Cosseted Farang Husbands and Their Thai Wives

[Beetlejuice]

Over my 31 years of living here in Thailand it never ceases to amaze me how many farangs I have known or met or seen out on my travels that have become totally dependant on their Thai wives.

I mean reliant on their wives for everything, going out and choosing items for shopping, paying bills, banking, cooking, accompanying them wherever they go, taking care of them if they are sick, even being their negotiators regarding services, dealing with Thais in general and the voice during any disputes. These are cases where the farang husbands have manipulated their Thai wives into becoming substitute mothers and have to wonder, how did these guys ever manage to survive prior to their marriages and how would they survive if their Thai wives walked out on them or died?

These guys appear to be rather pathetic individuals. Like little boys who need to be lead by the hand.

Now that I and my Thai wife are getting on a bit, I have over the years made the concerted effort to remain independent in my own right, learning how to speak reasonable Thai, being able to conduct my own business and fully able to get along and survive in Thailand on my own if need be.

So what is it with these guys? It is because they are lazy and prefer to rely on others to manage their affairs or were they brought up by pussy parents and spoilt as children or suffering from weaknesses of character and simply not able to cope on their own?

[cornishcarlos]

Maybe some just find it harder to learn another language, probably not a reflection of their parents ability to raise kids...

I think you should concentrate on managing your own life/business etc and stop being a xxxxxxxx !

Edit, note to self "be nice"

Edited December 4, 2014 by Rooo
Flam removed

[kurnell]

This is a criticism right?

[daveAustin]

Sure, there are lots of mommy's boys out here (+ lots of trash), but what I don't get is why you feel so strongly about it? Good a topic as any, I guess, and I personally do best by myself, but bearing in mind things go more smoothly here if a Thai handles things and reckon these chaps just get into the swing of letting their other half handle everything, but still, what's the point? I'm sure if we delve into facets of your life, we could go to town on a number of topics. Anyway, didn't you post this exact topic a few months back, or was that another bored individual?

[Somsrisonphimai]

It is trick, don't you see? The husband makes the wife feels important. The wife is happy, and the husband has a mother, a maid, a partner and so they live happily .

[billd766]

I do most things for myself though I do rely on my wife to do the reading, writing and speaking in Thai for me because she is so good at it.

At 70, I am partly deaf and mostly tone deaf and though I can speak some Thai what I think I said is sometimes not what Thais hear.

I don't have any problems locally and generally farther afield I can survive too.

I still drive my pickup truck and ride a motorbike.

If there is something I need that my wife doesn't have the Thai words for I generally type it in English in MS Word, Go to Google translate and turn it into Thai then over to Google to get a photo. I put all 3 on the same page and mostly it works.

[RustBucket]

Those who sit in public judgement of others are seldom on the moral high ground, and are much more akin to harbouring their own deep rooted insufficiencies that they prefer to hide behind that facade of a self righteous stone thrower.

I would start worrying more about your own faults rather than preoccupying yourself with other people's lives.

Edited December 4, 2014 by RustBucket

[Beetlejuice]

Those who sit in public judgement of others are seldom on the moral high ground, and are much more akin to harbouring their own deep rooted insufficiencies that they prefer to hide behind that facade of a self righteous stone thrower.

I would start worrying more about your own faults rather than preoccupying yourself with other people's lives.

Not making judgements only curious as to why so many farang guys get themselves into situations where they have to rely on Thais to take care of them and run all their affairs in Thailand. I know one Canadian guy, that after his Thai wife died about a year ago, he became like a fish out of water.

I also see this a lot when out, in banks, post offices and so on, where the Thai wife or partner is doing all the business and the farang just sitting there looking lost and bewildered with the Thai wife having to do the explaining and translating between the parties.

Edited December 4, 2014 by Beetlejuice

[cornishcarlos]

Those who sit in public judgement of others are seldom on the moral high ground, and are much more akin to harbouring their own deep rooted insufficiencies that they prefer to hide behind that facade of a self righteous stone thrower.

