Where exactly do we stand in the Thai social scale - Buffalo

[FritsSikkink]

My immediate family drove up to our house: younger sister, her oldest daughter, and her youngest son.

My wife says, "Come out and say hello."

So I come out, walk up to them, look at each of them in the eye: No one will even make eye contact with me. The youngest son yammers with himself; The oldest daughter won't even look in my direction, too busy picking buger out of her nose; and my wife and her sister are too busily engaged in "CONVERSATION" to even notice that I'm standing two feet from them attempting to say hello and acknowledge their visit.

I stand, I stand, I'm ignored. And then internally I finally say, "<deleted> it!" Also I'm thinking two things:

Number 1. Is this just because I'm a farang, an outsider, someone with status in Thailand between a Cow and Dog; or us this

Number 2. Thai culture degenerating to the point where younger people no longer respect elders.

Now. In my own view, I probably have the status of a Buffalo, which is ironic because I believe that the Thai Buffalo is one of the most important animals in Thailand, and probably one most worthy of immense respect. The average Thai will never understand that: just a f**king Buffalo.

I'm tired of the disrespect. I'm tired of being treated like a farm animal.

For my American and other "Farang" friends, Thai immigration now has moved to a smaller office. Folks who are 60,70, 80 or older are forced to stand outside in the sun. Right now, today, we had a nice balmy 82. Six weeks ago it was in the 100s. And we are suppose to stand outside, very few chairs are provided, and from a Thai forum that I subscribe to, the comment was made that after the foreigner were pushed outside, the smell was much better inside the office. That's what we deal with.

I personally believe that most consider me to be simply on the same status of Buffalo. I have supported my family with an income in excess of multiples of what Thais make, and I've spent a majority of my retirement funds taking care of my family.

And what is my equal here in Prateat Thai? A water buffalo. If you think I'm kidding, at the new Chiang Mai immigration offices, foreigners are forced outside to sit along side a corral of sheep and goats. Yep! That's the respect we have here in Thailand. Anyone who thinks I'm kidding just go the the Chiang Mai forum on this issue. NancyL did a wonderful job outlining the facts.

And I'm not sure how much longer I want to put up with this, Buffalo Kee. My wife knows this too.

Oh, don't think I speak, read and write Thai. All this went out to my family in written Thai tonight. This last week in the country has pissed me off beyond repair.

And I won't even respond to comments. Most of you people don't have a clue.

starting staring people in the eye, not greeting and making them feel welcome in your home, swearing, not speaking Thai, a buffalo would blame the other people and don't look at his own behaveour.

[HeijoshinCool]

1/ The average Thai is not taught more than the most basic of manners, most of these centering around ways and silence. They don't anymore know how to properly meet a foreigner than they know how to hold the door for someone, it's simply not in their social repertoire;

2/ To the socially lower classes, foreigners can be quite intimidating. Hence, the lack of eye contact and babbling.

So it might be they don't actually look down on you.

Or, maybe they do. They could possess the huge xenophobic egos many Thais have. That's for you to discern.

Having said that, my in-laws want nothing to do with me. They think I'm going to sell my wife the minute she steps on American soil.

(Bidding starts at 10,000 baht.)

[HeijoshinCool]

My immediate family drove up to our house: younger sister, her oldest daughter, and her youngest son.

My wife says, "Come out and say hello."

So I come out, walk up to them, look at each of them in the eye: No one will even make eye contact with me. The youngest son yammers with himself; The oldest daughter won't even look in my direction, too busy picking buger out of her nose; and my wife and her sister are too busily engaged in "CONVERSATION" to even notice that I'm standing two feet from them attempting to say hello and acknowledge their visit.

I stand, I stand, I'm ignored. And then internally I finally say, "<deleted> it!" Also I'm thinking two things:

Number 1. Is this just because I'm a farang, an outsider, someone with status in Thailand between a Cow and Dog; or us this

Number 2. Thai culture degenerating to the point where younger people no longer respect elders.

