Abusive Relationship with a Narcissist

[Wang Noi]

Hi Everyone,

I think I am in an abusive relationship with a narcissist!

Over the past 7 years my partner has gone from being an angel to being an extremely controlling and manipulative person.

I have always been fiercely independent and pretty successful at anything I have tried, but she has slowly worn me down, eroded my belief and self-confidence in myself, and I now feel like I am slowly losing my mind.

I know I have to finish this relationship but I don't know where I am going to find the strength from or how I am going to recover from it long term.

Anyone else been through such an emotionally damaging relationship, that sapped your confidence, your energy and even your identity?

How did you get out of them and how did you recover?

P.S I don't handle drama at all well and just don't do huge blazing rows which is probably part of the problem as she oversteps my personal boundaries every day!

Cheers.

Wang Noi.

[Gsxrnz]

Wait until she is out. Pack your bags. Take a walk. Don't look back. Change your phone number. Go somewhere she won't find you.

The above isn't what I'd do because that's running and hiding, but judging from your post that is what you are probably best to do.

Me - I'd have a blazing row, give her her pedigree in no uncertain terms, kick her out and throw her shit over the balcony, and make sure she knows that a return visit to my abode will possibly result in the need fro some dental reconstruction.

It really is that simple.

[NeverSure]

OP, it sounds like you may be codependent. If you don't know what it is read about it. I think once you realize why this is happening you'll walk away because the real question here isn't about what's wrong with her or why she acts that way.

The real question is: "What's wrong with you that you would tolerate her behavior for this long?"

You're blaming it all on her when in fact if there wasn't something that you need to change in your thinking, you'd be long gone just as any emotionally healthy person would be.

I wouldn't put up with her shit for five minutes. Neither should you.

(Codependency) "is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive."

LINK

[NeverSure]

People don't just "get over" an addictive relationship until they see it for what it is and reject the entire process. It's another kind of addiction that people don't usually walk away from without a major change in thinking.

Cheers.

Edited February 16, 2016 by seedy
Quote hidden post

[NeverSure]

I know I have to finish this relationship but I don't know where I am going to find the strength from or how I am going to recover from it long term

You'll get over it as soon as you see it for what it is and reject what you are doing. This is about you needing to see that you are failing to reject her behavior and instead clinging to it as an addiction.

When you see it for what it is, you won't want it any more.

Cheers.

[seedy]

Troll / Flaming Posts removed

If you can help the OP, please do so.

[Roomuck]

There is no cure for narcissistic personality disorder. It is a mental problem that can not be cured, and they are so annoyingly frustrating you end up stooping to their level just to get even. She will bring you down, actually sounds like she already has.

Don't punch her teeth out as the KIwi suggested (jake the mus?) apart from the fact it will make you pissweak for hitting a woman, it won't do any good.

Accept she won't change, the only thing to do is get her out of your life as quickly as possible.

[Gsxrnz]

There is no cure for narcissistic personality disorder. It is a mental problem that can not be cured, and they are so annoyingly frustrating you end up stooping to their level just to get even. She will bring you down, actually sounds like she already has.

Don't punch her teeth out as the KIwi suggested (jake the mus?) apart from the fact it will make you pissweak for hitting a woman, it won't do any good.

Accept she won't change, the only thing to do is get her out of your life as quickly as possible.

The reference I made to dental repairs was as a threat only.

Although I do confess to striking my ex wife with a back handed closed fist after she attempted to gouge my eyes out repeatedly in a drunken rage, and not for the first time. She was a vicious cow.

It worked - she was a narcissist as well. I'm not proud of what I did, but she was under no illusion that was the end of the relationship.

[1FinickyOne]

Get out of the house - take a vacation alone for a week and have some time to function on your own - things should become more clear and you can proceed with a better path... if you keep to what you are currently doing, things will only get worse... take a break.

[Wang Noi]

Thanks for the feedback and advice everyone.

