tips for a begginer in Thailand, culture diff., dating ...

[thaiduncankk]

I think you'll find you're wasting your own time.

[smotherb]

No, we met on a dating site then went on a date. That's what dating sites are for. We enjoyed the date, went on another, then another, and it turned into a relationship.

Frankly it feels weird to have to explain this process to anyone. I'd have thought it was self-explanatory.

I've not asked you to explain how you met your wife; I have only provided a rationale for not liking dating sites which does not center on your assumption that those who dislike dating sites have an aversion to recent technology.

[smotherb]

Your first mistake is asking advice on this forum, to many burnt farang.... Thai visa, seems to be full of blame Thailand for their own mistakes... \

Keep away from bars, even tho, bar girls call you handsome man...................

Dont rush, take your time and learn about Thailand.. Don't throw your money around, splash it about...

Well, now, I can think of several reasons for seeking advice from this forum--a good laugh is high among them.

Sometimes good advice is given, but as in life, you have to separate the wheat from the chaff.

For example; I would not keep away from the bars, even though the girls do call me "hansum man." I like the game and the girls. Always have appreciated a good story and some of the ladies can be quite original.

However, I do agree with you to take the time to learn about Thailand and to keep your money your business.

[Cpkt8]

[Matej]

Your first mistake is asking advice on this forum, to many burnt farang.... Thai visa, seems to be full of blame Thailand for their own mistakes... \

Keep away from bars, even tho, bar girls call you handsome man...................

Dont rush, take your time and learn about Thailand.. Don't throw your money around, splash it about...

I didn't ask any advice ...

What to do in particular situation, that would be asking advice.

I asked for books and movies recommendation covering the topic, see topic title ...

Thank you for your input anyway

[Matej]

Just remember few things.

1. Be lawful meaning respect the law , you don't want to land in monkey house
2. Avoid fight with everyone specially Thai people. If you fight with foreigners you both will be looser anyway and if you fight with Thai people you will be the looser. As long as you respect Thai people you will never have problem with anyone but if you feel you are from Western countries and try bull them you will soon understand you come to the wrong country.
3. Do not hurry to start a business or buy a condo or other properties before you understand everything here and decide where you really want to live. It is not so easy to sell a business or property.
4. Warning, Warning, Warning, Do not fall in love for at least the first couple of years..You must learn the culture, know the Thai girl and their responsibilities towards their family and probably a child from other person etc. You may get a shock if fall in love quickly and then can not take the responsibilities which actually should not be yours.
5. Take care of your health and make sure you have a good health insurance. Trust me Thailand is not that cheap if you fall sick and have to be treated in the hospital.

Rest have fun

Do not fall in love for at least couple of years ...

That's impossible for a human being my friend, especially at my age.

Who don't want to have a wife or at least a decent girlfriend?

[Matej]

Try sitting outside the big office building, Bank buildings, etc. There are 100's of girls there. If you see something nice, check out her hand for a wedding ring. If none, note the time that she left for lunch; and just a polite smile. Next day, go at the same time. When you see her, go say hello.

Hope you speak a few words of Thai; and asking to buy her a coffee/tea etc. Just see what happens. Be polite, and show respect.

Otherwise known as stalking in the west.

How many of us have already try that ...

[mcfish]

Try sitting outside the big office building, Bank buildings, etc. There are 100's of girls there. If you see something nice, check out her hand for a wedding ring. If none, note the time that she left for lunch; and just a polite smile. Next day, go at the same time. When you see her, go say hello.

Hope you speak a few words of Thai; and asking to buy her a coffee/tea etc. Just see what happens. Be polite, and show respect.

Otherwise known as stalking in the west.

How many of us have already try that ...

And these office girls just can't Wait for the opportunity to hook up with a pot bellied farang same age as her dad... Lol

Sent from my SC-01D using Tapatalk

[smotherb]

"What about the 10% with Thai Chinese wives with managerial jobs and PhDs?"

What does it matter what someone else marries? Why do you doubt people?

There are 1000's and 1000's of Thais with Phd, so why can't TV members be married to them? Why can't TV members be married to Middle and Upper class locals?

The jaded view of posters here is really sad.

I am married to what you might call a "middle class local", she has been in the same job since she left college, and I was no more than working class back in the UK.

