Need som advice about "Silent treatment" from Thai lady

[houston]

I think people have different behavior depending of their nature, and I try to accept this if it doen't happened often as a real sickness.

I have my Thai girlfriend who refugee in silent state sometimes when I talked hard because she does bad things (no thinking, no memory, not focus, dont want to discuss ...)

Silent seems the way some thai girl adopt when something made them unhappy (or just melancoly).

But after that I changed to other subjects which made her interested, and miracle, thing goes to normal.

It's my tip, maybe not work for everybody beeing silent.

[connda]

Lots of sound advice has been given in this thread, but I suspect you won't be taking any of it.

You are one of those "my girlfriend is different" kind of man/ woman.

I don't think so. He's a Western guy with Western values who cares about his woman. He's trying to figure out how to handle this situation, but he's still thinking from a Western cultural perspective, and I don't think his girlfriend has a clue about Western values at all.

He'll figure it out or he won't. If he and his woman figure this out together, than they may end up in a good relationship; if they don't, that relationship won't last. Anyone who has been here for a number of year and has been in relationships understands this. Either that or ignorance is bliss and either the farang or the Thai end up being taken for a ride. It happens, both ways.

I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. Let's recheck this thread in 3 and then 6 months and see where he's at.

[connda]

My wife does the same thing. And the one other Thai gf I had before her, she did it also.

From what I read on the forum, a lot of men experience this with Thai women. I know it is a worldwide phenomenon - women coping with problems in a childish manner - but it seems more prevalent here (the silent treatment punishment).

We have been together every day now for 7 months, so we are still a relatively new couple. But I just handle it like I would with women any other place. Take serious self-examination & see if there is anything I need to change in myself or my behavior. And if not (usually not), then just remain calm and assertive. Because it seems like a childish tactic or bluff to get the man to act like a doormat, to be sorry and take sh**, like psychological warfare & manipulation.

So I just try to be calm and assertive, provided there is nothing I need to change about myself or my behavior.

My wife eventually starts putting it in writing when she is ready to start talking again. There is a very slight language barrier & plus she probably is not great at dealing with conflict. So when I get a Line message sent from her from the next room over, I am just happy there is some communication.

I am like you also, the silent treatment bothers me a Lot! And I made that clear to her every time. But I just stay calm and assertive, because I think it is a female manipulation tactic, and not a healthy way to deal with problems- this silent treatment.

Hell, my Thai daughter-in-law does it to my Thai step-son. This isn't necessarily a Farang-Thai phenomenon. It happens in Thai-Thai relationships too. Look at Thai soaps: not necessarily reality, but they do broadcast the macro-socialial view of their own culture. How much female pouting and cattiness do you see on a daily basis on the average Thai soap (not to mention male-female, female-male, male-male, and female-female violence that I find disturbing). It's sort of a self-indictment of their own cultural values and behavior.

Edited October 19, 2015 by connda

[jpb1963]

Lots of sound advice has been given in this thread, but I suspect you won't be taking any of it.

You are one of those "my girlfriend is different" kind of man/ woman.

I don't think so. He's a Western guy with Western values who cares about his woman. He's trying to figure out how to handle this situation, but he's still thinking from a Western cultural perspective, and I don't think his girlfriend has a clue about Western values at all.

He'll figure it out or he won't. If he and his woman figure this out together, than they may end up in a good relationship; if they don't, that relationship won't last. Anyone who has been here for a number of year and has been in relationships understands this. Either that or ignorance is bliss and either the farang or the Thai end up being taken for a ride. It happens, both ways.

I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. Let's recheck this thread in 3 and then 6 months and see where he's at.

why on earth would you want to check the thread in three months time, you should get his details and check in at least every couple of days and see how he is going...

[ttthailand]

After reading many of the OP's posts I think she is just board of the relationship. She just don't want bothered.

What to do now is the question .....

[carpediem86]

You all had many ideas about why this is happening and it was interesting to read about all the different reasons to why your respective does the silent treatment. This thread became so big, so fast. I only intended to get a few ideas, not make anything big like this, but thank you all for your help.

It feels a bit strange to write so much about my private life here, but if anyone is interested I talked with her today and it went well. The last time she had this period of "silence" it was actually because of something I did. And it was not anything that is important for me in any way so I will stop doing it. I have told her before that it is okay if she just tells me when I do something that she doesn't like. Now I told her again. She will try more to do like that, and she is already doing better in this aspect compared to the first months we had together. With so different cultures it takes some time to learn from each other (and from other sources).