I guess I do have an addictive personality and it seems clear it has become a co-dependent relationship so something needs to be done.

I wanted to put this garbage out there not only to help myself but also maybe help anybody else who might be suffering the same plight. There is no way I would talk about this stuff with friends as it makes you look like a complete pussy!

I know it is a gross generalisation but a lot of Thai girls do seem to have control issues, and they all seem to specialise in messing with your mind.

I wanted to explain that it is a process where your boundaries gradually get eroded over time. You think to yourself OK well I will let it slide this time missy, but next time you better watch out!

You know what that 'next time' never comes as she just drains your will to fight and assert your own identity.

In 40 years I have never let a woman get under my skin like this, in fact I have been such a selfish SOB that I actually thought I had to change and try and be a better person. Well I guess that didn't work out so good!

I understand I need to change my thinking on this and reject this behaviour, but it is hard to see where the catalyst will come from as I am pretty much hypnotised by her at this stage. The only times all the resentment actually boils to the surface is when I am drunk and we start fighting. Maybe I need to get drunk more often!

Anyway interestingly this is what happened with her last partner who was mild mannered and put up with all her shit, but when he got drunk he started knocking her about until she eventually had to flee for her own safety.

Edited February 17, 2016 by Wang Noi

[inbangkok]

Thanks for the feedback and advice everyone.

I guess I do have an addictive personality and it seems clear it has become a co-dependent relationship so something needs to be done.

I wanted to put this garbage out there not only to help myself but also maybe help anybody else who might be suffering the same plight. There is no way I would talk about this stuff with friends as it makes you look like a complete pussy!

I know it is a gross generalisation but a lot of Thai girls do seem to have control issues, and they all seem to specialise in messing with your mind.

I wanted to explain that it is a process where your boundaries gradually get eroded over time. You think to yourself OK well I will let it slide this time missy, but next time you better watch out!

You know what that 'next time' never comes as she just drains your will to fight and assert your own identity.

In 40 years I have never let a woman get under my skin like this, in fact I have been such a selfish SOB that I actually thought I had to change and try and be a better person. Well I guess that didn't work out so good!

I understand I need to change my thinking on this and reject this behaviour, but it is hard to see where the catalyst will come from as I am pretty much hypnotised by her at this stage. The only times all the resentment actually boils to the surface is when I am drunk and we start fighting. Maybe I need to get drunk more often!

Anyway interestingly this is what happened with her last partner who was mild mannered and put up with all her shit, but when he got drunk he started knocking her about until she eventually had to flee for her own safety.

No, not all Thai girls specialize in messing with your mind or have control issues. Lots of women from all countries, as well as men posses these traits. However, no one can mess with your mind (at least on a continued basis) unless you allow them too. Once you realize this and stop allowing people to <deleted> with you, your life and happiness will begin to rapidly improve. Co dependence is very, very real and there is a ton of info and books available on the subject. Good luck.

[samsensam]

Thanks for the feedback and advice everyone.

I guess I do have an addictive personality and it seems clear it has become a co-dependent relationship so something needs to be done.

I wanted to put this garbage out there not only to help myself but also maybe help anybody else who might be suffering the same plight. There is no way I would talk about this stuff with friends as it makes you look like a complete pussy!

I know it is a gross generalisation but a lot of Thai girls do seem to have control issues, and they all seem to specialise in messing with your mind.

I wanted to explain that it is a process where your boundaries gradually get eroded over time. You think to yourself OK well I will let it slide this time missy, but next time you better watch out!

You know what that 'next time' never comes as she just drains your will to fight and assert your own identity.

In 40 years I have never let a woman get under my skin like this, in fact I have been such a selfish SOB that I actually thought I had to change and try and be a better person. Well I guess that didn't work out so good!

I understand I need to change my thinking on this and reject this behaviour, but it is hard to see where the catalyst will come from as I am pretty much hypnotised by her at this stage. The only times all the resentment actually boils to the surface is when I am drunk and we start fighting. Maybe I need to get drunk more often!

