evadgib Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 During a trip to UK we met up with friends who had returned to live there 2 years earlier. As we wandered around an arboretum in full bloom (May) my friend explained that his wife had been decidedly unimpressed when he had taken her to a similar place several months earlier as there hadn't been a lot to see due to the season.... "Where did you go?" I asked her. "Kew bushes" was her reply 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheRascal Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 I was watching the movie Elf with my gf last week and she asked me if Elves existed. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Cereal Posted December 11, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted December 11, 2014 My wife is Lao not Thai. same same but different I smell things. My shirt, socks for example. I don't sweat much and I don't smell. I can easily wear a shirt 2 days. My wife hates it! She changes clothes a couple of times a day. A while back I had just gotten over a cold and my wife caught me giving my shirt a quick sniff and gave me a biology lesson. Her: Vilus and bactelia are velly velly small. You cannot see them. You must careful to bleathing. You bleathe anything. That's why you are sick. You no listen me. You bad husband! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post maybefitz Posted December 11, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted December 11, 2014 She was stuck for what to call a feather duster - came out as "Chicken Hair Stick" - logical, I suppose. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Guy Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 Absolutely true: When we were in England my wife had some silk she wanted to make into a dress so took it to a nearby shop which had a big sign outside "Silk Cut". Very embarrassed, but saved face by buying cigarettes anyway ! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sipi Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 My wife asked me if Santa Claus is real, about a week ago. She is 32. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post sheldoncollier Posted December 11, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted December 11, 2014 I approached my wife as she was squat down on the floor cleaning. She looked up at me, held out her palms, which contained a couple of screws. She said, "want two screw"? She had no idea why I began to crack up in laughter. 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post sipi Posted December 11, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted December 11, 2014 (edited) I hope I don't offend our religious members, but.. Several years ago my wife asked me to explain Easter to her. I tried to keep it simple by not reflecting on the religious significance, but more on the historical.. So my explaination was,.."a few thousand years ago a man overseas challenged the government and died. So we remember him at Easter" Her reply was "That happens in Thailand all the time" Edited December 11, 2014 by sipi 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dotpoom Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 "Handsome Man" ....You talking to me? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bdenner Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 Our 2nd trip to Australia in 2001 we were in a supermarket completing some grocery shopping. I asked TW what she would like for lunch, her immediate reply "Meat in a Cup" ??? I looked around and spotted a Bouquet Bakery she was pointing at displaying Meat Pies. She had taken a liking to them on our 1st trip. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gillyflower Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 It was funny.......but any self respecting gecko MUST be smarter than a lowlife cater. Surely! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post thaipo7 Posted December 11, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted December 11, 2014 I would just like to tell the funniest thing said to my wife by another Thai. First, my wife of 43 years is very small. She is fluent in speaking English. We were holding a conversation in English and this Thai says, "How can you be so small and know so much English?" 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmptyHead Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 (edited) "My sandwich is very itchy" "Do my booby look like fried egg?" Hysterical: "No no no....the caterpillar will go in my ear and eat my inside...have big problem." "Australia is in Europe" "I bought Mexican jeans from Europe" Edited December 11, 2014 by EmptyHead 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Aleman Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 Its not your money -- I LOVE YOU ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gsxrnz Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 Had a friend who wanted to know the Thai words for "rewind button". He was getting a car CD player repaired. I didn't know the actual word but guessed it would be based around the Thai word for button, being bpoom. I found it, and pointed out to my friend that the very next word in the phone app was the Thai word for clitoris. Missus overheard and says "Mmmm.....I like liquorice". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExPratt Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 When I argue with the missus her English starts to waver and she comes out with some classics,She called me a "Very Idiot" the other day.This usually stops the argument as I crack up and she does as well 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davidmann Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 My wife is very funny. She keeps asking me. My love, give me some money. I do admire her sense of humour.......... Your lucky ,mine asks for my visa card , Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maderaroja Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 My hip joints were a bit painful the other day. My wife said that she knew why that was so. I asked her to tell me and she said, " Well you exercise with dumbbells. That makes your hips painful. I don't exercise with dumbbells and my hips don't hurt me." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnotherOneAmerican Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 (edited) My gf visiting Detroit, "Where are all the white people" My gf in Cm, "We have two pet pets" Edited December 11, 2014 by AnotherOneAmerican Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post rodroy Posted December 11, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted December 11, 2014 (edited) Years back the missus was picking vegetables with my mom all seemed to go well until my mom dragged me aside and remarked that the missus' language was a little salty. what had happened was the missus spotted pumpkins still on the vine she shreiked 'fuk thong' to my mom. as she discovered more pumpkins lurking under the leaves she just yelled fuk fuk fuk each time! Mom was taken aback! The missus later had to come to grips with the French word for seal at a zoo one day. You guessed it 'phoque' but spoken ........ Edited December 11, 2014 by rodroy 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post klauskunkel Posted December 11, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted December 11, 2014 "The President of United States works in the housewife." me: - silence - mental acrobatics - synonyms, associations, double entendres all checked - finally reverse engineered thought process: Housewife to House White to White House 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post jacksam Posted December 11, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted December 11, 2014 (edited) Again ...maybe you had to be there...but recently took the gf to AU..Melb.... Anyway big family dinner and yes , guilty to having taught my girl bit of bar lingo ..like shut the f up.....go f yourself etc.. Anyway the family is all ears (bit conservative) Sister asks... So bell what you think of Australia. Gf replies ....ITS SO F.....ING BIG Just as well no one has false teeth. They would have been on floor..... Edited December 11, 2014 by jacksam 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SantiSuk Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 "you're a cheap charlie" I daren't tell you how much monthly allowance she gets and the land, cars, family support etc. I'd be inundated with hate mail from ThaiV warriors Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post In Search of Space Posted December 11, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted December 11, 2014 Told her I was going to Reading the next day. Half hour later she comes to me & asks "who's getting married ?" 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonlover Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 'Don't worry darling, when we go live in Thailand, we'll be rich. things very cheap there'. ?????????????????????? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steiner Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 Not the Mrs but a FWB when I was single once commented on the fact I had a lot of women around. "Ah but you don't get to be an expert in food if you eat in the same restaurant every night" I Said. She replied "Darling, if you eat that way you are bound to get food poisoning!" That always made me chuckle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlackJack Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 I will do anything for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evadgib Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 Perhaps we could widen the scope to include actions too. We never argue, but if I try to get her to do something she doesn't want to do she goes completely silent & starts walking like Dick Emery! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gecko123 Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 (edited) For the longest time, my wife kept claiming that she couldn't figure out how to use an ATM machine, and every time she needed to withdraw some money, she needed to enlist the help of my step-daughter. My step-daughter wasn't exactly thrilled with this chore, and kept lodging back channel complaints to me, asking if there wasn't something I could do to improve the situation. Finally, I realized that my wife was in dire need of some long overdue lessons on how to use an ATM. To tell the truth, I probably gave her a look or two which said, "what kind of person doesn't know how to use a damn ATM machine, anyway?", but I really did try to be as patient and understanding as I could. So one quiet Saturday afternoon we went into town, and practiced putting the card in the machine, entering the password and navigating the various menus, always cancelling the transaction right before the final step. But, unexpectedly, when we cancelled the transaction at the end of the 7th or 8th run-through, the machine refused to return the card. My wife turned to me, looking for an explanation about what had happened. When I stutteringly tried to explain what I thought had happened, she interrupted me with: "See, I tell you before, this machine nothing but big headache. Every time happen like this!" Edited December 11, 2014 by Gecko123 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrY Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 "I cut your head, bo?!" (I was in need of a haircut) "Better you not visit." (After I apologized for coming to Thailand for only a few days. Later found out it was "Better than...") 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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