Private holidays for wife?

[blazes]

Tell it's OK as long as you can visit, and stay with, your lesbian friend in Pattaya from time to time.

My thoughts exactly. Just tell her that if it's ok for her to be with her gay guy friend without you, then it's ok for you to be with your lesbian friend without her. And if she's actually ok with that, you may have found the perfect woman.

The only problem with this bit of Ann Landers advice is that straight men don't usually have lezzie friends......

[brucetefl]

I think the point was "I am visiting my lesbian friend (wink wink)"

[Jimbob1]

Thanks for all the comments.

First of all this guy IS gay. I have met his partner and seen pictures of him on FB. He is very, very GAY.

51 and 36? In Thailand? Come on. Unless the girl is below 25 or so it would not really raise an eyebrow.

This girl is honest, but just has ideas about independence that I am having a hard time getting my head around. My ex gf invited both of us to visit her in Australia. I just think... my friends will be excited to meet the person who is important in my life. I think her friend should feel the same.

Anyway, i just wanted to see if there were people out there who agreed with her, and there are a few.

Thanks for your help.

That just may be the problem ..."very, very, GAY" .... she might be afraid he might consider playing "hide the salami" with you ...

Given her age maybe she is considering marriage and children before the biological clock runs out ... ? ...

I think marriage steadies down things and if she is as busy as you say with career travel won't be all that frequent ...

If you love her just take care of the lady she sounds like a real catch you lucky bugger.

[Berkshire]

Tell it's OK as long as you can visit, and stay with, your lesbian friend in Pattaya from time to time.

My thoughts exactly. Just tell her that if it's ok for her to be with her gay guy friend without you, then it's ok for you to be with your lesbian friend without her. And if she's actually ok with that, you may have found the perfect woman.

The only problem with this bit of Ann Landers advice is that straight men don't usually have lezzie friends......

That was tongue-in-cheek...she wouldn't technically be a lezzie. And the OP is right, at 36, his GF is no spring chicken. If she's going to be playing games, he might as well be with a 22 year old and have some fun while he's at it. And 51 is still young...by farang-in-Thailand standards.

[Bakeman]

HUGE RED FLAG!!!

I would reassess the relationship, her motives, her mind set, and my mind set.

Personally I would dump her. (TRUST FACTOR)

Good luck if you stay with her. Perhaps we will see you as a sad poster in the future?

[flyingdoc]

Yes, a red flag indeed! A 15 year age gap is NOT the reason, believe me. The gap in my case is far greater, but then I specialize in Anti-aging Medicine (AAM) !!!

[Moonlover]

OP , I'd be tempted to tell her straight. You don't like it. Don't beat about the bush, hoping she'll come round to seeing it your way. Thai women can be very manipulative and if you cave in on the first issue that you are not comfortable with, she could well take advantage of your apparent weakness in the future.

I certainly would not like her proposal and you can be very, very sure she would not like it if the positions were reversed.

[cornishcarlos]

Possessive, over reacting, control freak ?

Lighten up... If she wants to go on holiday by herself then it's her choice. We aren't living in the 50s, well some of us aren't

[brucetefl]

So since most people seemed to think it was a red flag (as I did) I brought it up again and said the following:

Noi (not her real name), we spend 4 to 10 hours a day together and have been spending this much time together for a few months now. If you suddenly left for two weeks I would really miss you and I think you would really miss me.

Also, what it says to me is "I do not want to spend time with you and prefer my friend".

She said... OK i get it and agree.

[chady]

if it started like this IT WILL ALWAYS REMAIN THE SAME WAY. If you don't wish for that just look for someone else but remember they all same shit in this country YOU JUST HAVE TO ACCEPT FEW THINGS

[steven100]

I think ' Mark ' is not really gay .... and one thing comes to mind .... " run forest run " ....

[wwest5829]

Bottom line for us is that what is "good for the goose is good for the gander". As the wife does not want me doing some things then there is the equal expectation. Works for us but that has evolved over three and a half years.

[DekDaeng]

You have a serious issue in your life (marriage is serious, right...?) and you come to an anonymous internet forum for advice...?

Nothing can help you, buddy...

"and you come to an anonymous internet forum for advice...?"

irrelevant - one of the best places to go. Don't expect gospel. Some things you can't ask friends.

[PaulHamon]

i had a long think about this... i'm not against people having their own holidays.

but i think this is dodgy... if you're a real couple then this.... 'he don't know you' bullish does not matter.

part of being a couple of having shared friends and meeting people from each others life.

my wife and I are friends with all each other friends, i don't hang out with them all the time, or as much as her but they all know who I am and she know all my friends.

my only thought is... maybe your more serious about the relationship than her.

[Kunjay]

I would:

- take a step back in the relationship.

- perhaps the relationship is not as much as you think.

- just maybe .... you're more serious about the relationship than her.

Personally, I don't like this. It's a HUGE RED FLAG.

Will it always be like this?

USA EXAMPLE: My brother told me his GF in Virginia, USA did not want him to come to her son's wedding and all the events that led up to the wedding the whole weekend. I told my brother: "You don't have the relationship you told me about". He didn't.

" perhaps the relationship is not as much as you think.

- just maybe .... you're more serious about the relationship than her."

I suspect this is the case as if she you loves you this issue probably wouldnt arise.