Anyway interestingly this is what happened with her last partner who was mild mannered and put up with all her shit, but when he got drunk he started knocking her about until she eventually had to flee for her own safety.

No, not all Thai girls specialize in messing with your mind or have control issues. Lots of women from all countries, as well as men posses these traits. However, no one can mess with your mind (at least on a continued basis) unless you allow them too. Once you realize this and stop allowing people to <deleted> with you, your life and happiness will begin to rapidly improve. Co dependence is very, very real and there is a ton of info and books available on the subject. Good luck.

agree. OP you need to stop thinking that this is a thai girl/thai culture issue. the problems/issues you are experiencing can happen to anyone in any country.

as with any situation in life that is detrimental you have the three choices; accept it but suffer the consequences, implement a clear strategy and take clear non-negotiable actions to bring about a mutually acceptable outcome or leave.

[fstarbkk]

As with most addictions, gradual measures are usually not effective. Going "cold turkey" is the only promising approach. So, packing up, leaving and not looking back (no backdoors, like late-night phonecalls, line etc.) would be my advice. It will be hard! To improve your chances of pulling it off, you might try to line up some support.

When I was in a similar situation years ago (after a 10-year relationship), I sought the help of a therapist. I'm not talking about some meandering, freudian exploration of your early childhood, but someone with a rational emotive therapy focus (see Robert Ellis et al.). He didn't make the pain go away, but he helped channel it into a productive direction. Also, as you said, it's easier to share these things with an outsider than with your mates. After a couple of months I felt I was equipped to move forward on my own.

I wish you good luck with your journey.

Edited February 17, 2016 by fstarbkk

[BB24]

Some great advice given. I would like to add to what has been said above, and by several others. But I am glad to see you have alreay part-way accepted that you are the problem. BUT, remember, Narcissists are both mentally 'challenged' and 'codependent' - they NEED someone that they can manipulate and control - try to take that way ands they can become extremely nasty.

My advice is :- DO NOT talk about this with her or anyone else - NEVER. If she is as bad as you say, then she will immediately 'behave' and manipulate you to stay - while she figures out the best way to completely (self-deleted) you over. She will in fact implement her own 'escape' plan -and take anything and everything she can with her. Female narcissists with their 'passive aggressive' style of the manipluation of the male psyche, can be extremely dangerous when they think they will lose their 'patsy' - they are sometimes the cause of Expat deaths (and suicides) in Thailand.

Be careful - look after yourself - get independent help/advice as stated above - and when you are ready/prepared, get out and get away and never look back. Remember - she will automatically be looking for signs of 'resistence' - just keep taking it and dont change your behaviours. Good luck.

[Sheryl]

It is far easier to get into this predicament than some of the people replying seem to realize, as it often starts with a satisfying relationship and it turns bad inch by inch. Also, such people can be very adept at persuading the partner that they are somehow at fault, gradually eroding their confidence.

In any event, as you know, above all else you need to get out of this relationship, and as soon as possible.

You would likely benefot greatly by counseling, both to support you through the process of extricating yourself and then in picking up the emotional; pieces. See http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/90910-mental-health-resource-list/

You don't mention the factors that inhibit you from leaving but a common one is the inability to let go of either a good memory of how it used to be with her, or a hope of how it could be, if only she'd change. People who stay in abusive situations are usually addicted not to what is actually happening but to their dream of "what could be". Sometimes it even was like that, or somewhat like that, at the beginning, and you keep hoping it will go back to as it was. At some level of the mind it feels like there are 3 options: the status quo, leaving, or it somehow changing and getting better and becoming what you had initially hoped for. This third option is a complete mirage.

You have to let go of your hopes and dreams concerning her. It is not going to change, and the only relationship you can have with her .is the abusive one you are now in. It is that, or leave. Once you understand that the choice gets a whole lot easier.

