Thai girlfriend asks to borrow money (in US)

[fakename]

How does she claim "half is hers"? Where did she get it, why is your money in her account? Dont screw yourself! Thais dont give loans back, they think it is a gift. How do you plan on getting the money back? She will say, if you love me, you wouldnt ask for it back.

[F4UCorsair]

This 'afford to lose' is one of the most stupid statements I have ever seen and apparently comes from skint people. Smart people don't lose money period

And it doesn't matter how much, or how little, nobody can "afford to lose". That's called 'gifting'.

If you want to write off any amount, let me send you my account details.

[akentryan]

The facts are?

1. She is working in the USA for an au pair company on a two year visa sponsored by the company.

2. You are in the USA and you met her there 6 months ago and starting dating

3. Her current visa is expiring and she does not wish to continue with the present company because it would require her to return to Thailand for a while. Or perhaps they are

siphoning off a large portion of what she could earn on her own.

4. She can not or does not want the current host family to sponsor her

5. To get a new visa on her own requires money in the bank but you do not know how much

As another poster wrote - if you want to lose a friend loan them money.

The sensible thing to do is tell her you do not have the available cash at the moment and see what Plan B is

If she is forced to return to Thailand what happens to your relationship?

Assuming you have a job in the USA commuting to Thailand to visit her coud get very expensive

Weigh the cost of what she is asking versus the cost of maintaining a relationship halfway round the world.

How long does she need your money?

Would I ask someone I have known for six months to loan me money? No I would not nor would I expect them to loan it to me.

On the other hand it is quite common here in Thailand especially young females borrowing from older "boy friends." I do not have any statistics but I would venture a guess that most "loans" are not repaid.

On the other hand if the amount she is asking for is not a significant amount in terms of your personal financial picture, and you can stand the loss, go for it.

[Siameaze]

i think this would be a bad move to give her the money. If she worked as an au pair, she should have known the requirements for renewal and have put an effort into being prepared.

[Khon Kaen Dave]

Sorry,my friend,but you are being set up.I've lived here a long time,and i was very green in the beginning,since then i have become a little less trusting,a lot more cynical and quite suspicious.

This girl bears all the trade marks of a hit and run.You love her after 6 month's,she knows this.You have some money,she knows this.Thai girls can be quite wicked and can play the slow wait game. It all begins with tears and excuses about family.Also the other poster was quite right.How do you know that she hasnt got 3/4 boyfriends that she is conning along side you.

How long have you been here? i ask because there are lots of guys who think they are Thai wise,but they get caught.You say she has never given you doubt,this is just another version of 'Oh but she's not the same a other thai girls' I have known guys who have married and even then,after 6/7 years,the girl just appears at the front door with her case telling you she's leaving.

My friend had an 23,000,000 baht house,a lake,a 30 metre swimming pool,and his servants lived in accommodation in the grounds.

married 10 years,wife just ups and goes,next,the mafia are on him for 18,000,000 she owes them.Had to sell his house for 10,000,000 to pay her debts.Card's,booze etc.

There are a lot of guys who will tell you different,they are not all the same,and they are right.but 6 months is too soon to be doing what you are doing.

Have you been up the village yet,to meet the family.?? That will be interesting,do you speak any Thai or Laos?

Just be careful my brother,or you will be in for a world of hurt.

[F4UCorsair]

Check with US immigration about the amount, if its legal to do what is being requested ? After all, its fraud ! You dont want to end up in trouble if you do decide to "help"

Personally, I wouldnt get involved with any aspect of fraudulent claims/declarations to a federal authority.

The perfect "OUT".

I've checked with my lawyer, and it's not legal to deposit money in somebody else's account so they can use it for the purpose you propose.

So easy!!!!

[Songlaw]

I have had many relationships in the UK with girls from poor countries (primarily the P'Pinnes) who were working in London and not a single one of them ever asked me for money, or indeed even needed it.

It is a different situation the other way round when a Westerner goes to a country like P'Pines and Thailand and meets a local girl who has very limited earning potential. In these circumstances in is not unreasonable for the Westerner to help out.

Scams and whatnot aside, Rogeroc points out a very present reality that should not be overlooked, despite our "jadedness." If, on occasion, we throw good after bad in an attempt to do the right thing, so be it. The OP seems to have more than enough evidence upon which to base an accurate risk assessment. While it is true many people manage to find ways to survive in western cultures long enough to eventually realize an enhanced level of existence over what they left behind, in many, if not all cases, this is a process that takes a considerable period of time and relatively good fortune, along with a significant degree of mobility (read: freedom). If the young lady in question needs to "get out from under" entities whose control has caused her overall safety/security to feel compromised in anyway, this would be a very reasonable request. A gamble for the OP, but if he is able to absorb it (or perhaps some percentage of it) then it is simply a humanitarian act, and as such cannot be faulted, irrespective of outcome.