I would hate to think any of my views are "really sad". I respect the biggest majority of TV members views, and would hope they respect mine, even if they don't agree with them.

Here in lies the problem. If you were married to a woman from your home country, would you need to justify your wife's background in a public forum?

People that introduce their wife with her degree and title and job in the first breath, are still a part of the problem.

No, you would probably not have to justify a Western woman’s background. Most Westerners seem to think only Asian women have come from the bars.

However, I fail to see how those who introduce their wife’s credentials are part of the problem, if the introduction is true.

Those not married to ex-bar-girls and who are proud of their wives’ accomplishments may simply be tired of having most people think and even comment their wives come from the bars. I know I am.

There is not much about which you or she can complain, if your wife indeed came from the bars; is there? If she did not come from the bars it is a different matter; the accusation hurts her and you.

I have taken two Asian brides back to the States and neither came from the bars. The first was older, well-educated, and wealthy--yeah yeah, I am ready for your comments, bring 'em on. She was accepted as a lady upon meeting by almost everyone—except those low-life types who think all Asian women are whores.

The second was much younger, not well-educated, and not wealthy. At first, almost everyone, including my family and friends, thought she came from the bars. However, it didn’t take long for those who got to know her to learn the truth. I was so proud when she earned her degrees and held well-paying responsible jobs. Sometimes, I did introduce her with her credentials. Doing so stifled many of those who may have thought she was just another former bar-girl.

Now, after 37 years of marriage, we rarely hear the snide remarks and I no longer feel the need to explain. However, at times I do because I am proud to say she was not a bar-girl and has always been a contributor to our family instead of just taking from it. In fact, she has a good retirement pension, I don’t.

Don’t get me wrong, many good women and wives have come from the bars, some have even earned degrees and gotten well-paying jobs, but I’ll wager they would prefer their bar-girl past not be broadcast.

[NoshowJones]

"What about the 10% with Thai Chinese wives with managerial jobs and PhDs?"

What does it matter what someone else marries? Why do you doubt people?

There are 1000's and 1000's of Thais with Phd, so why can't TV members be married to them? Why can't TV members be married to Middle and Upper class locals?

The jaded view of posters here is really sad.

I am married to what you might call a "middle class local", she has been in the same job since she left college, and I was no more than working class back in the UK.

I would hate to think any of my views are "really sad". I respect the biggest majority of TV members views, and would hope they respect mine, even if they don't agree with them.

Here in lies the problem. If you were married to a woman from your home country, would you need to justify your wife's background in a public forum?

People that introduce their wife with her degree and title and job in the first breath, are still a part of the problem.

No, you would probably not have to justify a Western woman’s background. Most Westerners seem to think only Asian women have come from the bars.

However, I fail to see how those who introduce their wife’s credentials are part of the problem, if the introduction is true.

Those not married to ex-bar-girls and who are proud of their wives’ accomplishments may simply be tired of having most people think and even comment their wives come from the bars. I know I am.

There is not much about which you or she can complain, if your wife indeed came from the bars; is there? If she did not come from the bars it is a different matter; the accusation hurts her and you.

I have taken two Asian brides back to the States and neither came from the bars. The first was older, well-educated, and wealthy--yeah yeah, I am ready for your comments, bring 'em on. She was accepted as a lady upon meeting by almost everyone—except those low-life types who think all Asian women are whores.

The second was much younger, not well-educated, and not wealthy. At first, almost everyone, including my family and friends, thought she came from the bars. However, it didn’t take long for those who got to know her to learn the truth. I was so proud when she earned her degrees and held well-paying responsible jobs. Sometimes, I did introduce her with her credentials. Doing so stifled many of those who may have thought she was just another former bar-girl.

Now, after 37 years of marriage, we rarely hear the snide remarks and I no longer feel the need to explain. However, at times I do because I am proud to say she was not a bar-girl and has always been a contributor to our family instead of just taking from it. In fact, she has a good retirement pension, I don’t.

Don’t get me wrong, many good women and wives have come from the bars, some have even earned degrees and gotten well-paying jobs, but I’ll wager they would prefer their bar-girl past not be broadcast.