If you can't summon up what it takes to leave altogether now, then go on a long trip, visit a good friend or family in another country, which will give your head a chance to clear. (Be sure to take any and all valuables with you).

[Sheryl]

P.S. This type of person is very adept at sensing when the partner has had enough and is likely to leave, and will often seemingly change for a while at that point, becoming nicer and conciliatory. Do not be fooled if this happens, it is not for real nor will it last.

It is usually best to keep your intention to leave as hidden as you can until you are actually out the door. Be sure to secure all assets first as this kind of person can also be very vindictive.

[shirtless]

You need to clear your head and make a decision that you commit too , either leave , or sort the girl out , with some reality , and prove her wrong with all her negativity, its in you ,

[NickJ]

Not anything to add other than....Been there, done that......There was a great white light at the end of my tunnel. We have been together almost two years now......Plenty of good girls around.

[Wang Noi]

You don't mention the factors that inhibit you from leaving but a common one is the inability to let go of either a good memory of how it used to be with her, or a hope of how it could be, if only she'd change. People who stay in abusive situations are usually addicted not to what is actually happening but to their dream of "what could be". Sometimes it even was like that, or somewhat like that, at the beginning, and you keep hoping it will go back to as it was. At some level of the mind it feels like there are 3 options: the status quo, leaving, or it somehow changing and getting better and becoming what you had initially hoped for. This third option is a complete mirage.

Believe me, I think I would be out the door the same day if it was that easy.

We have basically been joined at the hip 24/7 for the past 7 years. Part of her controlling nature is she loves to make plans stretching far out in to the future. Flights and hotels need to be booked 3 months in advance, if I go on trips abroad she wants to come to etc etc...

I had a well established life in Thailand before I met her, but now all my old friends are her friends and vice versa. She knows all my family and has met all my old friends from my home country. She is a master of social media and has befriended my brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces, friends you name it!

By walking out, it wouldn't just be walking out on one person or one relationship, it would be walking out on an entire life I have built up in Thailand over the past 10 years. Plus I am also likely to get blow back from my family who still thinks she is an angel!

When I was a child I used to hear stories about fathers going out to the newsagent to buy a packet of cigarettes and then never coming back. I often wondered how bad a person would have to be to do something like that, yet here I am planning the same thing and it very much looks like it is going to play out that way.

[Sheryl]

See a counsellor. He/she will help you think all this through.

Family and friends who won't accept your decision, aren't worth keeping in your life IMO. You just have to be firm with them and say that it wasn't working, it's over, and you do not want to discuss it.

Don't waste time trying to convince anyone you made the right choice.

[MaeJoMTB]

I had a well established life in Thailand before I met her, but now all my old friends are her friends and vice versa. She knows all my family and has met all my old friends from my home country. She is a master of social media and has befriended my brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces, friends you name it!

By walking out, it wouldn't just be walking out on one person or one relationship, it would be walking out on an entire life I have built up in Thailand over the past 10 years. Plus I am also likely to get blow back from my family who still thinks she is an angel!

Done it twice, once after 30 years, once after 9 months.

The first time it took me 6 months to recover, the second time took me 3 weeks.

Plenty of new places to visit, and new friends to meet.

Forget what your family think, they don't have to live with her.

Good luck, and don't waste any more of your life on her!

Edited February 17, 2016 by MaeJoMTB

[DogNo1]

In the USA, there are shelters for people who need to escape abusive relationships. Maybe Sheryl could advise if there are any here. If not, and you have the money, it may be worth flying to another country. It will be important to make a clean break and to make sure that you can't be tracked down after you have left. Otherwise, your abuser might track you down and plead with you to come back just when you are feeling lonely and vulnerable. With adequate planning, you can probably arrange to get away to a friendly place where you will be untraceable. Once your plan is in motion, stay off of the Internet with any identity that can be recognized. If you must go online, become an unrecognizeable person. Good luck!