I would start worrying more about your own faults rather than preoccupying yourself with other people's lives.

Not making judgements only curious as to why so many farang guys get themselves into situations where they have to rely on Thais to take care of them and run all their affairs in Thailand. I know one Canadian guy, that after his Thai wife died about a year ago, he became like a fish out of water.

You are making judgements..

Not only about other people, that you most likely don't even know but also about their parents.. "pussy parents"

I would take a guess that from the responses so far, you'd be better off going to the pub and not touching the keyboard for a few days !!

[NancyL]

Beetlejuice -- guys do this everywhere. You just happen to live in Thailand and watch the foreigners doing it with their Thai wives. You probably don't have to look too hard to find Thai guys who rely on their Thai wives to take care of everything, either -- especially older guys who have problems with eyesight, hearing, mobility or other reasons for impairment.

Sure is a common enough phenomenon in my home country. When my Mom died, my Dad (age 75) had the good sense to realize he needed to find another wife soon or he was soon going to end up living in the household of one of his kids (with a daughter or daughter-in-law telling him what to do) because he just wasn't able to keep himself organized. Fortunately, he got his act together and found a wonderful woman about ten years his junior (from an internet dating site!)

Edited December 4, 2014 by NancyL

[RustBucket]

Not making judgements only curious as to why so many farang guys get themselves into situations where they have to rely on Thais to take care of them and run all their affairs in Thailand. I know one Canadian guy, that after his Thai wife died about a year ago, he became like a fish out of water.

I also see this a lot when out, in banks, post offices and so on, where the Thai wife or partner is doing all the business and the farang just sitting there looking lost and bewildered with the Thai wife having to do the explaining and translating between the parties.

Your NOT making judgements?

These are cases where the farang husbands have manipulated their Thai wives into becoming substitute mothers and have to wonder, how did these guys ever manage to survive prior to their marriages and how would they survive if their Thai wives walked out on them or died?

These guys appear to be rather pathetic individuals. Like little boys who need to be lead by the hand.

Then there is this

So what is it with these guys? It is because they are lazy and prefer to rely on others to manage their affairs or were they brought up by pussy parents and spoilt as children or suffering from weaknesses of character and simply not able to cope on their own?

I would say these were totally judgements of others.

You seem to forget that a lot of these farangs are out of their cultural loop. I for one will never understand how Thais think about certain things. Nor will I ever totally get to grips with the Thai way of doing certain things. also my wife knows this and PREFERS to take over with certain things.

I a with the other poster here.... I speak a bit of Thai but am never fully confident that what I am saying is what a Thai is hearing. My wife is fluent and always ends up taking over whether I like it or not. Things get done more efficiently that way, so why struggle doing things the hard way?... After all isn't that what farangs do best.... efficiency?

[sipi]

Those who sit in public judgement of others are seldom on the moral high ground, and are much more akin to harbouring their own deep rooted insufficiencies that they prefer to hide behind that facade of a self righteous stone thrower.

I would start worrying more about your own faults rather than preoccupying yourself with other people's lives.

Not making judgements only curious as to why so many farang guys get themselves into situations where they have to rely on Thais to take care of them and run all their affairs in Thailand. I know one Canadian guy, that after his Thai wife died about a year ago, he became like a fish out of water.

You are making judgements..

Not only about other people, that you most likely don't even know but also about their parents.. "pussy parents"

I would take a guess that from the responses so far, you'd be better off going to the pub and not touching the keyboard for a few days !!

Don't send him to the pub, Please.

We don't want him there either.

[Beetlejuice]

I would say these were totally judgements of others.

You seem to forget that a lot of these farangs are out of their cultural loop. I for one will never understand how Thais think about certain things. Nor will I ever totally get to grips with the Thai way of doing certain things. also my wife knows this and PREFERS to take over with certain things.

I a with the other poster here.... I speak a bit of Thai but am never fully confident that what I am saying is what a Thai is hearing. My wife is fluent and always ends up taking over whether I like it or not. Things get done more efficiently that way, so why struggle doing things the hard way?... After all isn't that what farangs do best.... efficiency?