Excellent post, I hope a lot of posters read it and understand it, though I have never had anyone think my wife was a bargirl, I live in a village where I am the only Farang and my wife is known to everyone. My Farang friends are it least ten Ks to fifty ks from my village, and their exbargirl wifes are decent though their past is never brought up.

[TuskegeeBen]

Although the message of Thailand Fever is sound, I think it's a bit dated now. No mention of mobiles and the internet springs to mind....

A far as books go, 'Letters from Thailand' springs to mind.

In my opinion the best book about the immigrant experience in Thailand ever written.

Putting aside the fact that the main character is a Chinese guy arriving after the second world war. There are so many passages that are still so relevant to Thailand today. It gives a real insight into Thai people and the foreigners' perception of them.

The book was originally banned when published but later became compulsory reading in high school.

Written by a graduate of Chulalongkorn.

The best book about Thailand ever written!

Something like private dancer is so shallow in comparison.

Bully for the Chulalongkorn graduate's publication "Letters from Thailand",However, "Private Dancer", despite also being a fictional writing, but not written by a Chulalongkorn graduate, is based upon actual, documented real-life events. So, where do you find the shallow about a reality, that's been historically recounted a thousand-fold, in the past 50-years? Huh?

So Chinese immigration never happened did it? LOL

Try reading the book sometime. They are a world apart in their depth and brevity.

Seems like I'm not the only fan.

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/234388.Letters_from_Thailand

Sigh!

[Shiver]

<deleted> error on my part.

[Shiver]

I recommend learning by experience.

private Dancer is <deleted>

I agree, with both your statements. I am not sure the right books are available; too many, like Private Dancer, are geared toward singular points of view. However, that does not necessarily make them wrong, if your views coincide.

However, for best results Thailand-specific experience is needed, and should be coupled with some prior-experience common sense on what not to do until you have gained that experience. Unfortunately, the decision as to when the experience has been acquired is often made too early.

Here are ten points of common sense I would employ until I felt comfortable with my experience. I am sure others with Thai experience can offer even more.

#1 Do not fall in love, get married, or enter into a relationship.

#2 Do not buy property, condo, car, or anything else expensive.

#3 Do not enter a business, partnership, or invest.

#4 Do not give or loan anything of value for any reason.

#5 Do not enter into any illegal activity.

#6 Do not fall victim to the many scams for all tourist activities.

#7 Do not forget your entry and exit dates for immigration.

#8 Do not forget Thais are different culturally, religiously and emotionally.

#9 Do not forget that things are not as they were back home.

#10 Do not forget to maintain these same "Do nots" with other foreigners.

I'm guilty of a couple of these (relationship and loaning money (to farangs), though I do think all of the above is good advice.

[rogeroc]

Don’t get me wrong, many good women and wives have come from the bars, some have even earned degrees and gotten well-paying jobs, but I’ll wager they would prefer their bar-girl past not be broadcast.

Maybe but they should not! Nothing wrong with being a bar girl, At the outset They get the same respect from me as any other working member of society and more respect than somebody who has had all the advantages that the Western world can offer but has let go of their health and self esteem.

[TuskegeeBen]

Although the message of Thailand Fever is sound, I think it's a bit dated now. No mention of mobiles and the internet springs to mind....

A far as books go, 'Letters from Thailand' springs to mind.

In my opinion the best book about the immigrant experience in Thailand ever written.

Putting aside the fact that the main character is a Chinese guy arriving after the second world war. There are so many passages that are still so relevant to Thailand today. It gives a real insight into Thai people and the foreigners' perception of them.

The book was originally banned when published but later became compulsory reading in high school.

Written by a graduate of Chulalongkorn.

The best book about Thailand ever written!

Something like private dancer is so shallow in comparison.

Bully for the Chulalongkorn graduate's publication "Letters from Thailand",However, "Private Dancer", despite also being a fictional writing, but not written by a Chulalongkorn graduate, is based upon actual, documented real-life events. So, where do you find the shallow about a reality, that's been historically recounted a thousand-fold, in the past 50-years? Huh?

So Chinese immigration never happened did it? LOL

Try reading the book sometime. They are a world apart in their depth and brevity.

Seems like I'm not the only fan.

