First time in Thailand, and first Thai "girlfriend"

[konying]

Love the comment about us Graduates on ThaiVisa Forum

1. You are telling us much about you - where ar eyou from

2. What is the age difference between you & her

3. Where did she learn her English - University, Bars

4. Where is she from, Krung Thep, Issan, Pattaya, Pattani, Chiang Mai???

5. Where does he family live.

6. Many Fuhlungs were lulled into thinking 'first dates, she pays for everything must mean she is well off" only to find out different, misses you?? Loves you?? next email will be for the sick buffaloe.

7. Also beware of the 'Pea-Chai' (brother) you see her with all the time..........they are never t'he brother, they are the boyfriend' - I speak from experience - I courted (lusted after)a traditional (non-bar)Thai Girl in my younger days for almost a year while working in Sattahip, her Pea Chai turned out to be her husband, she was nineteen, had a kid five years old with him, and her husband was an accomplice to the whole shebang. They only wanted my money.

Im from the states, 3 year difference mid 20's im the older one. She learned her english from family/school/self taught. She is from north eastern area of thailand near Myanmar has only lived in bkk for 2 years. her family lives near Myanmar. She has no "pee chai" all her friends are girls or lady boys from who i have met. She seems like the looking for the partner type, and possibly marriage, but she knows I am leaving in 6months (maybe)

I have always been the guy who needs an emotional foundation for any sort of relationship...(go ahead throw your rocks) Me going out and picking up random one night stands doesnt work well for me. I have to be actually attracted to get involved at all.

I will not throw money away even if she builds up my trust. Im not one to subdue to "love" and toss money away. I may wind myself up emotional with somebody, but I always play it safe financially.

I hope when you go back in 6 months, you will stay in contact and send occasional money when needed to pay for room, or fathers hospital bill.

[green job]

Thanks for the laughs everybody/...help for those who did.

But this is more overwhelming than actually help. I am going to just play this as it goes. Using my noggin and heart with some money....not alot, but some.

Thanks again! If you do have some advice you'd like to give you can PM me otherwise I am going dormant on this topic.

You have been rumbled,, We know you are a Thai LB or Girl that is just testing the Farang IQ

Lol sad that you think someone would go to that extent to mess with people on a forum. I literally am just asking for advice. As simple as that.

Yes Sad,but true

By the way what are you doing later tonight? have you a pic. Normaly i only speak to girls that sent a photo.

[hawksway]

In Thai culture it's not done to touch the head and decent girls will not kiss in public. Instead they will seem to kiss but will actually be smelling you. Some do not even like holding hands but that's going away these days.

[green job]

In Thai culture it's not done to touch the head and decent girls will not kiss in public. Instead they will seem to kiss but will actually be smelling you. Some do not even like holding hands but that's going away these days.

Well thats solved that then

[haja5]

Love the comment about us Graduates on ThaiVisa Forum

1. You are telling us much about you - where ar eyou from

2. What is the age difference between you & her

3. Where did she learn her English - University, Bars

4. Where is she from, Krung Thep, Issan, Pattaya, Pattani, Chiang Mai???

5. Where does he family live.

6. Many Fuhlungs were lulled into thinking 'first dates, she pays for everything must mean she is well off" only to find out different, misses you?? Loves you?? next email will be for the sick buffaloe.

7. Also beware of the 'Pea-Chai' (brother) you see her with all the time..........they are never t'he brother, they are the boyfriend' - I speak from experience - I courted (lusted after)a traditional (non-bar)Thai Girl in my younger days for almost a year while working in Sattahip, her Pea Chai turned out to be her husband, she was nineteen, had a kid five years old with him, and her husband was an accomplice to the whole shebang. They only wanted my money.

Im from the states, 3 year difference mid 20's im the older one. She learned her english from family/school/self taught. She is from north eastern area of thailand near Myanmar has only lived in bkk for 2 years. her family lives near Myanmar. She has no "pee chai" all her friends are girls or lady boys from who i have met. She seems like the looking for the partner type, and possibly marriage, but she knows I am leaving in 6months (maybe)

I have always been the guy who needs an emotional foundation for any sort of relationship...(go ahead throw your rocks) Me going out and picking up random one night stands doesnt work well for me. I have to be actually attracted to get involved at all.

