Cosseted Farang Husbands and Their Thai Wives

[Docno]

There may be a Thai side to this as well. My Thai gf (of four years) is 20 years younger than me and her constant refrain is about how she wants to take care of me, especially in my older years. Now the cynics among you will of course be thinking, "she just wants to take care of your bank account, mate", but this is a woman who has adopted two dogs (one of which found near death after being hit by a car) and a bird (that eventually died of cat-inflicted injuries); I also see the lengths to which she goes every day to help her family. I think the idea of 'taking care' of others is part of her self-identity, and I've seen this in other Thai women as well. So these guys referred to in the OP may partly be going along with the desires of their wives to 'take care' of someone. [some of the more good hearted Thai women may be also unconsciously trying to restore psychological equity by doing a lot of 'caring' if the husband is providing all of the household resources... but that's a bigger topic]

[koele2]

Those guys you talk about want a servant, and don't want to have to fend for themselves. They can't get that in their home country, so they come here. They control the situation by controlling the money. Some things you really should let the the other half handle, but these guys are just lazy.

[HooHaa]

Those who sit in public judgement of others are seldom on the moral high ground, and are much more akin to harbouring their own deep rooted insufficiencies that they prefer to hide behind that facade of a self righteous stone thrower.

I would start worrying more about your own faults rather than preoccupying yourself with other people's lives.

Not making judgements only curious as to why so many farang guys get themselves into situations where they have to rely on Thais to take care of them and run all their affairs in Thailand. I know one Canadian guy, that after his Thai wife died about a year ago, he became like a fish out of water.

I also see this a lot when out, in banks, post offices and so on, where the Thai wife or partner is doing all the business and the farang just sitting there looking lost and bewildered with the Thai wife having to do the explaining and translating between the parties.

can i ask you a question?

could you speak thai when you got here,?

no,, so your wife sat with you in the bank, the post office and did your talking translating between parties,

so you must in them days sat there looking lost and bewilderd

quite the contrary, i have always fended for myself and always will. Its how i learnt thai.

my business is just that, my business and no one else has ever conducted it for me.

there are no great mysteries here despite what some here may believe. there has never been anything i have had do in thailand that i could not accomplish myself.

i have had assistance from partners in smaller matters of course, but where it counts doing it myself has saved me endless frustration

[catweazle]

AS the Sun rises in the sky

the grumpy and frustrated immature half wits start to vent their frustrations out on an unsuspecting forum.

As this thread has now deteriorated I will say no more on this topic other than your Avatar, catweazle, seems to be 100% appropriate to and in accord with what you write!

Correct! And your name and the non-existant avatar paint a picture that in return fits your personality like a glove: Nothingness!

[cornishcarlos]

Those guys you talk about want a servant, and don't want to have to fend for themselves. They can't get that in their home country, so they come here. They control the situation by controlling the money. Some things you really should let the the other half handle, but these guys are just lazy.

Wrong, my missus controls the money too

[baneko]

I do hope you aren't saying, I learned Thai, so everyone else should?

Personally, since my Thai is near non-existent, and doesn't seem to be improving, my Mrs is glad to take care of a lot of the administrative type of issues, renewing car tax, lost mail etc. I do my visa stuff myself. I do see the type you mention, who let the Mrs do everything, like getting them money from the ATM.

Learning the language if you live, work/retire in any foreign country is not an option, it is a MUST! Not learning the language of your host country is the first and most annoying display of superficiality and ignorance to any host. I have heard so many excuses why foreigners here are unable to manage learning Thai, that it makes me sick to my stomach. In my opinion, it would be great if basic command of spoken Thai would be a visa requirement for any Thailand visa other than tourist. There you have it!

So many expats in Thailand whine in forums about not being respected - if you want respect, you have to earn it, and the forst step to do that would be to learn the language of the country you chose as a home.

I learnt Thai because in the sticks you need to know it. I think a lot od women don't want you to know it for their own reasons. Yes a basic understanding is very handy.

Most people in BKK or Pattaya believe its not required. It is.

[lil fluffy clouds]

Those who sit in public judgement of others are seldom on the moral high ground, and are much more akin to harbouring their own deep rooted insufficiencies that they prefer to hide behind that facade of a self righteous stone thrower.

I would start worrying more about your own faults rather than preoccupying yourself with other people's lives.

Not making judgements only curious as to why so many farang guys get themselves into situations where they have to rely on Thais to take care of them and run all their affairs in Thailand. I know one Canadian guy, that after his Thai wife died about a year ago, he became like a fish out of water.

