Advice - Is it time to give up?

[uthaithanirules]

This is your post from last June 2015 http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/835275-marriage-long-distance/#entry9546497 when you were in Canada talking about how she cheated on you and what should you do and where to get a lawyer because she told you that she was filing for divorce and you were banned from returning to Thailand ( I told you you weren't ) . Seems like instead of doing that you just went back to village spent all your money and here we are 8 months later same oh same oh. Its like what 3 times you returned to Canada to work save money to bring them over but still have not even once started the paperwork to sponsor them or used a law firm in Thailand ( I PM you at least 3 ) to find out your rights and advise what you could do.

Now you say you have no money for legal advice and what should you do. How about going back to Canada , work and save your money , send over 5 to 10 thousand baht a month for kiids support Keep a record in case you need to show you never abandoned them and support them. Then file paperwork and bring them over . If not just keep supporting your son andd move on with your life.

Hmmmmm Interesting.

I hate to say it then, but she sounds she wears the pants. OP sends her half the money he is, wont change anything.

Then he will have much more money when the kid is 18.

Not like the kid at 18 is going to say no his father, some guy thats probably the richest guy he knows

He kind of has to cut off some of the funds so there is money for the kid when he grows up, plan ahead not just concern himself with the here and now.

As is often said on this forum, which does seem to be the golden rule, only part with what you can afford / are prepared to lose

[bmack]

Dunno that I have anything helpful to say at all, but maybe. Mostly, highly entertained by your post because you see, I also had a girlfriend from the countryside around Phetchabun, 10-12 years ago. Charming lass, dirt poor country gal. I was quite taken with her. She seemed to me quite beautiful, and completely unaware that she was so. Visited her a few times over the course of several months, and by and by she wanted to marry, come to stay with me in the USA, have the happy home and all that good stuff. And it all sounded and looked sorta pretty good to me, and so I was somewhat game. "But before you come to the USA, teelak, we will try traveling somewhere a bit closer to home to see what you think."

So I took her to Malaysia. She couldn't stand it! She was a Thai gal who had only lived in Thailand and spoke only Thai. There was no Thai language in Malaysia. No Thai TV. No Thai street signs. She couldn't read the menus in the restaurants. She couldn't talk to anyone... Not even a taxi driver. Nothing at all was familiar to her. Way, way, way, way, WAY too much culture shock for her. And she became bitter and angry about this. And that was when I learned how very deeply angry she could become. The first time I had seen venom shooting from her eyes.

Upon landing at the airport in Bangkok and clearing immigration, she immediately took off, leaving me there alone. No goodbyes or anything, still very much angry. I returned to the states.

She was quiet for a while after that, but by and by came around via the internet to tell me how sorry she was, how much she still loved me, that she would never behave that way again, and so on. And I knew it was all true because I could see the tears rolling down her cheeks through the wonders of video chat. Yeah, yeah, I thought.

But I did resolve to visit her again. And so I did. And we had a good couple of days in village in Phetchabun, visiting family and friends and neighbors and all that kind of thing. Not too many glints of hatred in her eyes. Wait and see...

And so I took her to Chiang Mai. Which was good. By the time we got into the sorngtaew at the Chiang Mai train station, she had refilled herself with all the hatred she could find, and the venom was once again shooting from her eyes. At which point, I gave her a few thousand baht, and told her it wasn't going to work and that she should go back to Phetchabun. She didn't go right away... She came to my hotel the next morning to give me that "I'm sorry" speech again and it will be all better, and... and... and... I told her no. That she knew as well as I did that it wasn't going to work, that she needed to go home and that I wouldn't see her again. She smiled slightly, and expressed agreement, and then she left. And that was that.

So, to the extent that anything useful has been said here, I think that maybe first, it might be that gals from Phetchabun area tend to look quite nice. Second, don't go marrying any of them too quickly. And third, before you take your love to France or Canada or the USA or Brazil or wherever, take them somewhere nearby to see how they fare. Malaysia? Or Vietnam, perhaps. The Philippines. Anywhere that's sufficiently different to cause her to have to deal with culture shock.