I will not throw money away even if she builds up my trust. Im not one to subdue to "love" and toss money away. I may wind myself up emotional with somebody, but I always play it safe financially.

I hope when you go back in 6 months, you will stay in contact and send occasional money when needed to pay for room, or fathers hospital bill.

I actually think the money would be better sent to you. You could get some teachings on how to open your mind and not have it closed off in such a one dimensional perspective.

[UKJASE]

OP - just keep ya wits about you and you will be right. the girls here are pretty much the same as the girls anywhere....... if you are fat and old and ugly, then they are probably after your cash.

if you have something else to bring to the table, then they may be after that, or they may just be after ya cash

just keep ya wits about ya mate, and as has been said, you dont necessarily want to buddy up with the first bird you meet here

[Brer Fox]

Run

May I ask why I should run?

The more reasons you find not to run the more reasons I find to tell you to run. The faster the better.

So vague....convince me with factual statements. Or i will consist on staring at these comments absent-minded.

The only reason I can think that you are absent minded is that you are presently floating in some other lost world. Staring at your feet might be a better idea.

[Berkshire]

Im from the states, 3 year difference mid 20's im the older one. She learned her english from family/school/self taught. She is from north eastern area of thailand near Myanmar has only lived in bkk for 2 years. her family lives near Myanmar. She has no "pee chai" all her friends are girls or lady boys from who i have met. She seems like the looking for the partner type, and possibly marriage, but she knows I am leaving in 6months (maybe)

I have always been the guy who needs an emotional foundation for any sort of relationship...(go ahead throw your rocks) Me going out and picking up random one night stands doesnt work well for me. I have to be actually attracted to get involved at all.

I will not throw money away even if she builds up my trust. Im not one to subdue to "love" and toss money away. I may wind myself up emotional with somebody, but I always play it safe financially.

It sounds like you're going to believe whatever your GF tells you, correct? If she picked up her English skills working in a bar, she'd never tell you and you'd never find out. Probably better that way, i.e., ignorance is bliss and all that. Most "normal" Thai girls that I've met, including university grads, don't speak much English. Which is why I learned to speak Thai. I find being able to communicate is the key to really finding out what your partner is about.

[rodroy]

Isnt Myanmar on the WNW side of Thailand?

Edited August 19, 2015 by rodroy

[OLDMANHARRY]

Hi haja5

Well I have just read this book of bullshit and laught my guts out, but most of these old turds are right, do yourself a favour it's like your first car take it for a good test run and thrush the guts out of it and find any hidden evil under the bonnet then you buy it, and you will love it, because it's your first one, you will spend lots more money on maintaining her,keeping her shinning with bling and keeping her hoted up for awhile your happy, then you sell it and generally lose money, so you start again with a new model car.

Your a young bloke test drive a few models first and you will find right one for you, I was very lucky and found a rare model and I still love her 9 years more than ever.

Words of the day: To be old and wise one has to be young and stupid first.

You take care, and focus on what you do and say , Thailand is unforgiving.

Ozzy H

[carter1882]

The dating sites have all sorts from prostitutes seeing a convenient way to connect to more customers to genuinely interesting, employed and lovely Thai women who would make great girlfriends and wives. The trick is to know the difference. Taking the OP's post at face value I would say date as many people as you can simultaneously. In this way you might gain some experience and be able to make a more informed decision as to who might be appropriate for you. Asking your average Thai Visa member what to do is unlikely to result in much elucidation apart from the usual cheap shots and hackneyed, cliched opinion.

[konying]

Love the comment about us Graduates on ThaiVisa Forum

1. You are telling us much about you - where ar eyou from

2. What is the age difference between you & her

3. Where did she learn her English - University, Bars

4. Where is she from, Krung Thep, Issan, Pattaya, Pattani, Chiang Mai???

5. Where does he family live.

6. Many Fuhlungs were lulled into thinking 'first dates, she pays for everything must mean she is well off" only to find out different, misses you?? Loves you?? next email will be for the sick buffaloe.

