Dating a Chinese Co-Teacher Help

[TarHeelVoyager]

I am currently living abroad and teaching in Thailand. The school I teach at has a couple of Chinese teacher who just began their journey in Thailand like myself. I am the only male English teacher who is single and she is the only female Chinese teacher who is single. I hadn't really thought anything of it until this past week when all of the sudden she found me on FB and Instagram and one of the teachers who works with her said she was asking about me as well. So I thought I'd do a bit of digging to see what could possibly be there. I have good rapport with the other Chinese teachers too. They are very friendly towards me and we always chat with each other.

This past Saturday I invited her and any other Chinese teachers to dinner with our English department and she was the only one who made the trip. She and I walked to the dinner spot together and I walked her back to her place afterwards as well. Along both walks we connected really well as she was able to get some of my sarcasm and play back a bit too (keep in mind her English isn't perfect so this was a nice surprise for me). She asked to take a picture together before we parted ways so I obliged, hugged goodnight, and I let her be.

So far this week things have seemed a bit strange when I see her at school or around town. I've noticed that she has avoided eye contact with me at points and said very few words to me. To be honest she didn't really speak all that much prior to Saturday night as it was but the no eye contact thing has been a bit odd. She still has a strong interaction with me on social media though. Maybe I just need to set up a time outside of school where she and I are alone and she's not seen under presumptuous eyes?

I'm not all that worried about this particular instance but since I'm in this part of the world I wanted to see if anyone had any advice on the differences, if any exist, between dating in western culture vs. dating in Chinese (or all Asian) culture? Where as when I'm in America I take my time working a girl so I can feel her out and get a sense of what she's like, but should I be more direct with someone from this part of the world who has had little to no experience in western dating customs? Or am I just being an ignorant American and everything should be the same and she's just not that into me? Can't hurt to be prepared for when an opportunity may arise.

Sorry for the long read but this is new territory for me in the dating world. It's fun trying new things out even if I fail but a cheat sheet for customs and standards would be nice as well.

Thanks for any help.

[kungpao]

I wouldn't worry about cultural issues. Maybe it's about romance in workplace thing. And she doesn't want others knowing. This happens all over. Good luck.

[Your Thainess]

Agreed. By the way, did you cut and paste this from somewhere else?

[kungpao]

Based on experience with Chinese and my own relationships. Straight from my brain to iPhone app. I find Chinese to be very western like at least if educated and teachers.

[Soutpeel]

Maybe it's about romance in workplace thing

Bingo....where I have seen this occur, if things fall apart one or both parties end up not employed in the same company any more

[TarHeelVoyager]

Agreed. By the way, did you cut and paste this from somewhere else?

Yup, I wrote the same thing on AskMen.com. It is actually something that I wrote though. Didn't feel like typing it twice.

[simon43]

Perhaps you better ask your Mom for advice??

[samuibeachcomber]

Well its not rocket science,she obviously thinks you are ok cos she continue's to chat on social media,but she does n't want you all over her in school.Adult relationships need to be mature,she does n't want it broadcast all over the classroom.Chill out,take it easy.

[DLang]

I dated a Chinese teacher who was teaching in the local university.

First date, she said to collect her from her condom.

Er, what?

Collect me from my condom, at around 7pm.

Er, your condom?

Yes, my condominium.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Okay, We would say condo, not condom.

Nice girl. Good in bed.

[weegee]

Very rare to see a Chinese woman show her emotions about a member of the opposite sex in Public....

But that part you have to learn yourself.

You seem to be on the right track.

[kaorop]

Been there done that, she freaked out because of the student gossip, which seems to be the case here.

Unless you can keep it on the down low then it "Wont work, he knows"

[zeichen]

If she was South Korean, I would say that she is trying to see how much effort you will put to break down the wall. It is very common for girls there to play hard to get for a long time even if they are interested in you.

In China though you get a strange mix of that and then like what others have said, she is trying to keep things private at work because frankly she will be teased.

I would plan another outing and include all the Chinese teachers again. If she comes and spends time with you, then ask her out for a real date. If not chalk it up to a nice encounter and enjoy being her friend.

[samuibeachcomber]

I dated a Chinese teacher who was teaching in the local university.

First date, she said to collect her from her condom.

Er, what?

Collect me from my condom, at around 7pm.

Er, your condom?

Yes, my condominium.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Okay, We would say condo, not condom.

Nice girl. Good in bed.

Lucky you............did you wear a condom or a condominum

[nottocus]

She's gagging for it mate.

[keeniau96]

Sounds like she is liking you quite a bit and trying to be cool in public. Good idea about another all-teacher outing and see what happens.

[kungpao]

Keep work work and private at home

[kungpao]

Agreed. By the way, did you cut and paste this from somewhere else?

Yup, I wrote the same thing on AskMen.com. It is actually something that I wrote though. Didn't feel like typing it twice.

great minds think alike.

[GuestHouse]

Today's lesson - English Idioms:

"Don't dip your bread in your gravy"

"Don't get your pudding where you get your meat".

