North-eastern Thais Praise Foreign Husbands

[Martin]

Hi, 'Thaddeus', I can top your 'helping out a neighbour by going to the kleenic' posting.

How about taking a lady in labour to the hospital, but not being able to make it in time and doing midwifery in the back of a pickup amonst the rice and sugarcane?

It didn't happen to me---though I wouldn't have minded as I helped Nature do its stuff a few times with Inuit childbirths. But it was our pickup, which I had lent to my brother-in-law to save him having to ride his motor bike on slippery, unsurfaced roads to his village, after some foontook.

Every time I go to the brother-in-law's village they bring out the little lad to show how well he is doing and tell him "This is the falang in whose pickup you were born."

Obviously, they don't have godparents here; but I think I am in the animist/Buddhist equivalent position!

[Martin]

Thanks to 'Schooner' for post #181, which underlines that the incoming spouse in Thailand will be accepted if he has the patience and takes the trouble to fit in, just like in any settled community anywhere else in the world. The key word being 'settled'.

But I have been told by an Environmental Services Officer (Sanitary Inspector, as was) that 'dump' is an outmoded word.

Apparently, any that remain of the former dumps, now have a sign saying "Waste Disposal Site".

Since, at the time, I was talking about Pattaya, I had to amend my terminology to "Wastrel Disposal Site".

[Martin]

Updating post #158:

I have renewed my aquaintanceship with Professor Buaphan, and he confirmed what I had suspected.

The Western husbands were from a village right on the Highway. It is an area that has considerably more 'mia farang' than the average, and even has a factory that is owned by a farang and his wife and provides about a hundred jobs.

(Oh, how I wish, and wish, that there could be hundreds such village factories where the young parents could work by day and go back to their children in the evening, rather than having to migrate to Bangkok.)

Professor Buaphan has given me a copy of the Report. It is 120 pages of A4, all in Thai.

Today, I am taking it to a young teacher of English who does translation of such documents for me, and will report on here what I find from it.

[Sir Burr]

Ooooh, so many voices of reason on here!

So here's my story, having sparked so much reaction with my inoffensive little comment. I have lived here for many years and am pretty fluent in Thai. However it was all so different a long time ago.

My first Thai GF was wonderful, beautiful and (I thought) loved me. Wrong! Once my money stopped she was gone within a fortnight, after more than 2 years of being together. A straight forward "walk-out".

Thai girls with foreign husbands are generally looked down on by other Thais. FACT! If they're not with you for the money, then why should they bother? If you can't communicate then it's not worth the effort on the Thai side.

But of course there are exceptions to the rule. The second (and current) Mrs.Backpack is a wonderful person (and yes, originally from Issan). Mother of my baby son and another due in March. We have been together for over 6 years now and when we met I didn't have a pot to p1ss in. We have stayed together through thick and thin and are still as happy as ever.

The key here is speaking Thai. As one poster said, finding out what they are saying is so important. Give them an inch and they WILL take a mile. When the family first started to visit they would of course order enough food to feed an army. Once they realised that I was a "normal" person and wouldn't just blindly pay any bills that are given to me then Oooh, I hardly ever see them now. They would always arrive with loads of hangers on and try to get as much out of me as possible.

My wife is great in these situations, she even backed my point of view over her family. The funny thing is I went to my sister-in-laws house one time with 4 farang friends, same as they would do to me. My God, the offense caused was unbearable. Did we get a good feed...Did we furk!

If you let yourself be a doormat, then that's what you will be. Over time and visits to my wifes family home I have slowly become accepted as "one of the locals", or near as ###### it. Another farang lives in the village and can't speak any Thai and always has to foot the bill. Go past his house and it's full of Thais 24/7, eating, drinking. Come to my wifes family home when we are eating and it's just the family.

To the villagers, they just laugh at him. All having a really good time at his expense. he's a nice guy as well and it's funny as furk when I turn up at his house as the noise levels drop and the respect aimed at both the farangs in the room is turned up to almost embarrasing levels.

Stand up for yourselves people. Don't accept being a doormat. Have you ever heard a Thai family member say "Thank you"...??

As an "old-hand" at this living in Thailand lark, I know the way things work and obviously the good out weighs the bad otherwise I wouldn't be here.

Thailand is a wonderful place, let's not see past this fact. Yes we get pissed off from time-to-time but that's expected with a cross-culture type thingy!

In the long run, you will gain more respect if you stand up for yourself from the beginning. Be a man, not a wimp. This is still a man's world over here and wimps are laughed at!

Thank you very much, I'll be here all week! Please drive carefully.

Good post. I went through the same evolution with my wife's family.

