Looking for new friends

[larrygingras]

My post may look little bit unusual for this forum, still I decided to give it a try.

 

I live in Chiang Mai for about 6 months with my wife and our kid. Recently I realized that we lack of friends here. We came here on our own, without any friends or relatives inviting or waiting us here, just because this is the place where I wanted to live. In fact I do not suffer a lot, I have a lot of work and other things to do for our family, we communicate a lot with our friends and other family members online or by phone. Still in long-term perspective of course would be more comfortable if we have some friends in your area. And until now we didn't meet any here. Of course we have some Thais who help us sometimes but I cannot consider them as real friends, we are too different (it took around 7 years for me to realize that I will never become one of them no matter how hard I try, how good I speak Thai etc.), so I mean farang friends.

 

When I live in Pattaya, I found some kind of intellectual games club there and meet some nice and really interesting people there. Maybe there is something similar in Chiang Mai also?

 

I have not much free time, usually on weekends only, and I want to spend it with fun and benefit. In the past I spend most of my free time just drinking (sometimes home, sometimes in bars) so such question did not arise, but now I stopped so just go drink together is not an option. I like to go sightseeing, travel around Chiang Mai and neighboring provinces so traveling together can be a base for our friendship. I prefer to travel by driving my own car (I have pickup truck and motorbike). But I open to suggestions of any other amusement, except drinking.

 

So everybody living in Chiang Mai and willing to have new impressions with new friends here welcome to send me private messages, there we can exchange our contacts and maybe hang out coming weekend already :)

 

We live in Hang Dong.

[Andrew Dwyer]

My post may look little bit unusual for this forum, still I decided to give it a try.
 
I live in Chiang Mai for about 6 months with my wife and our kid. Recently I realized that we lack of friends here. We came here on our own, without any friends or relatives inviting or waiting us here, just because this is the place where I wanted to live. In fact I do not suffer a lot, I have a lot of work and other things to do for our family, we communicate a lot with our friends and other family members online or by phone. Still in long-term perspective of course would be more comfortable if we have some friends in your area. And until now we didn't meet any here. Of course we have some Thais who help us sometimes but I cannot consider them as real friends, we are too different (it took around 7 years for me to realize that I will never become one of them no matter how hard I try, how good I speak Thai etc.), so I mean farang friends.
 
When I live in Pattaya, I found some kind of intellectual games club there and meet some nice and really interesting people there. Maybe there is something similar in Chiang Mai also?
 
I have not much free time, usually on weekends only, and I want to spend it with fun and benefit. In the past I spend most of my free time just drinking (sometimes home, sometimes in bars) so such question did not arise, but now I stopped so just go drink together is not an option. I like to go sightseeing, travel around Chiang Mai and neighboring provinces so traveling together can be a base for our friendship. I prefer to travel by driving my own car (I have pickup truck and motorbike). But I open to suggestions of any other amusement, except drinking.
 
So everybody living in Chiang Mai and willing to have new impressions with new friends here welcome to send me private messages, there we can exchange our contacts and maybe hang out coming weekend already :)
 
We live in Hang Dong.

I don't live anywhere near Chiang Mai but I have heard of a place called The Blue Diamond Breakfast Club which is a restaurant in Chiang Mai old town , open 7.00 till 21.00 every day except Sunday.
Apparently very popular with tourists and expats, and mentioned occasionally on Thaivisa.

Check it out !


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[larrygingras]

6 minutes ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

I don't live anywhere near Chiang Mai but I have heard of a place called The Blue Diamond Breakfast Club which is a restaurant in Chiang Mai old town , open 7.00 till 21.00 every day except Sunday.
Apparently very popular with tourists and expats, and mentioned occasionally on Thaivisa.

Check it out !


Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect

According to TripAdvisor reviews it's just a restaurant. I will probably taste their food but I see no indications that it is used to meet new friends.

[Andrew Dwyer]

According to TripAdvisor reviews it's just a restaurant. I will probably taste their food but I see no indications that it is used to meet new friends.

Sure ,it's not speed dating but you will find plenty of local expats there!



Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect

[Chicog]

Yeah who wrote that review though.

 

 

[buddhalady]

When I first arrived in CM 11 years ago there was a great selection of friendly couples and singles, the majority of whom were interested in everything including  specifically CM expat activities, helping out at charities and being supportive to new arrivals. Over the years, the vast majority of the good people  I used to know have upped and left, some for home and some for other expat hubs.

 

Over the past 16 months or so I've tried my best to find friendly faces, almost totally without success. The expat community here seems to have fragmented into cliques representing countries of origin, and single women aren't welcome anywhere except the CEC Ladies' Lunches,. Tried them a few times last year, but again I found fragmentation as regards origin. Maybe that was just my take, but.....

