Wedding gift. The couple or the parents keep it?

[Pinchy1111]

A friend of mine is getting married to a thai girl next year and a few things seem a bit suss to me. Ive been told that instead of a gift I just give money in an envelope, thats fine. But who keeps that money the bride and groom or does it get given to her parents?

[happylarry]

It's just the way things are done over here, everybody gives what they can afford, usually 500 or 1000 baht, and then it's all collected and put towards the costs of the wedding and party. There's not normally any left over anyway so you needn't worry about it going to the wrong place....lol

However another tradition over here is paying of sinsot which is a large amount which is given to the brides parents. Now some keep this money and others return it to the bride and groom so it depends what is Pre arranged by the family. Basically this has to be shown at the wedding in order for the family to keep their face and hold their heads high in front of the village.

HL

[blackcab]

Giving money in an envelope is very common. Normally there is a locked box on a table somewhere which has a slot on the top to post your envelope.

 

The cash goes to the couple.

[georgemandm]

Some have a book and write who gives how much to the  couple and next time some one else gets married the couple look in the book and give a little more then what they got .

just all thai bs sin sot and it all about money and gold .

if you are not going to be at the big day you not have to give one cent.

All I can say is tell your friend not get married to a thai , sorry to say most turn to  divorce .

 

 

[stevew407]

22 hours ago, happylarry said:

It's just the way things are done over here, everybody gives what they can afford, usually 500 or 1000 baht, and then it's all collected and put towards the costs of the wedding and party. There's not normally any left over anyway so you needn't worry about it going to the wrong place....lol

However another tradition over here is paying of sinsot which is a large amount which is given to the brides parents. Now some keep this money and others return it to the bride and groom so it depends what is Pre arranged by the family. Basically this has to be shown at the wedding in order for the family to keep their face and hold their heads high in front of the village.

HL

Thanks Happy Larry for this post and your other reply too.  We have also been talking about the sinsot.  I am struggling with that one too.  Told to just do it and save face and then will get it back........so am I being stupid or silly for wanting to change this CUSTOM - they want to continue it so that is the struggle. Have agreed to give it back so to speak.......but why have the exposure and continue this IMHO antiquated tradition?  Just curious as always.  And Georgemandm - MANY MARRIAGES UNFORTUNATELY end in divorce..... so should we just give up on life and love and happiness.......or HOPEFULLY this time we will get it right!!! Or maybe just enjoy what we have and how long it last WORKING on MAKING it last forever and happily ever after.  THIS TIME - we WORK HARD on HAPPY ONLY......no stupid and repeating fighting, FIX IT or move on. NOW!!

[Deepinthailand]

At all weddings I have attended there is a diffrence if all Thai ie bride and groom thai it is usual to have two separate envelopes the bride will be first to have string tied to wrist by everyone money gifts are given Then the groom again money gifts given. All the money given to both will be used for the party food and drink and to pay for the gifts given out by the couple ie the little head pillows ect ect. If it's a farang thai couple then it's both together and money recived again goes to the party and gifts but obviously the brides parents  do all that. sinsod  is a wad of money or gold given to her parents basically for looking after your future wife over the years. In all the time I have been here (long enough) I have never known the sinsod given by a farang to be kept by the parents always given back to the couple. If the lady he is marrying has been married before then no sinsod is required at all but that will be negotiated with the parents.

Tell him not to take a great deal (non really ) of the mirriad of negative posts you will recive on this subject. If he bothers reading this forum of course.

[Khon Kaen Dave]

I gave a brown envelope to a cozzer the other day.Does that mean that i am entitled to marry his daughter now?

[rosco14]

When I got  married I paid some cash as a sin sot and also showed off some gold that I later sold and got my money back.  The envelope got sent around at our wedding and we got about 80,000b.  About two weeks after the wedding I asked my wife what should we do with it and she said she'd already given to her mother.  I was very angry about this because I had farlang friends come to the wedding and donate money and I'm sure they wouldn't want their money going to my thieving mother in law.  Anyway it was a valuable lesson, never trust a Thai woman when it comes to money.  

