Girlfriend put me in a tough spot, how to handle it....

[Iwantto]

Little background.... I am a normal guy, I dont like girly bars, Ive never had a dirty massage, I dont visit the Nana plazas and its likes. All of the girls Ive dated have been normal girls (ex. university students, office employees)....

Ive been dating my 22 year old girlfriend for about a year (I'm 29) and I really love her. I am really fair with her, I let her go out with her friends and have fun anytime she asks, because I trust her, and she lets me do the same.

She frequently "goes to a house party with her high school friends" which Ive always thought is exactly as it sounds.... and ive kind of questioned her about it before, which she just tells me its just sitting around drinking, chatting, playing games.

Anyways, I found out yesterday the house she is going to is a popular DJ's house (a white guy) here in Bangkok, its a pool house, and hes throwing these massive naked parties.... Its almost all white guys.... She goes there with 1 thai girlfriend, everyone else is Thai girls and white guys.... She tells me she just sits by the pool and drinks while everyone else gets naked and parties.... She justifies it to be by saying things like "What can I do, they get naked" "but they dont like me" "I dont want to see them naked, I just want to drink" "They are all just my friends".... She denies ever getting naked or being involved with any of the guys.

I really dont know what to do.... She has obviously been lying to me about this the whole time.... and what makes it worse is shes been going to this party pretty regularly since she was 18 years old, she knows all of them quite well, and ive heard her talk about these guys in general conversation before.... I just never knew she gets drunk and parties with them naked. Another thing that bothers me is Ive never been invited to one of these parties, so I dont know if shes hiding me, or hiding the fact that she goes or what....

I posed the question to her "Are you ok if im friends with a bunch of thai girls and they come to my house and party with me naked.... just friends" Obviously her answer was no.

Now I dont know what I should do. Cant get it off my mind.... I really do love her, and this came completely out of the blue for me..... I dont want to be with a Thai girl who has been partying with DJ's and their white friends naked since she was 18 years old..... I'm really not ok with it.... But I really dont want to break up. I told her she has to cut all communication with all of those people, which she put up a fight about (because they are her friends) but she ultimately agreed to do. But I feel like she will just keep going to these parties and just making up a different lie.... I REALLY dont want to be the boyfriend who says "You are either with me, or you are at home".

What would you do?

[Crazy chef 1]

Priceless...

[LburtonL]

You know what must thai girls says about farang, that they are sooooo stupid and easy to play/manipulate

[Morakot]

What would you do?

Let her go and don't tell where these parties are.

Edited August 11, 2015 by Morakot

[KarenBravo]

I would go to a girly bar, have a dirty massage and then visit Nana Plaza.

[rwdrwdrwd]

Pfffffft get rid.

[Briggsy]

Put your creative hat on.

What is your fictional girlfriend's job?

What does she look like fictionally?

What is your fictional job?

Are you and your girlfriend fictional?

I look forward to your imaginative answers.

[slipperylobster]

Show up at the party naked.

Might as well have fun. Then tap her on the shoulder and yell..."surprise".

[giddyup]

Do you really need someone to tell you what to do? She's a player, that's pretty obvious, otherwise she would have invited you along. Wake up and smell the frangipani.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

My gf also goes to these naked parties. She justifies it by being 34 years old and no one interesting she. I never gave it a serious though until this post. Thanks op....I think we're going to have a serious conversation tonight.

[lovelomsak]

Why not go to where the DJ works get to know him. Get invites to the next party. The night of the party let the Gf go. Then 3 hours later show up. It usually takes 3 or 4 hours for these type of parties to open up.

[TP1]

Any chance of giving me the address of these parties?

Promise I'll keep an eye on your g/f.....so she doesn't go into any mischief.

[BKResort]

Real love is a sharing experience.....I think you need to ask her to share with you the money she is making after the parties.....

[Iwantto]

When I found out I kind of half-assed broke up with her.... which led to her crying uncontrollably and hugging me and begging me to stay with her.... telling me shes sorry and she will never do it again... Classic Thai style. But I just cant get it off my mind.... I am just not cool with the fact that she has seen tons of dudes naked.... I know lots of guys dont care about this at all.

[thelegend]

RUN !!!!!!!!!!!!!

[giddyup]

When I found out I kind of half-assed broke up with her.... which led to her crying uncontrollably and hugging me and begging me to stay with her.... telling me shes sorry and she will never do it again... Classic Thai style. But I just cant get it off my mind.... I am just not cool with the fact that she has seen tons of dudes naked.... I know lots of guys dont care about this at all.

Hey buddy, I hope you're well equipped, because she's going to be comparing.

[DirtyDan]

I won't comment on her lifestyle choices, or yours for being more "bothered" about not being invited.