But she said that she also sometimes gets like this and she doesn't know why. These is the times that she said sorry to me after. So I told her a bit about what some of you have written here about that it can be related to her period/hormones and we will both look for that in the upcoming months in case she feels this way again. So if it seems to be anything like that she can go and see a doctor later.

[MaeJoMTB]

But she said that she also sometimes gets like this and she doesn't know why. These is the times that she said sorry to me after. So I told her a bit about what some of you have written here about that it can be related to her period/hormones and we will both look for that in the upcoming months in case she feels this way again. So if it seems to be anything like that she can go and see a doctor later.

It could be a payment problem.

Do you pay her monthly or weekly?

I find little and often, works better than once a month.

That way, you are constantly reminding them why they are with you.

[wow64]

Please tell me your secret... This sounds like heaven.

Sent from my c64

[loveinbangkok]

Thai ladies are sometimes simple yet complicated, complicated yet simple.

1. Do you look/chat/touch other girls and she found it?

2. Is she your girlfriend or just gig?

3. Are you her full time or part time boyfriend?

Only the right key will open the right padlock.

[connda]

Lots of sound advice has been given in this thread, but I suspect you won't be taking any of it.

You are one of those "my girlfriend is different" kind of man/ woman.

I don't think so. He's a Western guy with Western values who cares about his woman. He's trying to figure out how to handle this situation, but he's still thinking from a Western cultural perspective, and I don't think his girlfriend has a clue about Western values at all.

He'll figure it out or he won't. If he and his woman figure this out together, than they may end up in a good relationship; if they don't, that relationship won't last. Anyone who has been here for a number of year and has been in relationships understands this. Either that or ignorance is bliss and either the farang or the Thai end up being taken for a ride. It happens, both ways.

I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. Let's recheck this thread in 3 and then 6 months and see where he's at.

why on earth would you want to check the thread in three months time, you should get his details and check in at least every couple of days and see how he is going...

I absolutely agree with you. But threads like this are like main stream news - after awhile, usually a relatively short time (well, with the exception of things like the Koh Tao Murders) most threads peter-out after a couple of weeks. So, my comment about checking back in 3 to 6 months was to see how the relationship is moving along if the OP is still monitoring he thread.

[connda]

You all had many ideas about why this is happening and it was interesting to read about all the different reasons to why your respective does the silent treatment. This thread became so big, so fast. I only intended to get a few ideas, not make anything big like this, but thank you all for your help.

It feels a bit strange to write so much about my private life here, but if anyone is interested I talked with her today and it went well. The last time she had this period of "silence" it was actually because of something I did. And it was not anything that is important for me in any way so I will stop doing it. I have told her before that it is okay if she just tells me when I do something that she doesn't like. Now I told her again. She will try more to do like that, and she is already doing better in this aspect compared to the first months we had together. With so different cultures it takes some time to learn from each other (and from other sources).

But she said that she also sometimes gets like this and she doesn't know why. These is the times that she said sorry to me after. So I told her a bit about what some of you have written here about that it can be related to her period/hormones and we will both look for that in the upcoming months in case she feels this way again. So if it seems to be anything like that she can go and see a doctor later.

Excellent! That is opening up the communication channels, which can be difficult to do in inter-cultural relationships.

[Razzler1973]

You all had many ideas about why this is happening and it was interesting to read about all the different reasons to why your respective does the silent treatment. This thread became so big, so fast. I only intended to get a few ideas, not make anything big like this, but thank you all for your help.

It feels a bit strange to write so much about my private life here, but if anyone is interested I talked with her today and it went well. The last time she had this period of "silence" it was actually because of something I did. And it was not anything that is important for me in any way so I will stop doing it. I have told her before that it is okay if she just tells me when I do something that she doesn't like. Now I told her again. She will try more to do like that, and she is already doing better in this aspect compared to the first months we had together. With so different cultures it takes some time to learn from each other (and from other sources).

But she said that she also sometimes gets like this and she doesn't know why. These is the times that she said sorry to me after. So I told her a bit about what some of you have written here about that it can be related to her period/hormones and we will both look for that in the upcoming months in case she feels this way again. So if it seems to be anything like that she can go and see a doctor later.

All sounds cool ... apart from this passive aggressive way of stopping you doing things she doesn't like. Ok, in this instance you said it's not a big deal but ... she still got you to stop doing something you were happily doing previously

It's pavlovian now, silent treatment = you assuming you did something to displease her. How about compromise? If it's just a small thing you enjoy and has no bearing on her except she 'doesn't like it' then balls to that!

Just saying

[pgrahmm]

https://youtu.be/e4UrOJT1U_U

Trade with this guy.....

