Thai wife entering menopause

[pitchag]

I was with my wife 32 years in business together and the dreaded menophase came, I did what Forest Gump did Run Forest Run, or at least hide all the sharp knives in the house, never walk in front of the car when she is driving and sleep with one eye open. Lastly never ever accuse her of going through the menophase

[realenglish1]

It seems non of you know what you are talking about She needs hormone replacement therapy. Her moods are the result of the hormones running cold.

Take her to the hospital and get the therapy going . It will work wonders for her and of course you as well

[MauiSteveBKK]

She Loves The HRT.

I Love The KY.

Never Ever Leave Home Without KY.

[chilli42]

If you still, in your heart, want things to work and if you are certain it's caused by menopause (hormones) then get in and see a quality Enfocrinologist.

[dotpoom]

"The obvious solution is to leave her" after 30 years of marriage together. How selfish and self centered is that statement?

[Thaidream]

Poster N210 has he right prescription to survive it. Honestly, I went through it with my first wife who smashed every plate in our house at one time for no logical reason not to mention other things that were bizarre. HRT worked but I am certain its use caused cancer as she succumbed to the disease having never smoked or drank and no family history. My current wife who is also Thai has now entered the change early mid 40s and just as some of the posters have described- sometimes loving and other times as if possessed by a demon. I do the things N210 also describes but as I am now older the stress has increased. I have even considered doing a runner but because I understand what is going on I am able to keep things in perspective. It seems when she exercises the symptoms are less and we can lead a fairly normal life.Trust me- I know exactly how you all feel on this subject. Try to keep a positive attitude- It usually will pass in time.

[bazza40]

So your wife of 30 years has a problem, and your "obvious" solution is to leave her ???

I would have thought the "obvious" solution was to help, love and support her !

I would have thought that too,

Unfortunately some women have a complete and irreversible personality change, and the new person can hate her old husband.

Happened to me after 30 years of marriage, she would and did do everything in her power to make me suffer.

Ever tried loving and supporting someone who wants you dead or imprisoned?

That's usually called stalking.

Including false accusations to the police and anyone that would listen.

After being arrested, held and questioned by police in the UK several times, over a period of 6 months, I ran.

A year later, after I was living in Thailand, she was still telling the police I was stalking and trying to kill her.

As I wasn't in the country, they stopped acting on her accusations.

They still raided my parents house a few times, apparently at 70+ they were conspiring to murder her.

Nothing you can do, endure or leave, at least in Thailand you have some options, unlike the west.

Now I understand some of your attitudes better.

[bazza40]

As someone else has said on this thread with a tad less sensitivity, you do need to maintain a satisfying sex life. Women at this stage of life feel very vulnerable, they know they are literally drying up and sex can become painful. So you need to consider strategies to keep the home fires burning.

[Straight8]

Who "diagnosed" this alleged "menopause." ? The symptoms could well be the result of living with a -******** for 30 years.

Pay for your wife of 30 years to consult with a Consultant Gynecologist or Endocrinologist at the Bumrungrad hospital in Bangkok .

She can be helped but not by ignorant behavior.

Sorry for being blunt.

oncearugge makes 2 very good points.

1. Did the OP on his own come to this conclusion and is mistaking it for something else? 30 years is a very long time in a relationship, and some just break at the seams eventually.

2. The symptoms of living with someone she can no longer stand, ever to the point of hating being around you.?

Sorry to be even blunter, but there is a strong possibility you may be the cause of this [unintentionally of course]

Definitely seek medical help, but if she refuses to go or acknowledge there is a problem, then I'd say if your honest with yourself, you know whats going on.

[Straight8]

As someone else has said on this thread with a tad less sensitivity, you do need to maintain a satisfying sex life. Women at this stage of life feel very vulnerable, they know they are literally drying up and sex can become painful. So you need to consider strategies to keep the home fires burning.

Trying to achieve the impossible??

Any man who can maintain a "satisfying sex life" with the same woman after 30 years, is a freakin legend!!

[Toscano]

Mister Tee , I understand your problem very well , nit picking , hair splitting , open your mouth to defend yourself and you are accused of starting an argument .

I have the same problem with my wife . I am learning to live with it keep my mouth shut ; I find that every time my wife has an outburst , before too long she apologises .

Another problem may be the loss of interest in sex , so your sex life is reduced and under sufferance . Better the devil you know than the one you don't .

