thesetat2013 Posted May 11, 2015 Author Share Posted May 11, 2015 I would like to thank all for their replies. It has helped me to decide to pack my stuff and get the heck out of there. I just hope i can get money back from all the tile and blocks and bathroom furnishings that have been purchased to cut some of my losses. I know already in doing this all that I will be the bad foreigner now to her family. My wife is insistent that I allow the construction work on one addition to be completed but I am refusing to do even this now. I figure if the family had shown me some kind of decency then they deserve as much in return buy since they have chosen to change and are refusing to make space for me that I am no longer obligated to complete any work started. Perhaps I am doing it simply because I am angry at the losses this has incurred and the Thainess that has led to this action. Today I go get everything from that house that we bought and own. Everything down to the last brick that has not been laid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fey Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 (edited) Oh, i thought it was the in laws house you guys moved into and you were doing some work for them. If it's your house that changes everything! I would not leave if you paid for the house, rather work to get them out. Can't go around buying houses, letting people in and just moving. Wat up? A mans house is his castle. Edited May 11, 2015 by fey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slipperylobster Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 OP, take your wife and kids and find a house to rent and live in, as far away as you can from this family. What you are going through, I don't wish it to anybody. Good Luck to you all. You know they are wrong....and they know. The thing is, they were probably hoping you would buy them out, and repay the loan to the one who bought the car. May also have wanted you to buy another house for your wife. Yes.....go Rent. They are using your wife (their daughter) for profit, and control of your finances. You, as the man....are the benefactor...not the fawkee... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slipperylobster Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 How was it possible for the sister to get a Loan on the land owned by your wife? Happens all the time..... that is the main issue throughout Thailand. The father gives daughter land (before he dies). The land then is used to get money (through) credit/pawns/brokers/banks or worse Chinese lenders). When the bank loan is not paid, and the sister wants the car...it then goes to Chinese brokers. Her family doesn't care if you know or not...that the property has liens on it. They want to settle all the credit, so they can do it again. Any property owned by a relative (your wife's sister wanted a car and asked your wife to guarantee the car and put a downpayment on the car by getting a loan against the property. The wife agreed.) This can pyramid ...and often...not just one piece of land is held by the bank/creditor.....sometimes land parcels are packaged together for a loan. It may be deeper than you think. I was going to help my wife buy land from her sister....and they were ready to sell. The problem was, no paper because of credit. 4 Other adjacent properties had to be paid off in order to get paper on the one (with credit) as well. Run. Rent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shirtless Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 Relocate mate the sister inlaw will screw you for the rest of your days just go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thesetat2013 Posted May 11, 2015 Author Share Posted May 11, 2015 Relocate mate the sister inlaw will screw you for the rest of your days just go.Agreed! If I do not act now I think your assumption is correct. If she wins her way she will forever be trying to take advantage of us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamesjohnsonthird Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 The bank owns the house. The sister stops paying off that car loan and you will lose everything. Tell your wife your family back home needs the cash and you won't be spending one more baht on that land. This is the first chapter in a very bad story. Get the hell out of there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Wow, what a complicated and convoluted story; sadly, this is how real life acts upon us. Rarely are there good options when competing interests and base desires are involved. In the end, putting aside all the small points of the story that seem vital and useful, we are left with a few hard facts, and self evident options. You are in a bad situation. You dont seem to have the ability to make it better. There does not seem to be a mechanism to find consensus and compromise= therefore, this is no possibility of compromise. Therefore, you should bend over further or you should abandon any arrangement that has you complicit in your own injury! If you are being hurt; if the kids are or could be hurt, then you need to leave. If your wife is unable to separate you from family. Leave her too. If the kids are unable to leave with you, apply the same algorithm= how far are you willing to go to participate in your own humiliation and injury. You may not be able to stop others from injuring you but you certainly do9nt have to be complicit in aiding them. I sense your wife concurs with you but is equally trapped by a differing set of dilemmas this poses for her. Its simple: What makes life worth living? When you look back on your life toward the last days do you want to be able to say you lived as a free man, with honor, and dignity, or that you compromised far beyond your genuine willingness to do, and you die bitter or injured? Up to