[SteveSamui6262]

You love her. That puts you in an weak relationship position. This girl may be gambling her income away. If you "loan" her the money, you will be gambling, and Las Vegas odd makers would place you as the underdog. Alternatively, your girl may be sending a good percentage of her U.S. income back home to her family leaving her poor.

I've lived in Thailand 7 years and I see on a daily basis friends & acquaintances of my girlfriend flying off to foreign countries monthly, if not weekly for the purpose to financially enrich their lives thru their foreign boyfriends.

It's impossible that she needs to show money in her bank account to continue her work visa. Her sponsorship would be sufficient to validate her visa status.

My opinion is if you hand her the cash, you should not expect it to be returned. Tossing her the cabbage should make your relationship nice for awhile, but it will also encourage her to hit you up again & again as time goes on.

A good attorney would advise you to "cut your losses" and end the relationship if necessary. I agree with the poster who advises you tell her your cash is tied up in a "locked" investment or by family. If she walks away from you it would be a win win because it would confirm it is only about the money, and your cash would remain in your control.

From the way you express yourself, I am quite sure you already know the answer. Just be a man and say SO SORRY. I CANNOT AFFORD TO LEND OUT ANY MONEY AT THIS TIME.

The best of luck to you.

[ubeturazz]

call me old fashioned, but i believe the man should pay for dates... if you can't afford to spend a few dollars on a date then you certainly don't have the resources to be a money lender.

[seancbk]

Trust your gut. If it was me, I would probably do it.

Yes I would do it.

She has a legit job overseas and a legit reason for needing the money.

You (the OP) say you love her. Take a risk. If she scams you then you'll have learned a lesson, if she gives you the cash back after she gets her extension then you will know (or have a better indication at least) that she is genuine.

Keep in mind that for all the stories of cheating Thai girls there are 100X more stories about nice girls who don't, you just don't get people posting about the good stuff as often.

[csabo]

Am I to understand she lives in the US and has a work visa already?? If so she doesn't need any money in the bank. Getting the visa is near impossible keeping it is easy. Make sure you leave yourself out of all the application paperwork.

[RWA]

Only you (OP) know the girl in any real sense, and not ALL Thai girls are out to rip people off.

If she's there trying to improve her position in life, and all has gone well with you both so far, and "if" you can afford to lose the cash if anything does go awry, I don't see the problem in helping her out.

There has to be some real level of trust in a relationship, and if at this point in the relationship you still don't feel you can trust her, I don't see that changing anytime soon unless you take a chance and give her a chance to prove the naysayers wrong.

Simple rule in life ... never "loan" more than you can afford to lose.

better rule is that one (of a few) from my beloved grandpa, he gave me when I needed it most:

never LOAN, ever! - if you don't want to lose a friend or any kind of relationship for that matter !!!

(You try to avoid the situation when you might be creating a "hard test" for a relationship, that is likely to fail)

You want to help - so you GIVE !!!

as simple as that.

you can't afford a gift, so say: "no, I'm sorry, not this time"

and that's it ...

worked well for me whole my life ...

[jacko45k]

I believe she is using you to get some money.

How much of this 6 months of dating have you actually spent together?

Where is this Thai girl working that allowing her employers to sponsor her and give her a work permit is a problem?

[Suitcase]

Over the years I have had Thai and Philopino girls ask for money and

my answer was, "Let me think about that."

Not once have they come back and asked a second time!

[lostinisaan]

From OP''s post: She is an au pair and has been doing so for a year and a half. But, recently she asked to borrow a few thousand dollars. She is currently in the process of trying to get a visa extension, and she says that the money will be used to sit in her bank account (as in she will not spend it) so she can show that she has enough money to live on her own and will not have to use her host family as a sponsor. As some of her friends here have had bad experiences doing so"

OP, have you ever thought that she's only looking for a coward who gives her money because she's on her way home?

​ How many more guys was she asking the same question before, using social medias?? Do you know what she did before you "ran" into her?

First, she's an au pair, then she works for another company? Really confusing. The host family sorts all the visa stuff out, so you were lied to completely.

OP, you do not seem to have had relationships before and this one knows how to play her games with you She tells you what you want to hear, she reads all your wishes from your lips. She does sexual favors for you telling you that you're the only one in her life.

.