And that`s my point, so how would you manage if your Thai wife for one reason or another was not around anymore?

[Crazy chef 1]

convenience...

[lormakmak]

Learn a language that even those who are national speakers and still cannot converse with each other properly

You don't command any more respect out there just because you can speak Thai, don't get me wrong I can understand lot more than I ever choose to speak and that has helped me out in certain situations but in many others it has riled me... it's a double edged sword really.

as for the men you speak of, well there's no point having a dog and barking yourself is there

[sipi]

I am so glad to hear that I am not the only one that "allows my wife" to "take the lead".

I traveled to Thailand many times before I met my wife, and managed perfectly well on my own.

Now that I have a Thai wife, I see that it pleases her to take the lead; especially when you consider that the "normal" view of a Thai/ Farang relationship is the dominant male suppressing the submissive wife. Isn't it "normal" for the Thai wife to stroll along 3 steps behind her husband? Isn't it the Thai culture that the wife hangs her clothes below the husbands clothes on the washing line?

Thankfully some husbands don't suppress our wifes.

[pigeonjake]

Those who sit in public judgement of others are seldom on the moral high ground, and are much more akin to harbouring their own deep rooted insufficiencies that they prefer to hide behind that facade of a self righteous stone thrower.

I would start worrying more about your own faults rather than preoccupying yourself with other people's lives.

Not making judgements only curious as to why so many farang guys get themselves into situations where they have to rely on Thais to take care of them and run all their affairs in Thailand. I know one Canadian guy, that after his Thai wife died about a year ago, he became like a fish out of water.

I also see this a lot when out, in banks, post offices and so on, where the Thai wife or partner is doing all the business and the farang just sitting there looking lost and bewildered with the Thai wife having to do the explaining and translating between the parties.

can i ask you a question?

could you speak thai when you got here,?

no,, so your wife sat with you in the bank, the post office and did your talking translating between parties,

so you must in them days sat there looking lost and bewilderd

[Rooo]

Moved to Expat forum.

[Beetlejuice]

Those who sit in public judgement of others are seldom on the moral high ground, and are much more akin to harbouring their own deep rooted insufficiencies that they prefer to hide behind that facade of a self righteous stone thrower.

I would start worrying more about your own faults rather than preoccupying yourself with other people's lives.

Not making judgements only curious as to why so many farang guys get themselves into situations where they have to rely on Thais to take care of them and run all their affairs in Thailand. I know one Canadian guy, that after his Thai wife died about a year ago, he became like a fish out of water.

I also see this a lot when out, in banks, post offices and so on, where the Thai wife or partner is doing all the business and the farang just sitting there looking lost and bewildered with the Thai wife having to do the explaining and translating between the parties.

can i ask you a question?

could you speak thai when you got here,?

no,, so your wife sat with you in the bank, the post office and did your talking translating between parties,

so you must in them days sat there looking lost and bewilderd

When I first set foot in Thailand, it felt like landing on another planet, I was well out of the plot. Not only my wife but many of her family and other Thais helped show me the way. I also lost a fortune in the process, getting ripped off by not knowing the ropes and being a gullible fool. Of course we all have to begin somewhere, a little like learning how to drive a car, shaky at first and then like a breath of fresh air once we get the hang of it. Later I began to hate having to ask others to do this and to do that for me, I felt totally useless and could never be happy here in that situation, so decided I wanted to gain some independence for myself and be able to manage my own affairs in Thailand. It took me a while but I was determined and now proud of my achievements in Thailand.

I have 3 children who would do anything for me, but would never want to become a burden on them, they have their own hectic lives to contend with. Of course I love my wife, but if in the event for whatever reasons she`s not around any more, I would still be able to function here in Thailand and not end up like a fish out of water or require a nice lady like Nancy L to take care of me.

And I believe this is an example the married guys who intend to stay in Thailand for the long term should follow. It`s beneficial for them and others that are nearest and dearest to them.

