Should I just butt out?

[gadget monger]

Would a Vietnamese greet another Vietnamese in a Wallmart in rural Arkansas?

Why not?

In the past I have been in the deepest, darkest regions of Chiang Mai, sometimes sitting or queuing to pay a bill or sitting in a noodle stall at a local market and found myself sharing the same space as another farang. Then just made a simple comment, such as, this is a long queue, or it`s been a hot day today or similar on those lines, then had a response by either a grunt, total no response at all or a look as if I had just trod in a pile of dogs crap. Most of them have faces that could sink a thousand ships, totally unapproachable and these days I would not even consider infringing on their good person by letting them know I exist, something that appears to be strictly taboo with many ex-pats here in Thailand.

I can remember once about 12 years ago when I was at a local market. I saw an American guy who could not speak a word of Thai trying to ask a Thai lady where he could get a key cut. I knew of a key shop that was close by, so I intervened and told the guy, I can show you where to have a key cut. Then i took the guy to the shop, there was no one in the shop and then went to fetch the man who cut the keys. The American gave the man his key to be copied and the key man told the American to come back in 15 minutes. On that note the American just turned his back and walked out of the shop without any acknowledgement to me at all. I chased after the American guy, grabbed his arm and said; where I come from people usually say thank you if you do them a good deed. Then he begrudgingly said thanks and walked off. I thought; you a/hole, I hope the new key doesn`t fit.

In my opinion these people are weird and these days have found it better to blank these farangs if out and about.

The main reason why he's so rude to you is he's American...

[sipi]

I have a good memory. I'll smile at you once and if you don't' smile back then I will ignore you forever; even if I see you dying on the footpath.

[Gsxrnz]

Got to admit I'm suffering a bit of a culture shock. I'm used to the kind of people the OP describes when living in Thailand and forgot what it was like at home.

I'm home in NZ at the moment and everybody you make eye contact with (on the street, in a shop, at the servo, at the café, at the supermarket) says gidday or owzitgaan or see the game last night or something along those lines. Bit of a difference from the westerners you meet in Thailand.

Although having said that, I reckon in Thailand Aussies and Kiwis generally make a point of talking to each other when we here the accent. It usually goes along these lines:

Aussie: Wheres ya come from sport?

Kiwi: Noy Zilind, liddle placed call Whakamangatanookarampuka. Where you from mate - Ozzie rite?

Aussie: Yeah orm an Aussie sport, strooth I fort you wuz an Aussie too. Do ya bring ya Velcro cloves on 'oliday wiv ya?

Kiwi: Nuh mate, I always borrow a pair from the firs' Aussie I meet. You'd know where the Pattaya Sheep Farm is wodden ya.

[steven100]

JUST BUTT OUT AND LEAVE ME ALONE ....... I DON'T WANNA TALK TO YOU ...

[LuckyLew]

Why do you want to talk to him\

Seems clear he is not interested in being friendly or social with you

Find another

[johnnybgood]

I have a good memory. I'll smile at you once and if you don't' smile back then I will ignore you forever; even if I see you dying on the footpath.

Yeah, I agree with that........... They are dead to me.

I wouldn't waste my time with ignorant people who don't recognise basic manners.

Poor education, poor upbringing.

Life's too short.

[Gecko123]

In the past I have been in the deepest, darkest regions of Chiang Mai, sometimes sitting or queuing to pay a bill or sitting in a noodle stall at a local market and found myself sharing the same space as another farang. Then just made a simple comment, such as, this is a long queue, or it`s been a hot day today or similar on those lines, then had a response by either a grunt, total no response at all or a look as if I had just trod in a pile of dogs crap. Most of them have faces that could sink a thousand ships, totally unapproachable and these days I would not even consider infringing on their good person by letting them know I exist, something that appears to be strictly taboo with many ex-pats here in Thailand.

