my Thai gf has 0 sex drive, what to do?

[smartpant]

she is under 40 (I m under 50) and nothing can turn her on. I can not touch her.

her sisters are same, get obese and depress. This is years we are together and we never or rarely fight.

I talked to her but she always come with excuses like "I have no time, pain, that's disgusting, " bla bla

I don't remember when I had intimate relationship with her . maybe 2 years ago and it was short time.

I don't feel I m a man anymore. I feel like I m a close friend and a roommate.

she is a very lovely lady and very féminin but I think she has a problem. Problem is not from me, previous girlfriends always asked me for more.

what can she do? what should I do?

[Sheryl]

First of all, you need to get clear about the "pain" part, which would suggest a possible medical problem, versus the "disgusting" part which is psychological.

If she has actual pain during sex, she needs to see a gynecologist - but all you can do is suggest this, she may refuse. (Should also, if you do have sex, take extra care to use a lot of lubricant).

If it is not pain but rather just dislike of sex, and also assuming you are correct that she has always been this way and it is not specific to relations with you, then there is nothing you can do other than

(1) suggest she get counselling, which she will probably refuse and

(2) either accept things as they are, or get a new GF, hopefully managing to keep this current one in your life as a friend.

[MaeJoMTB]

She's 40, almost every western woman I ever met behaved like that.

Some of them would have sex with their partner to keep the relationship going,

But they didn't like it, and didn't want to do it.

If you still want sex,

Either,

1) DIY

2) Bit on the side

3) Massage/soapy/bargirl

4) or new woman

Most blokes in the west appear to go with 1) DIY

[stickylies]

She's 40, almost every western woman I ever met behaved like that.

Some of them would have sex with their partner to keep the relationship going,

But they didn't like it, and didn't want to do it.

Oddly almost all Thai women I know 40+ are like that too

Edited March 12, 2016 by stickylies

[MaeJoMTB]

She's 40, almost every western woman I ever met behaved like that.

Some of them would have sex with their partner to keep the relationship going,

But they didn't like it, and didn't want to do it.

Oddly almost all Thai women I know 40+ are like that too

You're probably right, but I've no personal experience of Thai women over 40 ....... yet.

[Inyourendo]

Even though you think it's not you....it just might be.

Are you sure she was born a she ?

[stickylies]

She's 40, almost every western woman I ever met behaved like that.

Some of them would have sex with their partner to keep the relationship going,

But they didn't like it, and didn't want to do it.

Oddly almost all Thai women I know 40+ are like that too

You're probably right, but I've no personal experience of Thai women over 40 ....... yet.

I have no experience with Thai women, period (experience in bed I mean). But I happen to know quite a few Thai women friends my age (early 40s) who tell me it's the last thing on their mind and they don't care their husbands go elsewhere as long as he supports his family, kids, etc.

Anyway, my point was that women, unlike some guys here think, are not any different here or in the west. There are western women (eg. my gf) who have healthy sex drive at 40. there are Thai women who have it too. There are also eskimo women with sexdrive at 40+ .... The opposite exists too. People = people!

[smartpant]

she give me rarely massage and Bj. maybe 2x a month but that s all I can get.

I will talk to her. She told me ready she is willing to take maybe some medicine because she accepts that something not going well with her. she even talk of giving up sometimes (suicide). I thought first that her little depression would go away , but now it 's every year the same or even worse.

Edited March 12, 2016 by smartpant

[AlexRRR]

She's 40, almost every western woman I ever met behaved like that.

Some of them would have sex with their partner to keep the relationship going,

But they didn't like it, and didn't want to do it.

Oddly almost all Thai women I know 40+ are like that too

You're probably right, but I've no personal experience of Thai women over 40 ....... yet.

I have no experience with Thai women, period (experience in bed I mean). But I happen to know quite a few Thai women friends my age (early 40s) who tell me it's the last thing on their mind and they don't care their husbands go elsewhere as long as he supports his family, kids, etc.

Anyway, my point was that women, unlike some guys here think, are not any different here or in the west. There are western women (eg. my gf) who have healthy sex drive at 40. there are Thai women who have it too. There are also eskimo women with sexdrive at 40+ .... The opposite exists too. People = people!