Or, in the case of OP, perhaps take the wife and kid to Canada and make sure she has the most alien experience possible, with the expectation that she will want to return home sooner rather than later, while leaving the child in Canada.

But maybe I've said nothing helpful at all. Thanks for the trip down memory lane, in any case.

LOL, I needed a good laugh. Thank you! "Shooting venom from her eyes"... I know the feeling. Basically I was a stupid foreigner (really want to say falang but trying to get away from that word!, bored with western ways, taken by the wife's beauty and crazy but peaceful village ways and got married WAY WAY too soon. Silly Canadian had no idea what he was getting himself into and now he's paying the price. I know I'll be ok, just so sad for wife and baby.

[bmack]

Another sad story of a guy who didn't do his homework before going to a foreign country to live/work. The internet is full of similar stories of a a foreigner marrying too fast and getting over his head. Congratulations, you made it. You are now officially a Thailand statistic. Those of you readers should take heed this situation because it could happen to you if you don't pay attention. OP, you did everything wrong! A sucker is born every day.

couldn't agree with you more... worst part is I knew I was making a huge mistake, did it anyway, go figure. Knowing what I know now, I don't blame the wife one bit. Sadly now she has to pay for my stupidities.

[Sheryl]

Listen to those advising you to seek custody of your son. You do not need a "Falang lawyer", you need a Thai lawyer with experience in Family Law.

Given how much more you can offer him, there is a real chance of winning custody.

[bmack]

This is your post from last June 2015 http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/835275-marriage-long-distance/#entry9546497 when you were in Canada talking about how she cheated on you and what should you do and where to get a lawyer because she told you that she was filing for divorce and you were banned from returning to Thailand ( I told you you weren't ) . Seems like instead of doing that you just went back to village spent all your money and here we are 8 months later same oh same oh. Its like what 3 times you returned to Canada to work save money to bring them over but still have not even once started the paperwork to sponsor them or used a law firm in Thailand ( I PM you at least 3 ) to find out your rights and advise what you could do.

Now you say you have no money for legal advice and what should you do. How about going back to Canada , work and save your money , send over 5 to 10 thousand baht a month for kiids support Keep a record in case you need to show you never abandoned them and support them. Then file paperwork and bring them over . If not just keep supporting your son andd move on with your life.

You're right Tony. The long distance relationship was a mess and I did set myself for a return to divorce and fight for my son. She surprised me at the airport with my son and after seeing them and talking face to face with wife, I just wanted to try again, set things right, give my boy a happy family, dad-mom-kid.

I'm done trying, I'm coming back, starting over.

[bmack]

Here's exactly what you should do:

1. Stay in Thailand and move, with her and your son, away from the village and into a condo in a major city, say Chiang Mai or Bangkok. She will be a different person away from the influence of her family and small-mindedness of the village. This is the only way to give the possibility of being a family a proper go.

2. Teach for a while just to keep money coming in.

3. Go back to basics. Enjoy your son together: days out, teaching him together, swimming, parks, etc. Loads to do in BKK and Chiang Mai for free.

4. After a while, she'll see the how positive your influence on her son is and what a great Dad you are (I'm sure you will be).

5. Introduce the idea of moving to Canada again. Start the paperwork.

You might never have the most romantic marriage in the world, or always agree. But you have the possibility of being great friends and making a great life for your son. He is the most important thing and will bring you both huge joy if you make sacrifices. There's a line in a country song, I forget which, "It's not love, but it's not bad". As you said, you can't separate a mother and her child, and you don't want to be absent from his life and see him grow up in a village.

Do what's necessary: Keep the peace, move away from the village, earn some money, give it a go as a family, get to know her all over again without the influence of her family, do the paperwork, move to Canada.

This thought is exactly what keeps me up most nights. My head is saying "run", my heart is saying the above. For the boy.