I can remember once about 12 years ago when I was at a local market. I saw an American guy who could not speak a word of Thai trying to ask a Thai lady where he could get a key cut. I knew of a key shop that was close by, so I intervened and told the guy, I can show you where to have a key cut. Then i took the guy to the shop, there was no one in the shop and then went to fetch the man who cut the keys. The American gave the man his key to be copied and the key man told the American to come back in 15 minutes. On that note the American just turned his back and walked out of the shop without any acknowledgement to me at all. I chased after the American guy, grabbed his arm and said; where I come from people usually say thank you if you do them a good deed. Then he begrudgingly said thanks and walked off. I thought; you a/hole, I hope the new key doesn`t fit.

In my opinion these people are weird and these days have found it better to blank these farangs if out and about.

I used to take this type of behavior personally, but that's no longer the case. This is in large part because I have learned on TVF that many others have experienced the same thing. But what I haven't stopped doing, however, is trying to figure out why people behave this way.

The conclusion I have come to is that Thailand probably does attract a disproportionate number of guys with poor interpersonal social skills. I will readily acknowledge that my interpersonal social skills aren't the greatest in the world either, so I am not sitting in judgment of anyone. I think the reason why guys with poor social skills might be attracted to Thailand is because Thailand has a reputation as "the land of smiles" and also as a place where it is easy to meet women. It's not difficult to see why a place which is known for its friendly outgoing people and easy-to-meet women wouldn't appeal to guys who struggle in the social skills department. But I think for many guys they soon discover that Thailand is not a panacea for their social skill shortcomings, and that it is possible to quickly find yourself even more socially isolated in Thailand than you were back home.

Let's take for example, a Western guy who marries a Thai woman and moves to Thailand. Let's say he speaks little or no Thai, and her English is very basic. Once he moves here, his social network back home typically begins to gradually wither away. Since the guy cannot speak Thai, he may find that his wife is one of the few people in her family or the village he can communicate with. In some cases, the language barrier can be so severe that even conversing with his wife can be a struggle. On top of this, the guy may struggle to adjust to the local culture and the resources available to help with this adjustment may be limited.

A person in this limited social environment is going to feel socially isolated. It's easy to imagine how they could become socially withdrawn and depressed, and how they might struggle to engage with a potential new acquaintance. While I think this pattern can be exacerbated if a foreigner moves to rural Thailand, I think this can easily occur in an urban environment as well.

I guess what I was trying to get across in my OP is that I've stopped feeling resentful towards people who act like this and started feeling sorry for them. My sense is that they are struggling to adjust more than anything else.

[thehelmsman]

I concur with your analysis Dr. Phill, It could also quite simply be the head down, muttering foreigner is an ass.

[Berkshire]

Would a Vietnamese greet another Vietnamese in a Wallmart in rural Arkansas?

Only if they knew they were Vietnamese. They certainly wouldn't greet some random Asian person. In America, it's not that easy to tell the Asians apart. A Vietnamese looks like a Thai who looks like a Burmese who looks like a Filipino. And a Japanese certainly wouldn't greet a Korean.

[Gecko123]

I concur with your analysis Dr. Phill, It could also quite simply be the head down, muttering foreigner is an ass.

Not trying to get my own talk show. Will admit that I am trying to debunk the myth that this behavior is "cool" or "hip" or "in." It's pretty sad, really, when you think about it.

[Briggsy]

Not me, I don't smoke or drink vodka. Must be somebody else.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Cute young Thai chicks are welcome to try and strike up conversations in 7/11 with me.

Gay old white dudes, no thanks.

Which one are you?

I think I already know.

[Tongdee]

I've seen this story before.

I too have been there done that and find geckos, altho very useful in that they eat mosquitoes, to Have little in common with humans.

While I will turn on the light in the carport to attract dinner for you, I have no interest in Reptile or is it amphibian issues.

I will try not to run you down with my scooter . If you are an exceptional Amphibian & play the violin I will Listen. Unless , of course you play country!

