The week that was in Thailand news: Feeling foolish all year round

[rooster59]

The week that was in Thailand news: Feeling foolish all year round

 

 

April Fools’ Day is always a puzzling time for me on Thaivisa forum. While I pride myself on not being the greatest idiot on the planet – but only just according to the wife – where do you start to sift the fake from the real in a country like Thailand?

Countless days over the last year I thought I was being “done up like a kipper” only to have it confirmed that what I thought was abject nonsense was in fact the truth.

Now the statement so often seen on Thai forums – “you couldn’t make it up” - is indelibly etched on what is left of my brain after too many decades of abuse in what might have been better called the kingdom of make believe.

I believe I spotted two stories that seemed to be a wind up on Saturday – but the more I read them the more I thought – there really is a lot of truth here!

Though, naturally, those who would like to believe they are never hoodwinked in Thailand had a field day smirking behind their keyboards at those who really think Songkran is on the chopping block or that booze might be even harder to come by in the middle of the day.

Both are eminently feasible notions – Songkran only now appeals to people who would have followed the Bay City Rollers in another era. While changes to booze availability and taxation are regularly in the news.

Still – I appeal to Thaivisa to please get a special “non-fake news notification alert” sorted out for us old codgers so that we don’t cancel out plans to spend Songkran in Outer Mongolia or move to Saudi where drink might be more readily available, even cheaper.

Top billing in a week that marked the build up to the annual water madness was the “midweek rant” of the general PM who was sounding off against his own populace about their driving habits.

Perhaps wisely toning down his usual comments about nubile teens in wet t-shirts letting the Thai side down, our dear leader vented his vitriol in what can only be described as an example of pure Road Rage.

Echoing a “let ‘em eat cake” philosophy from a bygone era, here he was saying that it was apparently alright by him if everyone carked it for disobeying what passes for the nation’s traffic laws.

Obviously referencing his frustration from the previous day with the recalcitrant minivan drivers he started moaning that Article 44 was not even enough.

It’s what you get when you replace democracy with demagoguery.

“Soldiers don’t want to shoot anybody!” he screamed, though if he thought that was meant to reassure someone who has experienced more coups than hot diners, it didn’t quite measure up.

I fondly recall my naivety in the mid-eighties when I rushed to my local Thai paper shop to get a copy of Thai Rath as a keepsake after a violent coup. I was too late as they had sold out already but the kindly lady said: “Mai pen rai kha – not to worry, there will be another coup next week”.

Ranting, but maybe in the relative privacy of their barred rooms, were the former tourism minister Juthamas  and her daughter who were handed down 50 and 44 year terms for bribery relating to the Bangkok Film Festival.

That is more porridge than Ronnie Barker could handle though it remains to be seen whether bail will eventually be given and the pair can scarper to the US where they have stashed their 50 million baht loot.

Of course we all know that the judiciary are independent of people in uniform but it certainly seemed a result for the junta who also got their own back on Voice TV for daring to spread that commodity they so loathe – not muck but the truth!

A seven day ban was imposed.

And it’s probably no coincidence that the people behind the station have a not altogether distant family relationship from a previous prime minister with connections in Montenegro.

Taksin’s daughter, incidentally, once arrived in the school where I worked and I hoped to enjoy her presence in my Thai language class – however she left before the day was out lasting only marginally longer than a stint she did in MacDonald’s for the assembled press’s cameras.

Long running story of the week was the saga of the Thai woman who has ditched her South African husband and six year old son and run off with a rapist. What began as a missing Thai woman story on Facebook now has the Thai and US authorities hunting for the spoor of a man wanted in Alabama for the rape of a five year old boy.

Rather than focus on the peril of the father the forum posters seem to be obsessed with the idea that a rapist could come into Thailand and get a job teaching English.

When you have worked for an establishment that harbored not one but two wanted pedophiles over the years you kind of come to expect it.

Sure, the authorities have done some tightening up in Thailand over the years but they still have a way to go before those that might prey on our children are not given the red carpet treatment on arrival in Thailand.

Hopefully the foreign teacher pictured delivering an English course to the cops in Pattaya is all above board though it is doubtful that the students would notice if he wasn’t.

Either way, we look forward to much politer extortion and well-formed excuses for inactivity in the coming months as the officers get to grips with their phrasal verbs.

Stretching incredulity well in advance of April Fools’ Day was the public prosecutor who saw nothing wrong in giving more time and consideration to Red Bull “Boss”. Hopefully he’ll pop in if he has a moment and if not, never mind……we’ll just throw the book at the guy in Lamphun who dragged the girl called ‘Nong Amway’ under HIS car for a kilometer.

Wouldn’t it be nice to see Boss doing 50 years – maybe next April 1st. 

