Should I build a house next door to the inlaws?

[laislica]

1. Rules made people.

2. Some folow rules evry where(its mean not have him self any rules )

Some choes/make/get obly one rules and follow anywhere.

Ps

I guess discussion about a foreigner who is married wuth Thai lady ask about build or not house near wife family.

So it not only about Thailand. About foreigner and family thinks too.

OP:- (Original Post) <Snip>My thai fiancee of 5 years and I are thinking of building our retirement home on her land an hour from ubon.

The only thing stopping me from doing it now is its next door to her parents and a kilometre from her brother and sisters houses.<Snip>

ubon is in the east of Thailand (not Udon but Ubon) Thailand.

The girlfriend is Thai.

Family nearby.

Thai culture, other cultures not important.

I guess that English is not your first language.

One person gave advantages of living close to her family.

Many others (including me) suggest that he builds with a reasonable distance between their house and her family.

Up to him what he chooses to do.

Up to you to choose what you do.

I already choose and have a reasonable distance between our house and her family, about 10-100Km, it's a big family.

This works well for me,

it also works well for my wife and her family.

The Thai culture is honoured and my Western culture is also honered.

By the way, we only stay in Thailand for 4-5 months per year.

We are now in Spain for 6-7 months.

Now the distance is 11,000 Km

555

spain. Is English your first language?

Hmmm

555 Tinglish and Spanglish je je

This year I learned to read Thai, easy but I have no idea what it means......

The Thai culture thing is that you are in Thailand and it's culture reigns as indeed it should.

I'm sure that there are wives who put their husbands first but what about their families?

Up to you of course.

ardokano asks why have a wife who does not put the husband first.

Love is blind?

Up to him, as long at it works for them?

Good luck with your decision, from your posts, I guess you will be happy where ever you decide to build.

Cheers

[ardokano]

ardokano asks why have a wife who does not put the husband first.

Love is blind?

But not for Thai girl married to a foreigner as I understand you.

Cheers

And good luck

[bamukloy]

There is no end to how foreigners let themselves get shafted here.

For many here its not enough to fork out for a house you can never own..now they get conned into buying one next to the family.

At least if you bought anywhere else you have the illusion its yours and a bit of privacy..but on the family land?

No way

Like others have said..you will be driven insane..and you will gladly move out in due course

noise, charcoal, early morning screaming rellos getting kids ready for school,

Rubbish thrown everywhere,

earsplitting music 24 hours for 3 day weddings.

you buy food-its gone before you even see it.

people want money for this and that.

wifes family expect to be 'tipped' to ride 5 minutes to shop.

did i mention boredom

you will get asked to buy stuff for sisters kids-it will get broken within hours or left out in the rain...

but yeah apart from all that its great fun lol

artggg

like the Thai person says "who needs wife like this?"

Actually this is the smartest comment on the whole thread

[sipi]

Of course non of this would happen if you had complete strangers for neighbours.

[Cereal]

I am married to a Lao but this type of situation seems to be one of those same same but different things.

We built our house in her village 50 meters from her mom and totally surrounded by family and her lifelong friends. It was the best decision. I was, and still remain, the only falang ever to live there. It's about 15 minutes from Vientiane.

When we have been away, at times for several months, we have no worries whatsoever about our house. It's well taken care of, not to my somewhat fastidious standards but it is far from neglected or trashed.

This coupled with the comfort factor of being close to family makes things easier for my wife, thus for me.

My opinion, if you like them and they like you, if they're not intrusive on your life or overly-demanding of your wife's time ( and 'alleged' money) then build close to family.

[hawker9000]

I am married to a Lao but this type of situation seems to be one of those same same but different things. We built our house in her village 50 meters from her mom and totally surrounded by family and her lifelong friends. It was the best decision. I was, and still remain, the only falang ever to live there. It's about 15 minutes from Vientiane. When we have been away, at times for several months, we have no worries whatsoever about our house. It's well taken care of, not to my somewhat fastidious standards but it is far from neglected or trashed. This coupled with the comfort factor of being close to family makes things easier for my wife, thus for me. My opinion, if you like them and they like you, if they're not intrusive on your life or overly-demanding of your wife's time ( and 'alleged' money) then build close to family.

