divorce with baby in middle

[fry30]

Hi everyone,

Sadly I have to divorce my wife, we stayed together 3 years and have a baby girl 6 months old now, I bought a land for her and started to build a house, I'm not rich so I went through hell to get the money to pay all. I borrowed money, I work abroad, did job I hated etc.

To move our stuff to the new unfinished house she trusted her mother, who broke half of everything, when she moved our new stainless fridge that I paid 30 000 she laid it down on a plank with nails... almost everything was broken.

I get angry about this, then the mother said what should she care as it's not her stuff but the stuff of her daughter and she told my wife to find a new richer husband (or many if necessary) like her cousin did. She also told her how to steal my money, how to lie etc etc.

Despite this she came back to our house to see my son's wife. She wasn't very interested in him before but after I told her to don't come back to our house she called him everyday.

Two major issues, my wife wasting the precious money I was making and her mother who wanted to steal all I could possibly had.

My wife clearly said that she would never keep mother at distance, so we should live with this.

She is from Isaan, not a prostitute and I didn't meet her in bar but her mother is good for nothing and her father is an alcoholic, he came one time and stole the bottle of whisky of a thai friend who visited me and my thai friend really enjoy his drink during week end but not this time...

I spent over 1 500 000 this last 2 years with her, I have 30 000 and not sure to get my job back.

After the last fight over her mother we decided to separate, my future ex wife is very happy with this.

Note that she had a ex thai husband before we met, when she left him she got nothing, she just left with a small bag and stayed with me. Her ex husband is an alcoholic also, she left because he didn't care much about her face and his family hated her family because they see them as low.

I manage to make her agree to sell the land and house and give me a part of it, up to her to respect her word, she also agreed to have shared custody of our baby so I can get my baby 15 days per month.

Here is my story, now the question, she said she will change the name of our baby, she carry my name and she will change it, she can do this without my approval?

She wants to go to bangkok to sell pizza, open a small shop, if she put herself in debt, could she force me to pay her debt later?

Once we divorce, can she find a way to make me pay her a monthly wage?

We are married in Thai but we didn't certified the marriage in French.

[PoorSucker]

Here is my story, now the question, she said she will change the name of our baby, she carry my name and she will change it, she can do this without my approval?

She wants to go to bangkok to sell pizza, open a small shop, if she put herself in debt, could she force me to pay her debt later?

Once we divorce, can she find a way to make me pay her a monthly wage?

1 Any Thai Thai can change their name without approval from anyone else, in case of children both legal parents must agree.

2. After divorce you are not obligated to pay her debts.

3. You probably have to pay child support , about 2000 baht/ month.

[fry30]

so she can't change the name of our daughter without my agreement? I mean family name

[SOTIRIOS]

...this is all calculated....

...she got all she could from you.....

...you do not exist....

...and all Thais know you have practically no rights.....

...so good luck....

[steven100]

'I manage to make her agree to sell the land and house and give me a part of it, up to her to respect her word, she also agreed to have shared custody of our baby so I can get my baby 15 days per month.'

I don't know her but , I would think the above verbal agreements won't hold water ....... no way she will actually abide by these imo. It maybe just talk.

I don't think she can change the babies family name without your presence & signature ...

No debt can be incurred to you from her from the divorce date onward.

[Jacks77]

GET IT ON PAPER!!!!! GET A LAWYER AND MAKE HER SIGN SOME KIND OF AGREEMENT ASAP.

If she changes her mind later things will not go well for you.

[Ridge]

You should take into account that you will never get any money back. Maybe just a very small amount so that you have "no case" against her. But you should also know that your (ex) wife has no guarantees that you will take care of your child financially. Especially once you start seeing another women. So the best way is to consider the land as a gift to your child. It will make you feel better.

[fry30]

so if for example she is making a credit now, I could be forced to pay half of it?

but if she is doing this could I use it to say she is unable to take care of our daughter and get full custody?

and if she is getting a new boyfriend later while we are still married and if I can prove it could it help to don't pay the potential debts? like a breach in the marriage.

[fry30]

I think she really wants to divorce quickly, probably to be able to marry again quickly, so I can use this to get a small part of my money and stuff back.

[ghworker2010]

you must tell your wife that the both of you should do the right thing for the baby in the coming years. Leave all the other B.S OUT OF IT

[fry30]

@Ridge, I have no problem letting her something, that was the purpose, take care of my family but I have only 30 000 on my bank account and 300 000 bahts in debt to my family, so I should get something back. I'm pretty sure that once she sell the land and everything she will waste the money quickly so anyway it won't serve much as I'm not here to control her.

Hopefully her pizza shop will work but it is likely to fail as she use to spend more that she has.

So far she isn't a bad lady, she wasn't greedy compare to some gold diggers.

If I can make money again then she can keep it all, still it would break my heart if she waste it, so much efforts and pains to get this.

Most important is to get my baby 15 days per month and be able to work and make money again without having to worry about the future mistakes of my future ex wife.

By precaution any money I will make in future will be send to my brother. I will keep my Thai account as low as possible.