Edited May 24, 2016 by lostinisaan

[Donutz]

Oh dear, the best thing I can say is not to ask a forum about what to do. Too many grumphy (old?) farts and some too optimistic. Simly get the fact straight, use common sense and follow your instinct.

I'd contact US immigration, they probably have a website that lists all the requirements. If that doesn't help, contact immigration and inquire with them. If that doesn't help, contact an immigration proffesional.Shouldn't be too difficult to find out if there a certain amount of money sitting in an account for a while is a requirement for one of the visa or residence types.

Still no luck? Use some common sense. If you ask me, money sitting in an account is little to no value for immigration purposes. It could be in the account at one moment and gone the next. (offtopic: the Thai system makes no sense at all to me with their money requirements, border runs etc. That's not what you find in western countries who generally check for either a stable and sufficient salary and having to actually leave the country for X time before being able to get a new visa so you cannot endlessly renews a visa making it basically a silly type of residence permit).There might be a minimum balance requirement for short term holiday visas etc to see if one can afford a trip. For au pair or any type of residence permit such a balance requirement doesn't make much sense. Could be true, the US might just have silly requirements aswell, but as you say "she heard if from a friend". Being active in various visa/immigration forums and blogs I heard loads of "a friend/somebody told me that blablabla". That's not a reliable source, contact the immigration/visa department.

Also, authorities usually see lump sums in an account as a warning signal. Because it could be gone the next moment or might not even actually belong to the account holder but borrowed money. Rendering any figur in the account as meaningless and possible raising red flags resulting in no visa or residence permit or worse (if they see it as fraud).

So simply check the requirements the US has. Second step would be the only question you can answer, what does your instinct, your heart and mind tell you when it comes to how to act in this relation? No person here can answer that. Those that say "Thai (girls) are all..." are out of their minds. Thinking in stereotypes and labels like that is insane. "All Americans cannot be trusted", "All Mexicans are thiefs" "All Germans are grumphy bastards".. Just... ugh. See how silly that is? We are dealing with individuals here, and people around the world show many common characteristics: the desire to be respected, loved, have food, a roof over the head and a decent living and so on. Then there are many many more individual triggers and motivations so you cannot label a person based on something such as nationality, gender or what not.

And if you want to hear my experience, which should be completely useless to you since every situation is unique, I met a Thai girls (a bit older then me) by chanche, something sparked. I started to read some websites, those gave me a headache, everything felt so right but the online text was so much crap. To keep my sanity I stopped reading and followed my instinct and checked with official sources for formalities such as visas and immigration matters. Not regretted it for a day. At one point in our relation I wanted her to visit me in NL for a holiday, I had a pispoor job at the time so could not sponsor her (and no that didn't bother her at all), but she would need to sponsor the trip herself. She had some money but not enough for an entire trip. I put over 2000 euro's in her account, she applied for a visa about 5 months later and got the visa. The money was ofcourse still there and we used it together to fund our holidays in TH and NL. But this experience must be just as useless to you as the "it's a scam" or "sent her the money" posts. Simply check the official options including what options there are if you want to have her live with you in the US. Find out the official requirements and rules, and follow common sense, heart and mind in a relation and obviously not your willy. The experiences of others, good or bad, are pretty damn useless.

[RickTik]

I would thank her for the time she gave you and move on.

If your feelings go deeper than that, then ask her to marry you and go forward as a team.

Besides love, part of being a true team is trust and economic partnership.

[slipperylobster]

Ask for the title of a car, in return for the loan.

Surely somebody in her family has one.

Asked her to trust you to return it.

[Shiver]

It may be genuine, but I'd still have serious suspicions.

A couple of considerations that come to mind are:

1. If you lend the money and it doesn't come back, will that hurt you financially? Would it be more of a hurt because you trusted someone erroneously and feel the fool?
2. What if you said you wanted to help, but things are tight and you want her to put in the effort to find 10 other people who trust her and you all share the load and risk between you, and the number of people that can go on a hunt to track her down?
3. Maybe take a leaf out of the book of the father of an ex-gf in UK who was Italian, and whose father was small time mafia doing time taking one for the team of someone higher up. She said one thing he always tried to instill in her was that if she wanted to lend money to someone, then get a 3rd party front it for a fee. That way if it doesn't work out then it's someone else that breaks their legs and you can remain friends. Sounds rough and I'm sure you wouldn't want that, but the point is to triangulate the deal and give someone else a cut for removing your risk, whilst still being helpful in facilitating their wishes.

[chilli42]

Trust your gut. If it was me, I would probably do it.

