Thai Wedding Etiquette

[BV70]

I've just been invited to my first thai wedding and I've no clue on procedure. It's a marriage between a western guy and his thai girlfriend. My invite is for the evening do. I've researched dress code beyond the ambiguous 'smart casual' and it suggests shirt, trousers, no tie and don't wear black. What about a wedding gift? My research suggests giving money. In my home country money would be seen as a vulgar expression. The groom is a businessman and has more than enough money already, so to give cash could cause embarrassment all round. Also, in my home country, evening guests are expected to make a token gift, such as a bottle of wine or some flowers. What's the etiquette I should follow here as I want to get this right? Perhaps I should also mention the groom is my boss here in Thailand. Thanks in advance.

[krisb]

Vulgar expression? ?what country is that? None I've heard of but not to say there's none.

You're lucky, most start at 7am, and drag on all day.

I usually go have a few drinks with the groom about 6am, the go back to bed. That afternoon/ night is just a party. Easy.

[krisb]

Oh the etiquette is follow your wife's lead to make it easy on yourself. Get walked in, sit at the table and stuff yourself. Hopefully by then the monks have fkt off home.

[blackcab]

Cash is the done thing. Use new banknotes if possible (only 1,000 baht notes) and put them in an envelope with your name on the outside. There will be a large box in an obvious place where everyone will post their envelopes. 2,000 to 3,000 is acceptable. 5,000 is really nice. 10,000 is at the higher end of things.

I can assure you that the couple will take careful note of what you give. If you were ever to invite them to your wedding they would return the same amount to you.

A minority of people buy gift cheques from the bank. Some people buy gift cards from Central.

Normally the presents the couple get turn out to be photo frames and crystal that they will never use.

There is no need for any other gifts.

[cooked]

I gave an envelope with ha ha ha ha ha ha written on it, they got ฿5555.50. Not 55 555.0 as they maybe were hoping, so that appealed to my sense of humour. Anyway I got married myself a few moths later and the couple gave me most of it back.

[sanuk711]

The envelope you were given the invitation in---is usually the one you place the money in----it will have your name on it. Usually you arrive, to be greeted by them & someone who is designated to do the job--you sign in the guest book---that's when you hand the envelope over to that person--to go with the others that are there----then a separate photo of the 4--"them & you" (sometimes her parents also) is taken---& will be given to you at latter date. All usually done before you enter the reception hall......& get completely blathered trying to drink at least double the amount of alcohol you gave in cash gift..................

[ezzra]

Just be happy it's not happening to you and you're not the groom.. these unions have a shorter

life span and the life of a fruit fly....

[razer]

I always say ... "Congratulations on your first marriage."

[SOTIRIOS]

...so hard to 'follow the lead'....???

[wvavin]

Since they are starting a new life and I presumed a new home, so give them a puppy before their kids arrive.

[rickb]

Your research on dress code is correct. Smart casual without tie is very acceptable. I fully agree with Sanuk711's comments as being normal here in Thailand. If the wedding involves a farang, especially with him being your boss, I would consider what amount you would spend on a typical wedding gift back home for your boss and then give a similar amount in Thai Baht here. I've heard that the amount should be an odd number, like 3, 5, 7, etc. When dealing with 1,000 baht notes, I would think an amount like 3,000 or 5,000 would be appropriate. Typically, the dinner will be what they call a Toe Jin which includes numerous courses of food served one at a time. You eat what you want and then wait for the next course to be served. Enjoy.

[richard_smith237]

We go to a lot of weddings in Bkk. We put 1000 baht per person in the envelope.

For our wedding we revived monies ranging from 200 baht to 80,000 baht... In total about 1 million baht which pretty much covered the cost of the wedding.

Dress code: always a suit and tie - the venue is usually a 5 star hotel.

[GOLDBUGGY]

Most of the other guys covered all the bases for you. What you wear is not so important as long as you stay away from Muscle Shirts that expose your shoulders, as some Thais find this offensive.

The Common Beverage is Beer their, although some Thai Whiskey can usually be found. It doesn't hurt or offend anyone if you bring your own Booze. I find that Thais are very hospitable hosts and even if you come by yourself they will look after you. Find you a place to sit, and so on.

Even when I go with my wife I find myself alone their most of the time anyway. Which is a bit boring when I don't speak or understand Thai. All Thai Women join in the serving a cooking of the food, and doing the dishes, so not surprising if your wife or G.F. joins in. Besides that, no Thai Woman wants to miss the gossip going on in the kitchen, so that for sure will cause her to disappear at one point or the other.