[bmack]

Time, I think, to know what OP actually wants and is capable of!!

I just want my son to have a good life. That's it. But so far have been incapable of being ruthless towards wife. She loves her son deeply and he her. If I take him away it will destroy her. She hasn't really been "bad" enough to the point where I want to destroy her. And I can't stay with her much longer, there's just nothing there, mostly just making us both miserable. And I can't stay in this village much longer, I'm not a rice farmer, I've given up on that dream

So I guess that leaves me capable of leaving, supporting my son (5-10k a month... definitely not enough to keep her living the way she is now and I know she'll put the boy first) and making a lot more money in Canada than I can here. I've got friends, relatives and women have always been a dime a dozen for when I'm ready.

Hopefully I've learned my lesson and won't come back for anything longer than a vacation, visit my son. Hopefully.

[Sheryl]

I think it is true that family pressure has a lot to do with her behavior. Since you believe she is a good mother and that the boy is very attached to her, why not give it a try living as a family in a city in Thailand far from her family and village?

That will give you a chance to see what she's like away from them and whether staying with her might be possible out of the village. Certainly living in the village was never going to work.

[mgjackson69]

Where did you meet her ?

i met this girl from up north and she even had farang boyfriend for 2 years we started talng then she said if you look after me and my family you can have what you want i thought family her 2 kids oh no it was her 2 kids and her mother father who where in there late 50 is i said why dont they work to ill they need money for medical treatment as wel so now we up to5 people also would be possible tolend her money for her sister car loan as she cant pay it now as husband left her i said what about your boyfriend for 2 years she said not love him now he no look after my family i said you got some cheek she was for real and said i must go she said you no want me then then i said your lovely not to upset her and she was very beautiful she 32 im 62 as i went she said goodbye and i said goodluck nobody was going to mug me for sure they have no morals some these girls at all

She was 32 and you were 62 and you question HER morals ?

Did you expect a sex slave because you had more money than her, despite her being young enough to be your granddaughter ?

What age difference would fit your definition of "moral"?

[MobileContent]

This is your post from last June 2015 http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/835275-marriage-long-distance/#entry9546497 when you were in Canada talking about how she cheated on you and what should you do and where to get a lawyer because she told you that she was filing for divorce and you were banned from returning to Thailand ( I told you you weren't ) . Seems like instead of doing that you just went back to village spent all your money and here we are 8 months later same oh same oh. Its like what 3 times you returned to Canada to work save money to bring them over but still have not even once started the paperwork to sponsor them or used a law firm in Thailand ( I PM you at least 3 ) to find out your rights and advise what you could do.

Now you say you have no money for legal advice and what should you do. How about going back to Canada , work and save your money , send over 5 to 10 thousand baht a month for kiids support Keep a record in case you need to show you never abandoned them and support them. Then file paperwork and bring them over . If not just keep supporting your son andd move on with your life.

Hmmmmm Interesting.

I hate to say it then, but she sounds she wears the pants. OP sends her half the money he is, wont change anything.

Then he will have much more money when the kid is 18.

Not like the kid at 18 is going to say no his father, some guy thats probably the richest guy he knows

He kind of has to cut off some of the funds so there is money for the kid when he grows up, plan ahead not just concern himself with the here and now.

As is often said on this forum, which does seem to be the golden rule, only part with what you can afford / are prepared to lose

Exactly like me. I burned 800,000 on a house, 200,000 Sinsod and 10 Rai of rubber trees 5 years old and only to find out I she was gambling. I do have a daughter with her which is now almost 6 years old but I have not seen that girl for the past 5 1/2 years but all in all she conned me 1.6 million Baht and I walked away after 5 months.

I do have a trust fund for my daughter which is 15,000 Baht a month and she will do well when she is 21 years old which should give her almost 5.1 million Baht but I would not send one cent down to Wang Sam Mo, Udon.

Edited April 22, 2016 by MobileContent

[cat handler]

Yes there is a better way than marriage, it involves going out and finding someone who hates your guts and giving them half your stuff.

