Teenage Thai son by marrage causing many problems

[KunKen]

I had the same problems with my wife sons,when they was 15 year.I take care of them since they was one year.My wife signed them out of school.

One of them dissaperd for some days with a girl ,she was 16 and he was 15.The family wanted money.Took the ( gun for safety) with her and she went over to them.They wanted money because I'm a farang and everybody knows that we have a little money.She refused to pay one bath and speak they will never get something from us.If you can't keep your girl home you have a problem ,not we.And she went home.Thats the way to do it.

After the boy's( twins ) started smoke yaba and we took them in stealing home some times.And I build to room and bath outside the house to them.My wife called me at the ship and told me that they stole a playstation and a laptop at home from my younger kids.I told her to put them in jail.So we sendt a coy and the police looked them up.In court the jugde said ,to the kids .Yuo have all you need and more and you screw up your life like this.

And he sendt them to correction camp in Udon for two months.And he said next year you are 18teen and if you do anytging again you end up in jail.

I kicked them out of the property because of my three younger kids shall not learn shit style from them.Tomorrow they are 18yrs and they have to work .One in Bangkok and one in this city.But my wife don't want to give them money.I said I can help them if they stop with yaba.We will see.

[Bangkok Barry]

Before you pay out any money, how about showing a bit of common sense. Why not tell the girl's family that it takes two people to have sex. She is as much to blame as him - if there is any blame to be laid anyway. People have sex outside of marriage, even in Thailand. She is within the age of consent in Thailand, is she not? As for the son, make him join the army. We had a rogue member of the family who robbed us, and he was quietly sent away and came back a reformed person.

[2fishin2]

Before you pay out any money, how about showing a bit of common sense. Why not tell the girl's family that it takes two people to have sex. She is as much to blame as him - if there is any blame to be laid anyway. People have sex outside of marriage, even in Thailand. She is within the age of consent in Thailand, is she not? As for the son, make him join the army. We had a rogue member of the family who robbed us, and he was quietly sent away and came back a reformed person.

as I said in a other post "what did i just read"

I keep losing valuable moments of my life on posts like this. LOL

[Globeman]

Io "ripstanley" Thank you for your reply. Good idea and thoughtfulness. I appreciate it so very much. We live in Tha Yang 2.5 hours southewest of Bangkok. My wife of course loves her son, as I do, his new father ... Her attitude is if son is going to continue with his irresponsible acts then he will be excluded from family and family's help. She is sadened by his actions and loves him but enough is enough, He needs to pay for his own mistakes and pay the consequenses. Like I said she is a loving mother and wants the best for her son(s) but he needs to learn hard lessons in life. Mama and Papa can only do so much. It's time for son to "pay the piper". We are currently in talks with girls family and things are looking better. Will keep you updated on developments. Girls parents have agreed to take son into home and help him if he is willing to work and support daughter with a responsible job. Girls parents seem to be very helpful and not vindictive. It may turn out better than I ever expected. Lets keep our fingers crossed. Maybe son will turn out to be a good man after all. We certainly hope so and are brightened by possible good future.

Yes, perhaps having a regular sex partner/wife (unless it is the variety he is seeking) will calm him down. Being in another home might help too, as the girl's parents are far less likely to tolerate any 'not showing up to work' nonsense. Mind you, 16 is pretty young to expect a fellow to be responsible - in almost any culture.

Interesting to note that your wife is willing to go hard on him. In my experience here, that is rare... usually a mother's son can do no wrong.

[steven100]

Put him in the army ...... he will soon change .... all for the better.

[fakser]

your son and the girl, are same age. Unless he kidnapped her (and he did not) her responsibility is same as his. Let her parents demand the answers from her. Not from your son or you.

Did anybody ask the kids if they want to get married? Why force it on them?

If it is a moral thing, these are the morals that her parents embedded in her.

Don't let anyone extort you. If she is not pregnant, no harm was done.

You have two normal sons with normal behaviour (or misbehaviour) for this age.

Be there for them and support them but also set up borders and limitations.

As long as they live in your household, eat from your hand and dress what you buy them, they should

obey the house rules.

