duckmandon Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I have an almost 18 year old thai stepson who still goes to school but spends the remaining hours of the day playing computer games. I added up the hours & he spends in excess of 60hrs per week in front of the computer. His father doesn't help with any money for his living expenses or education so I have asked him to find part time work. I have tried to explain he can use the money for school expenses, his phone & half the internet bill. All I get is crying & him saying "this is Thailand" I can't work. Can anyone help me out on whether part time jobs are available in Chiang Mai or am I just being used by him because he is to lazy to get off his bum & make something of himself. All of my own children in Australia had part time jobs so they could buy stuff for themselves. Any constructive comments would be helpful. Kind Regards Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worgeordie Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 He could always find some kind of part time work,IF HE WANTS to, the problem is he is now hooked on computer games,which is much like been hooked on drugs,first you must stop giving him money,put a password on the computer so he cannot get into it,I am afraid you will have to get tough with him,at 18 he should be looking to improve his life, not waste it on games. regards Worgeordie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billphillips Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 At 18 your stepson is a man (in mind and body) yet he cries when told to work. As far as I'm concerned and unless he is mentally retarded in some way, he is taking the piss. A young man should work, it can be good for them and it can also install .. the value of money. Still at school at 18 years old. I would question the reason for that, it's way too old. Maybe it's a college of some sort, it's time to start asking difficult questions as to what is being studied, to what end and with what success. When does he fit in all of the homework for these advanced academic studies? 60 hours of computer games is too much X4 in my mind, it's time to cut the Internet. Change the password or bin the Internet completely and use 3G for yourself, until he can understand that the Internet games are a privilege rather than a right. I'm sure there is plenty of work around the home ... Cleaning, ironing, laundry, washing the days dishes, clean the car, motorbike, gardening, run errands etc. etc. local markets like to employ young men to do the humping and grunting, give them a try. Look on the bright side ... National service will do him the world of good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steven100 Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 It's not easy for a thai to find work ... especially an 18 yr old, especially with no experience. Having said that though, if he doesn't even try he can't expect it to come to him. He needs to get ' motivated ' .... which is the first step. Once he is determined to look for work he will forget all about the computer games. His chances for part time work would be Mcdonalds, KFC and the likes. Even 7-11 hire kids on part time basis. You need to help get him motivated ... but not force him ... otherwise he will just block you out and resent your actions. Suggest going to the shop with him ... then have a chat about what are his grades like , what would he like to study / or what's his aspirations to be when he finishes school ? then move onto jobs in your area ... suggest KFC or similar. It's a tricky situation ... but he needs to get active ... and he has to ' want ' to get active and motivated. Take it one step at a time or he will just clam up as you mentioned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fang37 Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Two suggestions offered - a) stepson does chores in the family home - ha ha Stepfather develops a sight problem Option 2 - far superior? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FolkGuitar Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 (edited) As a teenager, my parents gave me a very hefty allowance every week. BUT... I was required to have an after-school job as well. If I did NOT have a job, they wouldn't give me ANY allowance! I was fortunate growing up. My parents paid for everything... school needs, clothing, everything. Plus they gave me $5 a week for myself, this at a time when my friends were all getting between $1-$3 a week. And if something extra-special came up, such as some event that required expensive tickets or pocket money, my parents never hesitated to give me more... but ONLY if I was working at my after-school job. When I became old enough to get 'working papers' (I believe that was at age 14 in the US,) I had to work. Perhaps only one or two hours a day, but I had to have a job. Delivering for a dry cleaning shop, delivering for a butcher shop, Saturday mornings stocking shelves in the corner Deli, etc., etc., etc. Edited July 9, 2015 by FolkGuitar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arunsakda Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 (edited) In University with job weekends and Holidays, in the military, or out of the house. Better off for him、none of this mollycoddling. Edited July 9, 2015 by arunsakda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenBravo Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 (edited) There really isn't a culture of getting part-time work for extra pocket money