Relationships in Thailand

[villagefarang]

I am only 32 so probably half the age of most people on this forum but I hated dating in thai, Same with all my friends. Relationships had virtually no chance of succeeding unless you are willing to take care for entire family forever limiting your own options. I also love the line about thai wives being incredibly faithful from some of the previous posters here, The amount of times myself and other friends were propositioned by these apparently faithful wives even out at restaurants when their partners left for the loo for a few minutes.....

If you want a simple life and someone who will take care of you as long as you have money then thai girls are fine. If you want are looking for someone who you can work hard with and make a great life together then it is insanely hard to find someone seeing as thai qualifications are worthless anywhere outside thailand, Getting her a visa for many western countries in a long tedius process and basically the having to take care of her entire family financialy leaves you less well off. For younger blokes thailand is probably the worst place to look for a relationship!!

Yes, I am in my 60s now but that doesn’t mean I was never young. I have lived here since my early 20s and didn’t settle down until my mid-40s so I know what it is like to be young in Thailand.

The standard phrase in my day was ‘Thailand is a great place for married guys to fool around but not for single guys to date.’ Things are much more liberal and modern than they were back then but still, if you are looking for strictly western style relationships, that can be hard to find in Thailand.

If you can broaden your view of what a relationship is then Thailand can be great but if you can’t then it is probably best to look elsewhere.

While I don’t doubt the veracity of your comment about being propositioned, I do suggest you were not dealing with the kind of people who are posting on this topic.

[Supaluke]

I have to ask, what sort of 'relationship' is the Opening Poster referring to?

A Partner relationship?

A Business relationship?

A Friend relationship (interpret that which ever way you wish )

A Relative relationship? Be it Mother-in-Law or adopted Thai son, or other.

A Bike Mechanic relationship?

Be specific please, we aren't mind readers you know!

Are you not happy with the relationship with your wife, even though you say she is your mate?

BTW, I'm sure your wife is a lovely person.

[SoiBiker]

I have to ask, what sort of 'relationship' is the Opening Poster referring to?

A Partner relationship?

A Business relationship?

A Friend relationship (interpret that which ever way you wish )

A Relative relationship? Be it Mother-in-Law or adopted Thai son, or other.

A Bike Mechanic relationship?

Be specific please, we aren't mind readers you know!

Are you not happy with the relationship with your wife, even though you say she is your mate?

BTW, I'm sure your wife is a lovely person.

You couldn't figure that out from the context? Date night with your bike mechanic must make for an interesting evening.

What makes you think I'm not happy with the relationship with my wife?

[TuskegeeBen]

What a strange response.

A variety of opinions was what I was hoping for. As far as I can gather from your somewhat confusing post, you seem to have rather misunderstood the question.

Strange? Confusing? OK, Sorry you feel that way. Perhaps we just don't communicate from the same English language platform. I was of the impression that your question was academic. Thus my reply. My mistake! Cheers

I also think you missed the point. Perhaps you could read the OP again.

I did read the OP again. It is an open, non-specific, generic post, at best. Regardless, my reply was specificly detailed, and directed toward a specific genre of readers. Based upon most of the other replies I've read thus far, it appears that the OP's question was directed more toward the Richard Forbrain Society members of LOS expats. Again, I thought the OP was an academic query, instead. My mistake, sorry Adios!

Edited November 5, 2015 by TuskegeeBen

[Supaluke]

I have to ask, what sort of 'relationship' is the Opening Poster referring to?

A Partner relationship?

A Business relationship?

A Friend relationship (interpret that which ever way you wish )

A Relative relationship? Be it Mother-in-Law or adopted Thai son, or other.

A Bike Mechanic relationship?

Be specific please, we aren't mind readers you know!

Are you not happy with the relationship with your wife, even though you say she is your mate?

BTW, I'm sure your wife is a lovely person.

You couldn't figure that out from the context? Date night with your bike mechanic must make for an interesting evening.

What makes you think I'm not happy with the relationship with my wife?

There was really no context given, the question simply being, 'What are your experiences of forming or maintaining a relationship here?'

Sorry to hear about not being happy with the relationship with your wife, it seems to be a theme not uncommon.

I hope things work out better for you in the future.

[Mr Wonderful]

My wife is happy. We have a good and open relationship. I can do what pleases me and so can she. Ten years have made us trust eachother's intentions.

I pointed out she is high maintenance because I have committee at least 1-1.5 M baht per year to which she replied that it's pretty cheap compared to hiso spending of 1-2M per month.