Good luck

Edited January 6, 2015 by fakser

[MauiSteveBKK]

1. Time For Tough Love.

2. Gain consensus with Her Parents. Make it a "We" situation, and let's solve together for both the kids.

3. Stop all financial provisions. Money talks. Lack of Money Talks Really Loud.

4. Try and keep him out of jail and a clean record.

5. No more talks or lectures or verbal guidance.

6. Make your "walk" match your talk. It will get his attention quickly.

7. Ensure you and your wife remain close. Maybe become closer.

8. Be United.

Good Luck and Best Wishes & Thoughts & Prayers.

Steve

[grin]

We went through a bit with my stepson when he was a teenager and were familiar with similar things going on with his foolish friends. It seems like how it is handled mostly depends on the mother and it varies from one extreme to the other. Kids being kicked out to kids being treated like royalty.

None of the young marriages we knew about worked out whether they lived with his or her family. It takes two responsible kids and support from both families.

Beware of sending him off to live with relatives. We know of a kid that came back hooked on ya ba after staying with his uncle.

One kid sent off to live with monks seemed to come back better for it.

My understanding is that once you have been to prison then the military is no longer an option.

We had some simple rules for our son. First he was supported only if he stayed in school. If he was not in school and wanted to stay at home he had to help around the house and kick in money for food and rent (per my wife). No live-in girlfriend allowed, for that he had to move out and with no support from us. That happened once but it did not last. I did end up paying their medical bills as they did not make enough money.

My wife was/is pretty strict with our son. One problem we had was with relatives. They would loan money to our son end expect us to pay them back. My wife quickly disabused them of this notion but over time made sure our son paid everyone back.

So, my question is do you really think this young marriage will work out?

Grin

[khunPer]

To my knowledge it’s quite common parents to a minor girl (under 18) demands a marriage after sex, so they don’t loose face; and also get some kind of compensation (sin sot). After Thai Law a girls need parent's acceptance when she’s under 18.

I know of a number of teen-marriages, and many of them do not seem to last (long time), but the families kept face.

There was another tread in the news about Thai Law and that having sex with a minor, even both parts are under 18 and consented, is to be considered as rape.

I don’t know if there is any law about marriage expenses – the law talks about marriage age being 18 years or older – but I do believe the girls parents has a point, as they can claim rape (or something else) according to the law. Teen-marriages (one or both parts under 18 years) are common in village societies – and that will not be a registered marriage at the Amphor, but to village tradition considered legal as it’s public – and another Thai Law I saw mentioned in Phuket news stated: “Charge for raping someone under 13 years of age who is not his wife, whether or not the victim was willing.”

A negotiation with girl’s family for some kind of compensation may be a solution, however they may wish a marriage and a party to keep face. If the girl’s parent takes legal action – presume that will be through police – that may also be a question of a compensation negotiation between the families and to a point where the police thinks it’s fair; often they will close the case after a compensation agreement by having each party signing for it in their (police’s) big black book. If no agreement is reached I presume – but don’t know, as it seems an agreement is more common – that the case will continue in Court.

I’m not sure if parents guarantee for a minor’s (under 18) expenses, for example the motorbike in question – or how far parent’s financial responsibility goes for what “damage” a minor child may do.

Would be wise to consult a Thai Lawyer – one who knows about Thai common tradition, not a lawyer specialized in Thai law for foreigners – normally the first meeting with a lawyer is free-of-charge.

[davidmann]

If He gets married next there be a baby ,more money and he will walk away ,sell the motor bike ,gone ,take the son to one of the Islands tell him to get a job ,and life ,we did the same ,all thai kids ,just put there hands out ,thats when they can get out of bed

[cup-O-coffee]

Simply put... It's her problem (her boy) and not yours.

How she fixes that problem is what you should be tuning your radar in on.

It is her responsibility to welcome you into her life by cleaning up her yard, and not expecting you to be the one who comes into her life to do it for her. The energy and love you should be spending on a healthy relationship will be all used up and this mess will still exist, and then they will begin to tap into your emergency supply of energy and love, and finally, that too will be exhausted.

