Gracas Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 OP, I believe you have made reference to the Land and House being yours, well it is NOT yours and it will NEVER be yours. It may go to your wife when the old man goes toes up, but as the elder sister has taken a loan against the Land you had better hope that father-in-law does not pass on next week. If this happens I would suspect that the sister will not continue to pay the loan and all your wife / you will receive is the choice of paying off the sisters new car or allowing the bank to take the land. I really think it is time for you to rent or buy your own house and live happy. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamesjohnsonthird Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 A guy wants to live with his simpleton in-laws that live like slobs? Fix that place up and it will piss you off even more when they begin to trash it. Somebody is not thinking straight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MJKT2014 Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 O/p - experience is priceless. Cuts your losses, chalk this one up to experience and get the f out there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Whenever my inlaws stay I hide in the bedroom. I can't imagine what it would be like if they lived in the same house full time. Move out, with or without the materials you bought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fey Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 (edited) I wonder what the sister looks like and if her husband is around Could use some spanking if shes that difficult Edited May 15, 2015 by fey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gracas Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 So OP, what was the final decision ? Stay - Go - Update House - Drop the House update ??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marko kok prong Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 My wife too is the youngest daughter,i too helped her with additions to her house,after about 2 years,the Father in law was moved in,to a room out the back,i was not happy,she has another small house about a kilometre away,that is not finished,i offered to finish it,and he could live there,but no way,if he is there,she cannot care for him,ie cook and feed him also her sister [older] has a three bedroom house around the corner,why can he not stay there,but as the youngest daughter she tells me she has to care,we nearly split up over this,i do realise though she is in an immpossible situation,as dictated by Thai tradition,i have said though,if she moves her aunt or any one else in thats it. I actually blew up and yelled at the fil one night,not a good idea,which nearly finished up in divorce,i have since apologised and am over it,maybe i needed to just get it off my chest.So i do feel for the op,but his situation seems worse than mine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krisb Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 I don't get it, you're not happy there, so move. Is the decision really that hard? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spaniel Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 I recommend that you leave and find your own place. Your wife can keep in touch with her family without you getting involved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MobileContent Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 My advise to everyone. Build your own house and live with your wife and children happy inside. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fey Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 My advise to everyone. Build your own house and live with your wife and children happy inside. Not that simple when you have an inheritance coming Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamesjohnsonthird Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 My advise to everyone. Build your own house and live with your wife and children happy inside. Not that simple when you have an inheritance coming In this case, the sister already took the inheritance when she financed a new car and used the house as collateral. The bank owns this house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 My wife too is the youngest daughter,i too helped her with additions to her house,after about 2 years,the Father in law was moved in,to a room out the back,i was not happy,she has another small house about a kilometre away,that is not finished,i offered to finish it,and he could live there,but no way,if he is there,she cannot care for him,ie cook and feed him also her sister [older] has a three bedroom house around the corner,why can he not stay there,but as the youngest daughter she tells me she has to care,we nearly split up over this,i do realise though she is in an immpossible situation,as dictated by Thai tradition,i have said though,if she moves her aunt or any one else in thats it. I actually blew up and yelled at the fil one night,not a good idea,which nearly finished up in divorce,i have since apologised and am over it,maybe i needed to just get it off my chest.So i do feel for the op,but his situation seems worse than mine. The alternative is worse, IMO. My MIL is not well and my wife has to travel 7 hours to go look after her when she gets bad, which is upsetting me no end. I want her to come live with us, so when she has to go to hospital it is not chaos, but my wife says MIL won't move from the village because MIL likes living there and she won't force the issue because it's "culture". My wife is the one suffering the most, as there is no work for her in the village so she can't move there full time and as long as MIL won't move the situation isn't going to change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fey Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 My advise to everyone. Build your own house and live with your wife and children happy inside.Not that simple when you have an inheritance coming In this case, the sister already took the inheritance when she financed a new car and used the house as collateral. The bank owns this house. The bank may own the deed but that does not mean its not worth anything. I dont believe the car loan was for the full amount of the property, but i could be mistaken Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoilSpoil Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 (edited) With the sister buying a car using the land as security, I would run for the hills. Its gonna be you that will pay for that car. And even if you could afford that, the frustration will be enormous. Edited May 17, 2015 by SoilSpoil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaggg88 Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 Unfortunately, you sound like you are caught between a rock and a hard place. Thai families have strong attachments between family members, and Thai daughters are taught to respect their parents and provide for them when they get older. it's that parental support thing that is deep in the Thai culture. Is there a grandmother in your Thai family? From my experience Thai grandmothers have a lot of authority in extended Thai families. The Grandfather may be seen to be the head of the family , but often Granny, his wife actually controls him. I would advise to have your wife to have a long conversation if possible with her grandmother in Thai and explain to Granny exactly why she feels she is being slighted by her sister and her sister's husband. I don't know if that will work or not but I know Granny often has a lot of weight in extended Thai families and it might work in your case. In my girlfriends extended Thai family my girlfriend is now the eldest surviving child of the grandparents and that has given her a lot of authority with the rest of the extended family If it doesn't work at least you tried. But first be absolutely sure your wife agrees with this idea, otherwise it will come to nothing. I suspect your wife has been indoctrinated since birth that it is her role as a good faithful daughter to support her aged parents and siblings as they get older. That's normal in extended Thai families. It is a old cultural tradition that not all Farangs see or can understand that goes deep in Thai culture.... my family first. Rather like in Italy.... Mia familia. Well said and the first piece of constructive advice. So many farang fail to understand its not mum dad and 2.4 children in Thailand. The daughters are obliged to look after their parents/extended family. That's why they're quite happy to marry older farangs as this is a good financial thing for their family and most Thais don't bat an eyelid at the age gap. Of course, many Thai families are more contemporary and have moved with the times but out in the sticks it will be old school rules. I suspect the sister and her husband are jealous and hoped the house they are building next door would be the grandest in the village but along comes sister with a rich farang! and what do you do? only plan to make mum and dads house grander than the sister could ever afford to make hers. What about offering to help her sister and hubby finish their house? maybe donate the stuff you have already bought (better than just leaving it). If they accept they will forever be in your gratitude and it would get the out of mum and dads house quicker. I don't think mum and dad will be a problem when sister and hubby have gone. Remember divide and conquer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Unfortunately, you sound like you are caught between a rock and a hard place. Thai families have strong attachments between family members, and Thai daughters are taught to respect their parents and provide for them when they get older. it's that parental support thing that is deep in the Thai culture. Is there a grandmother in your Thai family? From my experience Thai grandmothers have a lot of authority in extended Thai families. The Grandfather may be seen to be the head of the family , but often Granny, his wife actually controls him. I would advise to have your wife to have a long conversation if possible with her grandmother in Thai and explain to Granny exactly why she feels she is being slighted by her sister and her sister's husband. I don't know if that will work or not but I know Granny often has a lot of weight in extended Thai families and it might work in your case. In my girlfriends extended Thai family my girlfriend is now the eldest surviving child of the grandparents and that has given her a lot of authority with the rest of the extended family If it doesn't work at least you tried. But first be absolutely sure your wife agrees with this idea, otherwise it will come to nothing. I suspect your wife has been indoctrinated since birth that it is her role as a good faithful daughter to support her aged parents and siblings as they get older. That's normal in extended Thai families. It is a old cultural tradition that not all Farangs see or can understand that goes deep in Thai culture.... my family first. Rather like in Italy.... Mia familia. Well said and the first piece of constructive advice. So many farang fail to understand its not mum dad and 2.4 children in Thailand. The daughters are obliged to look after their parents/extended family. That's why they're quite happy to marry older farangs as this is a good financial thing for their family and most Thais don't bat an eyelid at the age gap. Of course, many Thai families are more contemporary and have moved with the times but out in the sticks it will be old school rules. I suspect the sister and her husband are jealous and hoped the house they are building next door would be the grandest in the village but along comes sister with a rich farang! and what do you do? only plan to make mum and dads house grander than the sister could ever afford to make hers. What about offering to help her sister and hubby finish their house? maybe donate the stuff you have already bought (better than just leaving it). If they accept they will forever be in your gratitude and it would get the out of mum and dads house quicker. I don't think mum and dad will be a problem when sister and hubby have gone. Remember divide and conquer. If they accept they will forever be in your gratitude Not in my experience. My in laws have never once said thank you to me for anything I've done for them. After they found out I wasn't the ATM they expected, they have been bitter and twisted ever since. If I was lying bleeding on the floor I think they would just walk over me. Apparently they thought I was going to be like the other farang in the extended family that gives a boatload of money. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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