is incest prevelent amoungst thai,s ? teenagers

[dirtycash]

i really do not know how to word this but i have 2 thai teenage boys 15 yr olds in my ex wifes home both living with my daughter of 6 years old. they arent my biological sons.

i have some concerns regarding my wife going to work at nights as my daughter allways tells me she does not like staying with her older brothers. i ask her why but she clams up and does not go into detail. once 2 years ago when they first came to our country one of the boys was sitting with my daughter on the sofa and i walked in on them unannounced , i noticed his hand down his pants and it was moving as if masturbating , i screamed at him what the f*** was he palying at, i then called my wife who told me not to be stupid that her son " not same dirty farang kids " though this incident has been etched in my memory now. i did not imagine this either.

recently a thai ladyboy friend of my wifes told me to be carefull of thai man and thai boy, asked why she told me that incest was rampant amoungst thai teenage boys and they may touch her , so now im scared sh*tless and really concerned. ok it happens everywhere and one must allways been vigilant.

has anyone any issues of their own regarding something like this , could this ladyboy be only teling me this to cause trouble between me and my ex wife . no smart ass remarks please , this is a very serious question .

[cgphuket]

Follow your gut.

[ryanhull]

Answer to your question is no, not at all.

Biological sons or not, if you consider them your sons, **** what other people say.... sit them down and tell them what is right and what is wrong and make no bones about it the punishment would be huge if any wrong doings are done.

You then sit down with your daughter and get it out of her if anything has happened and make sure your 100% clear that if something ever happens or has happened she MUST tell you immediatly, no if`s or buts, no being shy, no worrying about what if, go about it in a tactfull way, explain the birds and the bee`s/ right/wrong and what not but if nothing has happend great, but to be assured nothing ever does happen in her future life wether that be at school as she gets older, in her social life whatever.... your her old man, and your her body guard.

Now forgive me if it seems like I am telling you to bring up your kids becuase I am not far from it, just my 2 pence mate.

Cheers

[roamer]

You are right to be concerned as your daughter's response to your questions, her voicing the fact that she doesn't like to stay home with them, could be indicative of a problem. You don't say what country you are in, often teachers are skilled in spotting the signs and best placed to get some response from the child. Another dynamic here is that this is your ex-wife, sometimes in that situation the child has divided loyalties and might be too scared to come clean with you. I would certainly be inclined to get in some outside help. Won't make you popular with your ex-wife but that's too bad. Good luck.

[cyberfarang]

Strange that you say the 2 boys are 15 year old but don`t describe them as twins.

If the boys are 15 years old they are on the brink of adulthood and if fiddling with a 6 year old baby, then they have serious potential Paedophilia issues.

You are the 6 year old`s father, it`s your responsibility, not may be, but what do you intend to do about it?

[smokie36]

The bottom line here is a responsible adult should be looking after your daughter at all times.

You need to fix that immediately.

[Bender]

actually your story, remember me another sickening thing i witnessed when i was living in Bkk.

Near my home you did have a slump, houses made in wood.

I was walking past this slump, i saw this Kid, around 12 yo, holding in his arms a baby.

He was in standing in the street outside the house. And i can see in eyes he was clearly frigthened.

Yes i saw fear in his eyes, as he was holding the baby...
Then as i walked past them, i saw the door's house was open and i saw another kid a little bit older maybe 14 yo,

mastubarting.... i was lost, shock, i didnt know what to do. The 14 yo sicko was not even disturbed by my presence...

[dirtycash]

The bottom line here is a responsible adult should be looking after your daughter at all times.

You need to fix that immediately.

i have spoken to the 2 twin boys, they have been left under no illusions of what the consequences will be, though i worry if this would stop anything happening. my wife has the mai pen rai attitude when i talk to her about my concerns, she brushes it off. i allways just wonder my my daughter hates staying with them , its wrong. my ex wife needs to go to work to support the kids and i allways now take my daughter but i will need to gom away to work soon.

when my wifes friend told me that abuse is rife amoungst thai teenagers and especially when its with their ( not full sister ) this scared the sh*t out of me. now im more paranoid as ever which is probably a good thing so i allways ask my daughter everyday if she is ok etc and look out for any signs though sometimes she does seem to be withdrawn.

there has been a good few times ive went round to check on my daughter when my wife has went to work and the last time was 8pm at night , i asked one boy where is his young sister , he shrugged his shoulders and said he didnt know where she was, i told him it was dark outside and never leave her outside alone ( dumb stupid little ********** ) its as if they just dont care . lucky my wifes friend a neighbour had her with her at her home. i told my ex wife about her sons letting my kid out at that time and her reply was " yes i yak him because he stupid ) thats not a good enough excuse, though i suspect she didnt really shout too much at them .

wish i had of left them back in thailand years ago, i fought through 3 high court cases against the border agency to let them join their mum in uk but really ive regretted it ever since. seems they do not give a sh*t about much. one was suspended last week for fighting in school. the other has been in constant trouble for being disrespectfull to teachers and telling one teacher to f** k off. all this after the money and heart ache it cost me to get them here.

im living on my nerves everytime my wife has to work.