If your Violin Bow needs to be rehaired and you ask for advice, I might even locate said bowhair & install it for you, or repair your cracked soundboard.

No matter how well you anunciate Ge coe, tow keay, where can I get a pizza, any good hamburger around here, yaaaduh yaaaduh yaaaduh.

Am I bored yet. Did I travel halfway around the world to meet reptiles, or people that have less in common with me than the birds in the trees.

No O look a white dude I am white I must have found a new friend. Hi white person I am white will you be my friend..

I will tell you how much I love jesus

AAAAAAAAHhhhhhh No...

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Let's take for example, a Western guy who marries a Thai woman and moves to Thailand. Let's say he speaks little or no Thai, and her English is very basic. Once he moves here, his social network back home typically begins to gradually wither away. Since the guy cannot speak Thai, he may find that his wife is one of the few people in her family or the village he can communicate with. In some cases, the language barrier can be so severe that even conversing with his wife can be a struggle. On top of this, the guy may struggle to adjust to the local culture and the resources available to help with this adjustment may be limited.

Complete BS,

Try talking to a stranger in Walmart next time you are back in the US, they will avoid you.

I just don't want to talk to strangers when I'm shopping.

In Thai, English, French or Spanish.

Edited January 9, 2015 by AnotherOneAmerican

[Jingthing]

Would a Vietnamese greet another Vietnamese in a Wallmart in rural Arkansas?

Only if they knew they were Vietnamese. They certainly wouldn't greet some random Asian person. In America, it's not that easy to tell the Asians apart. A Vietnamese looks like a Thai who looks like a Burmese who looks like a Filipino. And a Japanese certainly wouldn't greet a Korean.

That's an interesting distinction.

I was actually asserting that a Vietnamese would definitely be friendly to another Vietnamese in such a setting.

I disagree that it's that hard to tell Asian nationalities apart especially for other Asians ... though would yes sometimes it might require hearing the person speak.

[Beetlejuice]

Let's take for example, a Western guy who marries a Thai woman and moves to Thailand. Let's say he speaks little or no Thai, and her English is very basic. Once he moves here, his social network back home typically begins to gradually wither away. Since the guy cannot speak Thai, he may find that his wife is one of the few people in her family or the village he can communicate with. In some cases, the language barrier can be so severe that even conversing with his wife can be a struggle. On top of this, the guy may struggle to adjust to the local culture and the resources available to help with this adjustment may be limited.

Complete BS,

Try talking to a stranger in Walmart next time you are back in the US, they will avoid you.

I just don't want to talk to strangers when I'm shopping.

In Thai, English, French or Spanish.

I agree with you to a point. I also would not want to feel obliged to have to acknowledge every other farang who I happen to be sharing the same space with when I`m out and I don`t think this is the issue here.

A few questions for you: if for example you were in a driving license centre, sitting in the waiting area in a queue waiting to called to collect your driving license, then a normal looking English speaking farang guy sat next to you and after a few minutes begins a conversation, nothing extraordinary, perhaps talking about his experiences at the driving license centre during that day or similar. What would be your thoughts and how would you react?

Would you think; Oh hell, why did this a/hole have to pick on me? Seems like a decent gentleman and reciprocate the conversation? Reciprocate the conversation thinking I`m glad the guy sat next to me, to pass the time and break the monotony of what would otherwise be a boring day? Reciprocate but in a cold curt manner making it obvious you don`t want to talk with him? Ignore the guy completely? Or get up and go to sit somewhere else?

Sorry, no prizes for the right answer, just interested in your attitude, the ways of thinking and how you would react if you found yourself in the kind of situation I am mentioned above.

[Berkshire]

Would a Vietnamese greet another Vietnamese in a Wallmart in rural Arkansas?

Only if they knew they were Vietnamese. They certainly wouldn't greet some random Asian person. In America, it's not that easy to tell the Asians apart. A Vietnamese looks like a Thai who looks like a Burmese who looks like a Filipino. And a Japanese certainly wouldn't greet a Korean.