And here`s one for the religious: God helps those who can help themselves or at least try.

Edited December 4, 2014 by Beetlejuice

[cornishcarlos]

Those who sit in public judgement of others are seldom on the moral high ground, and are much more akin to harbouring their own deep rooted insufficiencies that they prefer to hide behind that facade of a self righteous stone thrower.

I would start worrying more about your own faults rather than preoccupying yourself with other people's lives.

Not making judgements only curious as to why so many farang guys get themselves into situations where they have to rely on Thais to take care of them and run all their affairs in Thailand. I know one Canadian guy, that after his Thai wife died about a year ago, he became like a fish out of water.

I also see this a lot when out, in banks, post offices and so on, where the Thai wife or partner is doing all the business and the farang just sitting there looking lost and bewildered with the Thai wife having to do the explaining and translating between the parties.

can i ask you a question?

could you speak thai when you got here,?

no,, so your wife sat with you in the bank, the post office and did your talking translating between parties,

so you must in them days sat there looking lost and bewilderd

When I first set foot in Thailand, it felt like landing on another planet, I was well out of the plot. Not only my wife but many of her family and other Thais helped show me the way. I also lost a fortune in the process, getting ripped off by not knowing the ropes and being a gullible fool. Of course we all have to begin somewhere, a little like learning how to drive a car, shaky at first and then like a breath of fresh air once we get the hang of it. Later I began to hate having to ask others to do this and to do that for me, I felt totally useless and could never be happy here in that situation, so decided I wanted to gain some independence for myself and be able to manage my own affairs in Thailand. It took me a while but I was determined and now proud of my achievements in Thailand.

I have 3 children who would do anything for me, but would never want to become a burden on them, they have their own hectic lives to contend with. Of course I love my wife, but if in the event for whatever reasons she`s not around any more, I would still be able to function here in Thailand and not end up like a fish out of water or require a nice lady like Nancy L to take care of me.

And I believe this is an example the married guys who intend to stay in Thailand for the long term should follow. It`s beneficial for them and others that are nearest and dearest to them.

And here`s one for the religious: God helps those who can help themselves or at least try.

Now that should have been your OP.

Much nicer write up

[DP25]

Most Thais don't speak English, don't want to speak English, and much rather prefer to speak to another Thai. Even though I speak Thai it is a hassle sometimes if I am with my girlfriend, because most Thais automatically ignore me and talk to her. Thais in a bank, post office, business, restaurant, etc have absolutely no interest in trying to communicate in broken English/Thai when they can just talk to the wife instead.

Most guys know how things are, and when in Thailand it is easiest to let the wife handle most things. When they go back home, the positions will reverse and they will be the one doing all of these things.

[pigeonjake]

yes i agree,,,

[overit]

Those who sit in public judgement of others are seldom on the moral high ground, and are much more akin to harbouring their own deep rooted insufficiencies that they prefer to hide behind that facade of a self righteous stone thrower.

I would start worrying more about your own faults rather than preoccupying yourself with other people's lives.

Not making judgements only curious as to why so many farang guys get themselves into situations where they have to rely on Thais to take care of them and run all their affairs in Thailand. I know one Canadian guy, that after his Thai wife died about a year ago, he became like a fish out of water.

I also see this a lot when out, in banks, post offices and so on, where the Thai wife or partner is doing all the business and the farang just sitting there looking lost and bewildered with the Thai wife having to do the explaining and translating between the parties.

can i ask you a question?

could you speak thai when you got here,?

no,, so your wife sat with you in the bank, the post office and did your talking translating between parties,

so you must in them days sat there looking lost and bewilderd

When I first set foot in Thailand, it felt like landing on another planet, I was well out of the plot. Not only my wife but many of her family and other Thais helped show me the way. I also lost a fortune in the process, getting ripped off by not knowing the ropes and being a gullible fool. Of course we all have to begin somewhere, a little like learning how to drive a car, shaky at first and then like a breath of fresh air once we get the hang of it. Later I began to hate having to ask others to do this and to do that for me, I felt totally useless and could never be happy here in that situation, so decided I wanted to gain some independence for myself and be able to manage my own affairs in Thailand. It took me a while but I was determined and now proud of my achievements in Thailand.