[smokie36]

Sorry just to clear this up...you are all in the UK?

If so leaving a young girl all night in the care of a 15 year old has to constitute an offence in itself I would have thought.

[cyberfarang]

The bottom line here is a responsible adult should be looking after your daughter at all times.

You need to fix that immediately.

i have spoken to the 2 twin boys, they have been left under no illusions of what the consequences will be, though i worry if this would stop anything happening. my wife has the mai pen rai attitude when i talk to her about my concerns, she brushes it off. i allways just wonder my my daughter hates staying with them , its wrong. my ex wife needs to go to work to support the kids and i allways now take my daughter but i will need to gom away to work soon.

when my wifes friend told me that abuse is rife amoungst thai teenagers and especially when its with their ( not full sister ) this scared the sh*t out of me. now im more paranoid as ever which is probably a good thing so i allways ask my daughter everyday if she is ok etc and look out for any signs though sometimes she does seem to be withdrawn.

there has been a good few times ive went round to check on my daughter when my wife has went to work and the last time was 8pm at night , i asked one boy where is his young sister , he shrugged his shoulders and said he didnt know where she was, i told him it was dark outside and never leave her outside alone ( dumb stupid little ********** ) its as if they just dont care . lucky my wifes friend a neighbour had her with her at her home. i told my ex wife about her sons letting my kid out at that time and her reply was " yes i yak him because he stupid ) thats not a good enough excuse, though i suspect she didnt really shout too much at them .

wish i had of left them back in thailand years ago, i fought through 3 high court cases against the border agency to let them join their mum in uk but really ive regretted it ever since. seems they do not give a sh*t about much. one was suspended last week for fighting in school. the other has been in constant trouble for being disrespectfull to teachers and telling one teacher to f** k off. all this after the money and heart ache it cost me to get them here.

im living on my nerves everytime my wife has to work.

I understand.

You are not happy with the environment your daughter is being brought up in, but due to circumstances you are not in a position to have custody of the child full time.

All you can do is keep a watchful eye on your child.until if and when your situation changes and may be take the child later on. Something you will have to plan and work at.

[oncearugge]

The responsible Adults in this child's life are accountable , legally, for ensuring the child's safety.

Make sure your wife understands this concept and if for whatever reason this child's safety cannot be assured Social Services are best informed before a neighbor or schoolteacher reports the child to be at risk.

[Crazy chef 1]

May I ask why do you live with your ex wife???

[stoneyboy]

May I ask why do you live with your ex wife???

He doesn't if you care to take the time to read the whole thread.

The give away was when he wrote he goes to his ex wife's to check on his daughter.

Along with other examples of not living with his daughter and two step sons.

[CharlieH]

Sorry just to clear this up...you are all in the UK?

If so leaving a young girl all night in the care of a 15 year old has to constitute an offence in itself I would have thought.

No, he stated "2 thai teenage boys 15 yr olds in my ex wifes home both living with my daughter of 6 years old."

so his daughter is in a Thai home with 2 Thai teenage boys in his Ex-wifes home, NOT in the Uk

[cornishcarlos]

Sorry just to clear this up...you are all in the UK?

If so leaving a young girl all night in the care of a 15 year old has to constitute an offence in itself I would have thought.

No, he stated "2 thai teenage boys 15 yr olds in my ex wifes home both living with my daughter of 6 years old."

so his daughter is in a Thai home with 2 Thai teenage boys in his Ex-wifes home, NOT in the Uk

I think if you read again, you will find they are in the U.K.

OP states that he wishes he had left them back in Thailand and fought against them coming over.

OP, why can't your daughter come and live with you ? Or why can't you provide enough money to support your daughter, so ex doesn't have to work nights ?

[HooHaa]

The bottom line here is a responsible adult should be looking after your daughter at all times.

You need to fix that immediately.

yup. agree wholeheartedly. get a nanny, stay home yourself.

[ggt]

DO NOT under any circumstances...leave your daughter alone with these two boys...she may have been molested already and does not want to be left alone with them...she is vulnerable and defenseless...you are her only protector,..DO YOUR JOB...

[1FinickyOne]

Thai kids can clam up anyway - they don't want to make problems or get lectures or whatever - -

Not sure if the nationality matters in the least - - what does matter is protecting your daughter… I know not easy if you do not live together - but find a way…

[nabbie]

Sorry to hear about your vulnerable daughter's difficulty & your situation is uneasy as well. Maybe hiring the nanny may help if you can only afford. Or talk neighbours to keep eyes on her. Trust you will find the way. G'luck.

[steven23]

I really dont understand where OP lives? In england or in Thailand,

Why he mention ex wife house??? Also masturbating is not big deal in asia, I dont understand why you think it is incest?

You better ask him on whom he was thinking while doing it. Also, how the hell UK immigration aloud you to bring two non related underage kids?