Expect there husbands to support them and there kids when they turn off the tap? thats flawed thinking don't you think?

[AlexRRR]

she give me rarely massage and Bj. maybe 2x a month but that s all I can get.

I will talk to her. She told me ready she is willing to take maybe some medicine because she accepts that something not going well with her. she even talk of giving up sometimes (suicide). I thought first that her little depression would go away , but now it 's every year the same or even worse.

Well now we have a reason for the behaviour....you could support her and in turn she may want to make you happy, i was married to a woman for 20 ys with depression for 3/4 of those years,not being judgmental and supportive will help your relationship, mine never turned off the tap but in the end it was other things that helped end the relationship.

[Sheryl]

Where do you live? There are some good Thai counselors in Bangkok...

Also don't overlook the "pain" part, there are gyn conditions that can make intercourse painful and these can be treated.

But indeed she sounds depressed.

[Naam]

she give me rarely massage and Bj. maybe 2x a month but that s all I can get.

I will talk to her. She told me ready she is willing to take maybe some medicine because she accepts that something not going well with her. she even talk of giving up sometimes (suicide). I thought first that her little depression would go away , but now it 's every year the same or even worse.

take Sheryl's advice!

[smartpant]

I think she depress and it s in her gene. when she talk about her relatives, it s suicide, sadness, no joy in life... ... when I met her years ago another lady told me she always saw her sad and than being with me now was a good thing for my gf.

I 'm in Pattaya

Edited March 12, 2016 by smartpant

[Sheryl]

There is only one that I know of in Pattaya and that is a farang male (Carl Janowitz www.bangkoktherapy.com). These places in Bangkok have female Thai counselors:

http://www.psiadmin.com/

http://ncs-counseling.com/

As this depression is of long standing and she has mentioned suicide she likely should be on antidepressant medication. The best approach is to see a counselor first and s/he will refer to a psychiatrist to get a prescription, then continue with the counselor (even if she can only go once every 2 weeks to Bangkok, still better than nothing) as the combination of meds + counseling work better than either alone.

But, she can also get an antidepressant prescribed from a psychiatrist at any hospital. They won't usually spend much time talking to her, though, which is why I recommend seeing a counsellor as well.

It is good that she seems open to some sort of help. It is importnat that she understands that, if she starts on antidepressants, (1) they take 3-4 weeks to help and (2) if one doesn't work, there are others that can be tried. The incidence of suicide actually increases in the first 1-2 weeks after starting antidepressants and I think a lot of that is because people put off getting help as long as possible, are completely desperate by the time they start meds, and then when they don't feel better quickly, they altogther despair. Very depressed people do not have a good sense of time as for them each day is like a year.

I mention all this in case she gets meds from a psych at a local hospital - Thai doctors are not always good about explaining these sorts of things. Even if she is told, you may need to reinforce for her how much time has passed so that she doesn't decide prematurely that it isn't working.

While all this is going on, don't broach the sex issue. Wait until her mood is improved. At which point ask if she has pain during sex and if so, have her see a gyn. At this point, given how bad she is feeling, mentioning the sex issue may just make her feel like you don't really care about her and are just thinking of yourself, and thus backfire.

Depression in women is often linked to sexual abuse when a child or teenager (which is pretty widespread in Thailand). This may explain why both the aversion to sex and the depression. If so, she needs a sympathetic counselor she can confide in.

[whiterussian]

I think she depress and it s in her gene. when she talk about her relatives, it s suicide, sadness, no joy in life... ... when I met her years ago another lady told me she always saw her sad and than being with me now was a good thing for my gf.

I 'm in Pattaya

Anyone expected to 'massage and BJ' a partner on demand would be depressed. Sorry to break it to you OP.

What have I been missing? 5 years married and not a single massage!

Edited March 12, 2016 by whiterussian

[South]

Her sisters too, pray tell more ....

[whiterussian]

In fairness... 'massage' duties aside...

I've heard down the Thai grapevine that 'smoking' or a BJ are not part of a Thai marriage 'contract' ie: It's not 'normal'... However no intercourse IS grounds for a Thai divorce...

