Do you bribe your wife?

[nidieunimaitre]

I can honestly say I never bribed my wife - and I am proud of that.

Of course, this resulted in several days without sex.

And even 2 trips to Europe alone.

But I still have my self respect - and I always keep a good bottle of cognac handy, just in case.

[slipperylobster]

Let's face it....a woman's face just lights up whenever they "acquire" cash. My wife's face is all aglow. Us men have to work to acquire cash.

That might be true for you and your wife. Not all women are so financially driven, though.

Never did say financially driven.....so I don't know what exactly you mean about my wife.

She merely enjoys receiving gifts...as most do. That surely does not mean she is "financially driven" (only concerned about money).

Bad choice of words on your part.

[SoiBiker]

Let's face it....a woman's face just lights up whenever they "acquire" cash. My wife's face is all aglow. Us men have to work to acquire cash.

That might be true for you and your wife. Not all women are so financially driven, though.

Never did say financially driven.....so I don't know what exactly you mean about my wife.

She merely enjoys receiving gifts...as most do. That surely does not mean she is "financially driven" (only concerned about money).

Bad choice of words on your part.

Maybe you need to look at your own choice of words - you said acquire cash, not receive gifts.

[elgordo38]

No. Although it would be fairly meaningless if I did, because as a married couple our money is shared anyway.

Grovel

[JLCrab]

No. Although it would be fairly meaningless if I did, because as a married couple our money is shared anyway.

I wouldn't know either as we are not married and I only bribe her Mother to let me hang out with her voluptuous daughter without marrying her.

...and use her picture as my avatar....

Buddy switch back to the old one...

well I thought I wold switch to the intellectual look for a while as I was taking a lot of flack on the Koh Tao page but thanks for noticing. Jack may return soon.

[bamukloy]

How insensative. Next you'll be telling her only fools believe in ghosts.5555

[Emster23]

A bribe to me is attempting to get other to engage in illegal or immoral act. Call it a peace offering if you decide to go ahead with it. Your "reality" is based on logic and rationality, hers is based on religion and tradition, if you reported it correctly. You are both entitled to your own system, and highly unlikely either of you will change. Similar to rational atheist trying to convince Christian that their religion has no basis in science or evidence. Ain't gonna happen. I would suggest you just give her space, kick back and do something you like and wait her out. "You're right from your side, and I'm right from mine. And we're just one too many mornings, and a thousand miles behind" - Bob Dylan

[TheKnave]

Here's my wisdom for the ages:

There's more to life than being right.

Live it, love it, and f'ing memorize it.

[lostoday]

A bribe to me is attempting to get other to engage in illegal or immoral act. Call it a peace offering if you decide to go ahead with it. Your "reality" is based on logic and rationality, hers is based on religion and tradition, if you reported it correctly. You are both entitled to your own system, and highly unlikely either of you will change. Similar to rational atheist trying to convince Christian that their religion has no basis in science or evidence. Ain't gonna happen. I would suggest you just give her space, kick back and do something you like and wait her out. "You're right from your side, and I'm right from mine. And we're just one too many mornings, and a thousand miles behind" - Bob Dylan

She is not a farm girl. She is well educated from respected universities. If she says something I disagree with I ask a question or present another point of view. If I say something she disagrees with she tells me to shut up.

Get the picture? I'm open to debate or disagreement on any topic. She is closed minded on almost every topic.

Other than that she is a good wife.

[TravelerEastWest]

I am curious do you consider Western beliefs about virgin births etc to be true?

If so you owe her an apology for thinking your beliefs are more true than hers.

If you operate purely on logic and science then you still owe her an apology for your lack of sensitivity as it does not matter if her beliefs are true, they are her beliefs and she is your wife and the love of your life (hopefully).

In the end a thoughtful discussion and understanding combined with mutual respect is what is needed not a bribe.

[jossthaifarang]

Gold = Happiness/Forgiveness/wetness...

Works every time, just don't give her a reason to fabricate a "next time". In future think before you speak.

[lostoday]

I am curious do you consider Western beliefs about virgin births etc to be true?