If I could find job abroad and take my baby I would gladly leave Thailand, it's not a country for me, I'm not sure there is any country for me neither but at least I would try but it's not an option now.

[MaeJoMTB]

Rural Thai people have nothing. They live communal lives.

No fridge, no furniture, few personal possessions.

They don't know how to care for their own personal property, let alone yours.

Living in a rural area rarely works for foreigners.

Most of the foreign guys living in the boonies go insane or become drunks.

If you had asked us, we would have warned you.

Destruction of your stuff, entirely normal, theft from your house, entirely normal.

Your woman taking up with another guy while you are out of country, entirely normal.

Too late now, move on, learn from your experience.

PS.

Not greedy .........

1.5M in two years, when rural adult income averages 27,000bht/year.

You gave her 50 years of her expected earnings in 2 years ........... = BLOODY GREEDY IMHO!

Or, let's say she was university educated on a decent wage, 15kbht/month .....200kbht/year.

You gave her 8 years of her expected earnings (as a graduate) in 2 years ......... = GREEDY.

Some guys just have no idea!

And are just beyond all help.

The baby,

Looks like your only option is to buy the baby, somewhere between 500kbht and 1mbht is the norm.

That's the way these girls normally operate.

Edited October 16, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[fry30]

@MaeJoMTB

I said not greedy compare to gold diggers but anyway I think you have no idea about what you are talking about, you just want to show that you know and are clever and others aren't. You have no ideas about what I was expecting and why I did all this, still you jump on judging, again just to show off, I don't think you will be very helpful or instructive in this thread.

For those who wonder, I wanted badly a family and wanted before being what I consider for myself old to be a father, my choice. I didn't even try to get anything on my name knowing the Thai system. I took a risk knowing the strong possibility for failure, I had to try and if given choice I would have try in my own country, for some reasons I can't. It would be really long to explain everything just to calm down all people like MaeJoMTB who needs to judge and show off and I think my story will bore most of you as it's a very typical story between Farang and Thai but just keep in mind that we all have our reasons and it's not always because we are completely blind.

[mikiea]

yea buy a house , buy a car , bur furniture , have baby , buy it all ........dude why did you not just slit your wrists ? you cannot tell me you did not see this comming .good grief .............

[MaeJoMTB]

@MaeJoMTB

I said not greedy compare to gold diggers but anyway I think you have no idea about what you are talking about, you just want to show that you know and are clever and others aren't. You have no ideas about what I was expecting and why I did all this, still you jump on judging, again just to show off, I don't think you will be very helpful or instructive in this thread.

For those who wonder, I wanted badly a family and wanted before being what I consider for myself old to be a father, my choice. I didn't even try to get anything on my name knowing the Thai system. I took a risk knowing the strong possibility for failure, I had to try and if given choice I would have try in my own country, for some reasons I can't. It would be really long to explain everything just to calm down all people like MaeJoMTB who needs to judge and show off and I think my story will bore most of you as it's a very typical story between Farang and Thai but just keep in mind that we all have our reasons and it's not always because we are completely blind.

Getting 1.5M in 2 years + a blackmail baby is pure 'gold digger' ........ what expectations do you think most gold diggers have?

I'm thinking her 'former Thai husbands' family had exactly the right opinion of her.

You should have listened to them.

Buy the land (family land?), build the house (family builders?) and you're gone.

Then her on to the next mug.

Issan Classic!

Edited October 16, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[fry30]

Did I say she blackmailed me for the baby? maybe I didn't explain myself well, but no she didn't, I offered money in exchange of the custody but she didn't accept. She may be not very responsible but I don't think she would sell the baby, I can't know everything about her for sure, Thai can keep their secret for years.

I shared my story but the main purpose isn't to know if she is bad or not, at least not right now, for now the most interesting I could get from this forum is to know if she can make me pay her future debt and if she can change the name of my baby.

Hopefully she will find a rich farang who can afford the lifestyle she needs, stable situation, I get a small part of my money or get my job back soon, she let me live with my baby 2 weeks per month and everything is fine.

[MaeJoMTB]

Did I say she blackmailed me for the baby? maybe I didn't explain myself well, but no she didn't, I offered money in exchange of the custody but she didn't accept. She may be not very responsible but I don't think she would sell the baby, I can't know everything about her for sure, Thai can keep their secret for years.

I shared my story but the main purpose isn't to know if she is bad or not, at least not right now, for now the most interesting I could get from this forum is to know if she can make me pay her future debt and if she can change the name of my baby.

Hopefully she will find a rich farang who can afford the lifestyle she needs, stable situation, I get a small part of my money or get my job back soon, she let me live with my baby 2 weeks per month and everything is fine.

If you don't have employment (with work permit) in Thailand, she can't get money from you.

If she can't get money from you, it is unlikely she will ever let you see the baby.

Seen this game play out dozens of times, always the same.

Walk or pay, your choice.

If it were me, I would just walk away, forget the baby and move to another country.

But you seem a bit softer (or a better father) than me, so she has you by the balls and will make you pay.

[Straight8]

you must tell your wife that the both of you should do the right thing for the baby in the coming years. Leave all the other B.S OUT OF IT

When it comes to dealing with Thai mentality, that would be one mighty challenge.