[Sheryl]

An inappropriate post and replies to it have been removed. Posters/readers, please use the report function when you see something inappropriate as that will speed up the time it takes for a Mod to deal with it.

n210mp: it is very likely that your wife did not have the right type of HRT. Thai doctors are not at all up to date on this and still tend to use synthetics. Read up on "bioidentical HRT".

In particular, the use of a synthetic progestin will often worsen the mood problems (or as I call it, "the crazies"). The estrogen usually used (premarin or equivalent) will generally work for the hot flashes (it is horse estrogen so not identical to human estrogen, but at least it is mammalian estrogen). And the premarin cream will work for the vaginal dryness, though in my experience not as well as true human estrogens which are available in Thailand (Estrogel for general body application, Vagifem for vaginal application).

But the synthetic progestins will not only often fail to relieve the "crazies" but will also often make them much, much worse. It used to be thought that the only hormone that needed replacement for menopausal symptoms was estrogen, with a synthetic progestin added to offset the thickening of the uterine lining that otherwise results. This is not at all the case: women going through menopause suffer from drops in both estrogen and progesterone and need both of these replaced. Furthermore, while it is the estrogen that accounts for the vasomotor problems (hot flashes, night sweats etc) it is the progesterone that is most important in the "crazies" and it is important to replace it with a bioidentical progesterone, not with a synthetic progestin.

Unfortunately very few Thai physicians have even heard of this, and while bioidentical estrogan in topical form is readil yavailable (Oestrogel), bioidentical progesterone is harder to source. There is a micronized oral form called utrogestan (OTC but can be hard to find). There is also a suppository form called Cyclogest but it is a higher dose that indicated for menopause (used in fertility treatments), you'd have to try to slice it in half. Anti-aging clinics attached to large hospitals often compound their own progesterone cream, which is the preferred way to take progesterone, and if the woman will only listen to a Thai doctor these may be the best option, though they are expensive.

Bioidentical progesterone can also be ordered online from http://www.healthdesigns.com/catalogsearch/result/?q=Progest (the first product shown, Progest, and select shipping option #1). And this place in Bangkok apparently stocks it as well , and has a doctor familiar with bioidenticial HRT (female farang doctor, speaks Thai): http://www.medconsultasia.com/

I have yet to encounter a case where a menopausal woman's "crazies" did not respond well to bioidentical HRT. But that is nto what you will get from the average Thai physician, and while some women will still see an improvement from the synthetics they prescribe, others will have not improvement or even get worse.

Western women are very well informed on all this, but Thai women seldom are.

[Autonuaq]

it is a part of life and most woman only have about 1 year problems.

you can deal with it.

And if not then look at it as a small reverence to you for all the things you have done and did hurt her feeling but she took with out any arguments.

come on 30 year and you want to quit because of this small bump. A bump we all know that will come some time.

Be a man and enjoy life with her.

[Suradit69]

Who "diagnosed" this alleged "menopause." ? The symptoms could well be the result of living with a -******** for 30 years.

Pay for your wife of 30 years to consult with a Consultant Gynecologist or Endocrinologist at the Bumrungrad hospital in Bangkok .

She can be helped but not by ignorant behavior.

Sorry for being blunt.

I find it difficult to believe anyone would even want to throw this open to discussion on a message board (at least in terms of dumping the wife without losing the income) or would regard his wife of 30 years as disposable and would then run through a catalog of his real estate holdings as if that were relevant to his wife's condition. I'd like to believe the OP was a troll post, but I fear it and some of the equally insensitive, financial-based responses were all too real. A sad commentary on what the social media era is revealing about the superficiality of relationships.

Edited October 26, 2015 by Suradit69

[maderaroja]

There are a variety of drugs on the market, not one, for Hormone Replacement Therapy. If one does not do the trick get another. If the doctor tells you to "suffer", get a new doctor.

[jmccarty]

I think mine started menopause in her late 20's. Funny girl. She wants sex all the time, but is bad tempered and if you if you did not know her better, you would think she just plain does not like me or our son!

For some, this must be just their natural state. I'm sure I am in for a real handful when the real hormone changes start taking place. Maybe I will be lucky and die before then!

[AlQaholic]

Give her a roofie every morning.....

[Sheryl]

I think mine started menopause in her late 20's. Funny girl. She wants sex all the time, but is bad tempered and if you if you did not know her better, you would think she just plain does not like me or our son!

For some, this must be just their natural state. I'm sure I am in for a real handful when the real hormone changes start taking place. Maybe I will be lucky and die before then!

Obviously your wife, being in her 20's, is not in menopause.