[Acharn]

23 hours ago, blackcab said:

Giving money in an envelope is very common. Normally there is a locked box on a table somewhere which has a slot on the top to post your envelope.

 

The cash goes to the couple.

 

For every large entertainment I've had to give somebody meticulously records the amount given and who gave it, because you're expected to reciprocate (if you can) when they have a wedding or funeral. It's very important out in the country-side. Be sure to write your name on the outside of the envelope so they can record it. As some poster above said the amount isn't expected to be much, probably ฿100 or ฿500 for your friends' social class. Where I was living, down in Chon Buri province, most people would give ฿20.

[Acharn]

2 minutes ago, rosco14 said:

When I got  married I paid some cash as a sin sot and also showed off some gold that I later sold and got my money back.  The envelope got sent around at our wedding and we got about 80,000b.  About two weeks after the wedding I asked my wife what should we do with it and she said she'd already given to her mother.  I was very angry about this because I had farlang friends come to the wedding and donate money and I'm sure they wouldn't want their money going to my thieving mother in law.  Anyway it was a valuable lesson, never trust a Thai woman when it comes to money.  

 

I gather you're no longer married.

[Gerard052]

23 hours ago, happylarry said:

It's just the way things are done over here, everybody gives what they can afford, usually 500 or 1000 baht, and then it's all collected and put towards the costs of the wedding and party. There's not normally any left over anyway so you needn't worry about it going to the wrong place....lol

However another tradition over here is paying of sinsot which is a large amount which is given to the brides parents. Now some keep this money and others return it to the bride and groom so it depends what is Pre arranged by the family. Basically this has to be shown at the wedding in order for the family to keep their face and hold their heads high in front of the village.

HL

Well I wished it would have been that way when I married my stepdaughter 2 years ago, I didn't see any 500 or 1000 Bahts bills, mostly 20s and I paid for the whole wedding, 125,000 Bahts, everybody and his dog came for free food and free booze.  For the sinsod, my wife told me that the groom's parents gave 30,000 Bahts as they are not very rich, but I wouldn't know I have never met them, anyway I never saw the money and my wife told me that she split the money 50-50 with her daughter, again I never saw any of it.  This is the Thai way I guess and I must be the biggest sucker on this planet. I am glad that she only has one daughter. 

[Deepinthailand]

9 minutes ago, rosco14 said:

When I got  married I paid some cash as a sin sot and also showed off some gold that I later sold and got my money back.  The envelope got sent around at our wedding and we got about 80,000b.  About two weeks after the wedding I asked my wife what should we do with it and she said she'd already given to her mother.  I was very angry about this because I had farlang friends come to the wedding and donate money and I'm sure they wouldn't want their money going to my thieving mother in law.  Anyway it was a valuable lesson, never trust a Thai woman when it comes to money.  

Who paid for the party? and the gifts?

[billd766]

2 hours ago, georgemandm said:

Some have a book and write who gives how much to the  couple and next time some one else gets married the couple look in the book and give a little more then what they got .

just all thai bs sin sot and it all about money and gold .

if you are not going to be at the big day you not have to give one cent.

All I can say is tell your friend not get married to a thai , sorry to say most turn to  divorce .

 

 

 

If your friend wishes to marry a Thai lady then good for him.

 

Do you have any facts to back up your claim?

 

Really? What is the divorce rate in Thailand compared to that of the western countries?

 

http://www.nationmultimedia.com/news/national/aec/30231495

 

In 2014 it was about 35% according to the Nation.

 

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/divorce/10622297/Marriage-stronger-than-for-a-generation-despite-increase-in-divorces.html

 

Adultery as a cause for divorce has also dropped to an all-time low, accounting for just 14 per cent of dissolutions granted to wives in 2012. More than half of wives filing for divorce now cite their husband’s “unreasonable behaviour”.