A Thai Wedding is really a pleasant experience your first time, and worth seeing, but to be honest I find myself quite bored there after some time. I don't cotton to all the loud music very much anymore either. You will also find many friendly Thai Men, who after a few too many drinks think they can talk to you, which of course they can't. This sort of plays on me after awhile

But the beauty of a Thai Wedding is that the most important is that you show up and perhaps offer a small gift, like money. How long you stay is not important as a Wedding Party can last for days. So since they don't need the Bride and Groom to party with them this long, they don't need you either. I always stick around to watch the Buddhist Ceremony, and never leave before the Monk does. There is usually a part where the Bride and Groom will have a sting tied to their wrists, and in which you ties some Baht Bank Note to them. Going after this part is perfectly okay with everyone. Taking your bottle with is is also okay and expected.

Have Fun. ,

[khunPer]

Typical Thai weddings, and that goes for both village marriage and parties in fine hotels, is that you come in “your best dress” in accordance with your social status – therefore you may see a very mixed crowd, with some people in normal plain clothes, and some in white tuxedo and ladies in silk skirts.

The Wedding Gift is an envelope with money – typically the envelope from your invitation, which has your name(s) on the front – and the amount, mirrors your social status. I cannot say an exact figure – if you have a Thai spouse, she can help you – but typically a farang at a relative, or good friends wedding will give something like 3,000 to 5,000 baht or more...

The wedding gift envelope will often be handed over to a representative for the married couple sitting at a table by the entrance. All wedding gifts shall be written in a book – whom gives how much – so if/when the new married couple is invited to a party (wedding), they know exactly how much to give (back) in gift; money in an envelope. That procedure, money in an envelope, may seem strange for a foreigner, but that is the typical Thai tradition. Furthermore, in many cases, it has that practical impact, that it helps the couple paying for the often quite expensive party.

If it’s a typical Thai wedding party – and that’s what I describe here – you will find a lot of often round tables. Normally you will be seated – some seats are reserved for VIPs depending of their social status – if you are not seated, you just find a seat yourself in accordance with your status to the married couple. Often there will be a stage, and the closer to the stage you are seated, the higher status. On each table will be some bottles of soft drinks (Coke, Fanta and water) and boxes with alcohol bottles (the brand names shows the marriage couples status), ice will come in coolers; and you drink the spirit-mix to the dinner. The menu is normally a variety of Thai dishes placed in serving dishes and bowls on the table. Thais will come – and not especially at the time as they are invited, they just come – eat and drink and often leave when food is finished, even the party continues; and when they leave, they will take a remaining bottle of alcohol, put it back in the carton and bring it home – you can do the same, if you like...

(I normally feel ashamed, and never do it, but perhaps I’m considered impolite with that strange behavior.)

The book “Thailand Fever” tells a lot of about Thai customs and traditions – worth reading to avoid misunderstandings.

Wish you a good experience and party...

[flyingdoc]

Just arrive in smart casual dress. Money is always the right thing to give, in the envelope usually provided, whether a village wedding or a formal one at a 5 Star hotel. I once succumbed to a dare, and arrived in kilt and sporran, only to be hauled out on to the stage in front of well over 1,000 guests and had to make a speech. Everyone clapped but few understood a single word, I suspect !

[Ghostnigel]

I am going to a Thai wedding on the 16th, so this was worth reading, very inciteful.

But a kilt is out of the question with my legs...lol

[catman20]

he should know that getting married is like a business relationship and be treat as so when you enter it, don't you think ??

[GOLDBUGGY]

he should know that getting married is like a business relationship and be treat as so when you enter it, don't you think ??

I think it depends on the person (people) getting married. If I was invited to a wedding by the family of the top 100 Richest Families in Thailand, to a 5 Star Hotel for the Wedding Party, I would dress accordingly. But for small village wedding I would be laughed out of the place if I showed up in a Tuxedo.

If you are unsure what to wear then wear your Gold. Most Thai don't even know what a Tuxedo is, and especially the cost and value of one. But the all know Gold and the value if that.

[janejira]

Dress code depends on the venue. Hotel weddings: suit / tie is optional. At the very least, dress shirt and slacks. Dress for ladies- usually in the theme color.