'Some REALLY important IFs there... 'Kind of like saying, "if you're sure there won't be any problems, then don't worry about problems". It's a wonderful thing when you can arm yourself with that much foreknowledge, accurately, before important choices with lasting consequences are made. Some will inevitably tend to just assume these things.

[wprime]

The trick is to be about an hour away. If you're next door they'll visit all the time. If you're far away then they'll be sleeping over. If they're an hour away, your wife will visit them and you don't even need to go with her.

[rgs2001uk]

The trick is to be about an hour away. If you're next door they'll visit all the time. If you're far away then they'll be sleeping over. If they're an hour away, your wife will visit them and you don't even need to go with her.

The trick is to be about an hour away

A lot of truth in what you say.

My trick was to get a Bang Kaew dog, they are all shyt scared of her.

[siamcrut]

No way!

[mogandave]

I get along well with the in-laws. I like the idea of building a small home next to them and maintaining the primary residence in town.

You can own a house, you can't own land.

You wife can own land, and you own half of what she owns.

People can say what the want about the husband coming first, but (generally) when push comes to shove your wife will not abandon her family because you don't get along with them. This is the same in the west as far as I know.

[marko kok prong]

Just wait until they try to kill you,then you will realise,i should have built it a long way away.

[davo2212]

Just wait until they try to kill you,then you will realise,i should have built it a long way away.

Why would they want to kill me?

[marko kok prong]

There is no end to how foreigners let themselves get shafted here.

For many here its not enough to fork out for a house you can never own..now they get conned into buying one next to the family.

At least if you bought anywhere else you have the illusion its yours and a bit of privacy..but on the family land?

No way

Like others have said..you will be driven insane..and you will gladly move out in due course

noise, charcoal, early morning screaming rellos getting kids ready for school,

Rubbish thrown everywhere,

earsplitting music 24 hours for 3 day weddings.

you buy food-its gone before you even see it.

people want money for this and that.

wifes family expect to be 'tipped' to ride 5 minutes to shop.

did i mention boredom

you will get asked to buy stuff for sisters kids-it will get broken within hours or left out in the rain...

but yeah apart from all that its great fun lol

artggg

like the Thai person says "who needs wife like this?"

Actually this is the smartest comment on the whole thread

exactly what my life was like before my divorce,after her Father tried to kill me and she took his side,so happy i got out from that,it was hell.Now they are skint,i am moving to the Philippines,i think she is back at the bar,at 40,never have i seen a more useless lazy bunch of yokels in my life[her family],do not do it op.

[sipi]

Get it into perspective.

Once you retire, if you intend visiting the inlaws for extended periods of time (which you will) you will need somewhere to stay. Either a place of your own or under someone elses roof (theirs). Personally I am glad we have a place of our own. Whether it be one month a year or 10, you will need your own space.

For $15-$20k you can get a simple house knocked up. About the price of a temporary European holiday or a cruise. You then have your roof over your head.

[daveAustin]

Op, did you envisage moving to the middle of nowhere before you came to Thighland? Don't do it.

[ableguy]

I was offered free land to build a house next to mum,, my answer I want live at least a 2.5 hour drive away, good job as mum has never stopped trying to scam me out of money, she is uneducated as is the rest of the family, but still thinks she is much smarter than me.

[laislica]

Get it into perspective.

Once you retire, if you intend visiting the inlaws for extended periods of time (which you will) you will need somewhere to stay. Either a place of your own or under someone elses roof (theirs). Personally I am glad we have a place of our own. Whether it be one month a year or 10, you will need your own space.

For $15-$20k you can get a simple house knocked up. About the price of a temporary European holiday or a cruise. You then have your roof over your head.

In post 21 you said:-

Anyway back to Davos original post. We built next door to the inlaws but for now it is only a holiday house. It sits vacant 10 months a year until I retire. In the meantime the inlaws look after it, otherwise (if it wasn't next door to the inlaws) it would possibly get broken into.

Presently we are only there two months a year. Frankly I couldn't think of anything worse than being in Thailand and not being around my family. But they are very honest and fun folk.

I am sure the likes of Charlie have good reason for changing their mind and I look forward to hearing why.

Next door?

Your next door is how many thousands of miles away for those 10 months that you are not there?