 

There's also a lack of male companionship, with guys married to Thais sticking together and seemingly excluding singles or expat couples. Single guys , it seems, simply haunt the bars -- for their own reasons.

 

As regards intellectual conversation - forget it! The scene here reminds me of the misogynistic norm in my country decades ago. Male replies in recent threads started by obviously intelligent women confirm my own feelings about the present-day expat so-called social scene in CM.

 

It would be refreshing to read replies to my post which don't verify it by mentioning  sex, etc.

[NancyL]

The OP mentioned having a child.  I think many people with kids make their friends via their kid's activities.  If you search Facebook, you'll find various groups centered around kids activities here.  Also, the churches can be a way to make friends.  

[mamborobert]

Rather than the Expat club proper the Op could try some of the Outside Group Activities...http://www.chiangmaiexpatsclub.com/activities/  You may even want to start a club?  NancyL will probably post soon.

 

If you like cruising weekend runs on the mc then there are a a few clubs, likewise could drop in at Riders Corner where you will have expats and MC tourists to have a yack with or join up with on rides

 

There are lots of CM based FB clubs/groups beyond Rotary and the Legion,   There is softball, volleyball and FG's Fencing group, HHH, Pickleball, Dancing etc etc Try this as a starter for some ideas http://www.boredbreaker.com/events/

 

Intellectual conversation is not going to come to your door so I guess best is to work out what you want to talk about/do and then work out where best to meet those groups...but FB in this case can be a good sounding board.  Also some came to CM to actually not have intellectual conversation...conversation yes, but esoteric naval gazing is certainly not on my agenda.....

 

Stimulation yes by all means bit for some with a lack of other interests  and opportunities conversation becomes "intense".  While BuddhaLady has made some very valid points I would also add that some intellectual conversations with some long term expats can be a Groundhog Day exprience.

Edited February 18, 2017 by mamborobert

[cyberfarang]

OP, how old are you?

[totally thaied up]

I gave up a long time ago looking for new friends. You only got to look at the virtual rubbish of what you read on Thai Visa to get an inside look at what goes on here in Chiang Mai.

 

I find now just not to look, and if anyone interesting comes along, I vet them out pretty seriously. I have had in my younger years here some many problems with other farangs getting into trouble and just trying to drag me into their affairs; I just found it problematic.

 

We have been out with the nicest people with their wives and girlfriends during the day, to by the end of the evening, it was a shock finding some of them to be closet drunks of the worst kind.

 

You just never know, and that is why I am so careful now.

 

I have only two close friends here after nine years. The rest have only been fair weather friends.

 

My advise if you do go out, don't look and if anyone interesting comes your way, just see how it goes. That's how I met the people I know now from just not looking. I am a firm believer now that you will bump into people that are supposed to be in your life.

 

About a year ago my wife and I went and had dinner, and we had another farang couple nearby start talking to us. They tried to sell me computer services they were offering, saying they were doing very well. They had 'business' opportunities, and for only, '150,000' invested with them, we could be crushing it in the 'digital community' with our own online business. There are all sorts of scammy type of people in Thailand and sometimes being friendly and not very careful can get you in all kind of bother.

 

My father once told me you would only mostly likely have two to three firm friends in your lifetime and the rest will be very brief acquaintances.  

 

So far, he has been right.

 

 

[Nowisee]

Interesting replies and I can attest to what buddhalady and totally thaied up are saying.

It's easy to be intellectually starved and trying to have friendships with the opposite sex is a challenge.

My experience are very similar and include some additional characteristics that I won't go into as they don't add to the OP.

Following this post for some good ideas.

 

[FolkGuitar]

Just sit around and wait. The wind might blow some friends to you... someday... if your are lucky. 

 

Or get out and explore various clubs, groups, outings, and organizations. Meet dozens and dozens of people who share a similar interest to you. THAT is the starting point. You need not become life-long members to check out these organizations. And you'll know rather quickly if they hold any interest for you.

 

You may or may not like 99% of these people you meet, but at least you will have one point of common interest to begin with. Winnow out the ones you don't want to be with, arrange to spend more time with the ones you do.

 

What are your interests? Do you like folk dancing or Salsa? Tennis or Cricket? How about table tennis?  Computers? Bridge? Hill Walking? Model Railroading? Chess? Kayaking, bicycling, Ballroom dancing, Debating, Poetry, Jazz, Theater Groups, Bowling leagues, Fencing,  CMEC.  Rotary Club, Fishing, Motorcycle Touring, Creative Writing, Yoga, Religious groups, Aikido or Tae Kwan Do, even Tai Chi in the park at 6am....  The list is virtually endless, and it all goes on in Chiang Mai.