I also see this a lot when out, in banks, post offices and so on, where the Thai wife or partner is doing all the business and the farang just sitting there looking lost and bewildered with the Thai wife having to do the explaining and translating between the parties.

I would be more concerned about your own multiple dependancies, dependant upon government services, private business services, primary produces etc...

I mean, do you actualy catch your own fish and grow your own rice?

[CMCMANGOMAN]

Does one not hire a good lawyer when going into court? One that knows the system and perhaps even knows the judge? A lawyer that is wise and knows the system is rigged? Who is the smart one and who is the fool here OP? Just how much have you been screwed over because of your stubbornness and pride? A wise man uses his assets to his full advantage, remaining concealed, yet fully in control.

[maidee]

OP, you mean your wife does nothing for you and you have to do everything yourself (even go jerk off in front of porn)

ATM of her & her family and the rest you are put into another room, as long as you provide

something like that ?

[Ulic]

If only they could drive safely so I could be chauffeured around life would be perfect.

[Big Daddy]

After seeing all the comments on this post I'm glad my wife is only half Thai. She can take care of half and I'll take care of half or however it works out. I really don't care how others make their lives. That's their business.

[kungpao]

It is trick, don't you see? The husband makes the wife feels important. The wife is happy, and the husband has a mother, a maid, a partner and so they live happily .

I agree. And my wife took the first step of taking care of everything, pretty much for me. She won't even let me wash a dish!

We are making our adjustments in our newlywed life.

[Deez]

Wow, patting yourself on the back while insulting others. A real class act. Lacking self confidence?

[Blackfox]

There may be a Thai side to this as well. My Thai gf (of four years) is 20 years younger than me and her constant refrain is about how she wants to take care of me, especially in my older years. Now the cynics among you will of course be thinking, "she just wants to take care of your bank account, mate", but this is a woman who has adopted two dogs (one of which found near death after being hit by a car) and a bird (that eventually died of cat-inflicted injuries); I also see the lengths to which she goes every day to help her family. I think the idea of 'taking care' of others is part of her self-identity, and I've seen this in other Thai women as well. So these guys referred to in the OP may partly be going along with the desires of their wives to 'take care' of someone. [some of the more good hearted Thai women may be also unconsciously trying to restore psychological equity by doing a lot of 'caring' if the husband is providing all of the household resources... but that's a bigger topic]

She's playing the long game with you mate.

Most farangs are B grade. That's why their wife takes care of all.

She knows too that she'll eventually get the wallet at the end of the day also.

[strapper1]

Catweaszle claims a non existant avatatar paints a picture of nothingness. Are we all so much immature teenagers that we need to have some of these ridiculous and sometimes very offensive avatars? Anyone who wants to be taken seriously would refrain from a childish display!

AS the Sun rises in the sky

the grumpy and frustrated immature half wits start to vent their frustrations out on an unsuspecting forum.

As this thread has now deteriorated I will say no more on this topic other than your Avatar, catweazle, seems to be 100% appropriate to and in accord with what you write!

Correct! And your name and the non-existant avatar paint a picture that in return fits your personality like a glove: Nothingness!

[Nico61]

Taking care of yourself... Standing your ground... being independent...

Have you learnt nothing about Thai culture, whatsoever?

And are you totally blind to the way you express yourself?

Condescending, spiteful, unpolite. Using the P-word for the parents of people you don't know?

What is driving you, man?!!!

Look at your initial post. It's filled with contempt and selfrigtheousness.

Two of the worst "qualities" an individual can possess.

I'm sure happy that I'm not your friend. If you have any...

[expatoz]

beetlejuice..........you a LEGEND in your own mind 55555555555555

[Nico61]

Off the top of my head, I'd say the guys you speak of either don't care about adapting or just suck at doing it. And they probably value the lifestyle (lower cost of living, higher quality of women, etc.) more than they admire the culture.

The Thai society is built around the number one fundament "Taking care". If you missed that point, then YOU are the one not admiring the culture.

[xen]

She does the talking - i do the thinking .

..............or at least that is the way i think it goes.!

[billd766]

The key is learning the language.

If you can't be bothered doing this, well.... beggars can't be choosers.

Personally, going through life needing a translator to communicate would drive me cwazy.

It is not always a case of can't be bothered.

Some of us older people have impaired hearing (bleeding deaf is another term) and if you cannot hear the tones in spoken Thai even though you may know the correct words you may not be able to speak them properly. The same thing in reverse whan a Thai speaks to you if you cannot hear the tone you will probably hear the wrong thing.