The overall divorce rate in England and Wales now stands at 10.8 for every 1,000 married people, a fifth lower than its level in 2002.

Nevertheless an estimated 42 per cent of marriages will end in divorce.

The ONS said the year-on-year rise could be a reflection of the improving economic situation.

 

I got a divorce in the UK back in 1999 after 21 years of marriage.

 

I have been married to my current Thai wife for 17 years.

 

Of the 20 odd friends that I worked with in Thailand and personally know only 2 couples have divorced.

[1FinickyOne]

OP - each family is different, depending upon circumstance... I think it is customary in the west too to give envelopes with cash at a wedding -- and not really customary to worry about who gets the gift and how it is used. It is a gift. If you don't want to give a gift, then you can decline the invitation. 

 

Just because people do things differently than you might in your home country, it does not make them sinister... give what you feel comfortable giving and don't worry about it after that. 

[georgemandm]

9 minutes ago, billd766 said:

 

If your friend wishes to marry a Thai lady then good for him.

 

Do you have any facts to back up your claim?

 

Really? What is the divorce rate in Thailand compared to that of the western countries?

 

http://www.nationmultimedia.com/news/national/aec/30231495

 

In 2014 it was about 35% according to the Nation.

 

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/divorce/10622297/Marriage-stronger-than-for-a-generation-despite-increase-in-divorces.html

 

Adultery as a cause for divorce has also dropped to an all-time low, accounting for just 14 per cent of dissolutions granted to wives in 2012. More than half of wives filing for divorce now cite their husband’s “unreasonable behaviour”.

The overall divorce rate in England and Wales now stands at 10.8 for every 1,000 married people, a fifth lower than its level in 2002.

Nevertheless an estimated 42 per cent of marriages will end in divorce.

The ONS said the year-on-year rise could be a reflection of the improving economic situation.

 

I got a divorce in the UK back in 1999 after 21 years of marriage.

 

I have been married to my current Thai wife for 17 years.

 

Of the 20 odd friends that I worked with in Thailand and personally know only 2 couples have divorced.

Good on you what to do you want me to do give you a medal .

i am just saying , if you are happy good on you . 

I have friends to you know and lots of them are  divorced .

more like 50/50 now days end up in divorce.

 

[georgemandm]

31 minutes ago, rosco14 said:

When I got  married I paid some cash as a sin sot and also showed off some gold that I later sold and got my money back.  The envelope got sent around at our wedding and we got about 80,000b.  About two weeks after the wedding I asked my wife what should we do with it and she said she'd already given to her mother.  I was very angry about this because I had farlang friends come to the wedding and donate money and I'm sure they wouldn't want their money going to my thieving mother in law.  Anyway it was a valuable lesson, never trust a Thai woman when it comes to money.  

5555555555555 made me laugh now your leaning.

[billd766]

13 minutes ago, georgemandm said:

Good on you what to do you want me to do give you a medal .

i am just saying , if you are happy good on you . 

I have friends to you know and lots of them are  divorced .

more like 50/50 now days end up in divorce.

 

 

So put some facts up to say so.

 

Actually you were saying to someone else DONT marry a Thai girl. Your words not mine.

[georgemandm]

Just now, billd766 said:

 

So put some facts up to say so.

 

Actually you were saying to someone else DONT marry a Thai girl. Your words not mine.

Look I am just saying no law against that is their.

up to him if he wants to get married I can't have my say like you do .

what facts the facts are out there for you to see not some bs of the internet.

[bamukloy]

17 minutes ago, Gerard052 said:

Well I wished it would have been that way when I married my stepdaughter 2 years ago, I didn't see any 500 or 1000 Bahts bills, mostly 20s and I paid for the whole wedding, 125,000 Bahts, everybody and his dog came for free food and free booze.  For the sinsod, my wife told me that the groom's parents gave 30,000 Bahts as they are not very rich, but I wouldn't know I have never met them, anyway I never saw the money and my wife told me that she split the money 50-50 with her daughter, again I never saw any of it.  This is the Thai way I guess and I must be the biggest sucker on this planet. I am glad that she only has one daughter. 