Now. In my own view, I probably have the status of a Buffalo, which is ironic because I believe that the Thai Buffalo is one of the most important animals in Thailand, and probably one most worthy of immense respect. The average Thai will never understand that: just a f**king Buffalo.

I'm tired of the disrespect. I'm tired of being treated like a farm animal.

For my American and other "Farang" friends, Thai immigration now has moved to a smaller office. Folks who are 60,70, 80 or older are forced to stand outside in the sun. Right now, today, we had a nice balmy 82. Six weeks ago it was in the 100s. And we are suppose to stand outside, very few chairs are provided, and from a Thai forum that I subscribe to, the comment was made that after the foreigner were pushed outside, the smell was much better inside the office. That's what we deal with.

I personally believe that most consider me to be simply on the same status of Buffalo. I have supported my family with an income in excess of multiples of what Thais make, and I've spent a majority of my retirement funds taking care of my family.

And what is my equal here in Prateat Thai? A water buffalo. If you think I'm kidding, at the new Chiang Mai immigration offices, foreigners are forced outside to sit along side a corral of sheep and goats. Yep! That's the respect we have here in Thailand. Anyone who thinks I'm kidding just go the the Chiang Mai forum on this issue. NancyL did a wonderful job outlining the facts.

And I'm not sure how much longer I want to put up with this, Buffalo Kee. My wife knows this too.

Oh, don't think I speak, read and write Thai. All this went out to my family in written Thai tonight. This last week in the country has pissed me off beyond repair.

And I won't even respond to comments. Most of you people don't have a clue.

starting staring people in the eye, not greeting and making them feel welcome in your home, swearing, not speaking Thai, a buffalo would blame the other people and don't look at his own behaveour.

.

Posting when inebriated?

[FritsSikkink]

My immediate family drove up to our house: younger sister, her oldest daughter, and her youngest son.

My wife says, "Come out and say hello."

So I come out, walk up to them, look at each of them in the eye: No one will even make eye contact with me. The youngest son yammers with himself; The oldest daughter won't even look in my direction, too busy picking buger out of her nose; and my wife and her sister are too busily engaged in "CONVERSATION" to even notice that I'm standing two feet from them attempting to say hello and acknowledge their visit.

I stand, I stand, I'm ignored. And then internally I finally say, "<deleted> it!" Also I'm thinking two things:

Number 1. Is this just because I'm a farang, an outsider, someone with status in Thailand between a Cow and Dog; or us this

Number 2. Thai culture degenerating to the point where younger people no longer respect elders.

Now. In my own view, I probably have the status of a Buffalo, which is ironic because I believe that the Thai Buffalo is one of the most important animals in Thailand, and probably one most worthy of immense respect. The average Thai will never understand that: just a f**king Buffalo.

I'm tired of the disrespect. I'm tired of being treated like a farm animal.

For my American and other "Farang" friends, Thai immigration now has moved to a smaller office. Folks who are 60,70, 80 or older are forced to stand outside in the sun. Right now, today, we had a nice balmy 82. Six weeks ago it was in the 100s. And we are suppose to stand outside, very few chairs are provided, and from a Thai forum that I subscribe to, the comment was made that after the foreigner were pushed outside, the smell was much better inside the office. That's what we deal with.

I personally believe that most consider me to be simply on the same status of Buffalo. I have supported my family with an income in excess of multiples of what Thais make, and I've spent a majority of my retirement funds taking care of my family.

And what is my equal here in Prateat Thai? A water buffalo. If you think I'm kidding, at the new Chiang Mai immigration offices, foreigners are forced outside to sit along side a corral of sheep and goats. Yep! That's the respect we have here in Thailand. Anyone who thinks I'm kidding just go the the Chiang Mai forum on this issue. NancyL did a wonderful job outlining the facts.

And I'm not sure how much longer I want to put up with this, Buffalo Kee. My wife knows this too.

Oh, don't think I speak, read and write Thai. All this went out to my family in written Thai tonight. This last week in the country has pissed me off beyond repair.