She won that argument I guess...

[SoiBiker]

I have to ask, what sort of 'relationship' is the Opening Poster referring to?

A Partner relationship?

A Business relationship?

A Friend relationship (interpret that which ever way you wish )

A Relative relationship? Be it Mother-in-Law or adopted Thai son, or other.

A Bike Mechanic relationship?

Be specific please, we aren't mind readers you know!

Are you not happy with the relationship with your wife, even though you say she is your mate?

BTW, I'm sure your wife is a lovely person.

You couldn't figure that out from the context? Date night with your bike mechanic must make for an interesting evening.

What makes you think I'm not happy with the relationship with my wife?

There was really no context given, the question simply being, 'What are your experiences of forming or maintaining a relationship here?'

Sorry to hear about not being happy with the relationship with your wife, it seems to be a theme not uncommon.

I hope things work out better for you in the future.

Again, what makes you think I'm not happy with my wife?

[dotpoom]

Not exactly the "In debth and close up" look at relationship between Thai and Foreigners that I thought it was going to be judgeing by what I have read up to a certain point.

As I see it, most relationships work as follows....you get out of them what you put into them (and on many occasions, a lot more).

[NoshowJones]

When I dated beautiful women in the US they would cheat at the drop of A hat.I guess that's normal.

In Thailand the women that I have been with haven't even glanced at another man.

Maybe Thai women know when they have A good thing their not going to gamble on finding someone better.

"Maybe Thai women know when they have A good thing their not going to gamble on finding someone better".

Not as long as the money keeps flowing, though I do understand there are a minority of times when that is not

the case, like mine and the OPs.

[TuskegeeBen]

I think a big part of finding the "right" one is how you match up on all levels.....This takes time and luck.....If something is not agreeing with your moral/emotional/comfort/"life" compass/bank and you have to make allowances/concessions in the things you believe are right/extremely important for you - for any woman things are usually not going to work.....

Thai women want to be loved, comfortable with their man, equally treated with respect, they want to feel secure , and feel valued - the same simple needs every woman wants from her man.....However → like everywhere some women are just not good wife material/prospects....Women that are are making their money in a lazy way are not going to be industrious about anything except taking your money....

My wife just happens to be Thai....Fortunately - but not by accident - we match up in most every way from our outlooks on living to our personalities - both strong but understated.....Not once have I ever put her down nor she me.....We get along completely with healthy laughter...She's in her 40s I'm in my 60s and that age spacing works.....

I see guys 60ish steering around 18-20 somethings - or - being steered around by 18-20 somethings = usually not a wise choice....

The old saw on here is that Uni educated hard working professional women are fictional and to be scoffed at....Not so - my wife is University educated, was earning 5-7x's what the Thais are making, had her own car and bank credit lines ....My ILs are farm people - great people that have never asked for anything - except that I treat their daughter well & I have been treated with love, warmth, and respect....

We share and talk about everything right down to sports...Truly enjoying our time with each other.....

I think a lot comes down to luck.....But also "finishing schools"

also play a part....A university is a good one.....Setting up a food stand and/or working is another.

For some it's bars and massage parlors......

It's a choice of where to look...and where your value system "bank" leads you.....

Thailand is full of good, strong, beautiful (inside and out) women that could be great partners and many on here - and in my life's experience have found them.....But it takes time to look/seek/weed them out.....

If someone is here limited time the options and chances diminish decidedly.....

[TuskegeeBen]

I think a big part of finding the "right" one is how you match up on all levels.....This takes time and luck.....If something is not agreeing with your moral/emotional/comfort/"life" compass/bank and you have to make allowances/concessions in the things you believe are right/extremely important for you - for any woman things are usually not going to work.....

Thai women want to be loved, comfortable with their man, equally treated with respect, they want to feel secure , and feel valued - the same simple needs every woman wants from her man.....However → like everywhere some women are just not good wife material/prospects....Women that are are making their money in a lazy way are not going to be industrious about anything except taking your money....

My wife just happens to be Thai....Fortunately - but not by accident - we match up in most every way from our outlooks on living to our personalities - both strong but understated.....Not once have I ever put her down nor she me.....We get along completely with healthy laughter...She's in her 40s I'm in my 60s and that age spacing works.....

I see guys 60ish steering around 18-20 somethings - or - being steered around by 18-20 somethings = usually not a wise choice....