[CWMcMurray]

Today's lesson - English Idioms:

"Don't dip your bread in your gravy"

"Don't get your pudding where you get your meat".

Guessing British? In US we might say... "Don't sh!t where you eat "...

But we American are crass...

[TarHeelVoyager]

Well its not rocket science,she obviously thinks you are ok cos she continue's to chat on social media,but she does n't want you all over her in school.Adult relationships need to be mature,she does n't want it broadcast all over the classroom.Chill out,take it easy.

Keep work work and private at home

Today's lesson - English Idioms:

"Don't dip your bread in your gravy"

"Don't get your pudding where you get your meat".

It should be said that I typically only have time to say hello to her in school so that's all I do. I guess another part of this that is odd to me is the social media game. I've never been comfortable with it as I often find my meaning can get lost in translation. Especially since I tend to use dry humor and sarcasm when chatting (already a problem for people with little knowledge of the English language).

So I'm definitely not sh!tting where I'm eating.

Edited June 24, 2015 by TarHeelVoyager

[Tonto21]

Let me get this right….. You don’t understand what’s going on because she’s…… Chines…Asian?

Mate….Just Chines……… Your one up on everyone else, (most on here) most men regardless of ethnic background, religious belief do NOT understand woman!

Please see diagram below……… Any questions……. See diagram.

Next!

[samsensam]

if you are an english teacher i suggest you brush up on your plurals and articles.

if you are not a troll and really are as naive about relationships as you sound i suggest you ask her to meet up one weekend afternoon and go to a park/market or other such neutral place where you can talk and interact (not a cinema) and see how it goes.

[zeichen]

"Especially since I tend to use dry humor and sarcasm when chatting (already a problem for people with little knowledge of the English language)."

Actually no matter how good their English ability is, Chinese don't do sarcasm or dry humor. Most of Asia isn't big on it.

Sarcastic remarks are quite rude and will usually backfire. Just be straightforward and don't hide behind your insecurities. Don't be needy or to forward either.

As for the advice about asking her out directly, really should wait a little and never do it at work.

I don't get the don't blah blah where you blah blah blah proverbs. There is nothing wrong with dating colleagues. Those old adages were from a generation where someone worked for the same company their whole life. The worst thing that happens is that for the rest of the year there is one less person to talk to. It would be different if she was the homeroom teacher and he had to work with her everyday. This is not that situation.

Have fun and don't over think it.

[cdnvic]

if you are an english teacher i suggest you brush up on your plurals and articles.

if you are not a troll and really are as naive about relationships as you sound i suggest you ask her to meet up one weekend afternoon and go to a park/market or other such neutral place where you can talk and interact (not a cinema) and see how it goes.

Before playing grammar police maybe you could try capitalizing?

This is a forum, not a text message.

[TarHeelVoyager]

if you are an english teacher i suggest you brush up on your plurals and articles.

Speaking of trolls... Much in the same way that teaching ESL is different in America than how it is in Thailand, dating styles can also come with differences even if they resemble each other slightly. Don't worry about how I'm doing with the ladies or my use of English, I promise that both areas satisfy my needs and those of others.

Actually no matter how good their English ability is, Chinese don't do sarcasm or dry humor. Most of Asia isn't big on it.

Sarcastic remarks are quite rude and will usually backfire.

That's why I was extremely surprised and taken aback when she responded with sarcasm of her own. Probably the only reason I'm even speaking of engaging her further.

Also, no need to worry about me worrying. Like I said I'll enjoy the experience no matter the outcome. Part of the reason I'm here in Thailand is to accept all challenges no matter the form that they present themselves to me. I do appreciate the kind words zeichen. They are few and far between on message boards.

[AlexRRR]

Asian women in general are either into you or there not and normal won't play the root you around game where you find out 3 dates later " I just want to be friends" ask her out just you and her, do it through social media no pressure for either of you, if you get that date just go for it again Asian women tend to move a lot quicker than there white sisters.

[TarHeelVoyager]

These forums are so much kinder than Ajarn.com. Actually seem to want to help on here. Good to know some decent people live in Thailand.

Thanks guys.

Edited June 24, 2015 by TarHeelVoyager

[Crazy chef 1]

These forums are so much kinder than Ajarn.com. Actually seem to want to help on here. Good to know some decent people live in Thailand.

Thanks guys.

...hence the title " Newbie"...

[1900]

Ajarn.com isn't a forum. If people seem kinder here it's because those who weren't have been eliminated. It's the same bullying on just about any forum, newbies are meat on the table. Post-count is everything.

Chinese women have the reputation for being mad. A friend of mine in the States married one, get a new house, a car, and a gig right after the wedding. The parents went all out. The marriage lasted about 6 months.

There's a social phenomena that people living in isolation fall in love quickly, in wartime too. Since you're both living out of your comfort zone, in a foreign country, maybe that qualifies as isolation. Anything that involves romance between consenting adults can't be all bad.

[maggietutu]

I am chinese and have been with my irish boyfriend for 2 years and got engaged recently. In my experience chinese (Asia)culture is very different from western culture of dating.Even dont mention the language barrier! So take your time and just be yourself is the best way.