Might be she just doesn't like giving head... let alone 'working' on a massage... The usual solution for Thais seems to be to get a money hungry meanoy and sponsor her...

Edited March 12, 2016 by whiterussian

[theguyfromanotherforum]

My ex Thai gf had a pain during intercourse. It turns out she had a stage one cancer.

Now, I have to tell you that she went to one private hospital (won't say a name because you never know these days) and they found nothing. Then she went to bumrungrad and they found cancer which they surgically removed. She was then on probiotics and some other stuff for over a month.

[Sheryl]

My ex Thai gf had a pain during intercourse. It turns out she had a stage one cancer.

Now, I have to tell you that she went to one private hospital (won't say a name because you never know these days) and they found nothing. Then she went to bumrungrad and they found cancer which they surgically removed. She was then on probiotics and some other stuff for over a month.

Thai women tend to be very, very reluctant to see a Gyn and to not get routine pap smears etc. So it is entirely possible that OP's Gf has a medical problems in need of attention, in addition to her depression.

Depression and other psychological and/or interpersonal factors can make a woman not like sex, but will not make sex actually painful. If she has actual pain, there is something wrong. It is not unusual for Thai women to suffer years in silence with treatable (and sometimes serious, even life threatening) gyn conditions.

Even a simple yeast infection, if not treated, can make the vaginal mucosa raw and sex uncomfortable.

[mcfish]

I think a lot has to do with mental stimulation. I went through the same thing with my ex.. Room mates basically. If all that is left to talk about is what's for dinner then you can hardly expect wild sex to follow that.

There is a lot of bad mouthing here when it comes to western women but geez I miss the witty banter and the laughter that releases the endorphins... Nuf said

Sent from my SC-01D using Tapatalk

[HooHaa]

Removed. I was not aware this was posted in health and medicine.

Edited March 12, 2016 by HooHaa

[Sheryl]

Some frivolous and/or unhelpful replies have been removed.

[smartpant]

she say she is constantly tired because in Thailand workers have only 1 day off per week and she has pain in her chest because she need to carry boxes. doctor said she is building muscle. she got like extra bone under skin.

I am thinking about anti-depressant, something light.

years ago a pharmacy in Pattaya gave me without any prescription a few pills and it makes me feel relax because I was under stress (I was stressing frequently due to this farang society) maybe she could try that.

Edited March 12, 2016 by smartpant

[sunnyjim5]

she say she is constantly tired because in Thailand workers have only 1 day off per week and she has pain in her chest because she need to carry boxes. doctor said she is building muscle. she got like extra bone under skin.

I am thinking about anti-depressant, something light.

years ago a pharmacy in Pattaya gave me without any prescription a few pills and it makes me feel relax because I was under stress (I was stressing frequently due to this farang society) maybe she could try that.

Follow the advise given by Sheryl.

Do not start self prescribing powerful medication.

There are no "light" anti-depressants.

[JHolmesJr]

If you still want sex,

Either,

1) DIY

2) Bit on the side

3) Massage/soapy/bargirl

4) or new woman

My advice would be all of the above.

[happy Joe]

she give me rarely massage and Bj. maybe 2x a month but that s all I can get.

I will talk to her. She told me ready she is willing to take maybe some medicine because she accepts that something not going well with her. she even talk of giving up sometimes (suicide). I thought first that her little depression would go away , but now it 's every year the same or even worse.

take Sheryl's advice!

Up to you if you like conventional and moralizing discourse ...

For me I am convinced that the problem is with the OP. Thai women of all ages are particularly sensual and cuddly otherwise.

The fact that it states his companion sisters experiencing the same problem is revealing. The OP has invented a new scourge: family frigidity.

Finally, it was only 23 posts which is heavily reminiscent of a provocation for stave off the boredom.

[inbangkok]

My ex Thai gf had a pain during intercourse. It turns out she had a stage one cancer.

Now, I have to tell you that she went to one private hospital (won't say a name because you never know these days) and they found nothing. Then she went to bumrungrad and they found cancer which they surgically removed. She was then on probiotics and some other stuff for over a month.

Thai women tend to be very, very reluctant to see a Gyn and to not get routine pap smears etc. So it is entirely possible that OP's Gf has a medical problems in need of attention, in addition to her depression.

