Am I naive, gullible or just very stupid?

[mommysboy]

The thing is having a younger, attractive wife comes at a price, and comes at a time when most blokes are really needing to gear down on account of life becoming impossibly stressful.

 

Even guys who regard themselves as young for their age don't realise how old they seem to a youngster, who still has to make her own mistakes, but is determined to have some fun along the way.

 

Imo the biggest sin is not lack of money, though it is often expressed that way, but lack of genuine attention outside the bedroom.  A common factor is absence for long periods.

 

 

 

 

[transam]

11 hours ago, SiamBeast said:

^ Definitely. Here are some of them:

 

- Virgin

- Can cook

- Enjoys cleaning

- Parents still married

- Attended a good university

- Good English (if you don't speak Thai)

 

But before looking at green flags, you must ensure that she has none of the red flags, otherwise you'll be wasting your time.

So you live on a one way street...?

[SiamBeast]

1 hour ago, transam said:

So you live on a one way street...?

Despite putting the emphasis on the female in my post, I believe that it is also the job of the male to make the wife happy. Which means, having a wife with the above green flags comes at a price (not monetary). My wife has all the green flags above, but in exchange, I do my best to offer her what others couldn't offer her, and she's happy with it.

[Destiny1990]

How about try dating one of these cute ladyboys?

[elgordo38]

On 4/16/2017 at 1:56 PM, PomPolo said:

 She called me one day and said she had been talking with her family and needed a man with money (I never divulge to her how much I have) and again left me for another man.

Talking to the family is always the downfall. My g/f keeps telling me that her mother thinks she should get a younger man. Her last "younger" man was a horn dog and left her. She keeps telling her mother at least she knows that I will not kick her out the door. The grass sometimes looks greener till you climb the fence. Parental guidance is very strong here. 

Edited April 17, 2017 by elgordo38

[elgordo38]

On 4/16/2017 at 1:56 PM, PomPolo said:

she still wants to be friends with me and  a couple of weeks ago asked me for 15000 baht to pay half of her daughters school fees -

I don't want you back in the house but the door is always open for contributions that is. 

[Destiny1990]

15 hours ago, SiamBeast said:

^ Definitely. Here are some of them:

 

- Virgin

- Can cook

- Enjoys cleaning

- Parents still married

- Attended a good university

- Good English (if you don't speak Thai)

 

But before looking at green flags, you must ensure that she has none of the red flags, otherwise you'll be wasting your time.

Still searching is it?what do u bring to the table besides 60 years plus life experience and may i assume a decent beer belly?

[elgordo38]

On 4/16/2017 at 1:56 PM, PomPolo said:

her attitude has now changed somewhat and says she needs 30000 baht to pay for her two daughters school fees.

 

Always the hook color you ATM in her mind. 

[F4UCorsair]

Yep.....naive, gullible and stupid.

I would never volunteer such information, but you did ask.

[elgordo38]

16 hours ago, SiamBeast said:

 

This is correct. It involved a lot of adjustment. For example, I would get pissed if a white girl brought her whole family of 15 to my place and they would sleep everywhere - but had to get used to it with a Thai girl. There are a lot of things that my wife gets away with that a white girl wouldn't get away with. That goes on both sides.

 

I made it clear with her that I was more than happy to help her and pay for our expenses but her family (not the brightest in the world) would have to support themselves. No problem. You also have to ensure that if you want kids, the girl will be happy to. Don't push her - if she's not 100% happy and excited at this idea, forget it.

 

And finally, avoid the obvious red signs. I'm a fan of "look at all factors before deciding", but any Thai girl showing any of the below should be avoided:

- Has children

- Ever worked in a bar

- Has a drug addiction

- Has family members addicted to gambling

- Ever lived in the Western world for more than 2 years straight

- Didn't finish high school

 

Once you eliminate all red flags, it's all about agreeing on a common goal, drafting a prenup, and enjoying your time together.

 

 

Your answer is of course correct. It just takes some more trial and error to arrive there. I did. 

[F4UCorsair]

11 minutes ago, elgordo38 said:

Always the hook color you ATM in her mind. 

Where are her daughters studying?  Harvard??

B30,000?  She's kidding, and an idiot.

Edited April 17, 2017 by F4UCorsair

[elgordo38]

Just now, F4UCorsair said:

Where ate her daughters studying?  Harvard??

B30,000?  She's kidding, and an idiot.

She is throwing the dice blowing on them and saying "Mama needs a new pair of shoes"

[OmegaRacer]

I don't believe in luck. We attract people and situations by the way we think. Thoughts make up our believes, our believes influence our actions, our actions form our habits. 

I met my wife after just 2 months in Thailand, married her 3 years later, still happily together after 11 years.

This only to show that good relationships are possible, even in Thailand. 

 

This may sound a bit "far out" for some but I'll tell you this: the better you know yourself, the better you will know and understand those around you. Then you can consciously choose how long and how deep you want to get involved in other people's lives (dramas).

 

Good "luck"

[elgordo38]

16 minutes ago, Destiny1990 said:

Still searching is it?what do u bring to the table besides 60 years plus life experience and may i assume a decent beer belly?

I think it is a hopeless cause looking at your list. The big stumbling block is item number one. For the sake of disclosure I do have a big belly. 

Edited April 17, 2017 by elgordo38

[Destiny1990]

4 minutes ago, elgordo38 said:

I think it is a hopeless cause looking at your list. The big stumbling block is item number one. For the sake of disclosure I do have a big belly. 

@Elgordo its not mine list but  siambeast drafted up it and yes he is demanding Thai girls to be virgins so he probably is an religious Arab and he should be a virgin himself to demand it from others.

[Crash999]

Where are you finding these women? That can be part of your problem. 