 

Yes that will happen when you throw around money willy-nilly without becoming involved or at least asking questions about the gift money before the event.

 

 Even my ex gf sister got married, i ask about everything so that i know what to do if i marry. I guess they not as sneaky or clever as they did tell me everything.

 

-Sinsod-small amount 40k for Thai+Thai wedding.

-Envelopes- The pooyai takes a small cut as he announcing who gave what and also provided sound system and tables and chairs. 

In this case the family took out a cut for the expenses in food and drinks and gave left over 12k baht to bride and groom.

- where they put the money on the string lace around bride and groom arm..each keep what they get. I heard groom got around 4k  ,the girl a bit more.

 

If you are the farang- i guess you get nothing If you allow the habit of letting them to shaft you everytime.

And really a great bonus for them, have someone else pay all expenses and they keep all the money..unbelievable what some put up with!

[The Fat Controller]

At our wedding, all the invited quests used their original invitation envelopes to give us a cash gift, so we knew who had given how much.

 

They were all put in a decorated box on the day.

 

A few of my wife's former work colleagues who could not attend also returned their envelopes, transported by those who did come, not via the post.

 

I have forgotten exactly how much we got in total, but it just about paid for the party, the gifts ranged from 100 to 3000 baht.

 

As for Sinsot, there are many stories and opinions on when/if/how it is handled.

 

Personally, money and gold was displayed and ceremonially given to my mother-in-law, the amount was "announced" by the MC (wife's English speaking cousin) and got a round of applause.

 

The cash went back into our bank account the same day and the gold back into the safety deposit box.

 

It was agreed that the money shown would be used for our future life and there have not been any requests for any handouts two years down the line.

 

 

 

 

[ToS2014]

All money given to a Thai should NOT come with the expectation of receiving it back, no matter what is said prior.  Simple as A, B, C.

[billd766]

13 hours ago, georgemandm said:

Look I am just saying no law against that is their.

up to him if he wants to get married I can't have my say like you do .

what facts the facts are out there for you to see not some bs of the internet.

 

So now you are saying that The Nation and the Telegraph are bullsh1t on the internet.

 

If the facts are out there then post the links to the facts. It cant be that hard. I posted some.

 

I know what you are saying just the same as I post from personal experience, But I also posted facts that are easily accessible on the internet which disagrees with what you say.

 

I know from previous posts of yours and mine that you have different friends in a different group. My experience from my friends in my group who mostly still live in Thailand and are married to Thai ladies are still married to them. You experiences with you friends and your group are the opposite to mine.

 

I am happy with the group of friends that I have because they are mostly positive attitudes where you seen to radiate the gloomy side.

[georgemandm]

1 minute ago, billd766 said:

 

So now you are saying that The Nation and the Telegraph are bullsh1t on the internet.

 

If the facts are out there then post the links to the facts. It cant be that hard. I posted some.

 

I know what you are saying just the same as I post from personal experience, But I also posted facts that are easily accessible on the internet which disagrees with what you say.

 

I know from previous posts of yours and mine that you have different friends in a different group. My experience from my friends in my group who mostly still live in Thailand and are married to Thai ladies are still married to them. You experiences with you friends and your group are the opposite to mine.

 

I am happy with the group of friends that I have because they are mostly positive attitudes where you seen to radiate the gloomy side.

Good on you 

[sandemara]

The very best gift a friend could give to a couple about to be married in Thailand (especially if either partner to be is non-Thai) is the advice to find a reputable local lawyer with experience in Thai family law and get some information on pre-nuptial agreements.  Marriage is a formal legal act and has legal as well as social and emotional consequences a non-Thai should consider if they want to make a well-informed decision or choice.