, frankly. For whatever reasons, most of them are alcoholics, and are as defensive and unthinking as alcoholics are. In fact, most of the posters on this site seem to be of that nature, as well. Which is part of why the forum can often be so depressing to read. For whatever reasons, insecure alcoholic types are drawn to Thailand, and they're hard to encounter without feeling annoyed and despressed afterwards.

And, after all, why do you need to have western friends in Thailand? You have something vitally important to discuss with them? Come on. There's nothing wrong with spending time by yourself, if you can handle seeing yourself that way, without distraction. You may learn a lot more about Thailand that way, than you will from any expat, frankly. I'm shocked at how little the other westerns I meet here know about this culture. They only know a few words of Thai, beer, and small bs like that.

''And, after all, why do you need to have western friends in Thailand?''

To be able to talk to someone with a brain perhaps

[bigwhitewarrior]

You are describing about 90% of ex-pats I meet in Thailand, frankly. For whatever reasons, most of them are alcoholics, and are as defensive and unthinking as alcoholics are. In fact, most of the posters on this site seem to be of that nature, as well. Which is part of why the forum can often be so depressing to read. For whatever reasons, insecure alcoholic types are drawn to Thailand, and they're hard to encounter without feeling annoyed and despressed afterwards.

And, after all, why do you need to have western friends in Thailand? You have something vitally important to discuss with them? Come on. There's nothing wrong with spending time by yourself, if you can handle seeing yourself that way, without distraction. You may learn a lot more about Thailand that way, than you will from any expat, frankly. I'm shocked at how little the other westerns I meet here know about this culture. They only know a few words of Thai, beer, and small bs like that.

''And, after all, why do you need to have western friends in Thailand?''

To be able to talk to someone with a brain perhaps

Why are you saying that? Not very nice !

[soalbundy]

You are describing about 90% of ex-pats I meet in Thailand, frankly. For whatever reasons, most of them are alcoholics, and are as defensive and unthinking as alcoholics are. In fact, most of the posters on this site seem to be of that nature, as well. Which is part of why the forum can often be so depressing to read. For whatever reasons, insecure alcoholic types are drawn to Thailand, and they're hard to encounter without feeling annoyed and despressed afterwards.

And, after all, why do you need to have western friends in Thailand? You have something vitally important to discuss with them? Come on. There's nothing wrong with spending time by yourself, if you can handle seeing yourself that way, without distraction. You may learn a lot more about Thailand that way, than you will from any expat, frankly. I'm shocked at how little the other westerns I meet here know about this culture. They only know a few words of Thai, beer, and small bs like that.

''And, after all, why do you need to have western friends in Thailand?''

To be able to talk to someone with a brain perhaps

Why are you saying that? Not very nice !

It's not PC but it's 90% true

[aboctok]

Just stop going. I go to things/meetings when they are enjoyable or are achieving their original purpose, be that philanthropic or just entertainment. If it isn't happening any more then I'd just bail. Others will follow suit and eventually you'll gel into another group ...

One Like for your fine slogan.

[khundon]

We've got a group like that (and a similar member or 3).

It's a Wine and Food group - no girls (because of the post-prandial activities around Bangla or points south).

Well ... I've learnt a new word/term 'post-prandial' ... means after eating a meal.

Cheers ...

If you have only just learnt that, then you won't be admitted to their group.

Far from it - we are multinational and even allow Americans (difficult as they may be).

We even allow those with a limited vocabulary but fkoff those Aussies who use fk as every second word.

Find a unique (drinkable) wine under 800 baht and join us - that is your mission.

In fact a lot of what we sample is brought in from overseas by friends/newcomers/returnees.

Drank some of this in my local UK pub the other week, no need to import it.

http://www.monsoonvalleywine.com/en/monsoon_range.html

As to your mouthy friend, just tell him straight out, that you don't know how you will all get on without him, but as from Monday you are going to try.

[ATF]

It's all about the excessive drinking.

Or everyone else isn't drinking enough.

[aboctok]

How old you guys are?

You sound like 12 with your playground problem solving.

Sometimes could do with a Haha button.

[frollywolly]

what meeting you're talking about? AA

What an odd assumption.

It is a social meeting/group.

T'was not an odd assumption ''at all'' it's called humour

What was funny?

[Tchooptip]

what meeting you're talking about? AA

What an odd assumption.

It is a social meeting/group.

T'was not an odd assumption ''at all'' it's called humour

What was funny?

Sorry I am not the author, it was an assumption of mine, as a reader of TV.

What was funny? ...that maybe it was not humour after all!

Edited November 28, 2014 by Tchooptip

[Wat dee]

I just wonder how many commentators had the honesty to pause for a few seconds and consider if it was them the OP was talking about.

Someone needs to have a quiet respectful honest word with him, people are worried about him but he is alienating people.

If it is an elitist little group who does not want any riff raff you could just black ball him and cast him out to the wolves.

This forum though seems the strangest place to ask for advice on this, most commentators including myself have their fair share of BS on everything, it is part of the entertainment value but now and again, once in a while there are a few gems and words of wisdom.

I'd take an honest look at yourselves as a group, what you stand for, what your goals of gathering are and ask why this probably lonely perhaps deranged guy just wants to be part of it? If he is just passing time and pissing in the wind then there should be no qualms in moving him on, you may actually be doing him a favour by removing his drinking comfort zone.

Violent drunk who knows everything. Sounds like Costas.