Thailands unspoken law.

[Bitten14]

Short version.

Why do Thai people think it is ok to have a foreign partner and then a Thai partner when the foreign partner is not here in Thailand?

How is this acceptable?

Why is it "just their way"?

How does everyone else know about it except for the foreigner?

Why are they upset at me because I found out and left the relationship?

Long version.

A little about my self,

I been traveling to Thailand since the year 2000,

I work abroad in construction.

I was single for 12 years as my last relationship I was cheated on.

In 2012 I moved Thailand. Few months passed and I me a cute little Thai girl working and swensen ice cream eatery.

We started to date 4 weeks later when I returned from work.

We have now been together for almost 4 years.

Over this time I have met her family and friends. Her family love me to bits

She has a lot of male friends. I chose to trust her and it didn't bother me much. And I wanted to show she could trust me.

12 of her girlfriends I have met over the 4 years have foreigner partners, some of whom I met.

I don't ask many questions, but I always observer as I don't know the language that well.

The girls I have seen over time, I have seen in the village, temple parties, or out and about, usually with a very close Thai male friend. And my partner says "it just her brother, cousin, friend.

It's not my business or relationship and I don't knew anything about them so I just continue on doing what I am doing.

8 months ago we finally lodged her paper for partner visa in my home country.

Last month I proposed to get with a 400,000 baht ring.

So I thought things where going pretty well.

In July I felt some things had changed. Something wasn't right. But I thought it was just me because I work away so much.

Last week a really good friend of hers had some trouble (friend number 12). I have known her good friend from the village since I met my partner, as that was the first stop when I returned. I just wanted to get out of Bangkok and go somewhere quiet.

This friend I know has a foreigner partner longer than 4 years and her has bought her land, built a modern house in the village and sends her money ever month.

Now last week my partner said we have to go pick this friend up and travel to a shopping center to clear up the trouble.

I sat in the car park watching them dispute with to my surprise a Thai male. A bit of slapping and pushing but nothing to serious.

When they returned we went upstairs to a bank. As we approached the bank I watched a girl get up and run into the back room.

We then returned to the car with the girls and went home.

Her friend apologized to me as she knows good English.

I asked my partner what it was about. She said ask her friend. Her friend later said that " I try to get stuff back from my ex boyfriend and go see the new girl he cheat on me with."

I was in shock.

I then asked my partner how long she been with this man. She said 8 months, I said I thought she had a foreigner boyfriend, "yes she does, so what" was her reply very defensively.

I said that is cheating.

She said "no, he is in his county and not come much, so it's ok"

I asked we about some of her other friends. She said the same thing. " they in another country, it ok and not my business.

I could see this was starting to upset her, so I left it.

I bought it up a few more times and she said it's not my business and stay out of it.

My partner upset I decided to surprise her at work. When I arrive she was not there, her friend said she had to help a friend.

Been cheated on before I started picking up on different things, moods, conversations, constantly stuck to her phone, I always ignored it because I wanted to trust her.

I sent away to check the tracking of my scooter we had. I found the scooter at a short time hotel.

Everything was starting to fall into place. I started to see clearly now. I felt so stupid.

I had caught my partner red handed cheating on me with a Thai male she called a friend. I seen it with my own eyes.

She didn't know that I knew anything about what I had witnessed.

I was absolutely crushed.

As we have many assets together and in her name I was now in defense mode, cash in and get out.

I checked my gps tracking records and found she had been going to the same place 2-3 times a week when I was out of the country, once a week when I was with her.

The evil part about it. She met with her boyfriend the night before I arrived. We went on a special little trip and I proposed to her and she accepted, when I returned to work she was back meeting with her boyfriend at the same spot.

I never ever thought it would happen to me. Up until yesterday I was still getting asked for money, and buy her goods, and need this and that, still planning the wedding and wanting to buying stuff to take back to my home country. She really had no idea that I now knew what was happening.

Yesterday I sold the last of my main assets and left her with a letter.

Now her family and friends are treating me like the bad guy, saying " i do her wrong? " and " it's just the way it is here.?"

Why is it that I'm The bad guy now?

Over the last year I have 3 friends I work with go through the same experience, ex wife and partners who have Thai boyfriends. And found out the hard way.

When a Thai female would show interest in me, my partner was on to it straight away, give her evils or tell her off. But for her is was ok to have another relationship.

What I want to know, has this happen to anyone else.

Most Thais I speak too say that's just the way it is.

I was totally unaware and it caught me by surprise.