here. I have been working since six years old. First doing household chores for pocket money, then a paper-round, then a milk round, then working in shops and pubs until I got a full time job. It's just not like that here. Boys and girls are treated differently. Girls are expected to help around the house as soon as they are able, whilst boys are waited on hand and foot. What youngsters you do see working are usually helping out in the family business for which they may, or may not be getting paid. As to your problem, your wife will have to sort it out. She's the one with the authority in your step-sons eyes, not you. Edited July 9, 2015 by KarenBravo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saan Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Good luck and you will need. It's usually not the kids fault but the mothers. Many Thai mothers think giving in to their little emperors is being a good mother. Not giving what they ask is being a bad mother. When kids are given no parameters they will run wild. A bit of 'hard love' is probably the only answer but at 18 might be a bit late in your case Why should he work if everything is supplied? Not being given any funds might be an incentive but you will have to get around mum first. She is the one you will have to train. These feckless kids must be fun for their employers when they eventually get a job. Imparting a work ethic would be a major task. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharktooth Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 How long have you been his 'guardian / stepfather'? Possibly this particular horse has long since bolted and you are left scratching your head contemplating a swinging stable door? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steven100 Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I started working when I was two yrs old. Doing things around the house and scrubbing the floor just to get 50 cents and some milk. It wasn't really a house ... more like a shoe box. But my friends were only getting 25 cents then so I was in the money. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duckmandon Posted July 9, 2015 Author Share Posted July 9, 2015 How long have you been his 'guardian / stepfather'? Possibly this particular horse has long since bolted and you are left scratching your head contemplating a swinging stable door? I have been married to his mother for 6 years in which I have only lived in Thailand for 1&1/2 years. He has always been allowed to play games for as long as he liked when he lived with his Grandmother & I have tried many times to stop it. Now restricted to 20hrs total per week. I know it's not good for him especially the amount of time spent. I have a 14 year old stepdaughter as well & she is totally different in every way. We get on great & spend a lot of time together. We are good friends. The boy has no social skills & can't relate to me at all. His mother wants him to grow up & my next step if he doesn't is say bye bye. He can go live with his father. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inzman Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I worked starting at 13. I wasn't forced, but my family was poor, that was my inspiration. If you give him money he will never find his inspiration. Get it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duckmandon Posted July 9, 2015 Author Share Posted July 9, 2015 At 18 your stepson is a man (in mind and body) yet he cries when told to work. As far as I'm concerned and unless he is mentally retarded in some way, he is taking the piss. A young man should work, it can be good for them and it can also install .. the value of money. Still at school at 18 years old. I would question the reason for that, it's way too old. Maybe it's a college of some sort, it's time to start asking difficult questions as to what is being studied, to what end and with what success. When does he fit in all of the homework for these advanced academic studies? 60 hours of computer games is too much X4 in my mind, it's time to cut the Internet. Change the password or bin the Internet completely and use 3G for yourself, until he can understand that the Internet games are a privilege rather than a right. I'm sure there is plenty of work around the home ... Cleaning, ironing, laundry, washing the days dishes, clean the car, motorbike, gardening, run errands etc. etc. local markets like to employ young men to do the humping and grunting, give them a try. Look on the bright side ... National service will do him the world of good. I agree totally & he has been warned if he can't find work to help support himself then he can live elsewhere. He dries the dishes at night ,does his own laundry & keeps his room tidy (if you can call it that) but you have to remind him all the time. I might sound mean but I have tried dealing with his sucky attitude for 6 years & it does cause problems in the house. BTW he is supposedly medically unfit for the services. I hope he isn't. Would be good for me & him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duckmandon Posted July 9, 2015 Author Share Posted July 9, 2015 He could always find some kind of part time work,IF HE WANTS to, the problem is he is now hooked on computer games,which is much like been hooked on drugs,first you must stop giving him money,put a password on the computer so he cannot get into it,I am afraid you will have to get tough with him,at 18 he should be looking to improve his life, not waste it on games. regards Worgeordie I have gotten