you. I would pack a bag- in fact I did. You are too hard on him. He obviously loves his wife and kids and does not want to lose them. What man that loves his wife and kids could just walk away and not have a life time of regret after. OP, I am in a slightly similar situation. My wife is being told to leave me because I will not give money to the grasping ungrateful in laws. I have spent much time and money doing up two houses of theirs, but it means nothing to them, and not one word of thanks. MY MIL does not even acknowledge my existence ( never has ), but initially I was welcomed, only because they thought I woulkd give them money. I am constantly being told how much the farang uncle gives them. It has got to the point that I am happy not to give them anything just to annoy them. They don't live anywhere near us, but the horrid nephew used to drop in whenever he felt like it to get free food that my wife ( not me ) would cook for him, and leave a huge mess in his wake. Like you, it is causing much anguish to my wife, as she is split between us. IMO, for what it's worth, can you not find a place with no room for other people to stay within easy commute of the in laws? That way she could visit them easily, but they can't stay with you. Whatever, you can't stay in that situation, it will destroy your relationship anyway, and eventually you. You have got away lightly with only 500,000 spent. I have spent far more, and might yet have to walk away with nothing. Not to mention the "people" that give mega large sin sod and buy their "family" everything, only to be dumped when the "family" needs them no longer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 I'm not taking sides here, but can you imagine how YOU would feel if a stranger, son/daughter-in-law, etc. moved into YOUR home and started changing it? Maybe the parents like their run-down, dusty house just the way it was... I honestly believe you all need to sit down TOGETHER and talk this through. Explain to them that you're trying to malke their lives easier by fixing up/modernizing the hous.You asked the s-i-l to move upstairs so that you could continue working downstairs, etc. I'm sure this is all just a big misunderstanding. I find it really easy to solve problems here by 1) keeping a cool, level head and 2) explaining my actions in detail. Don't be hasty... If I lived in a dump and someone fixed it up, I'd at least say thank you for the effort. I'm sure he checked with his wife before moving in if it was ok to do that, and that would have been the time for them to say yea or nay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 I would like to thank all for their replies. It has helped me to decide to pack my stuff and get the heck out of there. I just hope i can get money back from all the tile and blocks and bathroom furnishings that have been purchased to cut some of my losses. I know already in doing this all that I will be the bad foreigner now to her family. My wife is insistent that I allow the construction work on one addition to be completed but I am refusing to do even this now. I figure if the family had shown me some kind of decency then they deserve as much in return buy since they have chosen to change and are refusing to make space for me that I am no longer obligated to complete any work started. Perhaps I am doing it simply because I am angry at the losses this has incurred and the Thainess that has led to this action. Today I go get everything from that house that we bought and own. Everything down to the last brick that has not been laid. If I ever get kicked out by the family, I will take everything I bought to the second hand shop, not because I want the money, but just for the satisfaction of denying them the use of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gemguy Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 I sympathize with your situation. However, sometimes in life, unfortunately a person has to make some real hard and somewhat emotionally heart breaking decisions and just break away from the situation at hand. I would leave first ( if you can ) and then ask the wife if she wants to stay there with the family and all the stupidity and selfishness occurring or be with you and be removed from all the stupidity going on around you because of the Thai family politics. Just because you are married to her does not mean you are beholden to her Thai family while believing that once married to a Thai women you have to except her family and all that it entails. Personally, after reading the story and envisioning just how you are being subjected to the mentality of your wife's family and all their selfishness I would be angry at the wife for allowing you to be subjected to the stupidity and then further subjected to the small mindedness of the whole affair. You have to extract yourself while only you and you alone can do that. Cheers and good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jacko45k Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Move out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steven100 Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 sorry to hear your bad situation ..... three words come to mind ...... ' run forest run ' !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ronthai Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 The family has shown their true nature. Take the advice already posted many times. Go far away and start a new life. (sell of/return as much as possible before doing so) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