I am still crushed and in disbelief.

And she is pissed at me for finding out, she was extremely sneaky.

I chose to cut my losses of 4.2 million baht I had used on my partner and leave.

[1FinickyOne]

And basically you want to know if this has happened to anyone else? That they have been cheated on and deceived?

I would say likely yes and in every country on earth…

I even have heard that men do it too - - on rare occasions.

Good luck and on to the next.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

A girl from Swensens? Seriously?

How about next time you find a woman close to your own age?

Do you really think younger generation has anything in common with you?

Can you blame a younger woman wanting to live her life?

And to answer your question.... no this is not Thailand's "unspoken law". What a bunch of.....

My girlfriend has a lot of friends and there are only a few instances of infidelity. Certainly no one ever said it is "normal" LOL

[CharlieH]

There are stories like this all over this forum. So no, its not unusual and in many cases t would seem its "the norm" if you are not careful.

Suggest you also read this as a similar story: http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/870503-another-victim-bites-the-dust-when-will-they-ever-learn/

There are even books written about it. Try "private dancer".

[colinneil]

Her family loves me to bits!! keep taking your medication my friend you are living in cloud cuckoo land if you believe that.

[DavidBonnie]

No its not acceptable nor has your age anything to do with it.

Honesty and Integrity are subjective and subject to change depending on the context.

Truth can be bent to suit a purpose but what is exclusive to Thailand is the cultural 'smoke' used to cloud the judgment of foreigners.

Don't buy anything bigger than a motorcycle and put it in a woman's name.

Do so at your peril.

I am very, very lucky but I also took precautions and had a demanding set of criteria when considering a serious partner.

I think you did the right thing but just a little late.

Spread the Gospel, don't be cynical BUT don't be a fool for love!

[kannot]

I think in my Wife village everyone is " doing" everyone from what I hear in fact just tuther day Wifes Sister called to say her man was asking her Sister in law for a shag and my Wife mistakenly let the cat out of the bag and said oh "Mrs so and so" and the Sister didnt know he was also humping some other woman so he had 2 on the go and he has nothing, no house no money etc

We live farrrrrrrrrrrrrr away and she has sold everything she had there to stay well away from the lot of em

[stoneyboy]

OP is a member since one hour call me cynical but I always take these posts with a pinch of salt I'm afraid.

Nothing more to add,I'm off out for a cold one.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

No its not acceptable nor has your age anything to do with it.

Honesty and Integrity are subjective and subject to change depending on the context.

Truth can be bent to suit a purpose but what is exclusive to Thailand is the cultural 'smoke' used to cloud the judgment of foreigners.

Don't buy anything bigger than a motorcycle and put it in a woman's name.

Do so at your peril.

I am very, very lucky but I also took precautions and had a demanding set of criteria when considering a serious partner.

I think you did the right thing but just a little late.

Spread the Gospel, don't be cynical BUT don't be a fool for love!

Of course it is not acceptable, but age has everything to do with it.

If people are not compatible on mental and physical level then what do you expect?

This goes for both sexes in whatever corner of the world.

Edited November 27, 2015 by theguyfromanotherforum

[Gutenberg]

Working at Swenson's. So she is probably 18 and you are 50+? What did you expect?

Why not use her as a little toy and do not spend big cash at her? I bet with 1 baht gold gift every month you would have had all much cheaper.

So, no, this is not common in Thailand and no, it is not common in the rest of the world.

However, it is common with prostitutes and also with stunning hotties. But you always know what you get.

[Berkshire]

There are stories like this all over this forum. So no, its not unusual and in many cases t would seem its "the norm" if you are not careful.

Suggest you also read this as a similar story: http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/870503-another-victim-bites-the-dust-when-will-they-ever-learn/

There are even books written about it. Try "private dancer".

Agree that this is a common occurrence. Especially within the subculture of Thai women who date farangs. The OP seems crush and defeated. Yet, he's probably still going to find another Thai woman. Not just him, but thousands of foreign men are seeking a Thai wife. If Thai women are so notoriously bad, why are so many wanting to be with them?

[chrisinth]

Sorry OP, it is not an unspoken law in Thailand.

In fact, i would say it was the opposite, started by someone's interpretation of something and escalating into a fable that everyone believes. Because they want to.

A few years ago, a falang's wife went home for a couple of days to visit her parents. A male relative of the wife stayed with the husband while she was gone.

It only took a day before he was being talked about because he was living with another bloke that he was gay! True story.

I'm not saying that it doesn't happen, of course it does. Maybe more than most places, but it happens in those places as well..........................