In the end, you will lose your sanity and health with the realization that you have put your life on hold to play puppet master with people, whose minds will struggle and resist your every effort to manipulate them on your strings of commons sense and logical views. You will realize that the entire time spent in this wasted endeavor has robbed you of many months, and perhaps even years of well being and the fact that you do not deserve this and moreover, you were the fool and not them.

If you were to take the time to perform a search throughout all the forums and type in "Dead" and then "Murdered" and then "Knifed" and then "Shot" then perhaps you will get a hint of what could very possibly be your future if you continue to subject yourself to any possibility of being around this young man, and soon to be adult Thai male with extremely dysfunctional tendencies, and who knows what else.

What I mean is, absolutely no amount of good intentions for absolutely no reason... and absolutely no amount of time, energy, material objects, promises, etc. will matter to this young, troubled Thai, who is fully indoctrinated with all of the potential characteristics of the people you read about in those stories that resulted in your searches (see paragraph above). You are dealing with that kind of personality and that kind of thinking. He will never be out of your life, and the only way you can prevent him from going off the deep end and NOT holding a grudge against you because he feels entitled to your money because you are with his mom, is to continue to nourish him with your money and gifts. That is all he will ever want from you, and if he cannot get it from you one way, then he will get it from you the other way or simply decide to put an end to himself, and you'll thank your lucky stars if he decides not to include you in on his departure from this world. Or, you should be so lucky if Darwinian chance plays a role here and he simply gets smacked by by a Hino whilst running a red light, all pumped up on mind altering substances.

You've been warned. It's just my take, but I figured you needed a bit of shock from the other side, compared to the shock that their subconscious behavior has in store for you in the times to come.

All the best on thinking about how you are going to live another day for you ...or for them...

Sincere respect!

[gerrythepoet]

Carken- good to know her parents are now involved and will assist them that is the best way forward. Before I read your posting I was thinking that his biological father may be able to straighten him out- not getting involved with the past however he might just listen if he is around. If her parents want the marrage and the kids are ok with it then perhaps a joint effort would ease the tension and he will be on his way to a bright future. Good luck sir.

[Khunmanoun]

A lot of theory in this thread. In practise, from my point of view, in Thailand family ties (blood ties) are very strong, even if there is a geographical distance between people. Parents, especially mothers and sisters, will do everything to help, even give all what they have. I have never seen mothers cutting ties with bad boys. A huge percentage of Thai boys act irresponsively because of the very lax thai education, so the situation of the OP is very common. A big number of teen girls get pregnant. So if families were cutting ties for that, it would be huge in Thailand ! Almost every thai kid would be on the street.

For me, if the girl is not pregnant, forget it. No marriage, nothing. Business as usual. If the girl is pregnant, it is a totally different matter. If the kids really love each other, marriage is the best way, although it will probably not last more than 8-10 months. A pregnant girl / young mother is far less attractive. If they don't want to marry, forget it. But the OP will need to make direct arrangements with the girl family to support the kid. In such cases, a lot of boys move to a different part of the country for some time because they are not capable of bearing any responsibility whatsoever. I have not often seen any police in the middle, since Thai people hate police (for good reasons).

[gerrythepoet]

I was married to a lovley Thai teacher however she had a boy and a girl in their 20's who both had babies with their respecitve partners. End result she had no time for me for her children left the babies with her and went to the Phuket and Krabi to continue their work. Her Dad got cancer and with school and the temple and me working 4 hours away end result after 3 yrs of separation we decided or she decided that divorce was the only solution.

Her daughter got onto yaba with the father of her kid and ended up 4 years in prison.

Eventually ex-wife handed the babies to the grandparents of the babies not hers- could not cope with teaching.

Stick like glue to your wife and let the kids do their own thing without pulling you down with them.

As I said before work with her parents on a suitable weddding and getting him a job that he will stick at- find out what he likes hopefully with his wife to be that will keep him in line instead of flirting with others.

[soundtrack]

16 yo boy is clearly under age and the parents are hold responsible for him.

I am afraid you have to pay for "damages" that he might cause. But this does not seem to be your case.