Only asking, not knocking.

Thai culture is so different from Western culture and expectations on both sides are often 180 degrees apart.

We need space, be it distance or time to survive.

Sure one can cope with a month or two living in close proximity, but full time?

If your main home is really next door and things are not working out, what are your options then?

Sell and build elsewhere?

Who would buy and at what price?

If it's only a cheap, temporary style home that you could walk away from, would that also cause problems?

Sorry, more questions than answers....

[jerojero]

Are you nuts? I Iike my in laws, but moving next door would be like moving in with them. Daily, hourly, 365 days a year interactions? No way for me!

Edited May 7, 2016 by jerojero

[sipi]

Get it into perspective.

Once you retire, if you intend visiting the inlaws for extended periods of time (which you will) you will need somewhere to stay. Either a place of your own or under someone elses roof (theirs). Personally I am glad we have a place of our own. Whether it be one month a year or 10, you will need your own space.

For $15-$20k you can get a simple house knocked up. About the price of a temporary European holiday or a cruise. You then have your roof over your head.

In post 21 you said:-

Anyway back to Davos original post. We built next door to the inlaws but for now it is only a holiday house. It sits vacant 10 months a year until I retire. In the meantime the inlaws look after it, otherwise (if it wasn't next door to the inlaws) it would possibly get broken into.

Presently we are only there two months a year. Frankly I couldn't think of anything worse than being in Thailand and not being around my family. But they are very honest and fun folk.

I am sure the likes of Charlie have good reason for changing their mind and I look forward to hearing why.

Next door?

Your next door is how many thousands of miles away for those 10 months that you are not there?

Only asking, not knocking.

Thai culture is so different from Western culture and expectations on both sides are often 180 degrees apart.

We need space, be it distance or time to survive.

Sure one can cope with a month or two living in close proximity, but full time?

If your main home is really next door and things are not working out, what are your options then?

Sell and build elsewhere?

Who would buy and at what price?

If it's only a cheap, temporary style home that you could walk away from, would that also cause problems?

Sorry, more questions than answers....

Up to the OP. He can build something cheap next door or stay with them when he is there. Or go on a cruise.

[Rhys]

Want to leave Thailand right!

[D3030]

The trick is to be about an hour away. If you're next door they'll visit all the time. If you're far away then they'll be sleeping over. If they're an hour away, your wife will visit them and you don't even need to go with her.

Not in my case.. A few of my TGF relatives live about an hour drive away..

We rarely go the their home's.. If we do, it'd up and back trip the same day..

When the relatives come over, they never just spend one night.. Could be a few days to a few weeks.

The daily routine is going on right now.

There are 3 people, that don't live in this house watching the television right now.

Sometimes it's not bad having guest over, if it's the hot sister or the hotter looking relatives come over..

[ThaiFelix]

I built in the same village, seemed a great (and lucky ) idea at the time. 10 years on, even my wife will say "worst mistake we ever made".

If I(we) had my time over again I would be around 50 km away minimum.

Totally agree, and so does my wife. Its only two years for us but we both regret the move.......there just always seems to be something and its usually about money.

[laislica]

I built in the same village, seemed a great (and lucky ) idea at the time. 10 years on, even my wife will say "worst mistake we ever made".

If I(we) had my time over again I would be around 50 km away minimum.

Totally agree, and so does my wife. Its only two years for us but we both regret the move.......there just always seems to be something and its usually about money.

My wife's biggest worry is that she is part of a big family.

Big family = loads of problems, health jobs, money, kids, grand kids etc.

She worries that if I begin to understand all her problems it might eventually be too much for me.

If I leave, goodbye ATM?

So having space, in time and distance is what works.

[D3030]

I built in the same village, seemed a great (and lucky ) idea at the time. 10 years on, even my wife will say "worst mistake we ever made".

If I(we) had my time over again I would be around 50 km away minimum.

Totally agree, and so does my wife. Its only two years for us but we both regret the move.......there just always seems to be something and its usually about money.

Had 1st home built 2007, the 2nd in 2010..

9 years, there is no inkling of regret for TGF...

The few months we stay in Bangkok each year keeps me from not going crazy..

Having a 5 year old son that loves living out in the country, more than the city, keeps me coming back..