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/234388.Letters_from_Thailand

Sigh! Comparing apples with oranges, eh? Well here's another LOL for you to consider: My book report, on reading between lines ~ the ethnic Sino_Thai never miss an opportunity to sing their own praises; and the indigenous Thai have been smoothly lead to believe that Thailand was never colonized. Now, how does that tidbit of the Letters from Thailand fictional analogy fit, for biggest LL, of them all, eh?

At least Private Dancer, in the absence of academic "depth, and brevity", is fundamentally a non-pretentious novel, rooted in the truth

[Daniel Boon]

Private Dancer is the bible as far as relationships are concerned.

Meeting others, either from your own country, or similar background, and sharing experiences, is usually helpful.

and the bible has been proven to be a crock

[Daniel Boon]

"What about the 10% with Thai Chinese wives with managerial jobs and PhDs?"

What does it matter what someone else marries? Why do you doubt people?

There are 1000's and 1000's of Thais with Phd, so why can't TV members be married to them? Why can't TV members be married to Middle and Upper class locals?

The jaded view of posters here is really sad.

I am married to what you might call a "middle class local", she has been in the same job since she left college, and I was no more than working class back in the UK.

I would hate to think any of my views are "really sad". I respect the biggest majority of TV members views, and would hope they respect mine, even if they don't agree with them.

Here in lies the problem. If you were married to a woman from your home country, would you need to justify your wife's background in a public forum?

People that introduce their wife with her degree and title and job in the first breath, are still a part of the problem.

No, you would probably not have to justify a Western woman’s background. Most Westerners seem to think only Asian women have come from the bars.

However, I fail to see how those who introduce their wife’s credentials are part of the problem, if the introduction is true.

Those not married to ex-bar-girls and who are proud of their wives’ accomplishments may simply be tired of having most people think and even comment their wives come from the bars. I know I am.

There is not much about which you or she can complain, if your wife indeed came from the bars; is there? If she did not come from the bars it is a different matter; the accusation hurts her and you.

I have taken two Asian brides back to the States and neither came from the bars. The first was older, well-educated, and wealthy--yeah yeah, I am ready for your comments, bring 'em on. She was accepted as a lady upon meeting by almost everyone—except those low-life types who think all Asian women are whores.

The second was much younger, not well-educated, and not wealthy. At first, almost everyone, including my family and friends, thought she came from the bars. However, it didn’t take long for those who got to know her to learn the truth. I was so proud when she earned her degrees and held well-paying responsible jobs. Sometimes, I did introduce her with her credentials. Doing so stifled many of those who may have thought she was just another former bar-girl.

Now, after 37 years of marriage, we rarely hear the snide remarks and I no longer feel the need to explain. However, at times I do because I am proud to say she was not a bar-girl and has always been a contributor to our family instead of just taking from it. In fact, she has a good retirement pension, I don’t.

Don’t get me wrong, many good women and wives have come from the bars, some have even earned degrees and gotten well-paying jobs, but I’ll wager they would prefer their bar-girl past not be broadcast.

it is well documented that some women paid their way through Uni to get a degree or did extra 'study' with tutors ... having a degree means diddly-squat as a prerequisite to being a 'good woman' ...

[TuskegeeBen]

Private Dancer is the bible as far as relationships are concerned.

Meeting others, either from your own country, or similar background, and sharing experiences, is usually helpful.

I'm sure you'll have a different opinion, after you've read either "Money Number One" or "The Fool is Back" by Aloysius Bartholemew Thistlewaite. Both books are available in either English, French or German. Excellent, fun reading

[Matej]

it is well documented that some women paid their way through Uni to get a degree or did extra 'study' with tutors ... having a degree means diddly-squat as a prerequisite to being a 'good woman' ...

yet another variable in the equation

[smotherb]

Daniel Boon said, “it is well documented that some women paid their way through Uni to get a degree or did extra 'study' with tutors ... having a degree means diddly-squat as a prerequisite to being a 'good woman' ...”

Where did you see I said having a degree is a prerequisite to being a good woman? I didn't even say, not working in a bar is a prerequisite to being a good woman. I applaud any woman who earned their degree in any way they can.

Having a degree shows you had the tenacity to finish a four year academic program--only about 7% of the world has demonstrated that tenacity.