[Roomuck]

There is no cure for narcissistic personality disorder. It is a mental problem that can not be cured, and they are so annoyingly frustrating you end up stooping to their level just to get even. She will bring you down, actually sounds like she already has.

Don't punch her teeth out as the KIwi suggested (jake the mus?) apart from the fact it will make you pissweak for hitting a woman, it won't do any good.

Accept she won't change, the only thing to do is get her out of your life as quickly as possible.

The reference I made to dental repairs was as a threat only.

Although I do confess to striking my ex wife with a back handed closed fist after she attempted to gouge my eyes out repeatedly in a drunken rage, and not for the first time. She was a vicious cow.

It worked - she was a narcissist as well. I'm not proud of what I did, but she was under no illusion that was the end of the relationship.

Kiwi ex wife? Mate those sheilas can suck huge quantities of piss, ey bro. Can out drink many Aussie blokes!

Some scary women from there. Still, just best to run from narcissists, they are not worth the brain damage, they never change, are good at acting change though.

[xylophone]

You don't mention the factors that inhibit you from leaving but a common one is the inability to let go of either a good memory of how it used to be with her, or a hope of how it could be, if only she'd change. People who stay in abusive situations are usually addicted not to what is actually happening but to their dream of "what could be". Sometimes it even was like that, or somewhat like that, at the beginning, and you keep hoping it will go back to as it was. At some level of the mind it feels like there are 3 options: the status quo, leaving, or it somehow changing and getting better and becoming what you had initially hoped for. This third option is a complete mirage.

Believe me, I think I would be out the door the same day if it was that easy.

We have basically been joined at the hip 24/7 for the past 7 years. Part of her controlling nature is she loves to make plans stretching far out in to the future. Flights and hotels need to be booked 3 months in advance, if I go on trips abroad she wants to come to etc etc...

I had a well established life in Thailand before I met her, but now all my old friends are her friends and vice versa. She knows all my family and has met all my old friends from my home country. She is a master of social media and has befriended my brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces, friends you name it!

By walking out, it wouldn't just be walking out on one person or one relationship, it would be walking out on an entire life I have built up in Thailand over the past 10 years. Plus I am also likely to get blow back from my family who still thinks she is an angel!

When I was a child I used to hear stories about fathers going out to the newsagent to buy a packet of cigarettes and then never coming back. I often wondered how bad a person would have to be to do something like that, yet here I am planning the same thing and it very much looks like it is going to play out that way.

IMO this says more about you than it does her!

As others have suggested, perhaps you do need to see a counsellor and I would recommend Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) as one option, whereby you can get to the nub of your key drivers, what makes you you and why you do things, and also of course how you feel about yourself, because all of these determine your "self", how you react to different/certain situations and how you view your "self worth".

Believe me, once you understand some of the above, the action you need to take will become evident, and be fairly painless.

Good luck.

[inbangkok]

You don't mention the factors that inhibit you from leaving but a common one is the inability to let go of either a good memory of how it used to be with her, or a hope of how it could be, if only she'd change. People who stay in abusive situations are usually addicted not to what is actually happening but to their dream of "what could be". Sometimes it even was like that, or somewhat like that, at the beginning, and you keep hoping it will go back to as it was. At some level of the mind it feels like there are 3 options: the status quo, leaving, or it somehow changing and getting better and becoming what you had initially hoped for. This third option is a complete mirage.

Believe me, I think I would be out the door the same day if it was that easy.

We have basically been joined at the hip 24/7 for the past 7 years. Part of her controlling nature is she loves to make plans stretching far out in to the future. Flights and hotels need to be booked 3 months in advance, if I go on trips abroad she wants to come to etc etc...

I had a well established life in Thailand before I met her, but now all my old friends are her friends and vice versa. She knows all my family and has met all my old friends from my home country. She is a master of social media and has befriended my brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces, friends you name it!