If so you owe her an apology for thinking your beliefs are more true than hers.

If you operate purely on logic and science then you still owe her an apology for your lack of sensitivity as it does not matter if her beliefs are true, they are her beliefs and she is your wife and the love of your life (hopefully).

In the end a thoughtful discussion and understanding combined with mutual respect is what is needed not a bribe.

I am not a Christian nor do I believe in magic of any kind.

[al007]

I am in a good relationship

I often bribe her, because it makes her happy

when she is happy It makes me even happier, and she treats me well

Maybe if your underlying relationship is not good you need to change

[1FinickyOne]

Well, it seems that her beliefs are quite common here - - and so, if you are both living here, maybe you are the one who is not in touch with her reality… and if that is her belief and "reality" - then what were you trying to accomplish with your comments?

First you should have a little understanding. You were denigrating her and her country and people - stepping on their faces. That is why she is angry. You have made your views a personal attack on her. And now you want to know what ointment you can put on the wound.

Maybe ask her. You seem to know enough about how to belittle her. See if you can figure out how to raise her up.

If you have chosen to live in another culture, then even if you do not go along with all the beliefs, maybe at least have respect for the people who were born and raised here with different beliefs.

[lostoday]

Well, it seems that her beliefs are quite common here - - and so, if you are both living here, maybe you are the one who is not in touch with her reality… and if that is her belief and "reality" - then what were you trying to accomplish with your comments?

First you should have a little understanding. You were denigrating her and her country and people - stepping on their faces. That is why she is angry. You have made your views a personal attack on her. And now you want to know what ointment you can put on the wound.

Maybe ask her. You seem to know enough about how to belittle her. See if you can figure out how to raise her up.

If you have chosen to live in another culture, then even if you do not go along with all the beliefs, maybe at least have respect for the people who were born and raised here with different beliefs.

That is a good point. Anyone else I would have said nothing but at home with the wife - comfortable and confident I let a remark slip about something she considers part of her culture. Reminds me of the first time I mentioned a community leader at home liked kids. Boy did I learn not to go there fast.

[kerrysum]

Personally I agree with you, I would rather talk with her completely, and I will not bribe, better to know where we stand in a relationship!

It can never be their way always, just use logic, which at times can be hard, I must say what is on my mind, do see a great value in what it is worth, if one does not.

Been here and done that, lived successful life, but sometimes it is never enough, is it?

Just my thoughts, but then I could be wrong, depending on which head does the thinking... I learned not to use my little one anymore.

[1FinickyOne]

You say, "we are not living in some kind of fantasy land where superstition and tradition take the place of reason and reality."

Well, maybe we are? Sometimes the roots of "their" logic are pretty good if you can learn to see them and their values. That too is being part of another culture. It tends to be non-confrontational here. That means accepting.

But, I think probably half her anger is because you insulted all Thais.

All couples will have their moments. It is usually best not to make too many comments about another culture especially if you do not have an understanding of it. There are times I have questioned fraudulent shamans to my wife, but only when they are total fools and give me an obvious opening. I do try and show respect at least when it is something they believe. If they believe it, it is part of their reality -

Best advice: If you normally get along well, let it go and try not to repeat this type of comment in the future…

I once overheard my wife on the phone with her friend. She said, "When I am angry, he shuts up and when he is angry, I shut up."

Not so tough really.

[fred Kubasa]

Just give her a handful of cash ! I thas worked for me for 10 years.

[SOTIRIOS]

....sorry but......it sounds like 'you don't stand a chance'.....

[KarenBravo]

When my missus gets annoyed at me, she furiously cleans the house from top-to-bottom and gives me the silent treatment.

She still hasn't caught on that I love it

Oh, and I just wait it out. Eventually there is some small piece offering from her. The important and difficult bit is recognizing it.

Edited August 27, 2015 by KarenBravo

[streboris]

I angered my wife by a chance remark about Thainess, telling her to grow up and smell the roses; we are not living in some kind of fantasy land where superstition and tradition take the place of reason and reality.