I'm American and my husband is Thai. Most of our Thai guests brought envelopes. Some of our international guests brought envelopes (with their own wedding cards inside, not the envelopes we gave out out),some brought presents ( we got a nice convection oven), and some brought smaller gifts along with an envelope (picture frame, music box, candle set, teddy bears, etc). Everything was appreciated-- and I kind of liked getting the wedding cards. A few are still on display.

Bring whatever you feel is appropriate. You really can't go too wrong.

Last thing about envelopes at weddings with people you work with, my workplace went together in the same envelope with everyone's name on the front. I think this is so everyone gets "credit" for the envelope, but doesn't have to say explicitly how much each individual has given. We also sometimes do this when we go to a wedding with a group of friends. Everyone gives what they want into the same envelope with everyone's name on the outside.

Have fun!

[BV70]

Thanks for your replies guys. They have been really insightful.

A couple of points to note: I'm not married so have no wife from who's lead to take. I am going solo. Also my wedding invite was emailed to me, so no envelope to return cash if that's the tradition.

I'm from the UK. My point about money being seen as a vulgar expression is such that it is seen as the last refuge of those with no imagination (similar to giving a gift voucher at Xmas). And it makes people feel uncomfortable not knowing how much is acceptable to give - and then you always get those whose sole purpose in life appears to be showing off their wealth and talking about it, which is a shallow existence. UK weddings usually have a wedding gift list which is only usually sent around those attending the full day ceremony. Night guests usually offer a small token of appreciation, such as a bottle of wine or flowers while the rest of the guests have a sweep stake to guess how many kettles and toasters the happy couple end up with.

[DDuval]

We go to a lot of weddings in Bkk. We put 1000 baht per person in the envelope.

For our wedding we revived monies ranging from 200 baht to 80,000 baht... In total about 1 million baht which pretty much covered the cost of the wedding.

Dress code: always a suit and tie - the venue is usually a 5 star hotel.

80,000 THB, who are you Barack Obama

[richard_smith237]

Thanks for your replies guys. They have been really insightful.

A couple of points to note: I'm not married so have no wife from who's lead to take. I am going solo. Also my wedding invite was emailed to me, so no envelope to return cash if that's the tradition.

I'm from the UK. My point about money being seen as a vulgar expression is such that it is seen as the last refuge of those with no imagination (similar to giving a gift voucher at Xmas). And it makes people feel uncomfortable not knowing how much is acceptable to give - and then you always get those whose sole purpose in life appears to be showing off their wealth and talking about it, which is a shallow existence. UK weddings usually have a wedding gift list which is only usually sent around those attending the full day ceremony. Night guests usually offer a small token of appreciation, such as a bottle of wine or flowers while the rest of the guests have a sweep stake to guess how many kettles and toasters the happy couple end up with.

You can bring your own envelope... My Wife often looses an invite, we end up bringing our own envelope.

Don't worry too much about the difference in culture. Things are done differently in many countries - By following the advice you have asked for you will politely meet the cultural norm when attending a wedding in Thailand.

For our Wedding: I pretty much had everything we needed, a wedding list would have been wasteful to a degree.

After our wedding I appreciated the Thai way things were done - particularly the fact that the 'envelope money' covered the expensive costs.

[johnnycthedog]

Thanks for your replies guys. They have been really insightful.

A couple of points to note: I'm not married so have no wife from who's lead to take. I am going solo. Also my wedding invite was emailed to me, so no envelope to return cash if that's the tradition.

I'm from the UK. My point about money being seen as a vulgar expression is such that it is seen as the last refuge of those with no imagination (similar to giving a gift voucher at Xmas). And it makes people feel uncomfortable not knowing how much is acceptable to give - and then you always get those whose sole purpose in life appears to be showing off their wealth and talking about it, which is a shallow existence. UK weddings usually have a wedding gift list which is only usually sent around those attending the full day ceremony. Night guests usually offer a small token of appreciation, such as a bottle of wine or flowers while the rest of the guests have a sweep stake to guess how many kettles and toasters the happy couple end up with.

You have obviously not been to any Greek or Italian weddings. Envelopes containing cash with your name on it is the done thing. I am sure there are a few other countries where this is also the norm. It's a great idea. Saves having to think what the newly weds may need and a duplication of presents.

Going alone - you may be matched up with a Thai single lady. You never know your luck.

[AZBill]

Money always works! My daughter and her husband are both professionals and each make six figure incomes but I didn't see either complaining during the money dance at their wedding a few months back!