I have 3 children who would do anything for me, but would never want to become a burden on them, they have their own hectic lives to contend with. Of course I love my wife, but if in the event for whatever reasons she`s not around any more, I would still be able to function here in Thailand and not end up like a fish out of water or require a nice lady like Nancy L to take care of me.

And I believe this is an example the married guys who intend to stay in Thailand for the long term should follow. It`s beneficial for them and others that are nearest and dearest to them.

And here`s one for the religious: God helps those who can help themselves or at least try.

And after 31 years she still walks 3 steps behind you, and hangs your washing above hers.

[Beetlejuice]

And after 31 years she still walks 3 steps behind you, and hangs your washing above hers.

No, on occasions I do let her walk next to me if she behaves herself. Actually my wife and I can be quite independent of each other and have brought our kids up this way too. Never allow themselves to be totally dependant and have to rely on anyone, always be able to stand on their own 2 feet, as for example what would happen on the day my wife and I are not around anymore.

I agree with our DP25, if I am out with the wife or any other Thai person, they will the majority of times want to deal with the Thais and not me, sometimes I am stressing to get a word in edgeways. And why I prefer to deal with my affairs on my own. But some farangs I have known are simply unable to do this and as harsh as this may sound have thought to myself, you dozo and these are guys that have lived here for many years, not those new onto the scene.

Edited December 4, 2014 by Beetlejuice

[NanLaew]

I would say these were totally judgements of others.

You seem to forget that a lot of these farangs are out of their cultural loop. I for one will never understand how Thais think about certain things. Nor will I ever totally get to grips with the Thai way of doing certain things. also my wife knows this and PREFERS to take over with certain things.

I a with the other poster here.... I speak a bit of Thai but am never fully confident that what I am saying is what a Thai is hearing. My wife is fluent and always ends up taking over whether I like it or not. Things get done more efficiently that way, so why struggle doing things the hard way?... After all isn't that what farangs do best.... efficiency?

And that`s my point, so how would you manage if your Thai wife for one reason or another was not around anymore?

Just because you can change your incontinence pants by yourself doesn't mean everyone can.

[overit]

And after 31 years she still walks 3 steps behind you, and hangs your washing above hers.

No, on occasions I do let her walk next to me if she behaves herself. Actually my wife and I can be quite independent of each other and have brought our kids up this way too. Never allow themselves to be totally dependant and have to rely on anyone, always be able to stand on their own 2 feet, as for example what would happen on the day my wife and I are not around anymore.

I agree with our DP25, if I am out with the wife or any other Thai person, they will the majority of times want to deal with the Thais and not me, sometimes I am stressing to get a word in edgeways. And why I prefer to deal with my affairs on my own. But some farangs I have known are simply unable to do this and as harsh as this may sound have thought to myself, you dozo and these are guys that have lived here for many years, not those new onto the scene.

I would consider that normal, as would my friends. It seems you keep company with a bunch of slow learners.

[Gecko123]

The key is learning the language.

If you can't be bothered doing this, well.... beggars can't be choosers.

Personally, going through life needing a translator to communicate would drive me cwazy.

[David48]

<snip> so how would you manage if your Thai wife for one reason or another was not around anymore?

Ummm ... I'd get another one.

Probably younger ...

[villagefarang]

I got along just fine for twenty years in Thailand before I got married. I still get along just fine but I let her help.

[beau thai]

Barbra Streisand: ' People who need people are the luckiest people in the world' -- like those of us who 'need' our thai partners maybe.

Ever asked your wife how she feels because you dont 'need' her?? That farang 'indepence' thing again, that mystifies many thais.

People like to be needed, and if it makes my life easier, then it seems like a win/win.

What am I missing?

Surely the fact that the OP observes farang 'allowing' their thai partner to do things for them that the OP does for himself, begs the question as to who is being smarter.....