The old saw on here is that Uni educated hard working professional women are fictional and to be scoffed at....Not so - my wife is University educated, was earning 5-7x's what the Thais are making, had her own car and bank credit lines ....My ILs are farm people - great people that have never asked for anything - except that I treat their daughter well & I have been treated with love, warmth, and respect....

We share and talk about everything right down to sports...Truly enjoying our time with each other.....

I think a lot comes down to luck.....But also "finishing schools"

also play a part....A university is a good one.....Setting up a food stand and/or working is another.

For some it's bars and massage parlors......

It's a choice of where to look...and where your value system "bank" leads you.....

Thailand is full of good, strong, beautiful (inside and out) women that could be great partners and many on here - and in my life's experience have found them.....But it takes time to look/seek/weed them out.....

If someone is here limited time the options and chances diminish decidedly.....

Exactamundo! My apologies, re: the last time around. Cheers!

Edited November 5, 2015 by TuskegeeBen

[williamgeorgeallen]

comparing apples and oranges, although apples and oranges have a lot more in common. in the west it is possible to have what I would consider a traditional relationship. its very different here in Thailand. as so many people have said the cultural, economic, language and often age differences make relations very different here. many of my friends have tried to have girlfriends but the really happy ones have gone back to the single life. exceptions are those with kids (myself included) thai girls seem to be very devoted mums (not all of course)Thailand just seems to be a better place to be single for most.

[puffy]

I am only 32 so probably half the age of most people on this forum but I hated dating in thai, Same with all my friends. Relationships had virtually no chance of succeeding unless you are willing to take care for entire family forever limiting your own options. I also love the line about thai wives being incredibly faithful from some of the previous posters here, The amount of times myself and other friends were propositioned by these apparently faithful wives even out at restaurants when their partners left for the loo for a few minutes.....

If you want a simple life and someone who will take care of you as long as you have money then thai girls are fine. If you want are looking for someone who you can work hard with and make a great life together then it is insanely hard to find someone seeing as thai qualifications are worthless anywhere outside thailand, Getting her a visa for many western countries in a long tedius process and basically the having to take care of her entire family financialy leaves you less well off. For younger blokes thailand is probably the worst place to look for a relationship!!

I am 37 years old and got married at 33 to my Thai wife who is 35 years old. We have 2 daughters and I can honestly say I have never been happier. I have

never once given money to her family or ever been asked to. She is University educated and had her own house and car when we met.

Now she doesn't work because we have 2 young girls, but she might go back when they start school.

All of my friends are of a similar age to me and apart from one they all have long term girlfriends or are married. When we go on holiday she has had no problem

getting a visa including the US and the UK. I don't know what type of girls you mix with but I can take an educated guess. Girls that need to send money home to take care of their families are obviously from poorer families and these girls often have limited job options. My wife is most certainly not Hi So, but I would classify her as middle class and her family don't need any money from her as they have a lot more.

You need to broaden your horizons.Thailand is certainly not the worst place for relatively young people to have a relationship. As far as being faithful goes I am sure many wives are unfaithful just like in any country, but I would bet my house that it is the men in a relationship who are more unfaithful.

[NoshowJones]

I have to ask, what sort of 'relationship' is the Opening Poster referring to?

A Partner relationship?

A Business relationship?

A Friend relationship (interpret that which ever way you wish )

A Relative relationship? Be it Mother-in-Law or adopted Thai son, or other.

A Bike Mechanic relationship?

Be specific please, we aren't mind readers you know!

Are you not happy with the relationship with your wife, even though you say she is your mate?

BTW, I'm sure your wife is a lovely person.

You couldn't figure that out from the context? Date night with your bike mechanic must make for an interesting evening.

What makes you think I'm not happy with the relationship with my wife?

There was really no context given, the question simply being, 'What are your experiences of forming or maintaining a relationship here?'

Sorry to hear about not being happy with the relationship with your wife, it seems to be a theme not uncommon.

I hope things work out better for you in the future.

"Sorry to hear about not being happy with the relationship with your wife, it seems to be a theme not uncommon".

While the OP is more than capable of speaking for himself, I just want to ask what makes you think he is not happy with the relationship with his wife.

If you have read some of his topics and posts, this one included, he comes across as someone who is obviously happy in the relationship with his wife.

[JLCrab]

Guys here like to talk about finding a 'compatible' Thai girl with a similar education. I am a college drop-out -- makes things easier.