[spidermike007]

The Real challenge here, is that she has some sort of deep seated issue that is beneath the surface. Could be some sort of depression, trauma, health related, or just mood swings. The only way for her to deal with that is through introspection and looking within for the source of the problem. Most Thais have a very, very hard time engaging in introspection and self analysis. You may have to encourage her to do so, in a kind manner by letting her know how important this is to you to get this discussed and resolved.

Edited October 25, 2015 by spidermike007

[uksomchai]

Bubba and Chuck were sat by the river fishing when Bubba says " I'm thinking of divorcing the wife you know. She hasn't spoken to me for months now "

Chuck says " Bubba you might want to reconsider your decision man as women like that are very hard to find "

Boom Boom. Yeah I know I'll get my coat

[carpediem86]

Update:

In case someone reads this thread and want some advice. In our case the only thing needed was to talk and understand each other better. The silent treatment was the only thing that we had some trouble to talk about. Nearly three months has passed now without any more of this and we are very happy together She expresses herself more verbally now if she has something on her mind. As someone said in this thread, and also some of my married friends; to be able to talk to each other about almost everything is very important even if it can hurt sometimes. This is not the Thai style so I have had to promote this idea a bit but now it is working fine for both of us.

[carpediem86]

Update:

In case someone reads this thread and want some advice. In our case the only thing needed was to talk and understand each other better. The silent treatment was the only thing that we had some trouble to talk about. Nearly three months has passed now without any more of this and we are very happy together She expresses herself more verbally now if she has something on her mind. As someone said in this thread, and also some of my married friends; to be able to talk to each other about almost everything is very important even if it can hurt sometimes. This is not the Thai style so I have had to promote this idea a bit but now it is working fine for both of us.

Update 2: Was working fine.. It's much better than before, but now we had an argument about something small and silly again. No treally an argument, more something I did and she didn't tell me what. I felt something was wrong and asked her and asked again and she told me (it was a really small thing). She is behaving better than before. She is talking to me, but I strongly feel the way she acts as if she doesn't want to talk. I asked her if she wanted me to stay here for the evening or go out and let her be alone a while. She wanted to be alone so I let her. But when I asked it took a long time to get an answer. As I said, still better than no speaking at all but it will take some time for her to understand my way (wanting to talk about whatever it is) and for me to understand her way (wanting to ignore me to show that I did something wrong instead of telling me verbally). She said she is sorry and when I said I'm also sorry how I reacted to this she said I don't have to be, it's all her fault. Well, I don't care whos fault it is. This is still not good for either of us. 1-2 days every 3-4 months like this and it's getting better and better. The other 100 days inbetween are really good and easily compensates.

Edit: I read my own post now and it seems like such a small thing. Kinda hard to describe, but it isn't that small.

Edited February 5, 2016 by carpediem86

[faraday]

Without thinking about it, say what the problem is with her.

If you can bypass your emotions - which often cloud ones thinking, quite often the answer to problem becomes clear.

Does she love you? Does she want to be with you?

Or is she not brave enough to leave you......?

[carpediem86]

Without thinking about it, say what the problem is with her.

If you can bypass your emotions - which often cloud ones thinking, quite often the answer to problem becomes clear.

Does she love you? Does she want to be with you?

Or is she not brave enough to leave you......?

I'm not worried about anything like that, and we talked more now also about this behaviour and how we can do instead and how it effects me. I just thought that this would never happen again. It is a lot better than before, but I guess it will take more time to change this behaviour. Her family does like this so she is kinda used to it since a child. In Sweden the silent treatment and similar childish behaviours are common among children and teenagers. They can learn better ways to handle emotions and problems and my gf is changing in this aspect also. I guess I just hoped it would change faster and not happen again at all. I was kinda down yesterday while writing last post, but now everything is good again. Also it doesn't help that I take things like this a bit harder than some people.

[AZBill]

It may not be you. My wife will go silent sometimes when she's upset about something. I've learned over the years to just give her space. She eventually lets me know what was on her mind.

[faraday]

Seriously mate, get her Blood Glucose checked...& have a CBC.

[mcfish]

Over the years when my GF "s went silent I would bring them back around with teasing questions about food

Sent from my SC-01D using Tapatalk

[carpediem86]

It may not be you. My wife will go silent sometimes when she's upset about something. I've learned over the years to just give her space. She eventually lets me know what was on her mind.

Now it seems like we're on the right way with this already. But what do you do when the silent treatment happens? Maybe you already have plans to meet up with friends together, or you need to talk about something that cannot wait. And she just ignores. I feel so bad when this happens and want to talk and solve whatever the cause is. Then I'm not the best to give her space so I will try to be better with that since it seems to be what she needs.