​Obviously your intuition was enough to get you here asking questions therefor maybe you've answered the question yourself.

[bushwacker]

It seems to me that your situation fits one of the following scenarios:

1. you are a good guy to have in Thailand but she wants young fun as a holiday treat. Traveling to Canada, I am sure the gay guy will not be the only person that she parties with. Maybe she means gay in that he is really happy, and into woman.

2. if she does not want you to come then she is embarrassed to have you along. If she loves you and wants a life with you then she should be happy for everybody to see you together. Gay guys like men, so it should not be a problem for the gay guy.

3. Marriage is pretty serious, you sound like you are all in, she is not so. Maybe separate vacations in 20 years but not at the beginning and not like the picture that you have painted. This is not typical Thai.

Good luck!

[ThaiSanookGuy]

What's the problem anyway ? That she has something hot with someone there ? And so ?

As long as she comes back and want to see you what is the problem ?

But the truth is that it never happened that anybody wanted holidays far from me with anyone, so maybe you should question yourself about how interesting you are to spend time with ? (no offense, just ideas).

[Moonlover]

if it started like this IT WILL ALWAYS REMAIN THE SAME WAY. If you don't wish for that just look for someone else but remember they all same shit in this country YOU JUST HAVE TO ACCEPT FEW THINGS

No, they certainly are not 'all the same shit in this country' Chady. Maybe you're fishing in the wrong pool!

[rotary]

It all depends on what you are looking for in a wife but I think this one would be nothing but trouble for several reasons. I would cut and run.

[spambot]

Simply talk to her about what you feel and what her actions means to you

• You know it is important for her to go see friends
• But you are feeling hurt and even possibly overlooked
• While this journey is something enjoyable for her you feel damaged once it occurs.

Ask her: Just how important is it that she makes this trip - And how important are your feeling to her - Does she care you are feeling this way

DO NOT emotionally blackmail her or try to stop her doing what she feels she should do.

Just find out how important you actually are to her - What is her priority when it comes to you and your emotional well being.

Then decide on what actions you need to take.

[blazes]

She is acting like a man (at least the men of 20 years ago, says he referring to himself in his 40s/50s).

When I was married to my (Caucasian) wife, I used to insist on having a holiday alone each year (and she would give in to me). But of course I was intending to meet my (Caucasian) gik in some sunny location in Europe.

Needless to say, we eventually divorced. I finally grew the balls to say "enough is enough", even though I had no particular woman in mind. Fairly amicable divorce.

[Docno]

I'm from Canada. I know Mark. He's not gay.

[jpduggan]

she just turned 36 and has been single and very independent for almost 10 years now (never been married. 36 yr old and never married but single and independent for only 10 yrs.....How

[Wat dee]

Male gay friends and how many brothers?

[MiKT]

20 years age difference is nothing in Thailand, but unfortunately the old joke about only loosing your turn does spring to mind.

However, the compensation of being able to stay at lots of 4/5 star hotels for free may be well worthwhile.

[Oziex1]

Well if I told my girlfriend Thai or whatever I was going on holiday to meet another woman I would not leave the house alive.

I would seriously question the truth and validity of any relationship that a partner had to go visit a member of the opposite sex and exclude their partner.

Anyone disagree, it just doesn't work this way.

[davidmann]

walk away ,get a normal western woman ,if your old still possible to get a young one ,quite nice for time ,why do men put up with all the problems with thai ladies ,saying that iv got 3 in my house ,only good time is where there a sleep ,which is most of the time apart from eating

[Donnie Brasco]

She is very politely telling you that it's ok for her to hose around as long as you don't lose face.

I assume you do not speak Thai.

I know several Western men who've found themselves tangled up in this sort of thing.

She can tell her thai friends about her liaisons but you will never know.

You will be her FARANG matrimonial beard.

She will be free to bang any and all comers both home and away while on the local scene you play the part of the devoted husband. You will be trotted out at family events where the younger and more trusted family members will snigger and the older ones will tell themselves she's finally settled down.

She'll turn you into a proper clown if you don't take her up on it early on.

Get your own stable of local "women of a certain age".

Some single. Some married. Some professionals. Some outright tarts.

It's ok. It's expected.

There's plenty of them and once you get to know them you have only to keep the married ones from trying to re-kindle their dead marriages by hinting to the Thai husband that they have a farang side salad going.

[micmichd]

She's not your pet, and you should trust her a bit.

If she's got an invitation (someone who pays her holiday) I would let her go.

If she comes back it's oK.

If she does not come back, then at least you know it's time to look for another woman.

[micmichd]

Sadly I don't know where OP comes from, nor do I know where your wife is going to.

If she goes to Europe (Schengen area) she would need a written invitation (plus guarantee) from someone who lives there to get a visa.

I would not be too suspicious about the gay friend, either.

Remember in many countries homosexuality was an offense a long time, and peoples' attitudes are not always up to date. Especially when it comes to heritage issues, then older people typically prefer an heir who is able to present grandchildren, and for this they want to see some evidence that their son is not gay.

In some rural areas in South America and Southern Europe it is not uncommon for gay men to present a woman as evidence they are not gay. Then everyone applauds, the woman can go back to where she came from, and maybe she gets part of the heritage, too.

Not every country is as liberal as Thailand.