Depression and other psychological and/or interpersonal factors can make a woman not like sex, but will not make sex actually painful. If she has actual pain, there is something wrong. It is not unusual for Thai women to suffer years in silence with treatable (and sometimes serious, even life threatening) gyn conditions.

Even a simple yeast infection, if not treated, can make the vaginal mucosa raw and sex uncomfortable.

Interesting that you mention this. I spoke with an OBGYN at one of the international hospitals a few years back when my then GF was having a routing pap. He told me that I have to keep track of when my GF needs to come back to get a pap again because..... And these are his words, not mine......"Thai women never take anything seriously and think this is a joke! ". He went on to tell me that he has many Thai patients who did not follow his advice and come back for treatment, checks, etc and ended up with cervical cancer.

Interesting that this seems to be a thing. If a urologist told me I needed to come back and get checked for something because it is potentially cancerous and I might lose part of my sex organ if I don't, I am pretty sure I would take that pretty seriously.

[inbangkok]

she give me rarely massage and Bj. maybe 2x a month but that s all I can get.

I will talk to her. She told me ready she is willing to take maybe some medicine because she accepts that something not going well with her. she even talk of giving up sometimes (suicide). I thought first that her little depression would go away , but now it 's every year the same or even worse.

take Sheryl's advice!

Up to you if you like conventional and moralizing discourse ...

For me I am convinced that the problem is with the OP. Thai women of all ages are particularly sensual and cuddly otherwise.

The fact that it states his companion sisters experiencing the same problem is revealing. The OP has invented a new scourge: family frigidity.

Finally, it was only 23 posts which is heavily reminiscent of a provocation for stave off the boredom.

"Thai women of all ages are particularly sensual and cuddly..... "

LOL.... Did you just land?

Always good to have a know it all foreigner making sweepingly vast and stupid generalizations about Thai women...... Always so helpful.

[inbangkok]

she say she is constantly tired because in Thailand workers have only 1 day off per week and she has pain in her chest because she need to carry boxes. doctor said she is building muscle. she got like extra bone under skin.

I am thinking about anti-depressant, something light.

years ago a pharmacy in Pattaya gave me without any prescription a few pills and it makes me feel relax because I was under stress (I was stressing frequently due to this farang society) maybe she could try that.

Horrible, horrible idea. Yes, she can try it of a Dr recommends.... Not you or a pharmacist. There are no light anti depressants. They alter the chemical make up of the brain. Mental health drugs are not to be self prescribed. The outcome can be deadly. Thailand should not be selling any anti depressants over the counter.

[sunnyjim5]

My ex Thai gf had a pain during intercourse. It turns out she had a stage one cancer.

Now, I have to tell you that she went to one private hospital (won't say a name because you never know these days) and they found nothing. Then she went to bumrungrad and they found cancer which they surgically removed. She was then on probiotics and some other stuff for over a month.

Thai women tend to be very, very reluctant to see a Gyn and to not get routine pap smears etc. So it is entirely possible that OP's Gf has a medical problems in need of attention, in addition to her depression.

Depression and other psychological and/or interpersonal factors can make a woman not like sex, but will not make sex actually painful. If she has actual pain, there is something wrong. It is not unusual for Thai women to suffer years in silence with treatable (and sometimes serious, even life threatening) gyn conditions.

Even a simple yeast infection, if not treated, can make the vaginal mucosa raw and sex uncomfortable.

Interesting that you mention this. I spoke with an OBGYN at one of the international hospitals a few years back when my then GF was having a routing pap. He told me that I have to keep track of when my GF needs to come back to get a pap again because..... And these are his words, not mine......"Thai women never take anything seriously and think this is a joke! ". He went on to tell me that he has many Thai patients who did not follow his advice and come back for treatment, checks, etc and ended up with cervical cancer.

Interesting that this seems to be a thing. If a urologist told me I needed to come back and get checked for something because it is potentially cancerous and I might lose part of my sex organ if I don't, I am pretty sure I would take that pretty seriously.

Be aware that the reluctance of women to consult gynecologists/GP's is NOT simply a Thai thing !

Such reluctance can be found in all countries/cultures.