By having the kid she has you by the short and curlies, give her no more than $200 a month to raise him and beware for the times he gets "sick" and she needs big dollars, in those cases go visit before sending any large money's

[thaiduncankk]

Where did you meet her ?

i met this girl from up north and she even had farang boyfriend for 2 years we started talng then she said if you look after me and my family you can have what you want i thought family her 2 kids oh no it was her 2 kids and her mother father who where in there late 50 is i said why dont they work to ill they need money for medical treatment as wel so now we up to5 people also would be possible tolend her money for her sister car loan as she cant pay it now as husband left her i said what about your boyfriend for 2 years she said not love him now he no look after my family i said you got some cheek she was for real and said i must go she said you no want me then then i said your lovely not to upset her and she was very beautiful she 32 im 62 as i went she said goodbye and i said goodluck nobody was going to mug me for sure they have no morals some these girls at all

She was 32 and you were 62 and you question HER morals ?

Did you expect a sex slave because you had more money than her, despite her being young enough to be your granddaughter ?

what a disgusting post.

Did it make you feel guilty too ?

[Mudcrab]

Sorry to read of your plight. Sadly my advice/opinion is far too late.

Never, ever, allow access to what by Thai standards is a large amount of money. In most cases it will simply be 'blown'

David44?

[Mudcrab]

eventually all come to Canada together

Remember, poor farm girl, eats rice, vegetables, insects,

frogs (shall i go on) so where in Canada can she buy

these delicacy, and what TV channels have Thai ghost

soaps she can spend all day watching, and that white

stuff outside, snow ? They never leave mama.

Manarack is right and also is Katipo, both sensible replies.

My wife happily grows her own vegetables when we stay at our place in North Queensland. We try and divide our time between here and Thailand as best we can.

There's a couple of Asian supermarkets here where she can buy most of the stuff she likes from home.

She's not into frogs thank God.

Worse though she has taken a liking to Hungry Jacks....also known as Burger King.

I miss the deep fried grasshoppers with pork seasoning that the MIL serves up for brekky in the village though

She watches Channel 3 and Tnews live and all the soapies on YouTube the day after they are on Thai TV.

There's a thing called the internet that can do this - I'm sure you're aware of it - you're using it right now.

The VOIP phone means she can chat all day with her family and friends for very, very little cost. 10 cents per call unlimited time.

.

Mind you since the weather here is similar to Thailand might help a lot as well.

[Mudcrab]

To the young and not so young posters (those over 60 with a one year old whose wife has left them) and are overwhelmed with emotion at having become a father for the first or multiple times and now find themselves without their young ones and go on the course of trying to gain custody of them.

The OP wants to gain custody of his boy.

A noble aspiration.

But I really question some peoples motivation.

Cut the emotion of he's my son and what is left in reality......

How will the dad care for the son in real terms....he obviously has little money and needs to work.

Who will bring up the young fellow?

His ageing parents in Canada?

Day care centres?

I know this sounds harsh and will cause a lot of emotional pain but it is in all likelihood better to forget about the boy and move on in life. Leave the boy with his mother.

Both will struggle in Canada financially for a long time.

The OP doesn't appear to have had the emotional intelligence in the first place having put himself in this predicament. I doubt he has the ability to raise the boy in any meaningful manner.

Condoms are a good option in the future or a vasectomy for those like me who have had kids and do not desire any more.

This inseminating women at random needs to stop...as does the bragging by posters who say they have produced five or more and have simply moved on without conscience or financial responsibility for their actions.

They are not Men.

Just oversexed Boys.

The same who complain about how Thailand is becoming anti-farang.

Surprise anybody?

Edited April 23, 2016 by Mudcrab

[bmack]

To the young and not so young posters (those over 60 with a one year old whose wife has left them) and are overwhelmed with emotion at having become a father for the first or multiple times and now find themselves without their young ones and go on the course of trying to gain custody of them.