7. Also beware of the 'Pea-Chai' (brother) you see her with all the time..........they are never t'he brother, they are the boyfriend' - I speak from experience - I courted (lusted after)a traditional (non-bar)Thai Girl in my younger days for almost a year while working in Sattahip, her Pea Chai turned out to be her husband, she was nineteen, had a kid five years old with him, and her husband was an accomplice to the whole shebang. They only wanted my money.

Im from the states, 3 year difference mid 20's im the older one. She learned her english from family/school/self taught. She is from north eastern area of thailand near Myanmar has only lived in bkk for 2 years. her family lives near Myanmar. She has no "pee chai" all her friends are girls or lady boys from who i have met. She seems like the looking for the partner type, and possibly marriage, but she knows I am leaving in 6months (maybe)

I have always been the guy who needs an emotional foundation for any sort of relationship...(go ahead throw your rocks) Me going out and picking up random one night stands doesnt work well for me. I have to be actually attracted to get involved at all.

I will not throw money away even if she builds up my trust. Im not one to subdue to "love" and toss money away. I may wind myself up emotional with somebody, but I always play it safe financially.

I hope when you go back in 6 months, you will stay in contact and send occasional money when needed to pay for room, or fathers hospital bill.

I actually think the money would be better sent to you. You could get some teachings on how to open your mind and not have it closed off in such a one dimensional perspective.

I know, yours is different

Did you want my bank account or you prefer Western Union?

Contact this guy, you too will get alone really well http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/847510-girlfriend-put-me-in-a-tough-spot-how-to-handle-it/

Edited August 19, 2015 by konying

[mikiea]

Run

May I ask why I should run?

i

if after reading what you just wrote please tell me why you would stay ?

[ableguy]

Probably married or in a heavy relationship, could be guided a boyfriend with the intention of scamming you, seems to me and I have been here a long time , married divorced lots of gfs, anything you ask her to do like meet her family can be arranged ( ie with total strangers ) .

This is the land of scams, never had a gf who would not kiss and have sex, and I have never ever knowingly dated a hooker, no need it's too easy to pick up girls. Think twice , try dumping her see how she reacts.

[khunPer]

OP, haja5, do yourself a favor and read the book “Thailand Fever” by Chris Pirazzi and Vitida Vasant (Paiboon Publishing ISBN 1-887521-48-8, thailandfewer.com), that will give you answers to almost all your questions and a lot more about a relationship with a Thai partner. Furthermore a benefit is, that the book is both in English (and other languages) and Thai, so you can share with your partner, as it also tells the Thai about the Farang.

The are many pitfalls in a Thai relationship, but in spite of those – and all warnings, which however is very recommendable to listed to, and be aware of – you also have the risk for a very successful and happy long term relationship in front of you...

And by the way, never touch a Thai's hair or head. Thai's don’t like to be touched in public (including holding hand), so let your partner be in charge of when it’s appropriate to do that. Western style mouth kissing is not (that) common for Thais, many prefer so-called "sniff kiss". A Thai relationship can take long time to “build up”, so be patient.

I wish you good luck.

[Friendly Stranger]

You sound like a good guy, but I think you should post this on bkk addicts under the newbie section or go through it to see similar threads as yours.

As for asking on here. OMG - let me turn away, as I can't watch.

[little mary sunshine]

You sound like you need some counseling and help

Being independent and help with your self confidence

This chick will "take you" for everything!!!

[off road pat]

Make sure you have sex with her before you marry her. Make that a requirement.

Also see if she gives a good massage....tell her your back hurts.

Check out her cooking...and if she is worldly enough to try out some farang food...not strictly thai.

Most of all.....tell her you cannot pay sin sod...can pay for a wedding and a bit of gold.

yes......All good points.....and make sure not to make her pregnant.....!!! ...this is one of the tricks to catch a good guy...

Edited August 19, 2015 by off road pat

[MauiSteveBKK]

1. Thai dating sites have nothing to do with this. I am married 3 year from one.

2. Go slower than she goes.

3. Never talk about your money or finances. Yet.

4. Never ever touch their head or hair. It's a "thai thing".

5. Hold hands in public but only that.

6. Thai women don't know "how" to kiss. I had to teach my wife. She's loves it now.

7. It's just like dating most anywhere.

8. After 3 years, my Thai Wife is still somewhat shy.

9. I believe Thai people are lacking in social skills. It's just Thai. Don't try to read too much into it.

10.Go Slow. Real slow. Enjoy this time.