And I won't even respond to comments. Most of you people don't have a clue.

starting staring people in the eye, not greeting and making them feel welcome in your home, swearing, not speaking Thai, a buffalo would blame the other people and don't look at his own behaveour.

.

Posting when inebriated?

nope, it doesn't make sense to you? pity

[Soutpeel]

To the OP

To be brutally honest if you dont want responses that may be 180 Degrees from your point of view then maybe you shouldn't open a topic up in the first place on a public forum

But people like Sourpeel can be forgiven for completely missing the point of your post in the first place because it fits in a general way of knocking all Thai ladies and their families

But at the end of the day the problem is and has been caused by you yourself, if you allow yourself to be walked over then the typical population whether it is Thai or European will do exactly that so maybe you should acquire some testosterone and tell them all where to go and if your wife doesn't like it or doesn't stand bye you then maybe she should also go as well !

Do you fancy me or something ? You seem fixated with sorry not your type and please stop stalking me you werido, bet you stand outside the school gates when they close for the day as well

[Beetlejuice]

Perhaps the OP has attitude and personality complex issues?

I get on with all my Thai neighbors, the wife`s family and with Thais in general. But on the other hand when I`m in their company I don`t perceive myself as the odd one out farang and just act totally normal as I would in the company of anyone. I have always kept my head down, avoided getting into any disputes, mostly polite and just act myself. When my wife visits her family I usually make my excuses and avoid going with her. Not because I dislike her family or they dislike me, but because the whole affair bores me to tears.

Being 100% of independent means myself, I couldn`t give a rat`s behind whether people like me or not for what I am or who I am. Those who prefer not to have anything to do with me is their problem not mine, because at the end of the day no one puts bread and butter on my table.

I suggest that the OP adopts the same attitude, chills out and stops taking matters too seriously, or in other words, get a life.

[cooked]

There is another thread on Thaivisa about eye contact. If you didn't pick up on that yet, maybe you haven't been trying hard enough. In a previous life my girlfriend was a Ph.D. and she regularly indulged in the stuff involved in excluding you from the conversation. She wasn't Thai, she was French. So in my mind you just aren't used to the ways of women. It used to drive me up the bloody wall especially as she expected me to adapt to her way of doing things and not work together on that. I stood it for four years and left.

Maybe you will leave also. Have you discussed the fact that you felt like a bloody idiot being ignored like that? It's possible that she wasn't even vaguely aware that you felt uncomfortable. Are you one of the guys that trots around behind his wife?

[i claudius]

Sorry i do not know what sort of familly that the OP married into ,but i have been accepted as my wifes husband (not as a foreign one either) from the beginning , i am asked for advice , and spent time with all of them ,only my mother in law does not speak english and one sister ,but she gives me a hug when she sees me and "talks" to me through my wife , they stay with us here in Pattaya sometimes and 3 off them have in England ,just as we stay with them and even go away for weekends , they are just like any familly nice and kind.as for the children ,they are all grownup except one who is now 4 and when i see him he always runs up to me shouting uncle ,uncle , mind you he does pick his nose sometimes.

Edited July 26, 2015 by i claudius

[chrisinth]

OP, if you have to be told by your wife to come out and greet guests in the first place, that to me says a lot.

Not knowing the full situation and only speculating, I can understand the inconvenience of being dragged away from a movie/internet debate to participate in something you didn't want to do in the first place.

And then turn the tables on how things happened.....................

[Soutpeel]

OP, if you have to be told by your wife to come out and greet guests in the first place, that to me says a lot.

Not knowing the full situation and only speculating, I can understand the inconvenience of being dragged away from a movie/internet debate to participate in something you didn't want to do in the first place.

And then turn the tables on how things happened.....................