[Time Traveller]

Just file a police report. Then have her declared as an unfit mother (the family courts love it when one parent make racist comments like she did). She will lose custody rights to your daughter and probably to the 2 sons as well.

Problem solved.

[scorecard]

Thai kids can clam up anyway - they don't want to make problems or get lectures or whatever - -

Not sure if the nationality matters in the least - - what does matter is protecting your daughter… I know not easy if you do not live together - but find a way…

Not the main point at hand, but plenty of kids this age from any country would be frightened to speak up. And don't forget the 6 year old is still very naive about the real ins and outs of her body and it would be easy enough for her to be confused about all of this.

But she is old enough to know that being touched in certain places is not correct. If she isn't fully aware that boys touching her is very wrong then this needs urgent careful attention also.

Plenty of children' services workers will tell you that lots of kids, all countries see their parents regularly in 'full action', and see older brothers and sisters up close in various forms of sex activity with bf / gf etc.

At 6 years old this must be confusing for many kids and there must be some kids who, by seeing thinks up close and regularly believe its' 'normal'. All of this needs to be handled very carefully and in balance so that when youngsters become adults their minds are not full of stuff like 'sex is dirty', 'sex is very bad', 'sex is very naughty' etc.

I agree with the poster who suggested you need to get another trained adult in the picture to carefully get the girl to talk and to carefully explain right and wrong and get her more prepared for the future. Perhaps even several sessions to ensure it's very clear and perhaps to have an agreement that the kid can call, and feels very relaxed to call, the outside person when she is confused or when she feels in danger.

The OP mentioned about what a ladyboy had said. Well this is going to sound biased but personally I would not believe anything a loud mouth (I added the 'loud mouth') ladyboy had said. Have this in my own extended family, knows everything about everything but in reality knows nothing, always quick to mouth off, always causing trouble by his big mouth and enjoys causing trouble because it brings attention.

[VIPinthailand]

15 you and 6 yo, I see something wrong here.

at 15yo, he should be interested by 12, 13 yo girls ,.. but no 8.

[optad]

Asking general questions about traits on a forum about such a serious specific incident is <deleted> up anyhow.

Only hope for the child is that you are trolling here.

[SOTIRIOS]

...you better have concerns....better get her out and away from them...

[fletchsmile]

OP's post isn't very clear at all so it's hard to comment appropriately on the situation when you don't fully understand it, as depending on different things different comments maybe appropriate. Some of it seems to contradict.

- Which country is OP in?

- Which country are the twins in?

- Who does his daughter pemanently live with?

- Who do the twins permanently live with?

- Is OP living with his current wife? If so why does his "wife going to work" affect his daughter having to stay with her older step brothers? are they separated?

- How does the ex-wife come into the picture compared to the wife? what nationality are they both? or are they the same person?

There's a whole host of different scenarios and possibilities that follow, but without the basic well described it would be hard to add much.

[TerrylSky]

Time for a web cam.

[DrTuner]

Put a hidden camera somewhere.

[fletchsmile]

A few other key points I would add despite all the unclear info:

- The 15 year old twins don't sounds like responsible people to leave a 6 year old daughter with, regardless of nationality. I have a 6 year old daughter and no way would I want them left with two 15 year olds as described, regardless of all the other undertones.

- The fact that there is the added risk of sexual abuse. I'd have her out of there ASAP. As a father that would be my priority.

- Relationships between siblings of different fathers / step siblings can throw up all sorts of issues if there is jealousy, resentment, animosity etc

- If OP is with a new wife and it's his ex that has the kids, again that throws up additional factors as the current wife may not be objective or care about the daughter if she's not hers

- As to the Thai aspect. There are possibly cultural issues there in terms of the way things get hushed up, the way things are not spoken about, what's acceptable or not, whether it complies with local country laws for the girl being supervised by two 15 year olds, which may be different in whatever country. The possible sort of arrangement described may be common in Thailand, particularly up country, and yes inter family abuse does occur. Absent parents is much more common and absent parents more accepted. Face will also play an issue more than in the west if something does happen.

- I'd also add that my wife is very protective when it comes to our daughters. She's very particular about who they are left with. She's not even keen on the idea of sleepovers with friends, whereas to me I'm less worried and in UK wouldn't have an issue with this. She often says that "This is Thailand" "you don't know Thai people" and the implication being I can be too trusting of people we don't know. That's despite many years living here. Given we're both average everyday people you have to ask where this absence of trust comes from on her part regarding Thai society. I've come across the same attitude by many other Thai mothers. That would definitely link in with OP's question.

As said though need more info, but OP should find a way to get his daughter out of this situation / adequately supervised as a priority. Whether he can involve social services / other institutions etc may also depend on country.

[MaeJoMTB]

I'd also add there my wife is very protective when it comes to our daughters. She's very particular about who they are left with.

Mine won't even leave her daughter with her brother or sister.

Me and her mum were the only two she trusted not to sexually abuse her daughter.