[Rajah]

but are they in love?

Sure! With your money

[billd766]

but are they in love?

Sure! With your money

So what you are saying really is that every farang living with, engaged to or married to a Thai woman is only in that position because Thai ladies only stay with farangs for their money and nothing else.

Can you please tell every one of us how you have reached this conclusion?

I am confused as I thought my wife who I have known and loved for over 13 years was with me because she cared and loved me in return.

If you are correct why is it that when I was having heart surgery earlier this year she brought down all the bankbooks including her own and all her gold to sell just in case there was not enough money to pay the bill.

Edited September 24, 2006 by billd766

[Martin]

Well said, 'billd766':

"If you are correct why is it that when I was having heart surgery earlier this year she brought down all the bankbooks including her own and all her gold to sell just in case there was not enough money to pay the bill."

Same thing happened with me. And while they were closing me up again after blunting several US$500 probes during angioplasty, my wife was persuading the surgeon to " give Special Price, please"!!!!

I would never have dreamt of trying to haggle in a Regional Heart Centre, but TiT!!!

[Sir Burr]

Those of us that have won the lottery, tend to keep quiet about it and laugh up our sleeves at the cynics and naysayers.

What's even funnier, is that we too were once like you.

Edited September 24, 2006 by Sir Burr

[Rajah]

What I wanted to say:

My experience - and that of many others - is, if you're out of money, she's gone. And I don't talk about bargirls etc.

[binnsy]

From my experiance in England if you have money you can have all the honey you can handle,same same in thailand

[Rajah]

From my experiance in England if you have money you can have all the honey you can handle,same same in thailand

That's right. But because of the lack of a social security system in Thailand, money might be more important. One of my (female) Thai friends (not lover) once said: The three pillars of Thai society are money, food and fun.

[ColPyat]

What I wanted to say:

My experience - and that of many others - is, if you're out of money, she's gone. And I don't talk about bargirls etc.

That may be so in many cases. The rise of professional "mia farang" in especially Isaarn is evident. Even politicians have started to use this trend for their own benefit.

As we all are still human though, this fortunately is not true in all cases.

It is a fallacy though to limit this debate just on farang, Thai men complain about similar social trends of purely material considerations of their spouses in their choice of direction in their relationships.

It is a very complex issue that maybe breaks the limitations of such a message board. The social context for this condition is highly complicated. To name a few contributing factors - an increasingly competitive society, with strong remnants of feudal class systhem, very little social mobility, a general neglectance of business and politics of especially the rural poor, very little investment in creation of employment in rural areas.

[rainman]

From my experiance in England if you have money you can have all the honey you can handle,same same in thailand

the question is, how much honey will 20,000 baht (as written in the original post of this thread) get you in england? 1 hour?

[thaigene2]

I agree with Sir Burr and backpack_Thailand.

My wife never says "Kha" to me. She says she never said Kha to her former Thai sami (husband) either (but I'm not so sure). So the relationships are definitely different. But that doesn't mean there isn't love AND respect there. Having kids together changes the playing field.

You are also spot on to point out that you shouldn't let them con you into buying everything for their family. The rule that others have rightly pointed out is that you should never live close enough to the in-laws for them to come over all the time. Why oh why would you want to live in the same village as the Clampets? I like being as far away as possible.

When I do go up there there is a party the first night whih I pay for. And you're right again, another farang down the road is forking out every day/night for something. His 'wife' won't let him talk to me anymore. My wife thinks it's pretty funny..

Speaking the language is an absolute necessity. I don't get hit up for money all the time. They know they won't get it, but I do my part when it's needed - like in a crisis - and so I should.

Respect is a two way street. Let them see you wont stand for loss of face and that you'll stand up for them when they need it and you'll have earned your part.

[binnsy]

From my experiance in England if you have money you can have all the honey you can handle,same same in thailand

the question is, how much honey will 20,000 baht (as written in the original post of this thread) get you in england? 1 hour?

To true you dont get a lot of honey in England for £300 and the honey in Thailand is well you realize that its more tasty

[billd766]

Well said, 'billd766':

"If you are correct why is it that when I was having heart surgery earlier this year she brought down all the bankbooks including her own and all her gold to sell just in case there was not enough money to pay the bill."

Same thing happened with me. And while they were closing me up again after blunting several US$500 probes during angioplasty, my wife was persuading the surgeon to " give Special Price, please"!!!!

I would never have dreamt of trying to haggle in a Regional Heart Centre, but TiT!!!

Martin did your wife get a special price for you in the end?

I wish my wife had thought about it.

