Dowry For Divorced Thai Lady

[MATTY_73]

Just a small curiosity, is the dowry just paid to unmarried women in Thailand? What can I expect to pay if I marry a divorced Thai lady who has a child?

Thanks for your views.

[Boo]

general rules is nothing. If she has been married before & has a child by someone else then they probably paid the dowry already. But as with everything, it's up to you.

[mrbojangles]

Many people will have different views on this but this is mine.

You could argue that if she had a sin sod for her first marriage, then she shouldn't be asked for another. After all, many views are that the sin sod is really to compensate the parents. They already got compensation the first time.

Personally, i would just pay for the ceremony and the party. In the ceremony, you will get money put in your hands, whilst they tie string around your wrist. You could also give this to the parents. That's what i did anyways.

Good luck

[Simbo]

My wife had never been married. When a dowery was mentioned, I flatly refused, saying I don't buy wives. Her mother didn't like it, but accepted it. We are now married, with a beautiful baby. I get on with the family well, and buy small gifts for her mother when we visit.

You certainly don't pay anything for a divorced bride, but then again, it's up to you.

[Noel]

Just a small curiosity, is the dowry just paid to unmarried women in Thailand? What can I expect to pay if I marry a divorced Thai lady who has a child?

Thanks for your views.

Zero, on the assumption that a dowry had already been paid the first time around.

Would a Thai pay a dowry in such circumstances?

Not a chance...

[Maestro]

Just a small curiosity, is the dowry just paid to unmarried women in Thailand? What can I expect to pay if I marry a divorced Thai lady who has a child?

If you want to give money to anybody at all, give it to her ex-husband

---------------

Maestro

[jdinasia]

Simply .... $0

[britmaveric]

Zilch - you only get one dowery and she's had hers.

[MATTY_73]

Thanks for your replies guys

[Donz]

I wouldnt pay for anything i dont want to pay for.... simple as that

[britmaveric]

Thanks for your replies guys

However that being said - -do what you feel is right.

[Thaipwriter]

Maybe you can toss up 30k as a nice gesture.

Up here in Isaan the general idea is to demand 300,000 for divorcee's with children.

Only farangs have ever paid these figures, most of the time the money went to pay off family related debt or showing off accessories.

Go carefully!

[tominchaam]

Just a small curiosity, is the dowry just paid to unmarried women in Thailand? What can I expect to pay if I marry a divorced Thai lady who has a child?

Thanks for your views.

Firstly, build a new house and make sure the house as well as the land is in her parents name. Then at least 10 baht of gold given to herself - or even better to her mother. A big wedding party with all villages around beeing invited - never mind if they know your wife or not. Should make at least 1000 guests - great party. But I regret to predict it will not still be a record for someone that want to marry a divorced Thai lady! Plenty of fools have done even better!

So better listen to good advises posted ahead of this one - those telling you to give absolutely nothing - but yourself. Good luck!

[GuestHouse]

You are presuably taking on financial responsibility for the child, in which case I'd argue that your contribution is going to be significant and why should you pay a dowry for the privalage of raising someone else's child?

[MATTY_73]

You are presuably taking on financial responsibility for the child, in which case I'd argue that your contribution is going to be significant and why should you pay a dowry for the privalage of raising someone else's child?

Now thats a good point. Not on the point of marrying but it was just a thought I only know her a month, so was more curious than anything. So far the only thing she requests is that I give her son 100 euro per month as her ex-husband stop doing that 2 years ago and she was sending back money that she was earning when working. However she keeps on forgetting to give me her bank details in Thailand. The kid is in Thailand with the mother and will probably stay there. She is very proud and hates asking for money but she is in dire straits for the moment. No mention of any money for the family or other so far...

Edited August 7, 2006 by MATTY_73

[MATTY_73]

PS Guesthouse sei italiano?

[britmaveric]

You are presuably taking on financial responsibility for the child, in which case I'd argue that your contribution is going to be significant and why should you pay a dowry for the privalage of raising someone else's child?

Now thats a good point. Not on the point of marrying but it was just a thought I only know her a month, so was more curious than anything. So far the only thing she requests is that I give her son 100 euro per month as her ex-husband stop doing that 2 years ago and she was sending back money that she was earning when working. However she keeps on forgetting to give me her bank details in Thailand. The kid is in Thailand with the mother and will probably stay there. She is very proud and hates asking for money but she is in dire straits for the moment. No mention of any money for the family or other so far...

Only a month? Hmmmm well personally don't think you know her well enough to give her dosh, but suppose up to you.

[Heng]

"You certainly don't pay anything for a divorced bride, but then again, it's up to you."

"Would a Thai pay a dowry in such circumstances? Not a chance..."

"If you want to give money to anybody at all, give it to her ex-husband. "

"Simply .... $0"

"Zilch - you only get one dowery and she's had hers. "

These would all make great celebration banners for the wedding ceremony.

[kat]

[Neeranam]

"Would a Thai pay a dowry in such circumstances? Not a chance..."

No, but we are different, and have lots of different rules and expectations in many Thais' eyes.

I knew an old guy(57) who was madly in love with a divorced woman many years his younger(38) -

the family(or at least the woman said that) demanded 300,000 baht. The silly old codger paid it thinking he would lose her if he didn't pay. Guess what happened? The customary house was built, her old man got a new Toyota Hilux and he was basically told where to go, after 14 months.

What made it worse, she had 2 sons - one daughter, well might be worth a go.

ALL the relationships I've known where some farang has taken on a son have ended in tears.

Never pay a dowry to a divorced Thai woman, they are just taking the pi*s.