recycler Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Move out and get a life! Would you ever in your home country move in with your in-laws and extended family let alone promise to renovate the shed that they haven't looked after in 20 years? By the way, your sister in law can't borrow money on land that is in your wife's name without your wife helping her. You are being taken for a ride. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meatboy Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 (edited) I have been thinking the same. Yet to do this my wife gets emotionally hurt. We have paid for the construction and all equipment and new tile and ceiling and water tanks and everything. We lose all. sorry to hear about your problem but,move move move,forget the 500,000 because if you stay with this lot it will cost you a dam site more in fact every penny you have.dont beleive for one minute they dont want your money for that is the thai classic saying. and the next saying is UP TO YOU. good luck. oh and about the loan on your wifes land,either your wife dont own it,if she does her signiture must be on the back of the deeds agreeing to it. Edited May 12, 2015 by meatboy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tatsujin Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 At the end of the day,you have to ask yourself "what makes me happy" ... I would say 99% of us are here to have a nicer, quieter, less stressful life ... and if you're not getting that, you're doing something wrong. For me personally ... the sister and her family would be out on their ass and looking after themselves, and the house would be "mine" ... simple as that. And that "loan" they took out on the property would be contested in Court. Alternatively, I'd say "< deleted > you" to all the family and move away somewhere else and leave the wife to deal with the fallout. Thainess is great sometimes ... but most of the time it's just a pain in the backside and not something I want to deal with (at least not the new more modern form of it). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dotpoom Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 I think your first consideration should be...."what's best for your children". This "Thainess" thing doesn't wash with me at all. There is bickering, fighting, greed, begrudgery, control freaks, in practically every family in the world......Just watch the spoils being divided up after a death in a family and the will is being executed. Lucky if half the stuff is still left to be divided up after the "grieving" members have rifled through the dead person's possessions and got their hands on their favourite pieces. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oneday Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 (edited) My God man, at this point the money you have put into the house is a moot point. Write it off now. Your sanity is at stake and continuing to live there is shear stupidity. Get out now and go live a life away from this selfish and unreasonable family and if your wife starts to side with the family then you need to get a divorce and start over. This whole situation is only going to go from bad to worse. "...I am looking into returning purchases we made that have yet to be delivered for refunds and to put a half to construction so my loss is not so severe even though the house is a mess with holes dug and bare new walls. Just walk away with no afterthought..." Absolutely correct. This is EXACTLY what you should do. This whole mess has nothing at all to do with Thainess. This is just Thais gone bad; pure and simple. The sister and her husband are nothing, but common thieves and it looks like the parents are easily manipulated by your wife's sister. Unfortunately, there are many Thai families like this. The first thing these parents should have done was lay the law down to your wife's sister who basically stole your wife's land, which is so incredibly common in this country. No-good useless relatives and siblings are always getting loans on possessions of their better off siblings or relatives. My wife had a bad part of the family lie to the land office and say they lost a house book for my wife's house so they could get a duplicate and then get some loan or some other advantage from it. When my wife found out she took the book away from them. Why Thailand allows this kind of thing I have no idea, but understand it can be done very easily...thief by family members. If you have kids together then I'm so sorry, but you will need to work it out somehow, but get out and away from this nightmare family. I am extremely fortunate that my wife's mother and father are very good people and would never pull this kind of crap and I wouldn't stand for it if they did. Right now I have almost 3.2M baht tied up in our house and if it went bad I'd walk away and not look back and I'm not rich. It's just not worth my sanity. Edited May 12, 2015 by oneday Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeijoshinCool Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Like any successful gambler, cut your losses, lick your wounds, and move on. Best of luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saan Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 What I would feel like doing has something to do with matches. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kkup Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Leave, then visit once a year, let your wife go home as she pleases. If they disrespect you like that then it's time to cut your losses and skedaddle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Leave, then visit once a year, let your wife go home as she pleases. If they disrespect you like that then it's time to cut your losses and skedaddle. Why visit at all? By all means let the wife visit as much as she wants. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glegolo Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 I have not read all the posts here on this thread so I am most certainly repeating some stuff. My thoughts about this is, that you should move out of there instantly and take your kids and wife with you. Reason for my answer is that in my eyes it seems that you havent got a single clue about anything here in Thailand, and certainly not abut their culture and not even an interest to find our what is going on. You are not fit mentally to stay there, and if you are fit to stay outside your own homecountry, that is up to you to realize....I have seldom read about a person like this, being so damn "far away" from his family!! I think that they are pissed about your arrogance and taking things for granted, and there is your problem... Falang come to Thailand to take over...So forget about the word "thainess", you will not probably come across the explanation to that word anyhhow!! I have no other solution that the most here seems to already given you... Go away ASAP and built your own home with your own rules, and hopefully you will be lucky in the end. Glegolo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Araiwa Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 I have been thinking the same. Yet to do this my wife gets emotionally hurt. We have paid for the construction and all equipment and new tile and ceiling and water tanks and everything. We lose all. Sounds like that is exactly what your wife's "lovely" family wants. You renovated and improved the house, invested a lot of money and now you can go. I would take it like this: lessons learned and move on. You will only lose money. But if you stay there you will lose your mind, your wife and your kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ToddinChonburi Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Yes I agree time to cut your loses and leave. your wife knows her future is with you and you have to be strong. what her family did to both of you has hurt here more than you moving away , trust me. I do not understand how they can not see that you are improving things but sounds like someone did not communicate your plan properly. I think this has more to do with the parents than anything. How many generations has this house been through ? This may be your answer. My GF mom would never change her home to accommodate me. She is a wonderful women but this is Great Great Grand Parents home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjthefey Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 If it was me, I'd basically tell them my money, my rules, and if they want to complain about thainess remind them that I am not Thai and that if you marry a foreigner you are going to have to accept that some things will be handled differently. I have had issues with my gf's family grubbing for money at every possible chance and I have taken to telling them that they should be happy they get anything at all because it's not my responsibility to pay their bills. After my last pointed discussion on the matter I FINALLY started getting some thank yous for contributing financially to their well being. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thesetat2013 Posted May 12, 2015 Author Share Posted May 12, 2015 Turn of events: Today I went to the house and started loading concrete, wood, doors, and all of out personal belongings into the truck. Arguments insured with wife and her father and a different sister who lives behind the house and who also has done nothing to show bad and even likes our plan to remodel the family house. By the time I had loaded my truck beyond capacity, father had a change of heart/thinking. Now I an told that I can do what I planned with the house minus the one room the eldest sister lives in. A 3x3 meter room. I told the wife to explain that her room is still open to the dust and webs is still open to everything else. So they agreed to let me seal her room since this sister is a pig that is lazy to clean. To me this seems like I was being tested by the father and everyone to see if I would bend to their wishes. If so, then, I have won. Or, could it be that they have seen that I was serious to take my wife and kids far away from them forever because of their stubbornness? Either way! They have succumbed to my plan. What problems lie for me in the future can only be imagined now. I think my next move is to get that eldest sister to really hate being in my home so she will do anything to leave on her own. Maybe then I can find happiness with my wife and 2 babies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gumballl Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Wow a disabled meal ticket....I gues your classified as an Atm.....not a full ATM. Run my friend or push as fast as you can. Sorry to seem like the ass I am but.....It wont ever get better. Know your options......arrange a budget and live within it. There are plenty of places around. Maybe you misunderstand the context of my story. The family is not interested in my money. I know for certain my wife is not with me for cash. The 500 thousand is the loss I am going to take if I leave for everything I have bought and the starting for the construction to make some additions. You're worried about 500K Baht?? Do yourself a favor... buy a couple cans of petrol and some matches... then use your imagination. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ToddinChonburi Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 How would the sister buy a car with wife's deed to land ? You are missing something here. Some how you insulted the father here and you need to figure out how. did you sit down with dad and show him the plan and get his OK or did you leave it to your wife ? Unfortunately there is a big misunderstanding here and your not going to win. Dad nailing the window shut is a pretty strong statement . time to move on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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