tough. He is now restricted to 20 hours computer use per week & he has to pay for his mobile phone usage. He will get 1500 baht from his father each month so he needs to budget that (normal Thai, whats a budget?) to last the month. Its for school & fuel for the scooter etc. No more handouts from me. He is now looking for work but how much looking I don't know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duckmandon Posted July 9, 2015 Author Share Posted July 9, 2015 Good luck and you will need. It's usually not the kids fault but the mothers. Many Thai mothers think giving in to their little emperors is being a good mother. Not giving what they ask is being a bad mother. When kids are given no parameters they will run wild. A bit of 'hard love' is probably the only answer but at 18 might be a bit late in your case Why should he work if everything is supplied? Not being given any funds might be an incentive but you will have to get around mum first. She is the one you will have to train. These feckless kids must be fun for their employers when they eventually get a job. Imparting a work ethic would be a major task. Agree! But in this case his Grandmother as my wife lived overseas for a long time. My wife agrees with me about the work & restricting things. She wanted him to go live with his Grandfather & her EX to support him. He wouldn't survive on 1500 baht a month which his father would pay him. He can stay here for now but if things do not improve then he will be asked to leave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Madgee Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 KarenBravo, on 09 Jul 2015 - 11:05, said: There really isn't a culture of getting part-time work for extra pocket money here. I have been working since six years old. First doing household chores for pocket money, then a paper-round, then a milk round, then working in shops and pubs until I got a full time job. It's just not like that here. Boys and girls are treated differently. Girls are expected to help around the house as soon as they are able, whilst boys are waited on hand and foot. What youngsters you do see working are usually helping out in the family business for which they may, or may not be getting paid. As to your problem, your wife will have to sort it out. She's the one with the authority in your step-sons eyes, not you. I couldn't agree more. I'm in a similar situation. Although I don't agree with it I have learnt to accept it, just to save any hassle with the missus. He shows no respect for anyone, always gets his own way (not with me) and his mother still treats him with kid gloves to save any arguments. At least he stays in his bedroom and is quiet, rarely venturing out unless it's feeding time. Hopefully, this time next year he will be getting ready for University and his mother will be given some respite from his behaviour. Regardless, I still blame the mothers and not the kids. After all, the kids have never been taught any different and accept this as the norm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicog Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I couldn't wait to start working, I had summer jobs every year, cleaning, labouring, whatever and used to go back to school with wads of cash while my school mates were all lamenting how little money they had. Can't understand any kid who doesn't want their independence. Bloody mummys boys the lot of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saan Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 (edited) Good luck and you will need. It's usually not the kids fault but the mothers. Many Thai mothers think giving in to their little emperors is being a good mother. Not giving what they ask is being a bad mother. When kids are given no parameters they will run wild. A bit of 'hard love' is probably the only answer but at 18 might be a bit late in your case Why should he work if everything is supplied? Not being given any funds might be an incentive but you will have to get around mum first. She is the one you will have to train. These feckless kids must be fun for their employers when they eventually get a job. Imparting a work ethic would be a major task. Agree! But in this case his Grandmother as my wife lived overseas for a long time. My wife agrees with me about the work & restricting things. She wanted him to go live with his Grandfather & her EX to support him. He wouldn't survive on 1500 baht a month which his father would pay him. He can stay here for now but if things do not improve then he will be asked to leave. My situation was the reverse. A nice, well mannered kid from the sticks turned up from grandparents. He decided Chiang Mai was tinsel town and set about enjoying himself without any parental supervision. It was made clear that I should have no role, not being Thai I would not understand the delicate nuances required in the raising of the male Thai adolescent. Silly me, I thought kids and puppies were the same. You set them parameters and let them happily play within. Occasionally hauling them back when they went too far. The Thai method has seen him at 15, kicked out of school and he is now waiting for the world to provide him the living he so richly deserves. My idea of starving him into work was not greeted by his parent as a viable alternative. Edited July 9, 2015 by Saan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pgrahmm Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 In my wife's family is an 18 y/o boy that will party and play all the time if given the choice..... He just turned college age and was told to either qualify and go to college - or - get a job......Took him a couple of tests but he's now in college - but when home usually a layabout - but does do what he is told to do around the farm...