 

If you sit around waiting for life to come to you, may be sorely disappointed.  Humans are social creatures. Most of us don't shut ourselves away in caves, though granted, some do. We may not choose to be Social Butterflies, going from event to event every night, or club to club every day, but we do enjoy good fellowship, good friendships, and interesting times. Get out there and do the work. You may have to 'process' a hundred people before you find even one that you may wish to even meet a second time. A thousand people before you find a circle of friends. Or... you can sit and wait. And wait. And wait.

 

As we so often hear in Thailand;  Up to you, my friend.

 

 

Edited February 19, 2017 by FolkGuitar

[elektrified]

Thailand does attract some of the worst of the worst of farangs. Scammers on almost every corner. So beware. It's worse in Phuket but it still is bad here.

[eyecatcher]

I agree with a lot the bondage master has to say. I have been here about 6 years  and have no interest whatsoever in meeting close friends. I came to Thailand for a life with a beautiful lady as did 99% of those men here.

 

We are not interested in Western women for anything to be honest and no matter what level they are on they are no longer stimulating.(I think i speak for the majority)

 

I have many acquaintances that I have met through sporting activities, quiz nights, and construction and get on great with them but I am not interested in developing a relationship any more than that and I certainly wouldnt call upon any of them in an emergency.

 

Stimulating and intellectual conversation went on the decline the moment I arrived here and slowly your brain gets watered down to the level of the locals here.

Its not like coming home from work every day, switch the tv on and see the news at 6pm and 7pm and 10pm. there is no news here unless you look for it so its difficult to remain sharp. But besides why should I care what going on back home? I left that hellhole for a reason.....

....oh yes, to start again with a beautiful lady.

 

to the OP, try to be appreciative of acquaintances whilst you are here, Chiang Mai is a hub, people come, people go even after seeral years so dont get too attached to anyone, be selfish and enjoy acquaintances but number 1 in your life is your family.

[NancyL]

I think some people are over-thinking what the OP is asking.  I don't think he and his wife are looking for "life-long friends" here, but rather some similarly-minded people they can get to know and share some activities.  

 

Admittedly, you're not going to find someone like your best buddy since grammar school, but I don't think that's what the OP had in mind.  

 

And it's evident the OP didn't come here looking for "beautiful women" since he brought his family.  In fact, it seems those who did come here for the women are the most cynical about their fellow expats.

[ThaiPauly]

Why not try Lawn Bowls? I have made many friends in CM there.

 

Does not matter how old you are. People from 20-75 play regularly and it's fun.

 

Check out the website or pm me for more info..www.chiangmailawnbowls.com.

[Airalee]

I have found meetup.com to be a great place to find individuals with similar interests.  The people I have met have all been very friendly and welcoming regardless of ones age, race, nationality, gender, visa status etc etc.  Many different groups have already been formed ranging from various sport oriented groups to intellectual interests.  If you can't find something that interests you there, you can always form your own group based on whatever you might like (within reason of course)

[larrygingras]

On 2/18/2017 at 5:24 PM, cyberfarang said:

OP, how old are you?

34

[stament]

Hi Larry,

 

We are having a get together tonight at No.1 bar just off Loi Kroc. You said you have given up drinking I believe but you could still come along for a coke or two and meet some people, ie use the night as an opportunity to meet people not to meet people to go out drinking. I am sure there will be some like minded people who have kids. I have 3 young boys under 10. I understand what you mean about wanting to meet similar families, probably with a view to doing family stuff. 

 

You our mentioned you like traveling, we do too. I would like to do a trip next year with the boys to the beach in Thailand. This year they are going to Dubai and the UK for their summer hols.  If we went anywhere as a family we would have to take a car as motorbikes not practical.

 

Come along tonight, you never know nothing ventured, nothing gained as they say.

 

Alternate options if you don't want to come tonight are to go to the CMEC breakfast to meet people. Hopefully you might get some suggestions on this thread. Maybe look for people who post on here about trips they have done and reach out to them to see if they are interested in traveling somewhere together in the future. 

 

How old is your son/daughter and is your wife Thai? Only asking as children of the same age generally like similar things. Equally, Thai wives together probably have more in common than a Thai and western wife for example. Besides travel, what are your family interests/hobbies? Where are you from and what are your interests?

 

I like football, chess and table tennis and my eldest likes badminton and table tennis. Both boys enjoy going on their bikes, scooters, cinema, etc, etc. Knowing a little bit more about you and your family might help.

Edited February 22, 2017 by stament