That's an interesting distinction.

I was actually asserting that a Vietnamese would definitely be friendly to another Vietnamese in such a setting.

I disagree that it's that hard to tell Asian nationalities apart especially for other Asians ... though would yes sometimes it might require hearing the person speak.

Actually, it is quite difficult--even for Asians--to know each other's nationality just by mere physical appearance. And you're forgetting that most Asians in the US are most likely Asian-Americans...meaning that many don't even speak their mother tongue. For example, a Japanese-American may not be able to speak one word of Japanese if he was born and raised in the US. So they have almost zero connection with immigrant Asians.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

A few questions for you: if for example you were in a driving license centre, sitting in the waiting area in a queue waiting to called to collect your driving license, then a normal looking English speaking farang guy sat next to you and after a few minutes begins a conversation, nothing extraordinary, perhaps talking about his experiences at the driving license centre during that day or similar. What would be your thoughts and how would you react?

No problem in the DLC, or a hotel bar/reception, you have something in common.

Random dudes in the street or supermarkets, no, it's just plain weird.

PS

I can pick out Chinese and Koreans, no speaking required, you can spot them by their clothing and body shape.

Burmese amongst Thais also very easy to pick out.

Not so familiar with Vietnamese.

Edited January 9, 2015 by AnotherOneAmerican

[Berkshire]

PS

I can pick out Chinese and Koreans, no speaking required, you can spot them by their clothing and body shape.

Burmese amongst Thais also very easy to pick out.

Not so familiar with Vietnamese.

When I was in the US, I almost couldn't tell Asians apart. Now if I was in Chinatown, I'd assume most of the Asians there were Chinese. Or Filipinos in Filipino markets.

Having been in Thailand for awhile, I can usually tell the tourist Chinese from the locals. Sometimes even the Burmese from the Thais...but not always. Japanese and Koreans, not that easy. But if you line up a Thai, Vietnamese, Burmese, Cambodian, Filipino, I honestly could not tell them apart. And I very much doubt most people could.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

PS

I can pick out Chinese and Koreans, no speaking required, you can spot them by their clothing and body shape.

Burmese amongst Thais also very easy to pick out.

Not so familiar with Vietnamese.

When I was in the US, I almost couldn't tell Asians apart. Now if I was in Chinatown, I'd assume most of the Asians there were Chinese. Or Filipinos in Filipino markets.

Having been in Thailand for awhile, I can usually tell the tourist Chinese from the locals. Sometimes even the Burmese from the Thais...but not always. Japanese and Koreans, not that easy. But if you line up a Thai, Vietnamese, Burmese, Cambodian, Filipino, I honestly could not tell them apart. And I very much doubt most people could.

We aren't talking ethnic family background, we are talking nationality from birth.

Different nationalities make clear and obvious styling choices.

If I were in Chinatown (SF), I would assume they were almost all Americans.

Edited January 9, 2015 by AnotherOneAmerican

[richard_smith237]

At a recent visit to Emporium I was paying at the checkout when a Westerner was asking the same checkout girl for directions... Usually I'd ignore the issue, but I was there.

The guy was stressed and irritated, the checkout girl didn't know the answer to a simple question (it was clear she understood it).

The guy was asking if there was a bookshop nearby... The shop assistant had no idea...

I offered that there are two on either the floor below or two floors below..... The guy then berated me for not knowing exactly where a book store was, then went on to complain to me that the staff at Emporium had no idea.... Quite, I thought... In the West we are used to all staff at a shopping mall being a mind of information, living here I am used to the fact that the Staff have no interest in anything outside of their immediate world.

I pointed out to the guy that he won't get any further help from me or the staff if he has an aggressive attitude... he walked off in the direction I'd pointed....

I was left wondering why I'd tried to help, but realising that a simple issue was right there on the tip of my nose and it was so easy for me to offer a simple assistance and directions...