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slapout Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 budget money, earn/work for money, save a little each pay check, pay cash no credit nor borrow unless you can make a profit on money you borrow and pay back early, if possible.if it eats hay or burns fuel and does not generate income, dont invest a stang in it. party time is when work if done , debts are paid and weather is so bad you are confined to shelter. man mades his own way and luck has virtually nothing to do with it, you make your own luck. lots of youngster consider thiws as a foreign language, just as i do their rap, mobile phone conversations, etc must be age creeping up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jai Dee Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 One post containing an image deemed unsuitable for ThaiVisa had been removed from this thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dean1953 Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Not exactly the same situation but I brought an 18 year old step daughter, a 14 year old step son and a 12 year old step daughter to the U.S. for the better school system. Almost 8 years later, the step daughter dropped out of college because it was too hard to go to school and work. The step son was never a good student and it took quite a bit of effort to get him to graduate from High School 2 years ago. He works a couple of months at a fast food restaurant, until he is fired for not showing up or screwing around while at work. The eldest one does some household chores but the step son does nothing. He leaves the house at 10 at night and comes back around 2 or 3 and goes to bed around 4. He has anger management problems, like kicking several doors in, including one on my car. We have had 2 fist fights; the second one, he opened a cut next to my left eye, leaving me with a very visible black eye. He's been in court 4 times and has been arrested twice. It's my wife's and the rest of the family's belief that he should be left alone. It's my belief that he needs to have certain expectations imposed on him or he won't change his behavior. At this point, I just want him out of the house, if for no other reason to keep him from being a role model for my 7 year old son. The youngest step daughter and I have a good relationship. She works around the house and works part time, along with her studies. She will be starting college next month and eventually become a Dentist. I will give her all the support that I can. The only advise that I can give you is to make certain that your step son knows that you and your wife are on the same page. If not, he will go behind your back to his mother for "support" and you will have no chance to get him on the right path. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Konini Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 How long have you been his 'guardian / stepfather'? Possibly this particular horse has long since bolted and you are left scratching your head contemplating a swinging stable door? I have been married to his mother for 6 years in which I have only lived in Thailand for 1&1/2 years. He has always been allowed to play games for as long as he liked when he lived with his Grandmother & I have tried many times to stop it. Now restricted to 20hrs total per week. I know it's not good for him especially the amount of time spent. I have a 14 year old stepdaughter as well & she is totally different in every way. We get on great & spend a lot of time together. We are good friends. The boy has no social skills & can't relate to me at all. His mother wants him to grow up & my next step if he doesn't is say bye bye. He can go live with his father. It's not just his social skills you need to think about - take it from someone who wrote computer code and sat in chairs without moving for 12+ hours every day. It left me with excellent bladder control and an 18 inch scar on my back from the surgery. I'm very conscious of children nowadays sitting for too long with their bones and muscles not fully developed yet; computer games are hypnotising and you really aren't aware of the passage of time. I think that the number of health problems relating to this will explode in coming years. Please encourage him to move about more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaddyWarbucks Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 There are two common mistakes that a lot of farangs make in Thailand: #1. Marry a bargirl. #2. Marry a woman who has dependent children. The reasons for not doing #1 are obvious and any man who does it needs a check-up from the neck up. The reasons for not doing #2 are much the same as they would be in any other country in the world. The stepparent/stepchild relationship is - almost always - fraught with problems everywhere, but in Thailand they are more numerous and will be harder to deal with unless you have a deep understanding of the language, the culture, and the traditions of the country. You are not just an intruder into the family, you are a farang intruder. Marry a girl who is within ten years of your own age and isn't carrying any baggage is good advice to those who aren't already in a domestic