 

Many years ago when I first arrived in Thailand a Thai male friend of mine said never to date a girl seriously if you couldn't find out about her background and behavior. 

[DILLIGAD]

@Elgordo its not mine list but  siambeast drafted up it and yes he is demanding Thai girls to be virgins so he probably is an religious Arab and he should be a virgin himself to demand it from others.

Or either a dreamer or gynecologist (Uni of Khao San Rd.)


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[PatOngo]

On ‎16‎/‎04‎/‎2017 at 2:23 PM, PomPolo said:

That also confused me - my cynical side would say that a Thai ladies second god after buddha is baht, it is this sort of cynicism I am trying to avoid.  Maybe just because she thought I would!

You've got it wrong there....baht IS God!

[ajarngreg]

1 minute ago, PatOngo said:

You've got it wrong there....baht IS God!

   Baht is Gold.

[phuketjock]

22 hours ago, SiamBeast said:

It is common knowledge that men should pick a woman of similar age or younger. Maybe 2-3 years older is okay, but no reason to pick a woman 10 years older. You know the saying: men age like wine, women age like milk.

 

A university degree, while meaningless in itself, is a way to know that you're not (usually) dealing with a girl on the bottom of the dating totem pole. It is a way to show that the girl is able to do something more than sitting down and watching TV, because she was able to finish university.

 

Without kids: It goes without saying, nobody should ever date single mothers unless then have a fantasm of seeing their wife getting banged by a mile of sausages (don't get me wrong, some men genuinely enjoy this, but not 99.5% of the population)

 

Without bar experience: Lovely bargirls...

I am sorry I must disagree with this 99% of university degrees in this country are bought

and paid for by rich parents, no study involved, and probably lots of TV watching. Rich 

kids with zero life experience or respect for anyone.

 

[eggers]

Don't necessarily think you're silly, naive or stupid, as Thai women really don't understand love in Western terms, rather believe all foreigners are wealthy & should "take care" of them. 

Most, are seeking financial security for themselves & family, not necessarily by having to work, rather you take care of them! 

As for love, it's simply a physical act, not necessarily a commitment of heart. 

Sure there are similar stories to your own experiences & others where relationships work quite fine.

Think the other aspect, is age difference, in UK or other Western country, to be going with someone half your age is frowned upon, whereas here it's accepted, but relating to someone half your age is not easy +  language & cultural differences make it difficult. 

 

[sgracer]

sounds like the OP is slowly learning

[SpeakeasyThai]

I gave up reading your post on the 7th and 8th line when you stated you understand Thailand and it's culture. Good luck!

[1FinickyOne]

Not sure why but I hear a Chico Marx routine, - - the first time, I tell her I have money and she take the money and she cheat on me, the second time, I don't tell her I have money, so she cheat on me because I have no money, the third time, i get a smart - I tell her you give me money and I cheat on her... 

 

Yeah, I know, it gets complicated and people here make it sound simple. Part of the role in most societies is for the male to be a good provider and this gets played here to varying extents by the ladies, especially when there is an advanced age difference. It all gets stirred into the brew and you have to figure out your own formula as you go along. What you want to give or not give depends greatly on what you have... 

 

give gladly or not at all... give what you feel you can afford and not more - paying for an education for someone is a nice thing to do. If you can easily afford it, then great. Just remember, that whatever you give is a gift - then you will not be left feeling disappointed. If you approach it as a business deal, for services rendered, then you are more likely headed for trouble, especially if you are paying for future services. 

 

good luck. 

[natway09]

From my experience of being married & still all well I would say you have had some bad luck

but in saying that the good ones do not squeeze the sponge.

I  also have never tried to take my girls out of dodge which opens up a whole new can of worms although do know 3 

couples in UK & 2 in OZ  where it is working well.

Maybe you need to have a look at yourself after 3 failures

[malibukid]

single and happy

[Laza 45]

30,000 Bt for school fees for 2 kids????   Keep you money and run!

 

[benalibina]

1 hour ago, elgordo38 said:

Talking to the family is always the downfall. My g/f keeps telling me that her mother thinks she should get a younger man. Her last "younger" man was a horn dog and left her. She keeps telling her mother at least she knows that I will not kick her out the door. The grass sometimes looks greener till you climb the fence. Parental guidance is very strong here. 

Misguidance you mean !

[55Jay]

What was the question again? 

 

Oh right, anybody else have bad relationship experiences in Thailand?  The answer is obvious, especially here on TVF, which OP knows of course, but always a fun thread.   

 

It doesn't make you dumb or stupid if you fall into the same old, predictable traps that so many before you, and many after, have and will fall into. 

 

You are more than a bit daft if you keep doing that over and over again.  Even if you can afford it financially.  Money doesn't equate to common sense.  Neither does age indicate wisdom.  Age just happens.  

 

OP, have you ever heard of or read Stephen Leather book called Private Dancer?  I'm told you can get a free download.  Even at this point, check it out if you haven't already.  

 

At any rate OP, at least you've got a handle on it now. The most important word in your default lexicon here is "No".  Lots seem to forget that one, or are so puzzy whipped, or scared of being alone one day, or so beat down by western feminism by the time they get here, they make themselves easy marks.

 

Keep your trigger clean and cocked, and your powder dry.  Have fun, good luck to you.

[Najinsky]

Take it easy.

 

After two completed 'learning opportunities' I am now confirmed single.

 

Now that I have stopped pursuing I have become the persued. So far 6 and counting. I don't lie to them, I tell them I am single and not interested in having a relationship. It doesn't deter them but it does prevent them from assuming they have ownership rights.

 

One more and I get free membership of the Eagles take it easy club.

 

"Well, I'm running down the road tryin' to loosen my load. I've got seven women on my mind, Four that wanna own me, Two that wanna stone me, One says she's a friend of mine. Take It easy...."