I do not see how they can oblige your Family to have a luxurious Wedding Cerimony.

Which is the attitude of your wife against all this?

SEE A LAWYER at the soonest.

rick

[tingtongfarang]

I dont see what the problem is regarding the stepson and the girl, ok they had consensual sex but i think at that age its quite normal, if the girl is not pregnant and if i was the parent of either the boy or the girl i see no reason to pressure them into marraige,

Bringing money into it in any form to me smacks of prostitution.

[Travelman868]

I'm not a lawyer and if you want serious advice you better contact one.

But to my opinion the girls parents have NO right to your house car or motorcycle.

And if they want a super wedding for their daughter tell them to pay for it.

Anyway it wan't last for a long time.

Don't be afraid, you and your wife, tell her parents to deal directly with your son and sort out whatever they want.

At the moment they think they got the rich farang that will provide for everything.

Don't give in to their demands and let them do whatever they want.

And I don't think they can do much.

I agree the girl's parents have no claim. If the girl went willingly and they are of age to legally have sex not your problem.

AND why would you have to pay for wedding. Tell the parents if they want to get married they should provide a dowry

of 1 million.

Where you may have a problem, is if you signed as guarantor for the scooter loan. The name on green book has nothing

to do with a loan agreement.

[Andre0720]

To my knowledge it’s quite common parents to a minor girl (under 18) demands a marriage after sex, so they don’t loose face; and also get some kind of compensation (sin sot). After Thai Law a girls need parent's acceptance when she’s under 18.

I know of a number of teen-marriages, and many of them do not seem to last (long time), but the families kept face.

There was another tread in the news about Thai Law and that having sex with a minor, even both parts are under 18 and consented, is to be considered as rape.

I don’t know if there is any law about marriage expenses – the law talks about marriage age being 18 years or older – but I do believe the girls parents has a point, as they can claim rape (or something else) according to the law. Teen-marriages (one or both parts under 18 years) are common in village societies – and that will not be a registered marriage at the Amphor, but to village tradition considered legal as it’s public – and another Thai Law I saw mentioned in Phuket news stated: “Charge for raping someone under 13 years of age who is not his wife, whether or not the victim was willing.”

A negotiation with girl’s family for some kind of compensation may be a solution, however they may wish a marriage and a party to keep face. If the girl’s parent takes legal action – presume that will be through police – that may also be a question of a compensation negotiation between the families and to a point where the police thinks it’s fair; often they will close the case after a compensation agreement by having each party signing for it in their (police’s) big black book. If no agreement is reached I presume – but don’t know, as it seems an agreement is more common – that the case will continue in Court.

I’m not sure if parents guarantee for a minor’s (under 18) expenses, for example the motorbike in question – or how far parent’s financial responsibility goes for what “damage” a minor child may do.

Would be wise to consult a Thai Lawyer – one who knows about Thai common tradition, not a lawyer specialized in Thai law for foreigners – normally the first meeting with a lawyer is free-of-charge.

There was another tread in the news about Thai Law and that having sex with a minor, even both parts are under 18 and consented, is to be considered as rape.

If this is so, both consented,

Then which one would be the rapist?

[Pinot]

It think this comes down to the OP being a farang and thus an ATM walking.

This is not your responsibility other than the bike which I think I would just payoff, give to the kid and then tell the kid to eff off, I'm done with you.

You're done after that. Cheap price to pay.

[Khunmanoun]

A lot of theory in this thread. In practise, from my point of view, in Thailand family ties (blood ties) are very strong, even if there is a geographical distance between people. Parents, especially mothers and sisters, will do everything to help, even give all what they have. I have never seen mothers cutting ties with bad boys. A huge percentage of Thai boys act irresponsively because of the very lax thai education, so the situation of the OP is very common. A big number of teen girls get pregnant. So if families were cutting ties for that, it would be huge in Thailand ! Almost every thai kid would be on the street.