Let's look at the root cause here... she lied to you. If she's willing to lie to you about this, what else is she lying about?

Sounds to me like you've lost the trust - how can you love someone you can't trust?

Edited August 11, 2015 by DirtyDan

[rwdrwdrwd]

Reminds me of my ex... lies just piled upon lies, angry indignation when accused followed by insane crying when the stories didn't add up, or evidence was undeniable. She was wholly unfaithful the entire relationship, but took me a long time to realise that, realise that it wouldn't change, that trust would not return, that it was out of my control. Also a long time to get over it, and be able to trust again. I was a similar age to you, she was a little older than your girlfriend.

I strongly doubt that she is going to this party, has been for 4 years, and is being a wallflower. Only way you're going to find out is to go, if she refuses to take you, that pretty much says it all - she's hiding what has been going on.

If you make it there, disappear for a while and observe who approaches her, and how they interact. Also take note of exactly how many girls there are being wallflowers.

And if she hasn't 'done anything' then why is she crying uncontrollably and saying she won't do it again?

Well dodgy mate...

Personally, given life lessons I learnt from my experience, I wouldn't be trusting this girl, and for that simple fact, would end it - regardless of how much it hurt.

Edited August 11, 2015 by rwdrwdrwd

[NeverSure]

Op, It's time to ask yourself a question. It is:

What is it about you that you would tolerate this?

Your problem is with you. I wouldn't take that shit for 15 seconds and yet you're agonizing over it. You need to stop trying to figure out what to do about her, and do something about yourself. Until you see this as a problem with you, you are stuck.

In this life you can't control anyone but yourself, so get busy.

Cheers.

[krisb]

Great story.

[Songhua]

Any chance of giving me the address of these parties?

Promise I'll keep an eye on your g/f.....so she doesn't go into any mischief.

I was there the other night. She only had her top off.

[smokie36]

Can't beat drama like this....naked parties....oh yes..that brings back fond memories!

[rijit]

Imo the only way your gonna satisfy yourself is to leave her to go to a few, the first one shes bound to be aware you may turn up, but after a couple she'll probably relax, then just turn u. Then if she's naked u'll know she's lieng, clothed and she's probably been telling the truth.

rijit

[giddyup]

Op, It's time to ask yourself a question. It is:

What is it about you that you would tolerate this?

Your problem is with you. I wouldn't take that shit for 15 seconds and yet you're agonizing over it. You need to stop trying to figure out what to do about her, and do something about yourself. Until you see this as a problem with you, you are stuck.

In this life you can't control anyone but yourself, so get busy.

Cheers.

Well put. Hit the nail right on the head.

[Berkshire]

When I found out I kind of half-assed broke up with her.... which led to her crying uncontrollably and hugging me and begging me to stay with her.... telling me shes sorry and she will never do it again... Classic Thai style. But I just cant get it off my mind.... I am just not cool with the fact that she has seen tons of dudes naked.... I know lots of guys dont care about this at all.

Most of these farang-hunting Thai girls can cry crocodile tears on demand...and it doesn't mean anything. That's the thing about these type of Thai women, they tend to have a bunch of farang guys on a leash. Even if they have a half dozen, they'll burst into tears if one tries to leave. And these guys all buy it.

[DLock]

4 years? They keep inviting her back for a reason...and it's not to sit idly by the pool drinking lemonade while everyone is butt nekid.

I think you know what the truth is...

It's just how you deal with it, that counts.

Let us know.

[Seastallion]

When I found out I kind of half-assed broke up with her.... which led to her crying uncontrollably and hugging me and begging me to stay with her.... telling me shes sorry and she will never do it again... Classic Thai style. But I just cant get it off my mind.... I am just not cool with the fact that she has seen tons of dudes naked.... I know lots of guys dont care about this at all.

Sorry mate....if you are really that naive.

It's not "seeing" guys naked that you should be worried about....it's not seeing them, because the lights are out.

[giddyup]

When I found out I kind of half-assed broke up with her.... which led to her crying uncontrollably and hugging me and begging me to stay with her.... telling me shes sorry and she will never do it again... Classic Thai style. But I just cant get it off my mind.... I am just not cool with the fact that she has seen tons of dudes naked.... I know lots of guys dont care about this at all.

Sorry mate....if you are really that naive.

It's not "seeing" guys naked that you should be worried about....it's not seeing them, because the lights are out.

Or she's face down in the pillow.

[oxo1947]

Little background.... I am a normal guy, I dont like girly bars, Ive never had a dirty massage, I dont visit the Nana plazas and its likes.---OP

-----------------------------------

So you really did come to Thailand for the food & Temples.................. (pity that's not what your girlfriend is into)........

[rijit]

Is it a 'given' thrse turn into sex romps?

rijit