[coulson]

You have come to the wrong place for good advise. These screw balls wouldn't know a good thing if it was gift wrapped.

Follow your heart. Talk to your parents or a Minister. Keep your personal life personal.

Minister?

Last time people were encouraged to keep their personal problems behind closed doors or *curtains* didn't really end up well.

He did good to open up on a forum....it's up to him what advice he would accept.

[LawrenceN]

Peoples experience will vary, the problem you are going to have here is that rarely posts like yours are genuine, and hence you are wide open for type of responses you are receiving, these posts are so often used as "trolling" they are seldom answered as a potentially real "ask for help and guidance".

Only other comment I will make on the head touching aspect, Thais consider it a "no" as is never touch the head of a child either, depending on her family, background, and area she is from, these customs etc will vary dramatically. You are at the start of huge learning curve. Good luck, be careful, if not sure "ASK HER" then listen and check , then check again you are not misled

OP, pay attention to what CharlieH says here about touching the head. That stood out on first reading your post, and I was surprised it took so long for anyone to mention it. Charlie says "these customs will vary." I believe he's talking about other customs (like bride price), not head touching. That's a constant; stay away from people's heads unless you're family.

[aronp1]

When you officially become her boyfriend (if your not already) then she should have more intimacy with you. It is again Thai culture and Buhddism to have sexual relations with anyone who is not your boyfriend or husband. Maybe this is the problem.

[shaurene]

Hello Hadj

Welcome to the club. 99% of Falangs have an automatics brain transfer down to the smaller head between your legs.

You wil get a lot of negative comments here. A lot of us guys have a great caring G/F/Wives and we are happy.

The ones to be wary of when they start asking for money soon after. Just treat them with respect and accept their traditions and way of life. Most are very family conscious and most go away to work so they can send money to their parents to help them especially if they are from a village life.

Try and find out if she has a Thai boy friend or husband most have. And any children.

Where does she come from.

As one commented it is not done to openly kiss or other things we take as innocent. A lot do not like people touching their head.

When you are alone in privacy it is different. Be carefull of someone much younger than you. Find out all you can about her. You can ask her to write a letter for you to describe her past life etc, her family, children, her previouse relationships. You can write a letter asking all these things and saying that you are falling in love with her but want to know her life and that you will tell her your past life, you can get the letter translated into Thai and vice/versa with her letter. Make your own wise judgments, do not take a lot of the comments you will get on this forum as they have probably had bad experiences and they class them as all the same.

I am 74 and fit my wife is 45 and beautiful with a lovely slim body.. We have been married over 6 yrs and courting 2 yrs before getting married, we are very happy and love each other very much and would not change it for the world. You will find that a lot of western type women have a lot to learn compared to an Asian type for looking after their husbands.

My wife is very carefull with spending money and looks after me in this department.

Good luck Mate. (Be Happy and Prosper) as Spock would say.

[LukKrueng]

Yes I am new. Very new actually. That's why I am reaching to the seniors on here. Seeking advice/experience what to watch out for what not to worry about.

you came to the wrong place for advise...

[blazes]

Just beware of the word L-O-V-E (spelt l-u-s-t).

[blazes]

If this is indeed a serious, non-troll, thread, here are my twocentsworth.

Forget Love, until you can re-define it as something quite different from what they push on you at Hallmark. "Love" is what generates all the bad stories on ThaiVisa, (but any Western divorce settlement will tell you how flimsy "love" can be).

Love in Thailand is best interpreted as "you take care me", then "I takecare you". Like a contract. This does indeed mean handing over some money to your Thai gf/wife, but don't think this defines your woman. I have had many many Thai girlfriends (and am now happily married), but I never met a single Thai pooying who did not, at some point, ask for money.

But this is not a mark against them. If you are poor, and some guy is asking you to put out for him, you have to test the waters with the only economic weapon you have: your body.

And if she finds a guy who is generous, she has hit the jackpot and is very happy. And wants more. But I would bet that most pooying would accept from her man a simple "no, tee-rak, we can't afford to build a house this year (or whatever it may be)" and just get on with her life. (That, admittedly, is a vast generalisation, but it probably does apply to most women who have had a half-decent education, insofar as the latter is indeed available in LoS.)