I might add that this depends on how important a "few thousand dollars" is to you. If it's something you can afford to lose on a gut hunch then go ahead. If it's something you are depending on to make your rental payments then think twice.

[bazza40]

This 'afford to lose' is one of the most stupid statements I have ever seen and apparently comes from skint people. Smart people don't lose money period

There are many smart people who have lost money, picked themselves up and made it back again. What was that about stupid statements?

[Toscano]

Your post isn't completely clear , but . I had my the girlfriend , now wife of 10yrs , come to stay with me in Italy ; there was a requirement that she had to have $2250 in a bank account to ensure her independence and the ability to return home in emergency , as well as a return ticket . I'm English but was resident in Italy , I had to send £1500 for her to deposit in the bank .

The loan you are referring to may be the same .

[Chalard]

Sorry,my friend,but you are being set up.I've lived here a long time,and i was very green in the beginning,since then i have become a little less trusting,a lot more cynical and quite suspicious.

This girl bears all the trade marks of a hit and run.You love her after 6 month's,she knows this.You have some money,she knows this.Thai girls can be quite wicked and can play the slow wait game. It all begins with tears and excuses about family.Also the other poster was quite right.How do you know that she hasnt got 3/4 boyfriends that she is conning along side you.

How long have you been here? i ask because there are lots of guys who think they are Thai wise,but they get caught.You say she has never given you doubt,this is just another version of 'Oh but she's not the same a other thai girls' I have known guys who have married and even then,after 6/7 years,the girl just appears at the front door with her case telling you she's leaving.

My friend had an 23,000,000 baht house,a lake,a 30 metre swimming pool,and his servants lived in accommodation in the grounds.

married 10 years,wife just ups and goes,next,the mafia are on him for 18,000,000 she owes them.Had to sell his house for 10,000,000 to pay her debts.Card's,booze etc.

There are a lot of guys who will tell you different,they are not all the same,and they are right.but 6 months is too soon to be doing what you are doing.

Have you been up the village yet,to meet the family.?? That will be interesting,do you speak any Thai or Laos?

Just be careful my brother,or you will be in for a world of hurt.

Didn't you read the headline..

They are in USA..!!!

[realenglish1]

Here is what I did I opened a joint account with her being the owner of the account so here name would appear properly Then we applied to US Embassy for a visa

They issued a 10 year visa which is great

Don't let her tell you that you cannot do it You can and the US embassy accepts it as joint funds

Not a problem and give you more control over the situation

[falang khinok]

OK...she say need this money for guarantee visa....go to the immigration police of ur country show ur income and guarantee for her...does not cost u any cent...if she play up at some point go to the immigration police and cancel ur guarantee ...result for u u don't connect ur money to her and if she play stupid Thai style they <deleted>...g send her back to isaan...I had a Thai gf in Europe two years heaven for me than she found a crook who promised her a house ..so suddenly she demandet 1500 euro a month to continuous w.me...so ur 6 month heaven means nothing u feel this way she might feel completely different about u but not show u

[SOTIRIOS]

....not many details provided....

...but if this even is a genuine inquiry....

...you are being taken for a ride.....

[rubyjuan]

Thai girls and borrowing money, don't mix. You will never see it again. I promise.

[lostinisaan]

Here is what I did I opened a joint account with her being the owner of the account so here name would appear properly Then we applied to US Embassy for a visa

They issued a 10 year visa which is great

Don't let her tell you that you cannot do it You can and the US embassy accepts it as joint funds

Not a problem and give you more control over the situation

Oh my Buddha. Did you not understand that the woman doesn't want to marry the guy ,but she wants a relatively good part of his money by using lies.

[lostinisaan]

OK...she say need this money for guarantee visa....go to the immigration police of ur country show ur income and guarantee for her...does not cost u any cent...if she play up at some point go to the immigration police and cancel ur guarantee ...result for u u don't connect ur money to her and if she play stupid Thai style they <deleted>...g send her back to isaan...I had a Thai gf in Europe two years heaven for me than she found a crook who promised her a house ..so suddenly she demandet 1500 euro a month to continuous w.me...so ur 6 month heaven means nothing u feel this way she might feel completely different about u but not show u

Why didn't you buy her a Lear Jet?

[2fishin2]

Never lend what you can't afford to lose. But that applies to everyone.

If your bank account can take the hit, and your instincts are that she's honest, I say ignore the cynics on here and go for it. Not every Thai is out to rip farangs off.

EXACTLY! Trust your instinct but, be prepared to lose the money. Never lend money to family or friends without being prepared to lose it. Dont listen to the cynics here either.