The OP wants to gain custody of his boy.

A noble aspiration.

But I really question some peoples motivation.

Cut the emotion of he's my son and what is left in reality......

How will the dad care for the son in real terms....he obviously has little money and needs to work.

Who will bring up the young fellow?

His ageing parents in Canada?

Day care centres?

I know this sounds harsh and will cause a lot of emotional pain but it is in all likelihood better to forget about the boy and move on in life. Leave the boy with his mother.

Both will struggle in Canada financially for a long time.

The OP doesn't appear to have had the emotional intelligence in the first place having put himself in this predicament. I doubt he has the ability to raise the boy in any meaningful manner.

Condoms are a good option in the future or a vasectomy for those like me who have had kids and do not desire any more.

This inseminating women at random needs to stop...as does the bragging by posters who say they have produced five or more and have simply moved on without conscience or financial responsibility for their actions.

They are not Men.

Just oversexed Boys.

The same who complain about how Thailand is becoming anti-farang.

Surprise anybody?

I just want what's best for the boy and not entirely sure this place is in his best interest.

I have support back home to get settled, not aging parents.

I have enough money left, will easily be able to get a decent place, car... I just don't have what I used to. I have never struggled financially (by no means rich but have never worried about bills to pay or work)

Of course you're right about it being a hell of a lot more expensive to raise him in Canada but I have no doubt I can manage.

I guess I'd have to say I do lack emotional intelligence when it comes to the wife and our marriage, I own up to that but can give him a better life than she.

She's not a bad person, loves her son very much, I just can't get over the initial hit of her spending everything right after I left back in 2013 without asking or consulting me. We had plans for that money, unaware to me, it vanished within months. Complete lack of respect, no matter the nationality. And it's never been about the money, I did and will make more, it's the respect and trust. It all went out the window.

Besides that initial spending, she hasn't really made any other mistakes. Doesn't spoil herself, keeps and shows receipts. I do not provide for other family members. I've been trying for a few years now to forgive and forget, I just can't and it's taken a hard toll on our marriage (of course!).

Hope that clears things up a bit and thanks for your post.

[mickyboy]

Yes I think jvs is possibly right. I said you need to be ruthless. If you can get them to Canada or even out of Thailand you will have the upper hand. It sounds as though she might be biddable if the financial offer looked good. On a really heartless note I would not worry too much about the child not being with his mother. Thai parenting skills are pretty lamentable; hence what you have already noted the involvement of the wider family and community. And then you will have to think about schools. Make sure he speaks English and if appropriate French depending where you are from!!

Oh how I wish she was biddable. Tried that, no go. She wants it all, she wants out of the village, Thailand. She confuses the heck out of me. She wants out but spent most of our money on rebuilding village house, car payments. I know, I know, she put her family first not contemplating or caring about the outcome. What kills me the most is, if we divorce, I leave, only support my boy, she'll have to go to bkk or another city for work and neighbors and relatives will care for the child. So yes, I've been thinking about what jvs said for a while now.

he wont suffer your just a seed his mother will cope leave them with enough money for the baby what you feel right and then send every 6 months some more for the child clear your mind cant spel concience of any guilt keep it up for a few years see how you feel then but once you leave and dont pay i would not go back there as you may end up in the ground

classic situation really, you didn't marry a poor girl, you married a whole family of poor people. all aren't bad, but all are uneducated and needy for money.

for the poor girls, their family comes first and you will always be the outsider ATM.

and don't think it will ever stop. as soon as their bank loan are repaid, their cars repaired and the sick uncle cured, they will find new ways to get themselves deep into the sh*t. when that sort of people have money, they first spend it all on lottery, fun and vacations, and since they feel like they are lucky they will borrow money from the bank again to extend their house or start a dumb business idea, but not without having bought bigger cars on credit before.

do yourself a favor and cut this crap short. there is no hope, run.

haha, merci Manarak. Will likely run, very soon. Just still a little torn between putting everything I have left in custody battle, trying 1 more time and getting them to Canada or like you say, doing myself a favor. Might just opt for the easy way out this time, just so hard to accept that my son will suffer. I do know they're playing him against me but he's still my boy.