By walking out, it wouldn't just be walking out on one person or one relationship, it would be walking out on an entire life I have built up in Thailand over the past 10 years. Plus I am also likely to get blow back from my family who still thinks she is an angel!

When I was a child I used to hear stories about fathers going out to the newsagent to buy a packet of cigarettes and then never coming back. I often wondered how bad a person would have to be to do something like that, yet here I am planning the same thing and it very much looks like it is going to play out that way.

No one said it is easy. Life is hard....decisions like this are hard. However, whatever your family thinks about this is irrelevant. You are a grown man. Also, your family should cut off all contact with her in support of you once your decision is made. If any of your family members continue communicating with her after you leave her, I would seriously suggest considering cutting them out of your life as well.

As for walking out on a life in Thailand you built over 10 years.....this has nothing to do with Thailand. People break up and divorce after 10, 20, sometimes 30 years. That's how it works. You leave that life behind and hopefully, build a better one.

Comparing what you are thinking of doing to what her father did is absurd. Her father is a scumbag and had a responsibility to raise his daughter and he chose to run off. You don't have any responsibility to stay with someone who is behaving in the way you claim this women is. The fact you would even compare the two suggests that you might be confused about how romantic relationships between adults are supposed to work. You ARE NOT her father.

[AlexRRR]

I was with a woman like this on and off for 2 years, she was very controlling, i was lured in slowly and softly turning me into a pussy, every now and then id wake up and break free only to get back with her, eventually a situation came up which just was impossible to ignore so i finished with here for good....yet for 3 more long years after she would try...and lure me back.

i like to think that I'm 50/50 in a relationship but if there has to be a boss its me, i don't get controlled....untill i met that one which goes to show that it can happen to anyone, depending on how much you feel for that person will determine how much shit you will take from her.

In the early parts of that relationship and shortly after i only ever thought about the good times, on leaving i had asked myself "can i live with this woman, " the answer was no, later looking back i could only ever think about all that bad times.

In the end its all about you because she's never going to change and if she did it wouldn't ever be enough now that your reached this stage, you will leave...eventualy...you have started the process already.

[toryboy1979]

Hi

PM me , i am in a similar situation and I will tell you what I have had to do. But don' think it will be easy.

Take care

[Wang Noi]

Sorry been on the road for 1,000km drive.

Thanks for all the feedback good and bad. The idea of starting a completely new life certainly has appeal and is quite exciting.

This one has got old and I haven't felt 'alive' for a loooong time. Need to shake things up a bit!

Just wanted to mention in these days of the Internet, emails and social media, disappearing has become a lot more of a challenge especially as my work requires me to be online a lot.

Anyway will start making plans and maybe line up some support and therapy.

Dunno why but I have always attracted whack jobs my whole life, maybe because I am one myself!

Cheers,

Wang Noi

[inbangkok]

Sorry been on the road for 1,000km drive.

Thanks for all the feedback good and bad. The idea of starting a completely new life certainly has appeal and is quite exciting.

This one has got old and I haven't felt 'alive' for a loooong time. Need to shake things up a bit!

Just wanted to mention in these days of the Internet, emails and social media, disappearing has become a lot more of a challenge especially as my work requires me to be online a lot.

Anyway will start making plans and maybe line up some support and therapy.

Dunno why but I have always attracted whack jobs my whole life, maybe because I am one myself!

Cheers,

Wang Noi

Think of it this way instead.... You say Internet, emails, and social media make disappearing a lot harder. True.... BUT it also makes meaning someone new so much easier.....

[Truckin Man]

Sorry been on the road for 1,000km drive.

Thanks for all the feedback good and bad. The idea of starting a completely new life certainly has appeal and is quite exciting.

This one has got old and I haven't felt 'alive' for a loooong time. Need to shake things up a bit!

Just wanted to mention in these days of the Internet, emails and social media, disappearing has become a lot more of a challenge especially as my work requires me to be online a lot.

Anyway will start making plans and maybe line up some support and therapy.