BTW Reading his stuff, I never get the impression that the OP is unhappy in his relationship. It's just that reading his stuff, one might get the impression he thinks that that nobody else is.

Edited November 5, 2015 by JLCrab

[Thunderbirds20]

Money is the main motivator for Thai women. As long as you have lots and spend it on her and her kids and family and never run out of cash, you will be fine! If your money runs out, ...you will be out like yesterday's garbage!

[Andrew65]

When I dated beautiful women in the US they would cheat at the drop of A hat.I guess that's normal.

In Thailand the women that I have been with haven't even glanced at another man.

Maybe Thai women know when they have A good thing their not going to gamble on finding someone better.

We have to be careful not to get rose-tinted-spectacle-syndrome here (and I know that we all have different perceptions & experiences).

About three years ago, I decided that I'd had enough of the one-night-stands etc. So I got online, and signed up to a dating agency, my first real hit was a success.

Anyway, we met at a Starbucks and seemed to get on really well, I thought she was very attractive, and wore expensive beautiful clothes. Also, she had a great job working for a television channel, where she earned about USD 7,000 per-month.

She also had a car, which I figured would be great, if she would ferry me between hostelries (she neither smoked, nor drank alcohol).

Anyway, it turned out that she was seeing someone else right from the start, which is when it all turned sour (I was planning on not screwing around, having done that in Thailand, on & off, since 1985).

I have been happily single since we split, and have no plans whatsoever to go with anyone, in any way at all. I just don't need the hassle, the expense, and the grief, also quick legovers are becoming something that I do care less for, as I get older.

[thaiduncankk]

For some it's bars and massage parlors......

It's a choice of where to look...and where your value system "bank" leads you.....

And on here probably 95% internet, same, same but different ?

[mikiea]

When I dated beautiful women in the US they would cheat at the drop of A hat.I guess that's normal.

In Thailand the women that I have been with haven't even glanced at another man.

Maybe Thai women know when they have A good thing their not going to gamble on finding someone better.

ehhhh..... you just haven't seen them glance .

[MaeJoMTB]

She's in her 40s I'm in my 60s and that age spacing works.....

I see guys 60ish steering around 18-20 somethings - or - being steered around by 18-20 somethings = usually not a wise choice....

The old saw on here is that Uni educated hard working professional women are fictional and to be scoffed at....Not so - my wife is University educated, was earning 5-7x's what the Thais are making, had her own car and bank credit lines ....My ILs are farm people - great people that have never asked for anything - except that I treat their daughter well & I have been treated with love, warmth, and respect....

555!

20 years or 40 years it don't matter.

Every 'wealthy educated' Thai girls dream fantasy ..... to sleep with a white guy old enough to be her dad!

Edited November 5, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[Nowisee]

Easy to form, sorta easy to maintain with little effort, just as easy to end.

I don't find it easier. Life as retired is less stressful back there and here, so relationships back there are not hard either... and I might add more meaningful, intellectually stimulating and usually more fun.

Here, if she is working a full time job, have very little time together... but when together can be fun.

Eating out is a lot easier.

[elgordo38]

Well don't eat out too much!!! If you are fat falang about 60 and you have a 25 year old girlfriend she is probably with you because you have a big..... pocket.

Why oh why did you have to tell me the truth. I am a fat 77 and my g/f is 26 we have been together for 4 years now. I have neither a big.... or a big pocket. You have crushed me. I am mortally wounded. Life will never be the same/sane again. Oh woes is me. I am going to book an appointment with a psychiatrist for her today.

[elgordo38]

When I dated beautiful women in the US they would cheat at the drop of A hat.I guess that's normal.

In Thailand the women that I have been with haven't even glanced at another man.

Maybe Thai women know when they have A good thing their not going to gamble on finding someone better.

Even though I am 77 and a bit pudgy I think this is why my young g/f stays. She knows a good thing when she sees it. I would not hesitate to lock her in a room full of ...... well maybe not.

[elgordo38]

I agree with Village Farang and JL too - speaking thai language helps - but as VF said, things change and develop - we too have a nice balance of independence and can accept that we both don't always have the same interests. We do things together, function as a family together, but i get plenty of alone time and the peace and quiet I need.

We do not discuss our relationship - [sounds like a fight in the western World] we just have one. I think living in the village gives my wife lots of security and plenty of time to be with her large family. Sometimes we hang out together, sometimes don't see each other all day… we both have phones if anything comes up.