[Rhys]

So after all the advice, suggestions, and insights... it is up to you now... BEST wishes..

Move on with your life.....

Edited April 23, 2016 by Rhys

[blackcab]

To the young and not so young posters (those over 60 with a one year old whose wife has left them) and are overwhelmed with emotion at having become a father for the first or multiple times and now find themselves without their young ones and go on the course of trying to gain custody of them.

The OP wants to gain custody of his boy.

A noble aspiration.

But I really question some peoples motivation.

Cut the emotion of he's my son and what is left in reality......

How will the dad care for the son in real terms....he obviously has little money and needs to work.

Who will bring up the young fellow?

His ageing parents in Canada?

Day care centres?

I know this sounds harsh and will cause a lot of emotional pain but it is in all likelihood better to forget about the boy and move on in life. Leave the boy with his mother.

Both will struggle in Canada financially for a long time.

The OP doesn't appear to have had the emotional intelligence in the first place having put himself in this predicament. I doubt he has the ability to raise the boy in any meaningful manner.

Condoms are a good option in the future or a vasectomy for those like me who have had kids and do not desire any more.

This inseminating women at random needs to stop...as does the bragging by posters who say they have produced five or more and have simply moved on without conscience or financial responsibility for their actions.

They are not Men.

Just oversexed Boys.

The same who complain about how Thailand is becoming anti-farang.

Surprise anybody?

I just want what's best for the boy and not entirely sure this place is in his best interest.

I have support back home to get settled, not aging parents.

I have enough money left, will easily be able to get a decent place, car... I just don't have what I used to. I have never struggled financially (by no means rich but have never worried about bills to pay or work)

Of course you're right about it being a hell of a lot more expensive to raise him in Canada but I have no doubt I can manage.

I guess I'd have to say I do lack emotional intelligence when it comes to the wife and our marriage, I own up to that but can give him a better life than she.

She's not a bad person, loves her son very much, I just can't get over the initial hit of her spending everything right after I left back in 2013 without asking or consulting me. We had plans for that money, unaware to me, it vanished within months. Complete lack of respect, no matter the nationality. And it's never been about the money, I did and will make more, it's the respect and trust. It all went out the window.

Besides that initial spending, she hasn't really made any other mistakes. Doesn't spoil herself, keeps and shows receipts. I do not provide for other family members. I've been trying for a few years now to forgive and forget, I just can't and it's taken a hard toll on our marriage (of course!).

Hope that clears things up a bit and thanks for your post.

You didn't understand Thai village culture. Your wife would have come under impossible amounts of pressure for that money.

From what you say, on the whole she sounds quite decent. Before you give up, take her to live a long, long way away from her family and see how it goes.

And while you do it, give her and yourself a break about the 800k and make a fresh start.

[Sheryl]

Should also keep n mind that this 800k having originated as sin sod, was from the family's point of view theirs and not yours.

[bmack]

Just want to thank everyone for their advice and contributions. It's helped. Doesn't really matter but try not to think of the wife as being the villain here. I'm way more to blame than her. She basically made one big mistake right after we were married which resulted in me (an eventually her) losing all trust and respect in one another.

Thank you Sheryl, I do understand about sin sod, the pressures she was likely under but that spending was never part of our plan and she never discussed any of it with me.

Flight booked, i'm leaving this week. No divorce, leaving the child here (for now). Will support him and a little her. Nothing over 10k.

Thank you everyone, now please go help some other stupid foreigner

[uthaithanirules]

I just want what's best for the boy and not entirely sure this place is in his best interest.

No, you want whats best for you in the here and now, especially in relation to the attachment to your son

Of course you're right about it being a hell of a lot more expensive to raise him in Canada but I have no doubt I can manage.

Factor in real estate, and you are talking in the vicinity of ten times more expensive in Canada.