[Martin]

Well, after coming to me and hearing that I didn't have any medical insurance (as it was an uninsurable pre-existing condition) the surgeon talked with his team and decided that he should cross two of the listed probes off the bill.

I have a suspicion that the team has a bit of the Robin Hood spirit of robbing the rich to give to the poor.

There is a long-standing tradition of this in the medical world. Before the National Health Service, there were lots of stories about it in UK.

Clearly, it would be quite easy for the theatre team to load a few unused probes on to bills that are being paid by insurance companies, and so build up a stock that they could draw on to help out in a needy case.

If I were a cardiologist, I would do that rather than having to stop trying to bust a blockage, just short of success, because I had used all the patient could pay for.

(The surgeon had to ask me in the middle of my operation whether he should carry on trying, because he had already run up such a bill. My answer was: "You carry on hammering at the plaque, and I'll hammer the credit cards". And my thought was: "Bugggerr the Banks. Defaulting on card payments is not something for which Thailand would extradite me, surely.")

[billd766]

Well, after coming to me and hearing that I didn't have any medical insurance (as it was an uninsurable pre-existing condition) the surgeon talked with his team and decided that he should cross two of the listed probes off the bill.

I have a suspicion that the team has a bit of the Robin Hood spirit of robbing the rich to give to the poor.

There is a long-standing tradition of this in the medical world. Before the National Health Service, there were lots of stories about it in UK.

Clearly, it would be quite easy for the theatre team to load a few unused probes on to bills that are being paid by insurance companies, and so build up a stock that they could draw on to help out in a needy case.

If I were a cardiologist, I would do that rather than having to stop trying to bust a blockage, just short of success, because I had used all the patient could pay for.

(The surgeon had to ask me in the middle of my operation whether he should carry on trying, because he had already run up such a bill. My answer was: "You carry on hammering at the plaque, and I'll hammer the credit cards". And my thought was: "Bugggerr the Banks. Defaulting on card payments is not something for which Thailand would extradite me, surely.")

I went to the Bangkok heart hospital and a Dr Witaya Jongsupangkarat did mine. Including the room and op etc it came out at 286,000 baht more or less.

I had a deluxe room on the first night as there was nothing else but went to a standard room after the op but I only paid the standard rate. I made a small error in not placing a big deposit when I booked in assuming that my Kcard would pay all the bill in one go. It didn't happen as I could only get 100,000 a day from the account and I had to go back the day after I was discharged to pay the rest.

My only bitch is that I have to take 3 1/2 pills in the morning and 2 at night and the hospital prices are outrageous. When I go to the pharmacy on Sukhumvit I only pay about 40% of the hospital price.

[Martin]

I get a four-month supply of pills at the Government hospital in the city when I go back for my routine visits.

The prices seem very reasonable. If I have to delay a visit, I just go to my local "big-village" hospital, taking my empty pill envelope with me so they can see what I had been given in the city.

I guess there are lots of people on these same pills.

When I looked them up on the Intenet, they are different sorts of "blood additives" that stop clots forming or break them up etc. Just like they put all sorts of additives in the oil for a racing car engine!

With PTCA (percutaneous transluminar coronary angioplasty) the cost depends very, very much on the number of probes (catheters) they find they have to use. The room charges etc are relatively minor. I'll bet Johnson & Johnson only pay the (possibly Thai) manufacturer about fifty dollars a time for them, and just slap their label on and then charge about five hundred dollars.

[Maizefarmer]

Can I just throw my bit in hear please - if you have arunning perscription for expensive drugs/medication, you will find that purchasing them from a government hospital is A LOT CHEAPER than geting them from a private hospital.

I was bitten by a cobra about 10 years ago which has left me with badly messed up left leg. The inititial treatment was in a private hospital, and I started out for the first month or so buying the medicine (which I am now stuck with for ever) from a private hospital - untill I leanr't that a Baht18 000 per month bill could be reduced to Baht 3400 per month buying exactly the same medication from a government hospital.

Tim

[HenryB]

I cann't believe that the farang will care what a group of poor people think of him.

In the country you come from do you care what the poorest think? Why here?

Remeber if they were smart they would have money. Not inspecting everything you do.

Does having face mean you beg from others I don't so.

[ColPyat]

I cann't believe that the farang will care what a group of poor people think of him.

In the country you come from do you care what the poorest think? Why here?

Remeber if they were smart they would have money. Not inspecting everything you do.

Does having face mean you beg from others I don't so.

A perfect example that money can't buy manners...

[HenryB]

I cann't believe that the farang will care what a group of poor people think of him.

In the country you come from do you care what the poorest think? Why here?

Remeber if they were smart they would have money. Not inspecting everything you do.