[Rykbanlor]

I went on dates w more than 30 girls from thaifriendly. 3 were my gfs for about 6 months each, 1 of them I found out was married to a Thai guy and the other had a sugar daddy in Singapore. I never believed the stories I read about thai women but they are out there for sure.

I always avoid Isan girls, the minute they tell me they are from NE thailand I disappear. DONT WASTE YOU TIME W THESE.

I think you get more quality women at Tinder than thaifriendly. I got plenty of experience dating thai women and if you are smart enough shoot for the ones w good careers, again Tinder has more of them.

TF has a lot of low income thai women, if thai men dont want them so neither should you.

I also found that many thai women above 35 have hepatitis, mostly from Isan - another reason to avoid them.

If she can hold a conversation that is a PLUS. Most thai women don't do that or don't know how to.

My first was a thai village girl, she was loyal and honest but dumb as a donkey. I would never date a village girl again and don't recommend to anyone.

I was not looking for a short term dating, I was serious about finding a wife.

Best dating advice is not more than 10yrs apart and in the same level (education, career) as you. Most of the girls I dated studied overseas. If she never been outside of thailand for me it means not worth pursuing.

Those highlighted pointห I could agree with. I would say predominantly I prefer Thai women who are somewhat westernized, and to put that in perspective, I speak Thai pretty fluently and spend about 90% of my time friendship-wise with Thai people, but frankly I would still prefer to date girls that can also speak good English and hold up a conversation.

Another poster made the point of being able to tell the difference between a straight-up girl or a player, and from what I can tell a great deal of western guys never learn this.

So you can end up in one of 2 groups - 1). The guys who are bitter and convinced that every single Thai woman is after your cash and probably a hooker on some level, OR, 2). the guys who can tell the difference, and stay away from the players and thus have a more balanced perspective of the country and its people.

Learning the lingo will do wonders for you as well.

Another red flag previously mentioned was any requests for money - a decent girl will not do that, steer clear.

I personally identify with the point of not dating a village girl, so to speak. While this is purely a personal preference, I just can't find anything in common with a village girl who has never been anywhere and whose cultural outlets are watching soaps and discussing the merits of different crabs in their somtam, and I wouldn't expect her to find any common ground with me. In the first few years of being in Thailand I dated a few briefly, each time slowly realising it wasn't working. Of my 2 long-term relationships in 15 years, both were well educated, westernized to some extent and well spoken in English. I am single now, so this is obviously not a guaranteed recipe, but that is life all over - you have to wade through and learn by experience and there is no gold standard, except learning what you want out of life.

[smotherb]

Make sure you have sex with her before you marry her. Make that a requirement.

Also see if she gives a good massage....tell her your back hurts.

Check out her cooking...and if she is worldly enough to try out some farang food...not strictly thai.

Most of all.....tell her you cannot pay sin sod...can pay for a wedding and a bit of gold.

Doesn't sound too slippery; certainly, take the time to find out about her. That is probably the best advice.

It seems far too many farangs jump into a relationship after a little sex. Then, they complain about the things she cannot or will not do. It may be more important to you if she is able to adjust to your culture and behavioral norms and you to hers. If there are certain aspects of life together you expect--for her to be able to hold a conversation, to cook, to get along with your family and friends, to be responsible with money, to be less clingy, to share your likes and dislikes, etc., ad infinitum--make sure she can fulfill them. You should also meet her expectations and reciprocate. Only then can you have a lasting relationship.

Unfortunately, too many relationships revolve around expectations for monetary support, especially, the farang-Thai ones; and the only reciprocation is sex. Sex is important to the relationship, but sex is not a good reason for marriage; there must be more. Decide what that "more" must be for you. The great part is finding out all those things--if it feels good, continue; if it hurts, stop it.

[mrdome]

OP, your first post reads like "I don't know how to move this relationship to the next level/I can't read her reactions/behavior"?

Would that be accurate or not?

What is is it that you want from this relationship in the very early stages?

[mrfaroukh]

Please don't marry her before you really know her, her family etc. I hate to see you crying after a short time.