For me, if the girl is not pregnant, forget it. No marriage, nothing. Business as usual. If the girl is pregnant, it is a totally different matter. If the kids really love each other, marriage is the best way, although it will probably not last more than 8-10 months. A pregnant girl / young mother is far less attractive. If they don't want to marry, forget it. But the OP will need to make direct arrangements with the girl family to support the kid. In such cases, a lot of boys move to a different part of the country for some time because they are not capable of bearing any responsibility whatsoever. I have not often seen any police in the middle, since Thai people hate police (for good reasons).

Edit : my wife strongly disagrees with me. She says that even if the girl is not pregnant, the girl's family will come and rightfully ask for compensation. This is not law but tradition, and if you don't comply you find yourself in a conflict, and in Thailand conflicts can quiclky lead to violence, even extreme violence. The boy's family is supposed to pay some money so that the girl's familly does not loose face. This can be anything between10,000 or 100,000 or 1 million ... I suppose this is the price for supposedly lost virginity ;-)). I have asked my wife what happens if the girl has several boyfriends. She says the one she likes the more will the the winner ... The conclusion is clear, we have to give bromide to our boys in Thailand.

[khunPer]

To my knowledge it’s quite common parents to a minor girl (under 18) demands a marriage after sex, so they don’t loose face; and also get some kind of compensation (sin sot). After Thai Law a girls need parent's acceptance when she’s under 18.

I know of a number of teen-marriages, and many of them do not seem to last (long time), but the families kept face.

There was another tread in the news about Thai Law and that having sex with a minor, even both parts are under 18 and consented, is to be considered as rape.

I don’t know if there is any law about marriage expenses – the law talks about marriage age being 18 years or older – but I do believe the girls parents has a point, as they can claim rape (or something else) according to the law. Teen-marriages (one or both parts under 18 years) are common in village societies – and that will not be a registered marriage at the Amphor, but to village tradition considered legal as it’s public – and another Thai Law I saw mentioned in Phuket news stated: “Charge for raping someone under 13 years of age who is not his wife, whether or not the victim was willing.”

A negotiation with girl’s family for some kind of compensation may be a solution, however they may wish a marriage and a party to keep face. If the girl’s parent takes legal action – presume that will be through police – that may also be a question of a compensation negotiation between the families and to a point where the police thinks it’s fair; often they will close the case after a compensation agreement by having each party signing for it in their (police’s) big black book. If no agreement is reached I presume – but don’t know, as it seems an agreement is more common – that the case will continue in Court.

I’m not sure if parents guarantee for a minor’s (under 18) expenses, for example the motorbike in question – or how far parent’s financial responsibility goes for what “damage” a minor child may do.

Would be wise to consult a Thai Lawyer – one who knows about Thai common tradition, not a lawyer specialized in Thai law for foreigners – normally the first meeting with a lawyer is free-of-charge.

There was another tread in the news about Thai Law and that having sex with a minor, even both parts are under 18 and consented, is to be considered as rape.

If this is so, both consented,

Then which one would be the rapist?

Good question...

[tingtongfarang]

A lot of theory in this thread. In practise, from my point of view, in Thailand family ties (blood ties) are very strong, even if there is a geographical distance between people. Parents, especially mothers and sisters, will do everything to help, even give all what they have. I have never seen mothers cutting ties with bad boys. A huge percentage of Thai boys act irresponsively because of the very lax thai education, so the situation of the OP is very common. A big number of teen girls get pregnant. So if families were cutting ties for that, it would be huge in Thailand ! Almost every thai kid would be on the street.

For me, if the girl is not pregnant, forget it. No marriage, nothing. Business as usual. If the girl is pregnant, it is a totally different matter. If the kids really love each other, marriage is the best way, although it will probably not last more than 8-10 months. A pregnant girl / young mother is far less attractive. If they don't want to marry, forget it. But the OP will need to make direct arrangements with the girl family to support the kid. In such cases, a lot of boys move to a different part of the country for some time because they are not capable of bearing any responsibility whatsoever. I have not often seen any police in the middle, since Thai people hate police (for good reasons).