My point is; now I am debating how to get out of the dog house. Do I bribe her with food and shopping or do I just let it ride and fester and maybe lead to a full scale argument and end in me leaving?

If you can't respect her beliefs then you will always have this argument. If you want to change her beliefs you won't do it by insulting her, her family and her nationality.

If you want to educate her in what you believe is reason and reality, then you will need to gently show her real world proof. You'd be better spending your time and energy doing something that has a better chance of success, like turning lead into gold...

[ozterix]

we are not living in some kind of fantasy land where superstition and tradition take the place of reason and reality.

Well this is a belief issue, it is your decision to respect her beliefs and live with it or patiently convert her to yours...

There are millions of people on this planet who believe in talking snake, resurrected guy who floats in the sky and walks on water... and some of them seem pretty intelligent but in my opinion they are no better than Thais who believe in superstition.

I am an anti religion guy, married a Japanese woman who was Christian and after a few years of conversation and looking at science more than holy books, she is now a non religious person and our kids are raised that way.

If you think she is worth it, stick with it and progressively open her eyes

Edited August 27, 2015 by ozterix

[Kannikapor88]

Try to act like a man in stead of a small scared boy ...

[streboris]

What you see as bribery, you aren't looking from her perspective...

She gets angry and you want to take her shopping to pacify her... seriously??

From her perspective, she gets angry, she gets rewarded.

[Victor1944]

I was taught a long time ago you do not reward bad behaviour with flowers and chocolate as you are then re-inforceing it. The time to give presents etc is when they behave well. Otherwise when they want attention they will misbehave again to receive rewards..

[ToddinChonburi]

Maybe time to remind her were she came from, if that is a better option then by all means it is time to go. Lots of ungrateful little B.....tches these Thai women are it seems.

Time to pull out a John Wayne movie and see how a real man acts.

[abrahamzvi]

You've been bribing her for years now, sorry meant to say supporting, so there is no way she will let you go, for any reason or circumstances.

Good for you to put your foot down.

You are the provider, you call the shots

What an awful attitude. We do live in the 21st century where women are equal to men. What do you mean by saying "put your foot down" ? Many men do have their superstitions and there are quite a few religious people, Christians, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists etc. Do you want to tell all of them what to believe in and what not too. Just because you are the man would you forbid your wife to attend church, to cross herself on certain occasions, or to eat only Kosher (or Halal) food, just because you "are the provider"?

I really don't envy your wife!!

As far as an answer to the OP, why not buy her a bunch of nice flowers and just say "Sorry and I....

[dotpoom]

I believe in my Higher Power (God, as I perceive him/she/it) I respect other people's beliefs whatever form they take. I would not be impressed with a person (particularly if it was my wife) belittling my belief. The least they could do is respect it, as I respect theirs.

Maybe you could forget about bribing your wife and instead use this occasion to learn something about yourself, about growing up and possibly about learning how not to be so rude to the one you possibly love very much..

I am not trying to be offensive to you....it is by our mistakes we learn...not by the things we do right.

Edited August 27, 2015 by dotpoom

[lostoday]

Maybe time to remind her were she came from, if that is a better option then by all means it is time to go. Lots of ungrateful little B.....tches these Thai women are it seems.

Time to pull out a John Wayne movie and see how a real man acts.

She came from a home 3 times larger than ours and received an education at top rated universities in three large Thai cities. Her father and sister are highly placed government employees. Her mother made and sold beverages. Not old money but solid middle class citizens. Her sister would love her to come back home as they just built a new mansion on the family plantation.

Edited August 27, 2015 by lostoday

[lostoday]

I believe in my Higher Power (God, as I perceive him/she/it) I respect other people's beliefs whatever form they take. I would not be impressed with a person (particularly if it was my wife) belittling my belief. The least they could do is respect it, as I respect theirs.

Maybe you could forget about bribing your wife and instead use this occasion to learn something about yourself, about growing up and possibly about learning how not to be so rude to the one you possibly love very much..

The argument was about politics/tradition not religion.

Edited August 27, 2015 by lostoday