Bet he was sitting on his throne in his MacMansion and was upset the natives didnt enter the room prostrate kow towing down in his very presence

[huawei]

Really who cares. You are a foreigner define yourself not how's others re-act or behave towards you. I don't get all this whinging..lower than a buffalo, Thais are rude blah, blah, blah..I am beginning to think it's the old man syndrome coming here, not flexible, etc..etc..but at the end of the day it is clearly a lack of self worth as so many seem to exhibit on Thai visa these days..just being polite regardless of any cultural nuances and generally things will be ok. It's just another crap relationship with a poor Thai girl from Nakhon nowhere..

[theguyfromanotherforum]

Sorry i do not know what sort of familly that the OP married into ,but i have been accepted as my wifes husband (not as a foreign one either) from the beginning , i am asked for advice , and spent time with all of them ,only my mother in law does not speak english and one sister ,but she gives me a hug when she sees me and "talks" to me through my wife , they stay with us here in Pattaya sometimes and 3 off them have in England ,just as we stay with them and even go away for weekends , they are just like any familly nice and kind.as for the children ,they are all grownup except one who is now 4 and when i see him he always runs up to me shouting uncle ,uncle , mind you he does pick his nose sometimes.

Sounds very fake.

[EmptyHead]

Yesterday morning, my GF cooked a dish for breakfast I am not too fond of and to make things worse she put lots of sugar in it. I decided I didn't want to eat it and went down to her mum's house to get some proper food.

Upon my arrival, I joked with her that we don't have any food in our house and she gave me some grub to take away.

Later, we all went to visit. And the conversation went like this:

Mum: You don't have any food in your house?

GF: Yes, I do!

Mum: Why didn't you cook him breakfast?

GF: I did, I cooked.......but he doesn't like it!

Mum: You have to cook him food that he likes!!!!!!!!

GF: Ergghhhhhhhh

Mum: You have to take care of him better!

GF: Oiiiiiyyy

Mum: Hahahaha

Me: Hahahaha

It was rather amusing. Maybe her mum is just old school, but I think she respects me a little more than a dog, but maybe less than a buffalo. Do you know how much those things are worth?

But aside from that. You are probably a grumpy auld fart. Standing there, all hostile, waiting to be respected. No wonder they felt uncomfortable.

Try to ditch the hurt foreigner syndrome and you might see things a little different. Sure, there is racial discrimination here - but it ain't as bad as you think.

[farang000999]

It is troubling to hear your story OP.

Also troubling the way many of the responses gang attacked you.

[kannot]

if your wife had any respect for you this wouldn't happen. sounds like the cliche old retired farang who never integrated at all with a young poor wife/family in it for the moolah.

classic.

Does one really need to show respect to an ATM ?

seems to me most Thais worship the baht so................yes

[kannot]

Posting when inebriated?

You people not posting from Thailand should get a hold of a clock. it's 8:40 Sunday Morning for gosh sakes.

Waddya mean at 5.30 am I was driving Pranburi to BKK with my Sister in law, she works like a Trojan on our land, taking her back to Loei after a 6 weeks stint helping us out.

[watcharacters]

Leave those Bar Gals alone!!!.....marry a prostitute you often get burned.

Why are you calling the wife of the OP a prostitute? Do you know her?

[IMA_FARANG]

If it is time to say Goodbye ......just say it and walk away without looking back.

[fang37]

Where did you rank in farangland? To a reasonable degree, this is a main determinant of your ranking here.

In my location, no complaints by me.

$$$ matters(as elsewhere), but there are other more important factors eg honesty, trustworthiness, contribution to the community, self respect. Even body odour matters!

[steven100]

I think you've got it wrong !! ..... a buffalo is respected, revered and prized in this country ..

not even close ...

[Soutpeel]

if your wife had any respect for you this wouldn't happen. sounds like the cliche old retired farang who never integrated at all with a young poor wife/family in it for the moolah.

classic.

Does one really need to show respect to an ATM ?

seems to me most Thais worship the baht so................yes

Fair observation so where does that leave the OP ? An empty ATM perhaps ?

[fang37]

Soutpeel

Firstly, a body odour barometer reading?

Nationality - whiter the better

$$$

Thai language proficiency

Education

I kid you not!