Edit : my wife strongly disagrees with me. She says that even if the girl is not pregnant, the girl's family will come and rightfully ask for compensation. This is not law but tradition, and if you don't comply you find yourself in a conflict, and in Thailand conflicts can quiclky lead to violence, even extreme violence. The boy's family is supposed to pay some money so that the girl's familly does not loose face. This can be anything between10,000 or 100,000 or 1 million ... I suppose this is the price for supposedly lost virginity ;-)). I have asked my wife what happens if the girl has several boyfriends. She says the one she likes the more will the the winner ... The conclusion is clear, we have to give bromide to our boys in Thailand.

Why ar,nt the girls parents required to pay compensation? maybe the girl led the boy astray.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

A lot of theory in this thread. In practise, from my point of view, in Thailand family ties (blood ties) are very strong, even if there is a geographical distance between people. Parents, especially mothers and sisters, will do everything to help, even give all what they have. I have never seen mothers cutting ties with bad boys. A huge percentage of Thai boys act irresponsively because of the very lax thai education, so the situation of the OP is very common. A big number of teen girls get pregnant. So if families were cutting ties for that, it would be huge in Thailand ! Almost every thai kid would be on the street.

For me, if the girl is not pregnant, forget it. No marriage, nothing. Business as usual. If the girl is pregnant, it is a totally different matter. If the kids really love each other, marriage is the best way, although it will probably not last more than 8-10 months. A pregnant girl / young mother is far less attractive. If they don't want to marry, forget it. But the OP will need to make direct arrangements with the girl family to support the kid. In such cases, a lot of boys move to a different part of the country for some time because they are not capable of bearing any responsibility whatsoever. I have not often seen any police in the middle, since Thai people hate police (for good reasons).

Edit : my wife strongly disagrees with me. She says that even if the girl is not pregnant, the girl's family will come and rightfully ask for compensation. This is not law but tradition, and if you don't comply you find yourself in a conflict, and in Thailand conflicts can quiclky lead to violence, even extreme violence. The boy's family is supposed to pay some money so that the girl's familly does not loose face. This can be anything between10,000 or 100,000 or 1 million ... I suppose this is the price for supposedly lost virginity ;-)). I have asked my wife what happens if the girl has several boyfriends. She says the one she likes the more will the the winner ... The conclusion is clear, we have to give bromide to our boys in Thailand.

Thai rak Thai

You're a foreigner, She's a Thai.

She will side with the Thai extracting money from the foreigner every time.

If it were a 100% Thai family, they would tell the girl's 100% Thai parents to clear off and take their teen Thai slapper with them.

[Butcherboy]

Typical Thai boy. You need to take control immediately. Good luck.

This is the first time I have ever read the thai visa without a smart mouth

Farang putting in his funny remarks. I can promise they are not the

Americans, doing that.?

[ozyjon]

I heard that problem boys are sometimes sent off to the temple,,,

could someone elaborate on that please

Edited January 6, 2015 by ozyjon

[Ulic]

I feel your pain, I like Costas advice, combined with a little tough love. Food and a roof over his head

but no money or extras. I fear you are going to be in for a tough few years.

[torpedo1970]

#2 do we have to pay for motorbike which is registered in his name

It might be registered in his name.

But if it was taken out on a down payments plan. No 16 year old can sign for that. so someone have had to co-sign, most likely your wife did so.

please verify that.

if that contract defaults you can in theory loose house and car to pay down motorbike.

Good luck

[ChoakMyDee]

Carken, you will have to learn to take the rough with the smooth here. It would be a mistake to get into it with members who are poking a bit of fun.

On topic- The ages of the two in the latest bunk-up are important. I don't know the specifics of the law, but 16 can definitely be construed as 'under-aged' in this country. This is where your money and possessions would come in- to keep the little fornicator out of jail.

I have to strongly disagree with your first sentence. There is no good reason why people should be making fun of somebody in a crisis who is asking for help on TV. No way should he have to put up with it. You are wrong.

[mok199]

youth......wasted on the young....

[thailand49]

I give you my best answer as a father going through the same thing with my 15 year old son, It is easy to give you this advice but I doubt even I can follow it due to the love I have for him just as you have love for him regardless of whether he is your real son. I was once told by a Monk at a temple " being able to produce a child does not give the right of love only to those who can produce look at all the abandon children in Thailand :.

