Thai Cultural Beliefs Concerning Adoption

[jbowman1993]

My wife is pregnant with our first baby, and is due in 3 weeks. She is 40, and I have talked with her about the possibility of adopting a child in the next few years, as opposed to having another, since she is older (health complications, etc). She was of the opinion that adopted children don't do well in LOS, and are treated badly by their peers, etc. I couldn't get much more information out of her, but it made me start to think.

In the US, adoption is a common and accepted practice, but maybe that is not the case here? Anyone have any experience or insight into this topic? I am trying to gain a better understanding of my wife's mindset.

Thanks

[Siwanan]

We are an European couple with two boys adopted from Thailand (we live in Thailand now but when we adopted babies we lived in Europe).

Also in our country adoption is very common these days and people adopt more and more children. Those children usually have very, very good homes and are treated often better than biological children, they are very much loved because often their parents have tried to have children for a long time before adoption.

In Thailand many people don't even understand adoption, they don't understand why someone wants to raise other peoples children.

Or they think that we just take care of these children while we are here and when we go back to our own country, we leave the children here.

But there are also people here who think we are something special and we have a good heart because we have adopted Thai children. The truth is, we didn't make any charity, we just wanted to have family!

I do understand why Your wife thinks that way. One teacher in our children's school keeps asking me if I really love our children. Well, now that she believes I do, she wants to talk to me everytime she sees me, and tells me how nice woman I am!

I do recommend adoption, visit some orphanage and You see..

[p_brownstone]

My wife is pregnant with our first baby, and is due in 3 weeks. She is 40, and I have talked with her about the possibility of adopting a child in the next few years, as opposed to having another, since she is older (health complications, etc). She was of the opinion that adopted children don't do well in LOS, and are treated badly by their peers, etc. I couldn't get much more information out of her, but it made me start to think.

In the US, adoption is a common and accepted practice, but maybe that is not the case here? Anyone have any experience or insight into this topic? I am trying to gain a better understanding of my wife's mindset.

Thanks

Thai thinking on Adoption is completely different to the Western approach and I urge you to forget the idea if your wife is not entirely happy with it.

You will often find that a wealthier brother – for example – will adopt the child of a less well off sister or other close relative but it is very unusual for Thais to adopt children from outside the extended family.

Thais firmly believe that each individual has certain traits, behaviour patters and tendencies (collectively called “Sandarn” in Thai) which are inherited at birth from the parents and simply cannot be changed; even if the child is brought up in an entirely different social or economic environment to that of the birth parents they believe that these traits will eventually surface and could cause problems for the adoptive family.

By adopting from within the extended family these traits are known or can be accepted whatever they turn out to be, to adopt a child whose antecedents are unknown is to open the family up to unforeseeable problems.

Further, as the adopted child gets older any misbehaviour or attitude problem – which would normally be attributed to the general “growing up” process in a child and treated with indulgence as being “cute” – is seized upon as evidence of the childs’ bad “Sandarn” surfacing and is treated as a serious problem usually requiring strict sanction. As each small problem is dealt with in this way it initiates a self fulfilling outcome and the child becomes increasingly isolated from the “main” family.

You should definitely make sure your wife is 100% behind the idea if you choose to adopt.

Patrick

[Siwanan]

When we talk about children and what is best for them, I wouldn't care what other people think.

If You can give a good life, education, FAMILY to a child who has nothing at all, why not do that?

[thaihome]

I certainly agree that with the Asian attitude and loyalty of the extended family (pretty much lost and forgotten in western world today) the western concept of adopting non-family members is somewhat alien. In the not too recent past in the west, orphan children were either taken in by someone in the family or sent to orphanages where they spent their childhood with little chance of being adopted.

TH

[Dragonman]

I certainly agree that with the Asian attitude and loyalty of the extended family (pretty much lost and forgotten in western world today) the western concept of adopting non-family members is somewhat alien. In the not too recent past in the west, orphan children were either taken in by someone in the family or sent to orphanages where they spent their childhood with little chance of being adopted.

TH

Yes, we have taken on the up bringing of my brother-in law's child. If the child is not a family member my wife still says the child's been bought by the new parents. When she first moved to UK I joked they were selling babies in Tesco and she actually believed me with no qualms.

I'm sure nearly every thai family has a child who can be better looked after elsewhere. I know my wife's family has many, mainly being looked after by the grandparents who are sometimes quite elderly.

[jbowman1993]

Thanks for the insight Patrick. That makes a lot of sense, and I have a better understanding of what my wife's concerns are.

Peace

[fxm88]

Don't adopt a Thai, adopt a Cambodian. Rename him "Maddox". Then constantly compare yourself to Angelina Jolie. Thai people might not understand adoption but for sure they'll understand imitating a celebrity. Ignore your wife's protestations; she will in fact love this (no matter what she says to the contrary). And who knows: you just might be awarded free Cambodian Citizenship, too.

[jbowman1993]

anyway.....