[Bitten14]

Thank you all for your reply good or bad.

I am 35 year old and my ex partner is 31 in February.

[kaorop]

"she has a lot of male friends" is the clue

In thailand, it seems, if you are seen with anyone of the opposite sex (even the same) everyone thinks/talks/says you are having sex.

Any pretty girl who "has a lot of male friends", doesnt have a lot of male friends, she has a lot of male suitors (this is world wide)

And I may have just fallen for the "relationship drama" click bait troll.

[1FinickyOne]

Bit - the simple rule is and this works about everywhere is that if you give something, it is a gift - expect nothing in return.

[Crazy chef 1]

May you see it from this side...it is just sex...dunno if (Thai) women can separate between sex and emotions...

[chickenslegs]

Our village handyman was bragging that he had shagged every mia falang in the village, except one.

When I told my wife about it and she said "That will be Noi from number 22, she thinks she's so hi-so".

[Enoon]

Cheated on at 20 in 2000

Visiting Thailand from 2000 to 2012 (aged 20-32) and managed to avoid advancing his "worldliness"?

The "innocent" gets taken for a ride with the first girl he "dates"?

She plays him so well yet "falls at the last hurdle"?

First post 13.16

Second (and last) post 18.20

Not exactly hanging on for advice and consolation is he?

Fake.

[Gutenberg]

Our village handyman was bragging that he had shagged every mia falang in the village, except one.

When I told my wife about it and she said "That will be Noi from number 22, she thinks she's so hi-so".

What about your wife then?

[chickenslegs]

Our village handyman was bragging that he had shagged every mia falang in the village, except one.

When I told my wife about it and she said "That will be Noi from number 22, she thinks she's so hi-so".

What about your wife then?

She's spending the night with her brother. I'll ask her when she gets home.

[sipi]

I couldn't blink without my farang mrs slipping out the back door. Never had that problem with my Thai Mrs.

The bad ones come in all shapes and sizes.

[Torrens54]

Her family loves me to bits!! keep taking your medication my friend you are living in cloud cuckoo land if you believe that.

Perhaps it is "THAINESS."

[DogNo1]

If you were to read up on the percentage of American women who have extramarital affairs, I think that you would be shocked. You can Google it. The number in Thailand must be huge. When I was in Vietnam, I knew wives of mid-level government officials (Vietnamese) who made money from foreign sex partners. Completely monogamous relationships may be rare. Welcome to real life!

[daoyai]

Not a Law, but according to the durex survey, Thailand is ranked number 2 in the world for infidelity, affairs and cheating. The top spot goes to some African country. Paradoxicly, Thai women (and men) hate a to be lied to but they sure excel at it. I call it "Asian honesty" words are meaningless, trust few.

[Rocceao]

From my expeience with the oposite sex not matter if ther are white, yellow or brown.

There are two types of women

1. The bare foot pregnant type, that just wants you to take care of her and have a happy family life with you
2. The type that is going to stick you for every cent you have and every other man she can, just because you stuck your pecker in her

I use to be a service manager in Oz many years ago and I had 5 ladies working for me and I saw and heard it every week, they all had BF's and were banging everone else they could at the same time and the bitch fights I saw when they all liked the same guy and wanted to be the first to bang him, they were all Australian ladies not one of them was thai.

If you look back in time the earliest books written will always have a story of some woman screwing over her partner e.g Eve, Deleila,Jezabel the list goes on.

Get over it and move on to the next one, its just life.

Thanks for taking the time to read my post.

Edited November 28, 2015 by Rocceao

[catman20]

and I hope you have learned something here

[ehs818]

The answer is simple, but perhaps you're not willing to accept it. Here is it: You are her personal ATM. Her family loves you because you are her personal ATM. Just got to learn to deal with it, or break things off now, before you spend too much to recover from.

[Datebayo]

Hey bro I feel ya. Been there done that, got the T-shirt. Millions have been cheated like this before, yes it's not a typo. In the history of Farang-Thai women relationships cheated history, millions of needy men got heart-broken like this. We are just suckers for love.

[klauskunkel]

...also, get an AIDS test...

[razer]

You need to take a "Thainess" class. You know ... the classes required by government to get a teaching license.

Here Thailand is ranked #1. http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/adultery-countries-most-unfaithful-5188791

HaHa ... now we have it!

Thailand, the HUB of Infidelity. Hoorah! We have a legitimate HUB.

FINALLY !!!

Edited November 28, 2015 by razer