Manners

[fey]

Ok, but shouldn't one be able to perceive how their words will potentially hurt someone's feelings?

Only if your emotionally mature and have some education.

[Berkshire]

Yeap, that's pretty much it. The OP bought it hook, line, and sinker. The irony of this thread is that farangs are always criticizing Thais about this "face" business...you know, not being honest and straightforward like westerners. Well here is a good example of Thais being honest, yet farangs still criticize.

FB is obviously among friends so friends can say anything. Not a huge deal. But let's be perfectly clear, OP: There is no way a 41 year old is hotter than her 22 year old daughter. Not in a million years. I don't care how much make-up you pile-on.

So in which western nation is it basicly "forbidden" to critizise something "dumba** A" is doing or did because it makes him/her "lose face"?

Just yesterday the neighbor child of about 11-12 was at my house with his younger brother (about 4ish) as the younger brother wanted to play with my son (about same age). As i was sitting on the sofa "watching" Thai TV (not really) i noticed that the older brother was sticking a sharp pen in the back of his younger brother. Of course the younger brother reacted as it hurt and i ask loudly in thai "(older brothers name), what are you doing?! Apologize!". His reaction was like i wasn't even in the room. Sure, children do stupid shit in all the countries regardless of ethnicity but i have never in my life encountered (in Sweden) that the child doing something bad didn't apologize. This is a core value in western societies that whomever did something does apologize and you learn this immediatelly when you are born.

To your first point, public humiliation is best avoided in any society. Nevertheless, you and some others seemed determined to make this an "us v. them" "farangs v. Thai" issue....again. And of course, it's always about how well-mannered farangs are v. Thais. I simply don't share your views. The Thais are as well-mannered as anyone else. And if you're talking children, it all depends on parenting--not much difference between Thai parenting and farang parenting for the most part.

[buhi]

Yeap, that's pretty much it. The OP bought it hook, line, and sinker. The irony of this thread is that farangs are always criticizing Thais about this "face" business...you know, not being honest and straightforward like westerners. Well here is a good example of Thais being honest, yet farangs still criticize.

FB is obviously among friends so friends can say anything. Not a huge deal. But let's be perfectly clear, OP: There is no way a 41 year old is hotter than her 22 year old daughter. Not in a million years. I don't care how much make-up you pile-on.

So in which western nation is it basicly "forbidden" to critizise something "dumba** A" is doing or did because it makes him/her "lose face"?

Just yesterday the neighbor child of about 11-12 was at my house with his younger brother (about 4ish) as the younger brother wanted to play with my son (about same age). As i was sitting on the sofa "watching" Thai TV (not really) i noticed that the older brother was sticking a sharp pen in the back of his younger brother. Of course the younger brother reacted as it hurt and i ask loudly in thai "(older brothers name), what are you doing?! Apologize!". His reaction was like i wasn't even in the room. Sure, children do stupid shit in all the countries regardless of ethnicity but i have never in my life encountered (in Sweden) that the child doing something bad didn't apologize. This is a core value in western societies that whomever did something does apologize and you learn this immediatelly when you are born.

To your first point, public humiliation is best avoided in any society. Nevertheless, you and some others seemed determined to make this an "us v. them" "farangs v. Thai" issue....again. And of course, it's always about how well-mannered farangs are v. Thais. I simply don't share your views. The Thais are as well-mannered as anyone else. And if you're talking children, it all depends on parenting--not much difference between Thai parenting and farang parenting for the most part.

Vast difference in parenting!

Girls are servants, boys little gods.

Mai pen rai to basic civilized manners, etiquette.

You too serious when it is pointed out!

Berks have you raised your own children in Thaland?

Edited May 25, 2015 by buhi

[marko kok prong]

yes it is a cultural thing,but not confined to Thailand,when i lived in Hong kong,i found the locals a rather rude and surly bunch,no smiles like you get here,China the same plus their appaling table manners,and toilet habits, i do agree to some extent they can be a bit blinkered to what is going on around them,mostly on the roads,lack of anticipation of what may happen up ahead is a big one,but i do not think Thai people are inherently cruel or rude by any means,and if you live outside of your own culture ,well you have to expect differences,dealing with it all can be a little wearing sometimes though i will admit.

[buhi]

Ok , here we go.

My Thai wife would have given the little 5 baht without a thought.

Many rich westerners have made it quite clear to their children that they will not inherit everything unless they learn to look after themselves. I include myself in this category.

Ordinary , simple folk in Thailand treat their daughters far differently to their sons. I know.

Westerners do not as a cultural norm.

Rich Thai sons and daughters to some extent, disregard any morality.

Red Bull, Ne Ayuttaya ( sorry spelling) ring a bell.

I have taught some of these super rich kids and they are shocked that they are expected to behave just like their peers from other nationalities.