If my wife dies before me will I survive here in Thailand. Yes I will. I have a Thai son and Thai friends who also speak English which helps. I know how and where to buy food and drink. I know where to pay my bills, where to get the things I need to keep the house, pickup and motorbikes running. I manage on my own driving around Thailand, I am OK at Immigration, the bank, the Post Office, local shops and markets so I guess I have the necessary survival skills.

If I do get stuck at a point where I need something and nobody can translate for me then I will just ring a Thai friend (I DO have a few bof them too) and ask for help.

My life works out OK for me. Though if my wife dies before me then I will be very sad though I don't think at 70 I would ever remarry.

[dotpoom]

"So what is it with these guys? It is because they are lazy and prefer to rely on others to manage their affairs or were they brought up by pussy parents and spoilt as children or suffering from weaknesses of character and simply not able to cope on their own?"

Why are you asking us......why not direct your question to them?

[Bill Miller]

An interesting subject, in my opinion.

I do not have a Thai wife, and while I am thinking "yet", it may not happen. That is not the prime directive.

I do have a Thai lady friend via Facebook, and she has more than once mentioned "taking care" of me once I arrive, and enlisting the aid of some friends to look after me if need be when she is not around. This makes it sound like a cultural imperative of sorts.
She jumped right in and took care, with her daughter, of booking a flight to Chang Mai. It was also explained that I cannot stay at her parent's, as we are not bf/gf. Again, however, she has more or less said to not worry about that until I am there.

As someone else mentioned, this is not a situation unique to Thai/farang relationships. Many men do not long survive the loss of their wives, which is statistically untrue in the reverse.

Edited December 5, 2014 by Bill Miller

[ThaiTerry]

Why are you so worried about other peoples relationships? Trolling?

[eldragon]

Off the top of my head, I'd say the guys you speak of either don't care about adapting or just suck at doing it. And they probably value the lifestyle (lower cost of living, higher quality of women, etc.) more than they admire the culture.

The Thai society is built around the number one fundament "Taking care". If you missed that point, then YOU are the one not admiring the culture.

Not sure I follow. Who is not taking care of who in the type of situation the OP described? It seems like he was simply describing guys here that have given up the ability to tend to some of their own affairs, largely bc they cannot communicate with locals.

[Nico61]

Those who sit in public judgement of others are seldom on the moral high ground, and are much more akin to harbouring their own deep rooted insufficiencies that they prefer to hide behind that facade of a self righteous stone thrower.

I would start worrying more about your own faults rather than preoccupying yourself with other people's lives.

Not making judgements only curious as to why so many farang guys get themselves into situations where they have to rely on Thais to take care of them and run all their affairs in Thailand. I know one Canadian guy, that after his Thai wife died about a year ago, he became like a fish out of water.

I also see this a lot when out, in banks, post offices and so on, where the Thai wife or partner is doing all the business and the farang just sitting there looking lost and bewildered with the Thai wife having to do the explaining and translating between the parties.

You know BJ sometimes you make some great posts that are a joy but on this one you sound like a very jealous individual (substitute individual for an expletive that is not allowed on here ) who has lost the plot!

Are you working for Thai Visa in a capacity to stimulate more posters?

You also talk complete garbage when you have the audacity to mention the Canadian guy who lost his wife and was like a fish out of water, obviously you have never had deep loving feelings for anyone else or you would not write such crap!

I concur with Rustbuckets observation of you and think that maybe it is you who has the problem here and not the cosseted Farang husband that happily I am one of.

My Mrs is a

Great negotiator

Fantastic cook Western and Thai

Won't have a credit card

Saves money at every opportunity

Saves me from making a fool of myself many times a week

Great organiser.

Treat me like a King

Cuddles up to me at night even when we may have had or are in the middle of a row.

Insisted on both she and me making wills (Everything, house car, motorbike in her name)

After 50 plus years business and of being in charge I am happy to let her do all that she is capable of doing and she may even be doing it better than I could. ( Oh the shame)

You see BJ I dont see it as a threat to my manhood letting her take charge of my affairs and after ten years of being married to her I couldn't be happier that I have such a loving, honest and competent wife who places me above her own interest.

I of course respond in a similar manner, I wash up, take care of all the outside cleaning and do not include her territory

If you feel that my manhood is in question then you are a fool but then again maybe you have an axe to grind, who knows why sensible men occasionally write such drivel as you did in this thread

My wife and I also have a great relationship. We have been married for 34 years. She does an awful lot for me and vice versa and if anything did happen to her I would be broken hearted, of course I would.

My thread here has nothing to do with manhood, I am talking about being able to manage one`s own affairs in Thailand without having to totally rely on a Thai partner IF NEED BE.OR THE CRUNCH CAME TO THE CRUNCH.