mess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaeJoMTB Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 There are two common mistakes that a lot of farangs make in Thailand: #1. Marry a bargirl. #2. Marry a woman who has dependent children. The reasons for not doing #1 are obvious and any man who does it needs a check-up from the neck up. The reasons for not doing #2 are much the same as they would be in any other country in the world. The stepparent/stepchild relationship is - almost always - fraught with problems everywhere, but in Thailand they are more numerous and will be harder to deal with unless you have a deep understanding of the language, the culture, and the traditions of the country. You are not just an intruder into the family, you are a farang intruder. Marry a girl who is within ten years of your own age and isn't carrying any baggage is good advice to those who aren't already in a domestic mess. I disagree, You just need to be a man and control the way the leeches live off you, or leave. It's that easy. Marry a girl within 10 years of my own age? ..... no way I would marry anyone over 35 (and I'm 60). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaddyWarbucks Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 There are two common mistakes that a lot of farangs make in Thailand: #1. Marry a bargirl. #2. Marry a woman who has dependent children. The reasons for not doing #1 are obvious and any man who does it needs a check-up from the neck up. The reasons for not doing #2 are much the same as they would be in any other country in the world. The stepparent/stepchild relationship is - almost always - fraught with problems everywhere, but in Thailand they are more numerous and will be harder to deal with unless you have a deep understanding of the language, the culture, and the traditions of the country. You are not just an intruder into the family, you are a farang intruder. Marry a girl who is within ten years of your own age and isn't carrying any baggage is good advice to those who aren't already in a domestic mess. I disagree, You just need to be a man and control the way the leeches live off you, or leave. It's that easy. Marry a girl within 10 years of my own age? ..... no way I would marry anyone over 35 (and I'm 60). Have you ever tried to control leeches? It's impossible. Just get them off of you as soon as possible. If you're 60 you're way past your prime, you've missed the last train as far as younger women are concerned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenBravo Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 There are two common mistakes that a lot of farangs make in Thailand: #1. Marry a bargirl. #2. Marry a woman who has dependent children. The reasons for not doing #1 are obvious and any man who does it needs a check-up from the neck up. The reasons for not doing #2 are much the same as they would be in any other country in the world. The stepparent/stepchild relationship is - almost always - fraught with problems everywhere, but in Thailand they are more numerous and will be harder to deal with unless you have a deep understanding of the language, the culture, and the traditions of the country. You are not just an intruder into the family, you are a farang intruder. Marry a girl who is within ten years of your own age and isn't carrying any baggage is good advice to those who aren't already in a domestic mess. I disagree, You just need to be a man and control the way the leeches live off you, or leave. It's that easy. Marry a girl within 10 years of my own age? ..... no way I would marry anyone over 35 (and I'm 60). Have you ever tried to control leeches? It's impossible. Just get them off of you as soon as possible. If you're 60 you're way past your prime, you've missed the last train as far as younger women are concerned. It was an analogy, not real life. Money can be controlled by the owner of it. Loads of 60 year old Western men here have wives under 40 years old. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billphillips Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 There are two common mistakes that a lot of farangs make in Thailand: #1. Marry a bargirl. #2. Marry a woman who has dependent children. The reasons for not doing #1 are obvious and any man who does it needs a check-up from the neck up. The reasons for not doing #2 are much the same as they would be in any other country in the world. The stepparent/stepchild relationship is - almost always - fraught with problems everywhere, but in Thailand they are more numerous and will be harder to deal with unless you have a deep understanding of the language, the culture, and the traditions of the country. You are not just an intruder into the family, you are a farang intruder. Marry a girl who is within ten years of your own age and isn't carrying any baggage is good advice to those who aren't already in a domestic mess. I disagree, You just need to be a man and control the way the leeches live off you, or leave. It's that easy. Marry a girl within 10 years of my own age? ..... no way I would marry anyone over 35 (and I'm 60). Make that 25 ..... I can get the older worn out versions back home thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinnieTheKhwai Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 What this comes down to is if your wife / his mom gives a $*#%. If not, then you might as well ignore. And realize you really don't have a dog in this fight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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