They were the lucky ones, whose parents on the whole had had at some point a western education and wanted their children to have some values.

Parenting in Thailand is not the same as every where! I

It probably is the same in Asia, but in that regard I have no experience.

But I can assure you in an International class, it is evident who has been inculcated from birth to have basic manners and it sure is not the Thai kids.

[marko kok prong]

Agree about the rich one's Buhi,the worst ,most dangerous and impatient drivers on the roads are always in the mercs and bmw's ect,and always speeding,also the Thai sons,little emperors a lot of them,never get off there backsides to do a thing,my stepson used to be like that but now he does do some,limited chores,and it is my wife who makes him do them,so that a least is a small victory.

[Berkshire]

Vast difference in parenting!

Girls are servants, boys little gods.

Mai pen rai to basic civilized manners, etiquette.

You too serious when it is pointed out!

Berks have you raised your own children in Thaland?

My God, man, you're repeating the same crappola that certain other TV members have, which doesn't make it true. Pretty much every Thai parent I've ever met absolutely adore their little girls, just as much as the boys. If not more. The ones that don't will not care much for any of their kids, regardless of gender. You've been talking to too many bargirls. Not every Thai female comes from a dysfunctional family.

[ravip]

Ok, but shouldn't one be able to perceive how their words will potentially hurt someone's feelings?

That depends on the culture.

Or lack of it.

Indeed it is an extremely difficult subject to comprehend.

When I see Male foreigners parading around with children fit to be their grand (or maybe grand grand) children, I wonder if it is the normal thing to do in their culture.

Pointing fingers at others too seems to be a favorite past-time among some cultures, but when it happens to them in return it seems 'uncultured'.

[kurtramsbottom]

My wife's daughter, my step daughter ( age 22) for a joke started giving me a massage. Fortunately my wife was in the room.

"For hells sake stop it, you are turning me on!".

Wife laughed.

"Fortunately my wife was in the room."

What would've happened had she not been?

[MAJIC]

Ok, but shouldn't one be able to perceive how their words will potentially hurt someone's feelings?

Must admit it does seem harsh but some Thai's are just brutally honest, you're too fat, too skiny etc. Don't think there's any malice meant, it's just they presume you will be aware of their observation. 99% of the time you are aware and they are right.

I wouldn't call it "brutally honest" more like totally insensitive to the feelings of others!

[buhi]

Vast difference in parenting!

Girls are servants, boys little gods.

Mai pen rai to basic civilized manners, etiquette.

You too serious when it is pointed out!

Berks have you raised your own children in Thaland?

My God, man, you're repeating the same crappola that certain other TV members have, which doesn't make it true. Pretty much every Thai parent I've ever met absolutely adore their little girls, just as much as the boys. If not more. The ones that don't will not care much for any of their kids, regardless of gender. You've been talking to too many bargirls. Not every Thai female comes from a dysfunctional family.

No not talking to bar girls, not my scene; eyes wide open and a parent of our Thai son, yes my son!

[buhi]

My wife's daughter, my step daughter ( age 22) for a joke started giving me a massage. Fortunately my wife was in the room.

"For hells sake stop it, you are turning me on!".

Wife laughed.

"Fortunately my wife was in the room."

What would've happened had she not been?

Nothing, it was a joke!

Would I engage sexually with my daughter, hell no!

[watcharacters]

it is complete OK to ask someone why he is so fat, while it is rude to complain at the hotel if the service is bad....

different culture......

Had one labor here everyone called him a-uon (like fatty) I almost called him dum by mistake (blacky), lucky I did not that would be a bad insult

And I stay in the sun for hours every day in the hope someone will call me a least brown.....but it doesn't work :-(

Based on what you're saying, would it be perfectly OK for a Thai to say to you that you are genuinely unattractive or fully visually repulsive? With a smile of course..

Aren't some tiny measures of courtesy international?

Independent invention? I donno.

edit: heads up on that skin cancer if you're serious " I stay in the sun for hours every day in the hope someone will call me a least brown.....but it doesn't work"

Edited May 25, 2015 by watcharacters

[buhi]

My wife's daughter, my step daughter ( age 22) for a joke started giving me a massage. Fortunately my wife was in the room.

"For hells sake stop it, you are turning me on!".

Wife laughed.

"Fortunately my wife was in the room."

What would've happened had she not been?

Nothing, it was a joke!

Would I engage sexually with my daughter, hell no!

And would my daughter (step) have been playing around with her step father alone; absolutely impossible. Some just do not get my irony!

[SoiBiker]

My wife's daughter, my step daughter ( age 22) for a joke started giving me a massage. Fortunately my wife was in the room.

"For hells sake stop it, you are turning me on!".

Wife laughed.

"Fortunately my wife was in the room."

What would've happened had she not been?