Perhaps more importantly, having a degree means a woman has a better chance of being able to support herself, without having to sell her wares.

[Jaggg88]

"Thailand Fever" sounds like the book for the OP.

It explains many things about the differeneces in cultures, in both Thai and English (so you can read it together with your girlfriend/wife/bargirl/whatever)

You missed Ladyboy from your inclusive list

[bermondburi]

Although the message of Thailand Fever is sound, I think it's a bit dated now. No mention of mobiles and the internet springs to mind....

A far as books go, 'Letters from Thailand' springs to mind.

In my opinion the best book about the immigrant experience in Thailand ever written.

Putting aside the fact that the main character is a Chinese guy arriving after the second world war. There are so many passages that are still so relevant to Thailand today. It gives a real insight into Thai people and the foreigners' perception of them.

The book was originally banned when published but later became compulsory reading in high school.

Written by a graduate of Chulalongkorn.

The best book about Thailand ever written!

Something like private dancer is so shallow in comparison.

Bully for the Chulalongkorn graduate's publication "Letters from Thailand",However, "Private Dancer", despite also being a fictional writing, but not written by a Chulalongkorn graduate, is based upon actual, documented real-life events. So, where do you find the shallow about a reality, that's been historically recounted a thousand-fold, in the past 50-years? Huh?

So Chinese immigration never happened did it? LOL

Try reading the book sometime. They are a world apart in their depth and brevity.

Seems like I'm not the only fan.

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/234388.Letters_from_Thailand

Sigh! Comparing apples with oranges, eh? Well here's another LOL for you to consider: My book report, on reading between lines ~ the ethnic Sino_Thai never miss an opportunity to sing their own praises; and the indigenous Thai have been smoothly lead to believe that Thailand was never colonized. Now, how does that tidbit of the Letters from Thailand fictional analogy fit, for biggest LL, of them all, eh?

At least Private Dancer, in the absence of academic "depth, and brevity", is fundamentally a non-pretentious novel, rooted in the truth

Might be a good idea to read the book before coming out with your own book report.

Might be a few long words in there for you though.

You seem to have issues with the idea that a young woman from Chulalongkorn could write anything worth reading.

Last time I checked, 'Private Dancer' hasn't been translated into Thai and become required reading in high school. Which do you think is the best literary work.

Private Dancer is a cheap thriller, not to be confused with an actual novel.

Not to say that there is anything wrong with that. But the two books operate on different levels.

Rather than denigrating what you haven't read, why don't you try getting a copy and then make a decision. You might be surprised.

[MeHere]

"Sorry but books on dating prostitutes shouldn't be a bible for dating. How Jaded are all of you."

Yeah, when I was talking with a lawyer and he found out I was going to Thailand, he recommended that novel.

So, might I add...

Sorry but FICTIONAL books on dating prostitutes shouldn't be a bible for dating.

555

If you want to date bar girls or hookers, The Blether's "Thailand: The Vicious Truth About Thai Hookers" to be a pretty good read for noobies

Private dancer is a good read, but mostly will give you an insight to a sad obsessed guy's life swallowed up in the sex industry's culture.

If you want to date semi-normal (using the term loosely) Thai girls, then treat them with respect and understand the culture.

I think the best way to meet girls are through dating sites, I've met many this way back some years ago and have met some lovely ladies and had great relationships with them. You can filter down what you don't want very easily and then meet the ones that meet your criteria. It's exactly like shopping! I can't understand why more people don't do this :-S

[AlQaholic]

My Thai wife's Mom is a Thai Millionaire and she hates me, the feeling is mutual....

[Shiver]

Don’t get me wrong, many good women and wives have come from the bars, some have even earned degrees and gotten well-paying jobs, but I’ll wager they would prefer their bar-girl past not be broadcast.

Maybe but they should not! Nothing wrong with being a bar girl, At the outset They get the same respect from me as any other working member of society and more respect than somebody who has had all the advantages that the Western world can offer but has let go of their health and self esteem.

I'm not a fan of bar girls (each to their own, that doesn't make it wrong), but cannot say I have not partaken many years ago, and can understand the pressure they may be under to be the provider back in the village, so I do my best not to be judgemental if they have decent behaviour and are professional in their role taking care of customers. Some are really nice, some are less than I would hope for in their honesty.