Your Thai son is too far gone to help him. The only one who can help him now is himself. You need to sit down with your Thai wife, she is the key because unless she herself has had enough she would never agree to the decision? If the English is not good enough then seek out a translator or better yet go to a lawyer who can really speak English and at the same time get the advice and translation to your Thai wife as to what needs to be done.

If he is not listening and still having a place to live and come and go as he pleases yet you two are paying the price for his action then you have to sit him down better yet with the lawyer and tell him you both love him but enough is enough! That as long as you live under our roof there are rules and if you can't follow them and have no respect for the both of us there is the door. What is not mentioned is how he is getting around doing all stuff he is not suppose to do. Where is he getting the money? It needs to be cut off. Just as if you are cutting off a drug addict!

Regardless, if you co-sign for the bike if you do not want to continue the payment just return it to the dealer. End of story! Regarding the sex with the girl and she is not pregnant and the parents want to give their child to you for marriage or basically for you to take care. Where Thai people get this type of concept is beyond me? The girl is not pregnant if this was the case the answer might be different? But Thai look at you regardless if you disagree as a ATM, they feel you have it and their daughter no matter what your income she would have a better life? I really get this part! But it is stupid! or it is a bluff to extort more money out of you just like the girls parents from the temple your son had sex with. There is a standard for us and another for Thais? basically they do not ask this of a Thai boy who family is 100% Thai but they do when there is a Falang. If this was not true every girl in Isaan for example would be married? This is the same B.S. standard they ask us to buy a house etc. for the family, sin sot stuff when I rarely hear a Thai man or boy giving? Rarely in my experience I know many Thais and couples who are not even married and have kids many!

In a similar situation it is rare for police to arrest a young boy and put him in jail for having sex with a minor. There are story after story after story and I heard and got this from the police in not the exact words because a deal is usually reach between the family? meaning there is a payout on the part of the boy! You can fight it easily and keep your son out of jail and eventually the case would be drop since it is rare for a family in the lower income who is demanding money able to take the time or hire a lawyer able to fight you for a long period. But doing so would only feed into your son problems!

Your situation is not uncommon I hear this from Thai women I know and they tell me " Same " why because this is rampant in their culture! Thais know it is happening they contributed to the problem by doing it themselves and when the kid grows up they ask themselves what happen? They know only one way to raise their kids and know of no other example as we westerner know. You and I are beating ourselves up because we try to tell them there is more out there in life? but they give you a blank stare as if you are just talking and crazy? It goes into one ear and out the other because all their friends are doing it so what are you talking about why can't I? They do not know education is key to their success and future of their country they have no goals or ambition have no idea what it is nor does their friends!

Whether you know it or not you have the answer just can't pull the trigger neither can I if I was in your shoes and I think I'm getting close like you? You need to let him go but mostly cut him off, kick him out change the locks but let him know you love him and can visit anytime.He needs to be told if he thinks he is a man and can take care of himself then do it and be fully responsible for his action. If him a box of condoms because you can stop nor watch him every minute. It kills me even to give you such advice! I'm tired just like you? I would give my life for my son so he wouldn't have to grow up like I did? I did worse much worse but in America you got many chances to redeem yourself, here in Thailand you got one chance and you are finished. Even at my age, I have found his gang leader friends wipe them up and down the floor, My son knows I can do the same and I have told him " beat it into you until you learn " that is our angry emotion rarely does it work!

Locate Thai services like homes for batter women, fatherless shelter for women, HIV, shelter, Emergency hospital, even take him to the police station ask the captain to show him a jail cell slam it shut with him inside? do whatever it take even if it sounds stupid so he might see his future! But none of it can be done without you wife help or your son being willingness. All you and I could do is cross our fingers and he gets it out of his system so many whatever we try something might click inside him and he changes? You have to reside to the fact that he might do jail time and let him know if he can't defend himself what the result would be because you will be extorted to pay money to the guys to protect him from the rest. You have to reside yourself no matter how much you love him he might even die!

Good luck because the ride is only beginning? I hope I have helped and hope I never reach your point?

Edited January 7, 2015 by thailand49