It is possible however that she has premenstrual dysphasic disorder (PMDD) and if this is the case, it can be treated. The key diagnostic feature of PMDD is that the severe mood problems occur only in the time prior to menstruation (anywhere from a few days to 10-14 full days before) and are dramatically relieved once the period arrives and do not recur until it is again within the two weeks before the next period. It is almost like living with two different people: for a couple of weeks she is fine, then for a week or even 2 she is impossible, then normal again. For the woman herself, during the premenstrual period not only does she feel like her nerve ends are frayed raw, with everything irritating her, but her brain is in a fog, she has troubkle concentrating and cannot handle even minor decisions. As soon as the period arrives, it is like a curtain suddenly lifts and everything is OK again except for the fallout from the outbursts that took place while in that state.

If this is the case then your wife needs treatment, starting with bioidentical progesterone (not estrogen, and not birth control pills -- they'll make it worse!!).

If on the other hand she is pretty much like this all the time, or if it is episodic but without a clear pattern linked to her menstrual cycle, then it is just her. She may indeed be unhappy in the marriage, and/or have some psychological problem.

As for OP, given that he has been married 30 years we can assume his wife is at least 50, probably a little over, and most Thai women are in menopause by that age. In addition, likely there is now some irregularity of the menstrual periods or they have stopped. Age 50 or more, periods stopped or infrequent --> doesn't need a doctor to tel you this is menopause. It may however need a doctor to treat it.

I think OP was just venting/expressing how bad it is with the talk of leaving. If he was seriously of such a mind he would have left well before now and not be posting for advice. So let's cut him (but not some of those who responded) some slack.

Untreated menopause can indeed be horrible, both for the woman herself and those around her. As I have tried to explain in prior posts, though, it does not have to be this way. Effective treatments are available.

[flyingdoc]

HRT is one option, as is starting to take Agnus Castus and Black Cohosh! Why not try those first?

[off road pat]

" We own our own home and five rental houses that provide us with a living"

​And legally, they all belong to her and not you.

Be honest, it would be too expensive to leave her.

Suck it up Dude and deal with it.

We all get older and go through changes.

If she was a good wife for all of those years,

you owe her some respect , consideration, and compassion.

It is all not really about just you.

P.S., Yes, my wife and I are going through the same thing.

We are dealing with it together.

Great response,...love it.

[jmccarty]

@Sheryl, she has recently asked me to help her find help. She does not like the way she treats us. And we of course are being conditioned to fight fire with fire, especially my young son. I'm naturally very mild mannered with a lot of patience. She has no patience and flys off at the first hint of something not going the way she wants it to. I get HRT for a physical condition after multiple accidents and a career induced osteonecrosis. My HRT does not address or assist in managing her situation.

[n210mp]

An inappropriate post and replies to it have been removed. Posters/readers, please use the report function when you see something inappropriate as that will speed up the time it takes for a Mod to deal with it.

n210mp: it is very likely that your wife did not have the right type of HRT. Thai doctors are not at all up to date on this and still tend to use synthetics. Read up on "bioidentical HRT".

In particular, the use of a synthetic progestin will often worsen the mood problems (or as I call it, "the crazies"). The estrogen usually used (premarin or equivalent) will generally work for the hot flashes (it is horse estrogen so not identical to human estrogen, but at least it is mammalian estrogen). And the premarin cream will work for the vaginal dryness, though in my experience not as well as true human estrogens which are available in Thailand (Estrogel for general body application, Vagifem for vaginal application).

But the synthetic progestins will not only often fail to relieve the "crazies" but will also often make them much, much worse. It used to be thought that the only hormone that needed replacement for menopausal symptoms was estrogen, with a synthetic progestin added to offset the thickening of the uterine lining that otherwise results. This is not at all the case: women going through menopause suffer from drops in both estrogen and progesterone and need both of these replaced. Furthermore, while it is the estrogen that accounts for the vasomotor problems (hot flashes, night sweats etc) it is the progesterone that is most important in the "crazies" and it is important to replace it with a bioidentical progesterone, not with a synthetic progestin.

Unfortunately very few Thai physicians have even heard of this, and while bioidentical estrogan in topical form is readil yavailable (Oestrogel), bioidentical progesterone is harder to source. There is a micronized oral form called utrogestan (OTC but can be hard to find). There is also a suppository form called Cyclogest but it is a higher dose that indicated for menopause (used in fertility treatments), you'd have to try to slice it in half. Anti-aging clinics attached to large hospitals often compound their own progesterone cream, which is the preferred way to take progesterone, and if the woman will only listen to a Thai doctor these may be the best option, though they are expensive.