[MaeJoMTB]

The second was much younger, not well-educated, and not wealthy. At first, almost everyone, including my family and friends, thought she came from the bars. However, it didnt take long for those who got to know her to learn the truth. I was so proud when she earned her degrees and held well-paying responsible jobs. Sometimes, I did introduce her with her credentials. Doing so stifled many of those who may have thought she was just another former bar-girl.

Are you claiming bars girls don't have (or can't get) a degree?

[smotherb]

The second was much younger, not well-educated, and not wealthy. At first, almost everyone, including my family and friends, thought she came from the bars. However, it didnt take long for those who got to know her to learn the truth. I was so proud when she earned her degrees and held well-paying responsible jobs. Sometimes, I did introduce her with her credentials. Doing so stifled many of those who may have thought she was just another former bar-girl.

Are you claiming bars girls don't have (or can't get) a degree?

No, not at all. Earlier in this forum, I even made the statement that I had respect for any woman who goes to school and gets a degree, even if she had to work in the bars to pay for it.

I like bar girls and running the bars. Bar girls serve a great purpose; they can be good friends and fun companions. Even though there are many desirable late-model used girls; for a lasting relationship, I prefer a new one. One who still has the new car smell.

[SiSePuede419]

"If you want to date semi-normal (using the term loosely) Thai girls, then treat them with respect and understand the culture"

But that takes time and effort!

There is no book written by Thai people to "explain" their culture to foreigners.

Just as there is no book written by German, Swiss, Spanish, British or French people explaining their cultures to foreigners, either.

Of course, every fictional novel has some "truth" in it.

Doesn't mean if I read Harry Potter, I'll understand British culture and be ready to live and thrive in London, does it?

555

[smotherb]

Just remember few things.

1. Be lawful meaning respect the law , you don't want to land in monkey house
2. Avoid fight with everyone specially Thai people. If you fight with foreigners you both will be looser anyway and if you fight with Thai people you will be the looser. As long as you respect Thai people you will never have problem with anyone but if you feel you are from Western countries and try bull them you will soon understand you come to the wrong country.
3. Do not hurry to start a business or buy a condo or other properties before you understand everything here and decide where you really want to live. It is not so easy to sell a business or property.
4. Warning, Warning, Warning, Do not fall in love for at least the first couple of years..You must learn the culture, know the Thai girl and their responsibilities towards their family and probably a child from other person etc. You may get a shock if fall in love quickly and then can not take the responsibilities which actually should not be yours.
5. Take care of your health and make sure you have a good health insurance. Trust me Thailand is not that cheap if you fall sick and have to be treated in the hospital.

Rest have fun

Do not fall in love for at least couple of years ...

That's impossible for a human being my friend, especially at my age.

Who don't want to have a wife or at least a decent girlfriend?

Tina said it best, "What's love got to do with it?"

Certainly, you can have a girlfriend or even a wife without love. Just look around you.

I think he was suggesting you should not fall in love and lose your senses over a woman until you learn more.

[smotherb]

Don’t get me wrong, many good women and wives have come from the bars, some have even earned degrees and gotten well-paying jobs, but I’ll wager they would prefer their bar-girl past not be broadcast.

Maybe but they should not! Nothing wrong with being a bar girl, At the outset They get the same respect from me as any other working member of society and more respect than somebody who has had all the advantages that the Western world can offer but has let go of their health and self esteem.

There are things wrong with being a bar girl.

Bar girls run a greater risk of personal harm, disease, or even death by going out with any customer with the cash.

Prostitution is against the law in most places and averse to the moral codes of most cultures.

Western nations make it more difficult for any woman suspected of being a former bar-girl to enter their country.

Many, so called, respectable businesses will not hire a former bar-girl.

And, many people look down upon them because they were bar-girls.

Given all that; some bar-girls are good people and can make good wives. I fear others may have been good people too; before their customers mistreated them and they mistreated themselves.

For those of you who choose your mate from the bars, I advise finding a new comer; lower mileage and lesser baggage. The newer to the bar, the better the odds.

There seems a point at which the girl stops seeing herself as a person, and sees only a commodity of diminishing value.