Nothing, it was a joke!

Would I engage sexually with my daughter, hell no!

Most people wouldn't even joke about it.

[HooHaa]

I have on many occasions have Thai people ask me personal/impolite questions or made comments, that I have NEVER been asked in my own country. Why is that?

um, perhaps because you are not in your own country.

its hardly rocket science.

[LarryBird]

Just curious, why is the assumption always that the original poster is somehow stupid, or misrepresenting the facts?

I know a lot of you don't get out of your little shell too often, don't speak Thai, don't have friends outside of your wife, and the few guys you smash beers with, so it's probably hard to have many real impressions of Thailand, but that doesn't mean everyone who sees things for how they are, is somehow a blabbering fool.

And I am not sure if I made this point, but those that act like this, I would only say represent a small percentage of the population. Most Thai people don't go out of their way to tell people they are fat, but some do.. (yes yes, I know some people in other countries tease each other about this too, but it is more common here.) FWIW, when I first moved here, I was told I was fat. I would describe myself as somewhat sensitive, but I didn't actually mind people telling me I was fat. I used it as motivation, and I got in really good shape as a result. So, I guess I am thankful for it....

But, as the saying goes, I may have been born at night, but I wasn't born last night. I can tell what's motivating a person's comments or questions. I have enough street sense to determine if a person is acting out of jealousy or hate.

Up next.. Jealousy and Schadenfreude doesn't exist in Thailand,right?

[EmptyHead]

My wife's daughter, my step daughter ( age 22) for a joke started giving me a massage. Fortunately my wife was in the room.

"For hells sake stop it, you are turning me on!".

Wife laughed.

"Fortunately my wife was in the room."

What would've happened had she not been?

Nothing, it was a joke!

Would I engage sexually with my daughter, hell no!

Most people wouldn't even joke about it.

But he was talking about his step daughter.

[Stan42]

Personally I get insulted very, very rarely. Both Thai's and Farangs all treat me with respect in everyday life. Then again, I'm a very quiet and private person.

[northernjohn]

It never ceases to amaze me the number of people who come to live here and can't understand it is a different culture. that means they may do things different and see things different than you. Go with the flow They were here hundereds of years before you.

Well because some things in some cultures are just plain wrong or even worse, dangerous. Sure, calling someone "fat" isn't maybe that nice but other cultural "hobbies" in the world include mutilating the genitalia of children. It's very normal that children get beatings in Thailand. This is a cultural trait in Thailand and it's not ok for me just because i'm a white monkey in Thailand.

It's quite clear that some cultures are far, far, superior in their behavior against other fellow human beings.

I am quite sure you are rite. Thailand does have a better culture than where you come from. why else would you come here? Did you have your parents put in an old folks home before you left?

[Asheron]

It never ceases to amaze me the number of people who come to live here and can't understand it is a different culture. that means they may do things different and see things different than you. Go with the flow They were here hundereds of years before you.

Well because some things in some cultures are just plain wrong or even worse, dangerous. Sure, calling someone "fat" isn't maybe that nice but other cultural "hobbies" in the world include mutilating the genitalia of children. It's very normal that children get beatings in Thailand. This is a cultural trait in Thailand and it's not ok for me just because i'm a white monkey in Thailand.

It's quite clear that some cultures are far, far, superior in their behavior against other fellow human beings.

I am quite sure you are rite. Thailand does have a better culture than where you come from. why else would you come here? Did you have your parents put in an old folks home before you left?

Not sure why you are dragging my parents into this (lack of arguments i assume) but just to inform you my parents are still "happily" working and paying their taxes. Even if they didn't i wouldn't "put" them anywhere they didn't want to be.

But it's interesting that you take up the fact that in western societies the parents either live alone/together or in "elderly care" (not sure the correct wording for it) and it would somehow be a bad thing. Since when is it a bad thing to teach your children to be independent thinking human beings? I'm going to make it crystal clear to my children that i under no circumstance will accept that they would "take care" of me when i'm old. And the very simple reason is that they have their lives and i want them to live their lives to the fullest without worrying about an old man in the house.

And why would you have to accept, like or even love ALL the culture of a nation just because you like to live in nation X?

[Berkshire]

Personally I get insulted very, very rarely. Both Thai's and Farangs all treat me with respect in everyday life. Then again, I'm a very quiet and private person.

Yes, this is quite normal. Same here. I don't get why certain other farangs on TV get dissed on such a frequent basis.....

[LarryBird]

Personally I get insulted very, very rarely. Both Thai's and Farangs all treat me with respect in everyday life. Then again, I'm a very quiet and private person.

Yes, this is quite normal. Same here. I don't get why certain other farangs on TV get dissed on such a frequent basis.....