[malt25]

Sorry i do not know what sort of familly that the OP married into ,but i have been accepted as my wifes husband (not as a foreign one either) from the beginning , i am asked for advice , and spent time with all of them ,only my mother in law does not speak english and one sister ,but she gives me a hug when she sees me and "talks" to me through my wife , they stay with us here in Pattaya sometimes and 3 off them have in England ,just as we stay with them and even go away for weekends , they are just like any familly nice and kind.as for the children ,they are all grownup except one who is now 4 and when i see him he always runs up to me shouting uncle ,uncle , mind you he does pick his nose sometimes.

Sounds very fake.

Not to me.

[FritsSikkink]

Sorry i do not know what sort of familly that the OP married into ,but i have been accepted as my wifes husband (not as a foreign one either) from the beginning , i am asked for advice , and spent time with all of them ,only my mother in law does not speak english and one sister ,but she gives me a hug when she sees me and "talks" to me through my wife , they stay with us here in Pattaya sometimes and 3 off them have in England ,just as we stay with them and even go away for weekends , they are just like any familly nice and kind.as for the children ,they are all grownup except one who is now 4 and when i see him he always runs up to me shouting uncle ,uncle , mind you he does pick his nose sometimes.

Sounds very fake.

Not to me.

sarcasme is a bitch if you don't get it

[Asheron]

Perhaps the OP has attitude and personality complex issues?

I get on with all my Thai neighbors, the wife`s family and with Thais in general. But on the other hand when I`m in their company I don`t perceive myself as the odd one out farang and just act totally normal as I would in the company of anyone. I have always kept my head down, avoided getting into any disputes, mostly polite and just act myself. When my wife visits her family I usually make my excuses and avoid going with her. Not because I dislike her family or they dislike me, but because the whole affair bores me to tears.

Being 100% of independent means myself, I couldn`t give a rat`s behind whether people like me or not for what I am or who I am. Those who prefer not to have anything to do with me is their problem not mine, because at the end of the day no one puts bread and butter on my table.

I suggest that the OP adopts the same attitude, chills out and stops taking matters too seriously, or in other words, get a life.

You write that you don't care what people think about you but you can't "keep your head up" and "avoid disputes". Sounds to me that you actually care what people think of you because you are too afraid to voice your opinion.

[Asheron]

If you do not first recieve a wai from a younger thai person then it's basicly a " F AND U" sign.

[i claudius]

Sorry i do not know what sort of familly that the OP married into ,but i have been accepted as my wifes husband (not as a foreign one either) from the beginning , i am asked for advice , and spent time with all of them ,only my mother in law does not speak english and one sister ,but she gives me a hug when she sees me and "talks" to me through my wife , they stay with us here in Pattaya sometimes and 3 off them have in England ,just as we stay with them and even go away for weekends , they are just like any familly nice and kind.as for the children ,they are all grownup except one who is now 4 and when i see him he always runs up to me shouting uncle ,uncle , mind you he does pick his nose sometimes.

Sounds very fake.

Why does it sound fake? while my wife and her familly are not HI SO they are well educated and many have travelled abroad on numerous occasiones , including the UK, Australia , and America ,where her niece is at the moment on an exchange course , one brother has worked there twice , a nephew is an airline steward for Thai air , so they are quite westernised in many ways ,or should i say know the ways of the west. not all Thai people come from a village in Nakon Nowhere and only watch Thai soaps all day long.

[wow64]

Should have just walked back inside... Rude kids...says something about the parents..

Sent from my c64

[YeahSiam]

1/ The average Thai is not taught more than the most basic of manners,

Major bullshit. They're taught

manners plenty; they just not

manners that your average self

-important farang would pick up

on. Maybe you should develop

an awareness of the cultural

nuances before making stupid

generalisations.

[Howitzer]

Oh comeon. From the looks of things you're the step father. Which child would just acknowledge their step father just like that?

It's the same in other countries even in your own farang country. Assume that this was some farang woman with kids from another man and you were put in the same situation hey what makes you think they won't react the same way?