Does having face mean you beg from others I don't so.

A perfect example that money can't buy manners...

I guess you will like be better if I ask you for money and smiled a lot.

And told you that's what our culture is about, begging smiling but no work.

Take care and keep giving you they understand you and your likes.

How sad you are.

[HenryB]

I cann't believe that the farang will care what a group of poor people think of him.

In the country you come from do you care what the poorest think? Why here?

Remeber if they were smart they would have money. Not inspecting everything you do.

Does having face mean you beg from others I don't so.

A perfect example that money can't buy manners...

I guess you will like me better if I ask you for money and smiled a lot.

And told you that's what our culture is about, begging smiling but no work.

Take care and keep giving you they understand you and your likes.

How sad you are.

Edited September 26, 2006 by HenryB

[phibunmike]

I cann't believe that the farang will care what a group of poor people think of him.

In the country you come from do you care what the poorest think? Why here?

Remeber if they were smart they would have money. Not inspecting everything you do.

Does having face mean you beg from others I don't so.

I rarely (actually this is the first time) criticise other posters, but honestly this is crap.

First, people here do not always have the same opportunities to gain material wealth; second, why the hcll do you think you are so much better than poor people.

I came from UK originally (although I have not lived there for many years). Yes, I do care what poor people think. And here. If you didn't there, isn't that one of the beauties of Thailand that people do ????

Either I misunderstood your post or..... never mind....

edit> typo

Edited September 26, 2006 by phibunmike

[ColPyat]

I guess you will like be better if I ask you for money and smiled a lot.

And told you that's what our culture is about, begging smiling but no work.

Take care and keep giving you they understand you and your likes.

How sad you are.

It must be very fulfilling to be able to define a whole culture in one hardly intelligible sentence.

[HenryB]

I cann't believe that the farang will care what a group of poor people think of him.

In the country you come from do you care what the poorest think? Why here?

Remeber if they were smart they would have money. Not inspecting everything you do.

Does having face mean you beg from others I don't so.

I rarely (actually this is the first time) criticise other posters, but honestly this is crap.

First, people here do not always have the same opportunities to gain material wealth; second, why the hcll do you think you are so much better than poor people.

I came from UK originally (although I have not lived there for many years). Yes, I do care what poor people think. And here. If you didn't there, isn't that one of the beauties of Thailand that people do ????

Either I misunderstood your post or..... never mind....

edit> typo

You don't known me but I give 10 per cent of my income to the poor, thru the local Wat but I don't ask for advice of the poor or worship the poor.

I suggest you do the same.

Learn Thai and speak to the Mid Class and ask them what they think.

Take care and give to the local Wat

[phibunmike]

I cann't believe that the farang will care what a group of poor people think of him.

In the country you come from do you care what the poorest think? Why here?

Remeber if they were smart they would have money. Not inspecting everything you do.

Does having face mean you beg from others I don't so.

I rarely (actually this is the first time) criticise other posters, but honestly this is crap.

First, people here do not always have the same opportunities to gain material wealth; second, why the hcll do you think you are so much better than poor people.

I came from UK originally (although I have not lived there for many years). Yes, I do care what poor people think. And here. If you didn't there, isn't that one of the beauties of Thailand that people do ????

Either I misunderstood your post or..... never mind....

edit> typo

You don't known me but I give 10 per cent of my income to the poor, thru the local Wat but I don't ask for advice of the poor or worship the poor.

I suggest you do the same.

Learn Thai and speak to the Mid Class and ask them what they think.

Take care and give to the local Wat

No, I don't know you. Yes, I do give to the poor and to my local wat. No, I don't need your advice.

Yes, I do speak Thai (perhaps not as well as you). And no, I don't understand why I should ask the "Mid Class" what they think (about what ? respecting people no matter what their circumstances?)

But perhaps we got off on the wrong foot

[HenryB]

Only in Thailand and Issan do the poor who beg for money think they are the best.

And crazy Farangs believe this why?

I have never seen a rich Thai care about the poor look around and prove me wrong.

[ColPyat]

Only in Thailand and Issan do the poor who beg for money think they are the best.

And crazy Farangs believe this why?

I have never seen a rich Thai care about the poor look around and prove me wrong.

Just because some are ignorant egotists one does not need to use this as a justification to be one as well.

Personally, even though i live here, i do keep the value system i grew up with - and part of this is being compassionate with my fellow humans, and respect them regradless of their wealth. Maybe this is one of the reasons i hardly ever get hazzled for money by people here upcountry even though i obviously am far wealthier than those folks.

And yes, before you ask, i do speak Thai.