Not just the outlay at any current point in time, but all the money thats not being put into investments that compound regularly.

Mortgage back home for a place at least twice as big as you need compared to if it was just yourself is a triple whammy: two three times the extra mortgage interest, on capital that doesnt return anything as its your place of residence and cant rent it out, and most importantly minus the amount all that money could have been compounding regularly if you had instead invested it.

somewhere you get a return .

Get a job where you can get extra couple months holidays, buy a tiny little flat, or live with your parents, work out how much the mother needs for the basics, give her three times that amount, but stick to that not matter what little dramas pop up, she'll learn eventually. Seriously doubt she'd get a better offer

Over 30 years, you will still end up a couple million ahead, dollars not baht.

Plan ahead, dont just think about now

[Patsycat]

You know, maybe you going back to Canada might just bring you two together again.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder - sort of thing. Being around each other day in day out, with a wee boy running riot.

Doesn't really add to re-sparking a romance. Add on the financial bit.

You seem like a decent person, and so does she. I don't think you hate her nor do you seem to think she is a bad mother.

I hope things work out for you and your boy.

But why oh why did you marry her after two months!! Jeez!!!

When are men going to grow up!!!!

[williamgeorgeallen]

You know, maybe you going back to Canada might just bring you two together again.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder - sort of thing. Being around each other day in day out, with a wee boy running riot.

Doesn't really add to re-sparking a romance. Add on the financial bit.

You seem like a decent person, and so does she. I don't think you hate her nor do you seem to think she is a bad mother.

I hope things work out for you and your boy.

But why oh why did you marry her after two months!! Jeez!!!

When are men going to grow up!!!!

why do guys keep falling for the marriage trap? it is a stupid out dated tradition. only thing it is goof for is to help get a non imm O visa.

[MikeyIdea]

You are brutally honest with yourself

Not a bad trait and I see many positive traits too. Daring to take a chance is an important one. We don’t know if that is going to be a success in 10 years time or not yet

I read some dangerous and outright wrong advice too

"If you can get them to Canada or even out of Thailand you will have the upper hand"

There was a British guy posting on ThaiVisa who did that without the mothers consent quite a few years ago. The mother just went to Juvenile court in Thailand and of course got sole custody awarded, then she registered that Thai court order with British authorities and they promptly put the child on a plane back to Thailand

This can be done for as little as 10,000 baht = mother does not even have to have a lawyer to do the Thai bit if she doesn't have money for it and organisations like Care will help with the British side

That British guy is a ThaiVisa member who was posting in the Scott custody thread a few years back moaning about that it had taken several years to get it to the Supreme Count of Thailand, the mother was still withholding the child, and the court still did nothing to help him get access to his child... Of course not, he proved very well himself that is is not to be trusted so why should they

"the wife will not let me take my kid to Canada without her, I can fight for custody but will lose and how can I take a child away from his mom? also, don't have enough $ anymore for lawyers and legal fees

I like when you write - How can I take a child away from his mom. You have the heart in the right place and your priorities right

But - Lose custody if you fight? Well, I don't know about that. Thai Juvenile courts are generally fair and do not give the mother the automatic advantage she has in most western countries. Saying that though, I know of a case where Petchabun Juvenile was very unfair to a western father so it could be good to try to have court session somewhere else, Bangkok is great and often more fair than western juvenile courts even. If Petchabun cannot be avoided, then a lawyer specialising in Juvenile law who really understands that you will refuse any deal and just let the court order and take your chances in the appeals court if you don't get a fair deal should help. Mind you, a Thai lawyer will normally try to push you to accept a deal if the court wants that. His personal goal to not lose face is more important to him than your goal and your child

You should be able to get 4-3 if you live in Thailand

Another thing you write "she'll have to go to bkk or another city for work and neighbors and relatives will care for the child"

If that happens, then you have the right to take the child. One parent can deny the other parent the right to take the child out of Thailand so that only applies if you are in Thailand though.