So... In answer to the Ops Question: Should I butt out?... YES - Unless people ask directly for help or need some form of medical attention... Butt Out - there are too many weirdos, whack-jobs and self-centred miserable gits out there... Those who are happy are less likely to need help anyway...

[sipi]

I've seen this story before.

I too have been there done that and find geckos, altho very useful in that they eat mosquitoes, to Have little in common with humans.

While I will turn on the light in the carport to attract dinner for you, I have no interest in Reptile or is it amphibian issues.

I will try not to run you down with my scooter . If you are an exceptional Amphibian & play the violin I will Listen. Unless , of course you play country!

If your Violin Bow needs to be rehaired and you ask for advice, I might even locate said bowhair & install it for you, or repair your cracked soundboard.

No matter how well you anunciate Ge coe, tow keay, where can I get a pizza, any good hamburger around here, yaaaduh yaaaduh yaaaduh.

Am I bored yet. Did I travel halfway around the world to meet reptiles, or people that have less in common with me than the birds in the trees.

No O look a white dude I am white I must have found a new friend. Hi white person I am white will you be my friend..

I will tell you how much I love jesus

AAAAAAAAHhhhhhh No...

I take it you are having a go at the OP's avitar name.

And how would you reply if her name was "wet-pussy69"?

[Beetlejuice]

A few questions for you: if for example you were in a driving license centre, sitting in the waiting area in a queue waiting to called to collect your driving license, then a normal looking English speaking farang guy sat next to you and after a few minutes begins a conversation, nothing extraordinary, perhaps talking about his experiences at the driving license centre during that day or similar. What would be your thoughts and how would you react?

No problem in the DLC, or a hotel bar/reception, you have something in common.

Random dudes in the street or supermarkets, no, it's just plain weird.

PS

I can pick out Chinese and Koreans, no speaking required, you can spot them by their clothing and body shape.

Burmese amongst Thais also very easy to pick out.

Not so familiar with Vietnamese.

Glad that is your answer, you are a gentleman and a scholar.

I think this is the type of situation the OP is referring to. I have also found myself in similar situations when I have casually begun chatting to another farang and received some kind of rude responses, where the person has acted like a total pig that leaves a sour taste in the mouth, plus it`s demolishing, thinking; why on Earth did I try to talk with that fella? .

So because of these rude and arrogant attitudes I have over the years blanked most farangs I meet when out unless they approach me first and if they do try to make talk with me I am always hospitable unless the person is trying to sell me something or pushing religion into my face.

[Jingthing]

Sometimes I am tempted to be helpful to an English speaker who isn't getting help from Thai staff. In most cases, it isn't appreciated. Oh well!

[jspill]

The girlfriend plans to work and travel abroad, her main plan being Ireland. I asked why, suggesting Australia has high wages, cheaper to get to with 2 year work and travel visa options. She replied 'I don't want to meet other Thais', so chose a place where she had never heard of Thais going.

[kurnell]

I must remember to hug every farang I see on the street from this day forth. In fact, did anyone ever meet that a-hole that wandered around Emporium with the 'free guy's t-shirt doing just that? I reckon he got more fark offs than hugs

[Johnnie99]

Would a Vietnamese greet another Vietnamese in a Wallmart in rural Arkansas?

Oh. Is this post about talking to other foreigners?

If it is, then I say, why would we want to talk to a complete stranger?

[scorecard]

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Costas does not say hi to anyone in Lotus anymore.....leave him alone !

Well on a wide note there are quite a few farang in this country that I have no desire to acknowledge

let alone get into even a simple exchange with.

Some have said the same about me no doubt.

[koratjohn]

Hey, you are looking the mirror. Stop it.

Sent from my GT-N7100 using Tapatalk

[Benmart]

I walk and mostly have a smile of inner peace and contentment on my face. I'm not on any substances and often receive a nod or a hello from those that pass by.

The world is full of happy, sad and indifferent people. My day is what I choose to make it.

Peace to All.

One Day at a Time.