And now, of course, you want to make it seem like you were worrried and concerned about your fellow man! This is just hillarious. Read your initial post. It's just filled with disrespect and Ubermensch-mentality. A post written out of worry and concern would look very different, my friend. Don't you think that people who read this post can see that? You think everyone here is stupid, or what?

[billd766]

...

My thread here has nothing to do with manhood, I am talking about being able to manage one`s own affairs in Thailand without having to totally rely on a Thai partner IF NEED BE.OR THE CRUNCH CAME TO THE CRUNCH.

How totally disingenuous you are in your claim that you aren't about impugning anyone's manhood when your own OP states very clearly,

"... These guys appear to be rather pathetic individuals. Like little boys who need to be lead by the hand."

I guess being able to buy your own pampers does lend one a sense of superiority.

What brand do you recommend?

One of the most important questions I will come up against in the future needs a simple answer.

What ARE adult daipers called in Thai? When I have to get the first lot I will take a photo with my phone and the next time if I have forgotten the name I can just show the photo.

[heybuz]

i am a disadvantaged person,i don't speak thai,I'm the wrong colour i look completely different than the locals and i am considered fair game for being ripped off. my wife on the other hand fits in nicely with the locals they can't tell the difference between her and themselves,so she pays no more than anybody else and never seems to get ripped off,which i find commendable and it reflects in the bank balance. oh i forgot she's a thai.

[smotherb]

Ah Beetlejuice, you really like those little hassles do you? My wife does every bit of that and more for our family. She is a very intelligent and energetic lady, and she is capable of many things, including earning a degree with honors in an American university and having a successful career in government. I would rather wait for her at home or in a coffee shop or bar while she takes care of those little hassles in life; then take her out for dinner and music or a movie. I would rather ride my Harley and allow her to make the day to day decisions. I do so because I trust her; I taught her well. She is my wife and life partner. Sorry, if you can't trust yours to do the right thing--or do you really like standing in line in banks, doing the grocery shopping, playing with the utilities providers, dealing with landlords, hiring tradesmen, etc.

[Gecko123]

The key is learning the language.

If you can't be bothered doing this, well.... beggars can't be choosers.

Personally, going through life needing a translator to communicate would drive me cwazy.

It is not always a case of can't be bothered.

Some of us older people have impaired hearing (bleeding deaf is another term) and if you cannot hear the tones in spoken Thai even though you may know the correct words you may not be able to speak them properly. The same thing in reverse whan a Thai speaks to you if you cannot hear the tone you will probably hear the wrong thing.

If my wife dies before me will I survive here in Thailand. Yes I will. I have a Thai son and Thai friends who also speak English which helps. I know how and where to buy food and drink. I know where to pay my bills, where to get the things I need to keep the house, pickup and motorbikes running. I manage on my own driving around Thailand, I am OK at Immigration, the bank, the Post Office, local shops and markets so I guess I have the necessary survival skills.

If I do get stuck at a point where I need something and nobody can translate for me then I will just ring a Thai friend (I DO have a few bof them too) and ask for help.

My life works out OK for me. Though if my wife dies before me then I will be very sad though I don't think at 70 I would ever remarry.

Your point is well taken, and I appreciate the reminder that some people might have genuine difficulty learning a second language.

[hdkane]

For myself, I try to be as independent as possible. However, I admittedly rely on my Thai partner occasionally. This dependence isn't because I'm lazy or want to be coddled. it happens when i run into the wall of "Thainess". Almost weekly, I find myself amazed that Thais can function in Thailand. For example, my girl and I recently went to Isaan. We were wishing to take a bus back to our primary residence in BKK. Usually, I like to take the bus, because I enjoy the scenery when travelling. I took it upon myself to purchase the bus tickets. Despite several attempts, I couldn't find a bus going to BKK. When my girl joined me, I told her there were no buses and we needed to find a different means of transport. Surprise...she bought tickets in 5 minutes. Seems that many Isaan people have no idea what the <deleted> BKK is or where it's located. They only call in Krung Thep. I asked my girl if they were having a laugh at my expense...she told me the vendors were serious. The vendors had never made the connection that Krung Thep and BKK are one in the same.They have Smart Phones...watch TV...but are so intellectually lazy that they never figured it out. How many expats have found taxi drivers that have idea what BTS or MRT means? For me, it happens about once every 2 months. On these occasions, I gladly rely on my Thai girl guide the driver. Also, I've found that if I am with a Thai, most people do not even speak to me. I can order a drink in a cafe using clear Thai, and the waitress will ask my gf what I want to drink. Anyway. Despite these small annoyances...I prefer Thailand to most other places I've been.