I think he explained it in his post. He keeps a low profile. Don't say much, don't interact much, don't give them anything to be jealous about, don't expose yourself, you will be safe... However, we're not talking about avoiding a gang fight, either.

[Stan42]

Personally I get insulted very, very rarely. Both Thai's and Farangs all treat me with respect in everyday life. Then again, I'm a very quiet and private person.

Yes, this is quite normal. Same here. I don't get why certain other farangs on TV get dissed on such a frequent basis.....

I think he explained it in his post. He keeps a low profile. Don't say much, don't interact much, don't give them anything to be jealous about, don't expose yourself, you will be safe... However, we're not talking about avoiding a gang fight, either.

Just mind your own business, don't be a dick about insignificant things and avoid shady looking people. It's not rocket science.

[fey]

I had a neighbor in cm who complained to the landlord because i liked to hang my laundry out do dry in the yard (huge grass lawn).

This fat arse then went back into his air con unit where he liked to drink red wine. He also hated doing laundry, did not know how to hand wash anything and probably had his meals spoon feed to him until his teen years. Last i heard he moved to Portugal. Never could figure out why this guy was here, was not to save money since he wasted it like a cow, did not really enjoy girls, and did all this european type stuff like wine and tennis etc. this is the guy i caught masturbating one day when he did not close his curtains while i was walking in the garden.

[Berkshire]

I had a neighbor in cm who complained to the landlord because i liked to hang my laundry out do dry in the yard (huge grass lawn).

This fat arse then went back into his air con unit where he liked to drink red wine. He also hated doing laundry, did not know how to hand wash anything and probably had his meals spoon feed to him until his teen years. Last i heard he moved to Portugal. Never could figure out why this guy was here, was not to save money since he wasted it like a cow, did not really enjoy girls, and did all this european type stuff like wine and tennis etc. this is the guy i caught masturbating one day when he did not close his curtains while i was walking in the garden.

Regarding your last sentence, were you traumatized by the experience? I certainly would be.

[SoiBiker]

I had a neighbor in cm who complained to the landlord because i liked to hang my laundry out do dry in the yard (huge grass lawn).

This fat arse then went back into his air con unit where he liked to drink red wine. He also hated doing laundry, did not know how to hand wash anything and probably had his meals spoon feed to him until his teen years. Last i heard he moved to Portugal. Never could figure out why this guy was here, was not to save money since he wasted it like a cow, did not really enjoy girls, and did all this european type stuff like wine and tennis etc. this is the guy i caught masturbating one day when he did not close his curtains while i was walking in the garden.

I wonder how this story would sound from the other guy's point of view?

[fey]

I had a neighbor in cm who complained to the landlord because i liked to hang my laundry out do dry in the yard (huge grass lawn).

This fat arse then went back into his air con unit where he liked to drink red wine. He also hated doing laundry, did not know how to hand wash anything and probably had his meals spoon feed to him until his teen years. Last i heard he moved to Portugal. Never could figure out why this guy was here, was not to save money since he wasted it like a cow, did not really enjoy girls, and did all this european type stuff like wine and tennis etc. this is the guy i caught masturbating one day when he did not close his curtains while i was walking in the garden.

Regarding your last sentence, were you traumatized by the experience? I certainly would be.

I just remember him pounding in the corner, very bizarre thing to see of another man.

Are subsequent interactions felt very bizarre, like he knew that i knew, but could not place what it was.

Edited May 27, 2015 by fey

[Stan42]

I have a something to say that coincidentally happened a few moments ago.

I'm at 7-11 buying my beer. The cashier scans them and puts them in a plastic bag. While I got out my wallet and started counting money a bunch of Indians barged into the store, grabbed a big bottle of water, walked straight to cashier, not only ignoring me but also the 2 people behind me. The lady than literally picks up my bag of beer, shoves it to the side, placed her bottle of water on the counter, and knocked on the counter while yelling something in Punjabi (I think).

Am I being an oversensitive dick, or was it right for me to consider that as rude? Even the cashier apologized to me on behalf of the Indians.

As my Khun Yai's would say: "Ta jerr khak ga ngu... tdi hua khak gon"

[willyumiii]

"I have on many occasions have Thai people ask me personal/impolite questions or made comments, that I have NEVER been asked in my own country. Why is that?"

It is because you are not in your country anymore.

You are in their country. Different cultures have different ideas of what are good and bad manners.

Some of my favorite examples:

It is considered very rude to blow your nose in public in Thailand. ( It's better to suck it up and swallow it! )

It is perfectly o.k. to sit in a restaurant and pick your nose in Thailand.

Whistling is considered to be rude here.

It is o.k. to sit on your motor scooter and use the mirrors to pop blackheads on your face in public here.

It is very rude to point your feet at someone here.

The long and short of it is that you are here in their country and it is their concept on good manners that you need to follow if you do not want to be considered rude.