Dunno why but I have always attracted whack jobs my whole life, maybe because I am one myself!

Cheers,

Wang Noi

I have empathy and sympathy for you. I am in a similar situation but this involves children between my Thai significant other and myself, a foreigner. I may do a thread on it for advice, but I think I already have the answers due to my research. Pretty much what everyone said is true. If she is indeed a narcissist (NPD) then you cannot win. It goes like this... love bombing... mirroring...devaluation...projecting... ghosting...couching...seeding... ignoring... raging... deflecting... gas lighting... hoovering, etc., and then the grand finale, or discarding.

The NPD will always have a new narcissist supply in the wings before she (in your case) discards you, and do not be surprised if she is shacking up with him in a few days to a week and posting him on her face book page... the poor chap. She may run him dry and call you in a few weeks to a year and try to hoover you back in to her spider web and suck you dry some more. SHe'll say anything and promise anything, but nothing will have changed once she has you in her clutches.

In your case, you are more than likely a co-dependent, as I have diagnosed myself. I have been broken to the point that I have no energy, I can feel my health failing and a lot of other bad things about my health; emotinally, spiritually, mentally a of course physically. We CD's have vices that we engage in to take away the pain, and a lot of time people inaccurately diagnose us with alcoholism or drug abuse or porn abuse, etc. It's difficult to tell if you can't get rid of the fog the narcissist spins you into.

We CD's view three things badly (dysfunctionally), which causes us to migrate towards NPD's;

Boredom - we are bored if we don't have any chaos in our lives, or anxiety wondering at what she is going to do next, or walking around on eggshells to avoid a narcissistic rage or devaluation, or putting out our every effort to satisfy her every whim, fully knowing that it is never good enough and more gets tacked on without any show of appreciation or thankfulness, until we are so overburdened that we simply collapse and are rendered useless... and then we get called bad names for being useless.

Loneliness - we are lonely if we aren't getting called bad names and being ridiculed for our looks, weight, age, deeds, etc

Horny - we are horny because we are just made that way, and sex in this sick and twisted relationship is used as a reward system or for their own personal gratification when they are not shagging their secret lovers (and do not kid yourself). When a NPD accuses you of something, it is 100% across the Internet agreed that he or she is doing it already.

I believe that AA uses the words Hungry-Angry-Lonely-Tired. Well us NPD Supply people use Bored-Lonely-Horny

Yeah! I am afraid that I am going to have to pull a runner and walk away from it all... go full No Contact, but on a personal note, it was advised that I do have partial contact simply to save the kids from being abused too much when she realized I am not there anymore to feed off of for her "illusion" and get her fuel off of my pain and hurt and broken down body and appearance and demeanor. Boy do those NPD's love that when they see you this way. They are sick beasts.

I may be called a lot of names for pulling a runner on my kids, but I have already done evrything three times or more to reconcile and she just puts me on full "Spin" again and breaks all of her promises. I am sorry to go on so much.

You need to get out and get out fast. That moderator really had good advice. Keep it to yourself until you have all your ducks in a row and then do it and di it fast and do not look back. Lie to her if you have to and have a sit down and lie like the devil and apologise and say you are sorry and you'll try harder in order to put her back on her heels... then...

Man, I really truly feel for you. Maybe these YouTube channels can help. They are my favorite 3 for understanding NPD and what they are capable of:

Understanding Narcissists - Very Eloquent and easy to understand

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKi8fIh9yPggVOaGEJcl16w/videos

Narcissist Survivor - Very black and white and pulls no punches

https://www.youtube.com/user/NarcissimSurvivor/videos

NPD Girlfriend - funny in his way but a humorous twist on a serious subject

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCEMrwdcOae34b9gzAic8wcw/videos

Apologies for rambling. I am pretty messed up about my lot in life and being unable to save my boys both as a father and legally.

Bless you and my heart goes out to you... GET OUT whilst the night sky is dark and the dragon sleepeth!