Bioidentical progesterone can also be ordered online from http://www.healthdesigns.com/catalogsearch/result/?q=Progest (the first product shown, Progest, and select shipping option #1). And this place in Bangkok apparently stocks it as well , and has a doctor familiar with bioidenticial HRT (female farang doctor, speaks Thai): http://www.medconsultasia.com/

I have yet to encounter a case where a menopausal woman's "crazies" did not respond well to bioidentical HRT. But that is nto what you will get from the average Thai physician, and while some women will still see an improvement from the synthetics they prescribe, others will have not improvement or even get worse.

Western women are very well informed on all this, but Thai women seldom are.

Thanks for your input Sheryl I was hoping you would add something to this thread.

My Lady wife actually did get HRT therapy in the UK, I made sure that she got citizenship for all the advantages which were obvious at the time.

Wan actually had two different prescriptions of HRT therapy which was diagnosed by our lovely Malaysian GP at the time, which when I think about is now more than 6 years ago and she and I are still suffering

My friends wife who also suffers from the menopause, started at age 53, she is now 63 has been suffering now with cold and hot sweats but does not really suffer too much from mood swing but does get a little depressed with it

We are hoping that in the near future we will be going to the Uk for a longish holiday ,mainly for the health benefits and more full and intense Body MOT

[mihalis]

Funny shit, wife going thru menopause, and you after 30 years, wanna dump her, hope she gets rid of you, before you hit your old mans crisis and start after 20 year olds, and they fleece your old ass.....

[Nemesis7]

It is sad when after spending such a long time with your wife just over menopause you want to give up the relationship.

love, respect & affection are only to be obtained by giving them in return..

[Sheryl]

@Sheryl, she has recently asked me to help her find help. She does not like the way she treats us. And we of course are being conditioned to fight fire with fire, especially my young son. I'm naturally very mild mannered with a lot of patience. She has no patience and flys off at the first hint of something not going the way she wants it to. I get HRT for a physical condition after multiple accidents and a career induced osteonecrosis. My HRT does not address or assist in managing her situation.

Well of course not, entirely different hormones involved.

Where do you live?

[thailanddogerator]

5555 this one is so funny "two grown children who have turned out very well and are pursuing successful careers on their own. Although they are no longer dependent on us, a breakup of our marriage would likely have a profound negative effect upon them" !!!

Wait that they are 60 maybe they could handle the situation better ?

[jmccarty]

Nemesis and Mihalis, she might be happy to be rid of him thereafter. I have a 73 year old mom that would benefit very much by ditching my 79 year old father. But much of what a few have said above about hormones, and I should add depression, and the treatment or not thereof really could fix things if it is not too late. Sometimes, it is too late though! Sad situation about life!

[Dumbastheycome]

My sister is going through this and it has knocked her around no end. Grumpy, fights on a drop of a hat and just a real *&%h to deal with until she went and took medical advice and was given treatment (as in Western Treatment) and she really calmed down a lot.

Doctor told her for the next few years she was in for a rough patch but HRT and some other medications certainly made a change.

Go and find a good doctor and then fight it on all fronts together.

Absolutely right. Approached as a possible solution to her irritability and discomfort ( therefore demonstrating concern for her) and avoiding your ( OP ) initial suggestion that departing would your personal solution even though acknowledging the impact on others would likely be dramatic seems to need a bit more rationality. HRT is often no magic fix but it usually helps a lot.

[Sheryl]

Wan actually had two different prescriptions of HRT therapy which was diagnosed by our lovely Malaysian GP at the time, which when I think about is now more than 6 years ago and she and I are still suffering..

Yes but what sort of HRT? Odds are it was a synthetic progestin plus horse estrogen. Especially with a Malaysian GP.

All HRT is not at all the same. You need to find a doctor who is familiar with and will prescribe bio-identical HRT (or else DIY).

This is an area where it is essential to be an informed consumer. Know the names of what drugs are given, read up on them and the alternatives.

[jmccarty]

@Sheryl, she has recently asked me to help her find help. She does not like the way she treats us. And we of course are being conditioned to fight fire with fire, especially my young son. I'm naturally very mild mannered with a lot of patience. She has no patience and flys off at the first hint of something not going the way she wants it to. I get HRT for a physical condition after multiple accidents and a career induced osteonecrosis. My HRT does not address or assist in managing her situation.

Well of course not, entirely different hormones involved.

Where do you live?

Pattaya!