You write "I know what I need to do: cut my loses, divorce, get out of here, support my kid from Canada"

If you do that, then remember that most Juvenile courts will see 4,000 baht per month as quite sufficient to take care of the child and you should not pay more than 5,000 and school fees (by transferring directly to the school bank account only and nothing else) if you think that money can work as a leverage

Good Luck

Edited April 26, 2016 by MikeyIdea

[MobileContent]

You know, maybe you going back to Canada might just bring you two together again.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder - sort of thing. Being around each other day in day out, with a wee boy running riot.

Doesn't really add to re-sparking a romance. Add on the financial bit.

You seem like a decent person, and so does she. I don't think you hate her nor do you seem to think she is a bad mother.

I hope things work out for you and your boy.

But why oh why did you marry her after two months!! Jeez!!!

When are men going to grow up!!!!

I think you hit it spot on but the only comments I have is on the following quote from you.

You seem like a decent person, and so does she.

If any woman spends 800,000 Baht without asking the hubby plus on top hitting the hubby for more money after she spend the 800k she is surely a money sucker that sees in the farang hubby only the money and nothing else.

[MikeyIdea]

This is a very tricky situation.

A Divorce will have to be contested because you have a child. In reality this means you could come to an agreement, but that agreement needs to be authorised by a court. This agreement can involve settlement, custody agreements, visitation agreements, child support etc...

Courts tend to favour the mother (according to a Family Lawyer I know). Unless you can prove your wife is unfit to be a mother you will have to fight custody in the courts (contested divorce) - i.e. you would have to prove alcoholism, drugs, criminal record etc... just saying the child would be better off in Canada would not win you a custody battle. A drawn out custody battle with the best lawyers could cost you about US$100,000.

You could loose the only leverage you have (Money) if a court were to award your wife custody of your child, you would have to pay child support.

Thus: Given your situation it seems that Divorce through the courts is a very risky choice.

In the meantime, keep a diary of any threats etc, keep any evidence (photos, Videos, recorded phone calls) that may indicate your Wife is an unfit mother... keep anything which could support your case, and do nothing which could harm your case.

A divorce with children involved does not have to be contested in Thailand. The back side of the divorce form used at the amphur is used to specify custody arrangement and child support etc. There is a mandatory waiting time but I cannot remember how long it is. I think Mario posted it several years back

"Courts tend to favour the mother (according to a Family Lawyer I know)"

That apply for young children, yes, but it is not a general statement that can be used for older children.

Thai Juvenile law is there to protect the child and it generally does that pretty well the way it is implemented in Thailand. A Thai Supreme Court judge once wrote - Young children need their mothers. True. It is also true that children needs education and Thai Juvenile courts recognise that when the child gets older. They also recognise the childs right to have an opinion much earlier than western courts to - Good in most cases but bad when parent alienation is involved

Edited April 26, 2016 by MikeyIdea

[MikeyIdea]

Just want to thank everyone for their advice and contributions. It's helped. Doesn't really matter but try not to think of the wife as being the villain here. I'm way more to blame than her. She basically made one big mistake right after we were married which resulted in me (an eventually her) losing all trust and respect in one another.

...

Thank you everyone, now please go help some other stupid foreigner

It may help you to accept this easier if you consider that she could actually have done the same thing if the husband had been Thai. It happens also between Thai - Thai. Many Thais (in Thai relationships) have fallen for that trap and unable to change the past they lost everything they once loved

The most important question is perhaps: Does she still love you?

Edited April 26, 2016 by MikeyIdea

[uthaithanirules]

Will support him and a little her. Nothing over 10k.

Oi, I didnt see that before

10K a month

So C$90 a week

I see I was wasting my breath

Tell this to everyone you know in Canada, all your family there, you were prepared to "support" your wife and kid with a whoppin $90 a week, and how you cant understand why she wanted to dump you

[thai3]

10k a month is enough to live on and a bit more than a minimum wage, why throw more money away?