A Thai bird doing the right thing when a farang is involved and she holds all the cards, good luck with that.

[Straight8]

Did I say she blackmailed me for the baby? maybe I didn't explain myself well, but no she didn't, I offered money in exchange of the custody but she didn't accept. She may be not very responsible but I don't think she would sell the baby, I can't know everything about her for sure, Thai can keep their secret for years.

I shared my story but the main purpose isn't to know if she is bad or not, at least not right now, for now the most interesting I could get from this forum is to know if she can make me pay her future debt and if she can change the name of my baby.

Hopefully she will find a rich farang who can afford the lifestyle she needs, stable situation, I get a small part of my money or get my job back soon, she let me live with my baby 2 weeks per month and everything is fine.

Well OP, I really feel for you and your situation, no man deserves this, but don't worry, I have no doubt she'll find another fool who is willing to part with his hard earned. I mean, she managed to stitch you up at a rate of 750,000 per year, she would have no trouble repeating this goal I'd say, but don't get your hopes up, you won't see a satang back from the money you put out.

On the flip side, seems without pumping a whole lot more baht in an attempt to get something back and some type of custody, you at her mercy now when it comes to your baby.

This is exactly [at least most of the time] what happens when you pump a whole lot of cash into a relationship you know you will never have control in.

One word.... rent

Edited October 16, 2015 by Straight8

[MaeJoMTB]

Well OP, I really feel for you and your situation, no man deserves this, but don't worry, I have no doubt she'll find another fool who is willing to part with his hard earned. I mean, she managed to stitch you up at a rate of 750,000 per year, she would have no trouble repeating this goal I'd say, but don't get your hopes up, you won't see a satang back from the money you put out.

I'm agreeing with you,

Wondering about ages of OP and Thai girl? ...... guessing 45-55 him and 25-30 her.

Wondering where they met too ........ online dating or popular beach resort?

Edited October 16, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[fry30]

so let's hope for her that I don't get completely desperate. Then as everyone says, move one.

[fry30]

hummm, you are not very good at guessing, I'm 36 and she is 27. Indeed meet on dating website but the possibilities aren't difficult to imagine, work, party, bar, friends and internet... and mostly for farang it's or bar or internet. I don't go party or bar so it's internet for me.

Most important for me is to be able to live with my baby and to don't lose more money, I still have the marriage card, she needs this back to be able to marry again another farang in future.

Another possibility, I agree unlikely here in Thailand is that she is not completely bad and after problems but just want some comfort and being happy with a partner.

[MaeJoMTB]

so let's hope for her that I don't get completely desperate. Then as everyone says, move one.

They'll probably settle for the land and house now.

Then look forward to the future income from the girl when she gets older.

Usually they are less keen on keeping boys.

[pkspeaker]

i can't even figure out what he's asking

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[MaeJoMTB]

hummm, you are not very good at guessing, I'm 36 and she is 27. Indeed meet on dating website but the possibilities aren't difficult to imagine,

I was bang on with her age .......

You put me off track with your age by saying you were getting a bit old for a kid.

I had two children in the UK when I was in my 30s, another when 42 and again at 45, then one in Thailand at age 56.

I'm still hoping for another one, 36 is not old!

Edited October 16, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[oxo1947]

1.5M in two years, when rural adult income averages 27,000bht/year.---maejoMTB

27,000 baht a year = 73 baht a day........where, or rather what century are you living in. ??

So if we are talking averages----everyone working for the government---or Bank etc on standard wage...then others must be around 10 baht a day.

Edited October 16, 2015 by oxo1947

[MaeJoMTB]

1.5M in two years, when rural adult income averages 27,000bht/year.---maejoMTB

27,000 baht a year = 73 baht a day........where, or rather what century are you living in. ??

It's Thai government stats ...... if you look, you'll find them.

I believe the report I quoted was published in 2014, and repeated on ThaiVisa forums.

But no point in us quibbling about the details, let's just agree it was between 8 years and 50 years of tax free earnings.

Edited October 16, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[oxo1947]

Thailand Average Monthly Wages 1999-2015 ---Wages in Thailand increased to 13324.95 THB/Month in the second quarter of 2015 from 13247.89 THB/Month in the first quarter of 2015. http://www.tradingeconomics.com/thailand/wages

I understand you specified Rural wage ----& I am finding it hard to find a link that just deals with that-----maybe you can provide one.........

[maprao]

Walk

She will beg you to take the baby. Remember that their values or not the same as yours.

Alot of Thais I know laugh at how we allow ex wives to use kids against us.

Edited October 16, 2015 by maprao

[fry30]

yes indeed it sounded this way, that's why I mention "what I consider old for myself"

My dream would have to be father at 25 and see my grand children growing, being young when my own children are teenager. I don't want to be a grand father for my children, nothing wrong to be a old father just not my dream. Anyway now I have to make another dream.

I got many gfs here, I didn't spend anything on them, I was willing to spend only to build a family. So now it's pretty clear that it failed which won't surprise anyone.

@pkspeaker, I'm asking if she can make me pay her future debt until we divorce and if she can change my daughter name without my agreement.