Unfortunately, last weekend’s launch of the Happy Zone project in Walking Street, Pattaya, seems to have been a bit of a damp squib. The Schadenfreude side of me wanted a spate of bag snatchings and bouncer beatings in the subsequent week but it all appeared Quiet on the Eastern Front with barely a lady boy in sight though a few cops got off their behinds to mount a clear-up of Beach Road that netted the usual insignificant drug dealers.

And so to this week’s Rooster awards. Lady Kai now has a challenger for “The Scariest Woman in Thailand” after the story of the “taxi driver from hell” did the rounds of the forum. Indeed the driver was female, of sorts.

Pussadee was “no pussy” as the translator observed after racking up seemingly dozens of fines for ripping off the public then shouting at them for daring to complain. She even pulled a knife on one but the land transport department just continued with their attempt at a funny movie: Carry on Regardless.

“Best Headline” award goes to the cheeky “There’s a rat at government house” after a greedy rodent was seen clambering over the curry. The vermin soon went viral as the “nitizens” of Thai social media enjoyed themselves and for once no one was threatened with defamation.

Also being where he shouldn’t was a hungry python who feasted on a couple of fighting cocks in what must have been the most expensive chicken dinner of the week.

The fervently Buddhist Thais make an exception when it comes to animal cruelty in the sport of “Kai Chon” (Cock Fighting) that may just have something to do with the amount of gambling that goes on at the arenas dotted throughout the countryside..

Finally, well done to the Thai police for arresting an American with a “gun necklace”. Ok, so we didn’t find out if it was a real gun but he was an American so could hardly be considered completely innocent.

Besides, he was reported by the sales girl after being caught licking the window of her 7/11.

I repeat, you couldn’t make it up.

 

Rooster

 

 

 

-- © Copyright Thai Visa News 2017-04-02

[Artisi]

Was he licking the window or the widow? 

[steven100]

5 minutes ago, Artisi said:

Was he licking the window or the widow? 

what did he want to lick ..?

[steven100]

7 hours ago, rooster59 said:

Also being where he shouldn’t was a hungry python who feasted on a couple of fighting cocks in what must have been the most expensive chicken dinner of the week.

 

7 hours ago, rooster59 said:

The fervently Buddhist Thais make an exception when it comes to animal cruelty in the sport of “Kai Chon” (Cock Fighting) that may just have something to do with the amount of gambling that goes on at the arenas dotted throughout the countryside..

I got all excited when I seen the comment -  ( Cock Fighting)...  hmmm

it was a damn let down ....

Edited April 2, 2017 by steven100

[eeyang wah]

Another great news round-up and an enjoyable read, thank you Rooster. 

I thoroughly enjoyed yesterday's fake news stories, in particular that it took so many people so long to realise that they were a joke. It got to almost page 3 of the Songkran story before someone burst the bubble and finally wrote the words "April 1st", and even then posters continued to complain about the story as if it was real.

Just goes to show how ridiculous the news always is here that the most absurd made-up stories are entirely believeable.

Rooster you almost have our sympathy except it appears that you yourself posted the Songkran cancellation story? 

[sambum]

"more coups than hot diners,"

 

Would that be Debbie and friends from Dallas enjoying a Big Mac?

 

P.S. Grammar Police - alive and well!

Edited April 2, 2017 by sambum
Addition to text

[55Jay]

Another good one.  Thanks. 

 

Have been wondering if ThaiVisa content has changed because younger people have been brought on board?  Young folks, Thais in particular, seem to go over board on things they think are fresh and funny, to the point where they no longer are... yet they keep at it because they lack creativity and a sense of awareness.  Those zip and boing noises on television (and elsewhere) are one example.  Too many April Fool's gags bordering so close to plausible reality in Thailand "News" section, was over kill.  After the first one, becomes annoying and boring.

[Jane Dough]

2 hours ago, sambum said:

"more coups than hot diners,"

 

Would that be Debbie and friends from Dallas enjoying a Big Mac?

 

P.S. Grammar Police - alive and well!

It was meant to be hot diners, a reference to good looking Thai women who frequent restaurants. Please get with the program. 

[sambum]

21 hours ago, Jane Dough said:

It was meant to be hot diners, a reference to good looking Thai women who frequent restaurants. Please get with the program. 

No need for the sarcasm - in England we have an expression "more ...... than hot dinners" as in "he's had more days off this year than I've had hot dinners," and that is the expression that I thought was being referred to by Rooster, but a simple spelling mistake (that we all make from time to time - hence the reference to "Grammar Police") led me to make the comment about "Debbie and friends enjoying a Big Mac." For your info:- Debbie Does Dallas is a 1978 pornographic film starring Bambi Woods. 

So "get with the programme" yourself! - I would have thought that an English speaking American would have appreciated the tongue in cheek reference to one of America's best known early porn films - or did you have a very sheltered upbringing?  

 

Edited April 3, 2017 by sambum

[tukkytuktuk]

I thought 'Deep Throat' was the first official pornographic movie?