Edited August 7, 2006 by Neeranam

[yorkman]

"Would a Thai pay a dowry in such circumstances? Not a chance..."

No, but we are different, and have lots of different rules and expectations in many Thais' eyes.

I knew an old guy(57) who was madly in love with a divorced woman many years his younger(38) -

the family(or at least the woman said that) demanded 300,000 baht. The silly old codger paid it thinking he would lose her if he didn't pay. Guess what happened? The customary house was built, her old man got a new Toyota Hilux and he was basically told where to go, after 14 months.

What made it worse, she had 2 sons - one daughter, well might be worth a go.

ALL the relationships I've known where some farang has taken on a son have ended in tears.

Never pay a dowry to a divorced Thai woman, they are just taking the pi*s.

You are not quite understanding the cultural norms in Thailand.........

In the North....divorced or not..kids or not..they expect to start a new life.....with me so far??

With that new life is a new husband...who respects her and her family....

Soooooooo..we pay the Sin Sod....that (previously arranged) is returned after the wedding.......keep up ok?

Everybody is happy..the farang has not "bought" his wife, the family have much "face" because all have seen that their lovely daughter is worth something (still)

Easy.... I am so bored that there are so many posts about this.......

[The Skipper]

Thais pay the fee.

Tuk tuk drivers, dishwashers, everybody pays it. It's local custom.

When in Rome, no?

If you get married in Thailand, PAY THE FEE, unless you want to be known as a cheap ###### among her family and friends.

100,000 is respectable.

If she's been previously married, then perhaps you could arrange to get part of it returned after the big show.

It's an insignificant amount of money relative to the situation which you are about to embark, No?

[Mister Doom]

I've read many of these threads, but to my knowledge, no-one has addressed the situation where the lady has not been legally married before, has not previously recieved any sin sod or gone through any marriage ceremony, traditional or legal, but nevertheless had a common law 'husband'who she co-habited with and maybe had a child or children from that relationship.

In these circumstances, with or without offspring, would it be in order for the new farang, being the first 'legal' husband to pay a dowry?

Experts please?

[pnustedt]

When I married my wife we made a donation (of about Bt100,000) to the Wat, this was used for a new meeting room. All money collected plus my donation went towards this.

It seems a good compromise for those who don't want to pay for a bride but don't want to be considered a "cheap Charlie".

[SnakeBite]

You've known her a month and it's already started about giving money on a regular basis, lose her. Are you here all the time or do you just visit once in awhile? Wonder how many others are doing the same thing? Sue me, for taking the negative view.

[GuestHouse]

I'd start thinking beyond Dowry, and consider what is the next payment, and the next.

First questions to ask, who is the father? Where is he? Is he going to be back looking for money?

It's not as simple as, well he left and he takes no interest. Believe me, if you start buying houses and land for your new Thai wife (the mother of this child) then the child is heir to your wealth and at that point the father will start taking an interest.

Why are you giving a child Bht4800 a month? My guess is his mother has never given him that much. Not just that, what lesson are you giving this child? Writ large across your forhead is 'ATM'. You are teaching this child that you are a source of money.

My view on this is that you have already established a relationship based on you paying out. That is never going to change, the only change will be the amounts you pay and the frequency - Take it as read that they will not be reduced.

-------

PS Guesthouse sei italiano?

No I am not Italian, I'm assigned to a duty post here in Rome for about 18 months (It's a tough job but somebody has to do it)

[jdinasia]

I've read many of these threads, but to my knowledge, no-one has addressed the situation where the lady has not been legally married before, has not previously recieved any sin sod or gone through any marriage ceremony, traditional or legal, but nevertheless had a common law 'husband'who she co-habited with and maybe had a child or children from that relationship.

In these circumstances, with or without offspring, would it be in order for the new farang, being the first 'legal' husband to pay a dowry?

Experts please?

Kids rule out sinsot.

As far as sinsot for a divorced woman ... nope! But if you end up with the house etc ... there's a ton of security for your new wife in the long run!

[dr_Pat_Pong]

I've read many of these threads, but to my knowledge, no-one has addressed the situation where the lady has not been legally married before, has not previously recieved any sin sod or gone through any marriage ceremony, traditional or legal, but nevertheless had a common law 'husband'who she co-habited with and maybe had a child or children from that relationship.

In these circumstances, with or without offspring, would it be in order for the new farang, being the first 'legal' husband to pay a dowry?

Experts please?

Kids rule out sinsot.

As far as sinsot for a divorced woman ... nope! But if you end up with the house etc ... there's a ton of security for your new wife in the long run!

Good advice

[Neeranam]

You are not quite understanding the cultural norms in Thailand......... I beg to differ

In the North....divorced or not..kids or not..they expect to start a new life.....with me so far?? yes

With that new life is a new husband...who respects her and her family.... what about them respecting you?

Soooooooo..we pay the Sin Sod....that (previously arranged) is returned after the wedding.......keep up ok? up to you, if you like to be percieved as an idiot by the rest of the family/friends.

Everybody is happy..the farang has not "bought" his wife, the family have much "face" because all have seen that their lovely daughter is worth something (still)

Easy.... I am so bored that there are so many posts about this....... sounds like you may have just done what most people on these boards advise against and are in total denial - how long have you been married? How long have you lived in this country? With me?

[meadish_sweetball]

I dont think sinsod for show, which is returned after the ceremony is a bad idea, on the contrary I think it is a good compromise. But I respect others feel differently.

I did not pay any sinsod as the family said it wasnt necessary, but a few of my friends have done so for show, and it has not lessened the respect they receive from anybody.

In the end you have to consider what you yourself think is reasonable to accept and not.