There are cultural differences. I find it interesting more than a detriment. Often a learning experience for me as in general, the middle class people in my home country don't seem half as happy as the poor people here.

I see people here criticize Thai people, Thai culture and then they seem to have problems with their wives too. It seems particularly odd as we are guests in their country - and it also seems that people who take the time to learn some of the traditional customs and language seem to get along better too.

Yes speaking Thai is a definite plus but alas at 77 I am to old to learn. On the flip side my 26 year old g/f is eager to improve her English which I try to improve daily. That she speaks so good English fascinates all the foreigners in our condo and her parents. I have told her after I am gone do a stint in Korea like her brother is doing and so many other Thai's do. Wages are good(she will not need the money but every little bit helps), your exposed to another language and culture. At her age the world is her oyster but the clock is ticking on this.

[Stevemercer]

Quite a few Thai woman I have met have a 'father fixation', which can explain why they want an older man who they can respect and who can control them.

Their family situation often has one or more of the following elements. Her father died when she was young. She feels he really loved her and she misses him. She has a brother who she thinks her mother and family loves best. She always felt unloved by her mother and that the son(s) got the best of everything (this seems to be a Thai thing). She feels that her mother only tolerates her and expects money from her. Her mother is too busy with her new boyfriend to pay much attention to her.

Subconciously, she will be attracted to an older man to replace her father. And it often works both ways, She gets the father figure and love that has been missing in her life and he gets youth and energy to make him feel needed and more alive. There's nothing wrong with this relationship trade-off in my mind?

[SoiBiker]

Everyone else seems to have got the idea.

[CharlieH]

Off topic removed.

[Andrew65]

I am only 32 so probably half the age of most people on this forum but I hated dating in thai, Same with all my friends. Relationships had virtually no chance of succeeding unless you are willing to take care for entire family forever limiting your own options. I also love the line about thai wives being incredibly faithful from some of the previous posters here, The amount of times myself and other friends were propositioned by these apparently faithful wives even out at restaurants when their partners left for the loo for a few minutes.....

If you want a simple life and someone who will take care of you as long as you have money then thai girls are fine. If you want are looking for someone who you can work hard with and make a great life together then it is insanely hard to find someone seeing as thai qualifications are worthless anywhere outside thailand, Getting her a visa for many western countries in a long tedius process and basically the having to take care of her entire family financialy leaves you less well off. For younger blokes thailand is probably the worst place to look for a relationship!!

What I hear from some guys (not necessarily TV'ers) sounds like:

I had two marriages back home which ended in divorce, mainly cos I couldn't keep my d**k in my trousers for 5 minutes.

So I thought, why not move to Thailand.

What could POSSIBLY go wrong???

[Skeptic7]

Better and easier here in Thailand for myriad reasons. Initially, it was all just fun and variety. For the past decade, I've had 2 serious relationships. First lasted 5 years and was awesome. The current GF of 4 years running is awesome too, though their personalities couldn't be more different. Wouldn't say everything is 100% "rosy" 100% of the time, but it's pretty damn close...and much rosier than with American women.

We dine out alot because we travel around alot and it's true that it's more affordable, but my GF loves to cook and is amazing at it, so when at home we tend to eat at home. Even on the road, she can whip up a stompin' hot yum nom jin no time! Movies are more affordable too. We usually go on Wednesdays...80 baht night at Major Cineplex.

[TuskegeeBen]

I am only 32 so probably half the age of most people on this forum but I hated dating in thai, Same with all my friends. Relationships had virtually no chance of succeeding unless you are willing to take care for entire family forever limiting your own options. I also love the line about thai wives being incredibly faithful from some of the previous posters here, The amount of times myself and other friends were propositioned by these apparently faithful wives even out at restaurants when their partners left for the loo for a few minutes.....

If you want a simple life and someone who will take care of you as long as you have money then thai girls are fine. If you want are looking for someone who you can work hard with and make a great life together then it is insanely hard to find someone seeing as thai qualifications are worthless anywhere outside thailand, Getting her a visa for many western countries in a long tedius process and basically the having to take care of her entire family financialy leaves you less well off. For younger blokes thailand is probably the worst place to look for a relationship!!

What I hear from some guys (not necessarily TV'ers) sounds like:

I had two marriages back home which ended in divorce, mainly cos I couldn't keep my d**k in my trousers for 5 minutes.

So I thought, why not move to Thailand.

What could POSSIBLY go wrong???

with a huge audience